The Wife (21 page)

M
ike’s been gone a week and the only time we’ve spoken has been to discuss Jamie’s restaurant and the fact that he’s found a house to rent that’s in the same community as our house. I sit on the rough carpet on the floor in my old bedroom of my dad’s house, looking at the heart-shaped necklace Mike gave me on our wedding day, unable to hold back the tears. I’ve worn this necklace every day since we were married, and it makes me sad to think it no longer holds meaning.

I’m glad my boys aren’t here to witness my heartbreak and failure. I had hoped this necklace held the magic in it that my mom’s locket seemed to on our wedding day, but it didn’t. Before Mike left, I showed him the necklace and reminded him of what he said to me on our wedding day—it made no difference. He only looked at me as if I was a pathetic child who believed in fairy tales. Perhaps I was, but I wanted to believe that he meant those words when he said them. I wanted to believe that I really was the one he loved beyond everything else. No, I placed last on his list. His only love left for me was that I was the mother of his children. And he knew the boys would always be loved and taken care of by me.

I’m not sure what to do with this necklace now that it only reminds me of broken promises, and toss it carelessly up onto my dresser. It would not be something I would want to pass down to my boys. It’s tainted with lies and deceit. As soon as the metal leaves my hands, it makes me think of my mom’s portrait and I’m reminded of a promise I made to myself on my wedding day. I reach under my bed and pull out the silver metal box that was now dusty and worn from years of being hidden away. I wipe away the dust and lift the lid to reveal what I’m looking for—Jamie’s ring. It hasn’t been my ring in a long time, and he deserves to have it back.

I slip it into my pocket, feeling lighter knowing that I can bring some happiness to another person after the torment I’ve been going through. Today’s the day where I’m taking Jamie and Frank to see Steve’s work and I’ll have to find a time later, perhaps at dinner, to give it to him. I don’t want to make a big deal of it, or give him any inclination that I’m doing it for any other reason than the fact that I’m returning something that isn’t mine anymore. I don’t know whether he’s been missing it or not, but I hope reconnecting him with a piece of his mom the way he unknowingly reconnected me to my mom when I needed her most would bring some contentment to him.

I have to do my best to hide any sign of discontent from Jamie today so he doesn’t pry into why Mike’s not here with me in New Jersey like he’d expected. I don’t want to face his pity, or give him any reason to think that I’d be coming after him now. I’m sure the last thing he’d want to be dealing with is a newly single mother of two lusting after him when he has hundreds of twenty-somethings always at his feet, vying for his attention. Lee’s made a promise not to spill a word of my break-up with Mike, or about the problems he confessed he’s been having with his company. The last thing I need is for Jamie to get wind of this and realize Mike’s company isn’t in as good of shape as he may have thought. They just started construction last week, and news like that would cause quite a bit of friction between the two companies.

Thankfully, the ride to the gallery where we’re scheduled to meet Steve isn’t far from my dad’s. Lee can’t stop talking about how excited she is to see Frank the entire car ride, and is asking questions left and right about how her hair looks, and whether her outfit makes her look too fat. She even takes it as far as to ask me to switch shirts with her at a stoplight because the green shirt I’m wearing would look much better on her. This was Lee, though, and one of the many reasons I love her. She’s always the one person I can count on to be crazier than me.

I pull into the stone-covered parking lot. Jamie and Frank are casually leaning against the white wooden fence that surrounds the porch of the quaint gallery. Steve is the curator of this gallery, rarely showing his own work, but made an exception for us today because he’s just taken back up his love of photography after talking about it for all these years.

It’s hard not to feel some sort of attraction to Jamie, seeing him in a fitted white shirt and dark shorts. His hair is still long and unruly, making him look more like the boy I met all those years ago, with the exception of the salt-and-pepper accents in his hair and thin beard. I feel guiltier than ever at the thoughts I let flash through my mind when I remember the way his hair felt wrapped in my fingers.

“Fuck,” I say under my breath, absentmindedly.

“Fuck what?” Lee asks as she hops out of the car, too distracted by Frank to really care about what I’m thinking.

I get out of the car and am quickly greeted by both men. “Is Mike meeting us here?” Jamie asks, clearly unaware that Mike went home a week ago.

I can’t believe Mike didn’t tell me he never let Jamie know he wasn’t going to be here after Jamie made his travel schedule meet ours. “No, um, I’m sorry, I thought he told you.” I look to Lee for help, but she’s too busy sucking Frank’s face off like a teenager. “He left last week. He was needed back at the office.”

“That’s too bad.” He looks at me with worry. “You okay, Lex?” he asks quietly, truly concerned.

I know there’s no hiding the bags under my eyes from sleepless nights for the past week, but I had hoped he wouldn’t notice. “I’m great. Let’s get out of this heat,” I say with the brightest smile I can muster.

Jamie holds the door open for us as I make my way over to Steve. He looks exactly the same as he did twenty years ago, with wild curly red hair and freckled skin so pale, it makes me wonder how he wasn’t fried to a crisp in this heat.

“Alexa, how have you been? You haven’t changed a bit,” he says with a flamboyant wave of his hand.

