The Wife (31 page)

But she’s not mine to take.

Just the thought that she’s in a marriage with a man like Mike makes me feel guilty. Lex has lost that spark in her eyes that used to drive me wild. Her sadness is undeniable and I know her attitude isn’t just because of me. If I’ve been able to discover Mike’s shady ways in such a short time, she’s sure to know something is up. As much as I want to tell her just exactly how horrible her husband is for her, I can’t and I won’t. She needs to learn for herself, and perhaps she’s beginning to.

I feel successful when I get home from dinner and she’s at least spoken to me. She doesn’t want to talk about the past and that’s fine with me for now. One thing I’m certain of: my feelings for her haven’t changed. They’re as real as they’ve ever been.

I spend the next few months while we plan for the groundbreaking to slowly gain back Lex’s trust and even begin to repair our friendship. Her cutting remarks have softened and turned to sarcastic banter, which is more like the Lex I know. She’s changed and matured in many ways, but is the same in all the ways that matter to me. Her creativity and love for beauty is something I didn’t realize I missed until we were poring over art samples for the restaurants.

“I love this picture, don’t you?” She’s leaning over a black-and-white portrait of a woman’s face looking out the the sea. I have a hard time focusing on anything but her right now, so I nod and agree with everything’s she saying. She has turned me into a complete fool and I don’t care. The way her sandy brown hair hangs over her rosy cheeks makes me want to reach out and push it behind her ears like I would’ve done long ago.

But I don’t.

“It’s breathtaking,” I say, not talking about the picture.

She looks up at me with a sideways smile as if she’s reading my mind, and talks more about the portrait she’s been trying to explain to me. “This is the look I’ve been wanting. There such a sense of longing and peace that it conjures a feeling of comfort in me.” She shakes her head and giggles in the most alluring way. “I probably sound crazy.” She blushes, making me dig my fingers into the table to keep myself from jumping across it just to feel her skin on mine again. “What I’m saying is that people eat more when they’re comfortable. We’re at the beach, so I think a black-and-white tone paired with filtered photographs of people, rather than objects, would add a homey feel that people enjoy.”

I smile at her and sit back in my seat in admiration, not trying to hide the desire building in my heart. “It’s not crazy at all; it’s perfect. Kind of like you.” I immediately curse my brazenness when she nervously looks away and shuffles the pictures in her hands. I sit up and try to backtrack, not wanting to lose the ground I’ve worked so hard to make with her. I have to be better at keeping these feelings from her if I don’t want to push her away. “I mean, you’re perfect for this job. Your vision matches mine.”

She smiles dismissively, wanting to move on as much as I do. “I have a few other photographers that I’m waiting for samples from, but if you like the plan about portraits instead of landscapes, I can get a more focused set of samples for you to look over.”

I nod, trying to reestablish the boundary I clearly crossed. I’ve been the master of keeping everything professionally focused since she told me she didn’t want or expect an apology or explanation from me. The time will come that I’ll make her listen, but we’re nowhere close to that yet. “Sounds great, Lex. I’m heading back to the East Coast tomorrow and will be gone for a week. If you need anything while I’m gone, just let Frank know.”

She nods and gathers up her work, and I catch her watching me in the mirror on the wall when my back is turned as I reach for a card with my cell number on it. My heart begins to pick up pace to a rate that makes me unable to hide my smile with the hope that simmers below. “Have a safe trip,” she says when she catches my gaze and giggles to herself, knowing she’s been caught.

We both ignore what we know, and I hold out my hand to give her my card. “It has my cell on it…” I pause when she raises an eyebrow. “You know, in case you need my opinion on anything.”

“Are you sure it’s going to work if I call it?” Her joke hits below the belt; she quickly realizes it and takes the card and puts it in her purse. “Thanks, Jamie. I don’t expect any serious design emergencies in a week, but you never know, I may need your approval if there’s a last-minute blow-out sale on fabric.”

“See you next week, then.” I wish there was some way I could convince her to come.

“See ya.”

I don’t miss the hint of sadness in her eyes when her gaze lingers on mine before she walks out.

I don’t know whether it’s wishful thinking or reality, but for the first time since we’ve reunited, I’m beginning to think that her feelings for me may still be buried deep under the surface and not completely gone. She rarely talks about Mike, and when she does, I sense she knows more about her marriage than she’s willing to admit. It’s only a matter of time before she learns his ways, and when she does, I plan to be there for her to help her pick up the pieces.

I’d been home one day when I ran into Lex at the gym again. It has become somewhat of a routine to see her at the Tuesday morning class, so I made sure I was back in time to run into her there. When I arrive to see that the classes are canceled because of a power outage, I think my opportunity to see her is thwarted. I linger back at my car, watching to see whether she’ll come and am giddy when she does. I’m even more happy that she’s agreed to go on a run with me instead of giving up on exercise altogether.