I kiss both his cheeks before I introduce him to the others, but when I get to Jamie, there’s no introduction needed. “Holy Mother of Jesus! Jamie McCullen, what the hell are you doing here?” He looks back and forth between us. “And with Alexa? I feel like I’m in a time machine.” He fans himself dramatically and we both laugh.

Steve was a camp leader with the two of us, and when I asked to look at his work, it was before Jamie had decided to join us. It isn’t until now that I realize I never got around to telling him the change in plans. With everything else going on in my life right now, it was one of the last things I thought to mention. I’d actually been doing my best not to think of today at all because any time I thought of Jamie, it made me excited, and I didn’t like that. I didn’t like it one bit. Although I can’t control my emotions, I can certainly control my actions and will do everything I can to not let my past feelings for Jamie cloud the reality of my situation now.

Jamie shakes Steve’s hand warmly. “Hey, man, great place you have here. Lex said you have some pictures that might work for my restaurants.”

Steve’s eyes light up and he fans himself again as he turns back toward me and Lee. “Is he the man behind C.J. Fox restaurants?” He looks back to Jamie. “I think I’m going to be in trouble now with what I have to show you.”

We all laugh. But what could he possibly have to show us that would get him in trouble?

We follow Steve through the white-walled studio with beautiful paintings and photographs sparsely arranged on the walls. Each picture shares a different story on its own, without the distractions of painted walls or decorations surrounding it. For a second, I imagined some of my photographs on these walls, but quickly push the thought away.

“Are you sure you don’t want to look at any of the paintings, Jamie? These over here seem to match the look you’re going for too.” Steve becomes nervous as we make our way to the back corner, where he has four pictures on stands and tries to direct us away.

“I really liked what I saw on your website, Steve. Just show us what you have and we’ll go from there,” I say, pushing him along.

“Here they are. I’ll leave the four of you to yourselves. No peer pressure to purchase.” He winks over at Jamie. “But now that I know you’re the millionaire looking to invest, I may have to inflate the prices,” he says playfully before he makes a quick exit.

“Wow, Alexa, you were right. These pictures are amazing. The filter is so romantic.” Lee instantly fawns over the black-and-white photographs. “I mean, look at this one. You can’t even see their faces, but there’s no doubt how in love they are.”

I’m blindsided when I see the photograph Lee is talking about. There’s something eerily familiar about the setting and the people in them. It takes a second for me to realize why, and I become instantly aware of why Steve ran out of here so quickly now. Did he not think I would recognize myself?

Jamie comes to my side to look at the picture with the same awe as me. The edges of the beautiful picture is faded, making it look as if we were surrounded by mystical gray fog. In the distance is a run-down barn, the one on the edge of Camp Callahehee campgrounds that Jamie took me to when we wanted to get away from the craziness of the campers during our free time. When I notice the willow tree behind the silhouettes of Jamie and me is adorned with hundreds of twinkly lights, I know exactly when this picture was taken. Jamie and I are standing together, facing each other with our hands entwined before us, leaning in for a kiss. It was right after he gave me his mother’s ring, promising to love me forever. Promising he’d never hurt me. For a second, I wonder how Steve was able to capture the picture, but my thoughts are interrupted by Jamie’s voice when he reads the title of the photograph.

“One love, everlasting,” he says, mindlessly tracing his fingers over his tattoo. He looks over at me apologetically. “I asked him to take this picture for us. I didn’t think he still had it.”

“Why would he choose this one to show us? Is he trying to make us completely uncomfortable?” I reach into my pocket, feeling Jamie’s ring, and wonder whether I should give it to him now. But I quickly dismiss my idea; it would probably seem more like an act of love in this setting rather than friendship.

Jamie takes my hand to stop me as I turn to find Steve and rip him a new one. “Let me talk to him. You and Lee go out to the car and don’t worry about it, okay? I don’t want this picture to upset you, and it clearly has. We can talk about the other picture later.”

I nod, trusting him to put his fiery Irish temper to good use and give Steve the tongue-lashing I know he deserves. I take Lee’s hand before she can protest and walk to the front of the studio, with Steve nowhere to be found. After all of the things I’ve been trying to deal with this week, seeing such a beautiful picture, capturing what was such a special, private moment for Jamie and me, is enough to send me over the edge.

I lead Lee, who obediently follows, to the car and turn back to Frank, who was on our tail, unsure of what to say or do about what he was just a witness to. His look tells me it’s not as big of a deal as it feels in my heart.

“I’ll text you the address to the restaurant,” I call over my shoulder before I hop in my rental and peel out of the parking lot. Lee is dutifully at my side, knowing well enough than to start questioning me about that picture.

We don’t talk during the car ride, because if I do, I will cry. I don’t know why seeing that picture upsets me so much, other than I’m dealing with the disintegration of another relationship that I thought would last forever, and that picture was a reminder of the other failure of love for me.

When I pull down the stone-covered cul-de-sac toward Wished Away, I remember the day that Jess and Gage were married here. I met Jess through Cameron after her dad helped my dad start his bakery. I was so glad to see Jess happy again after what happened with Dave, and it gave me hope that I’d one day find love again the way she had.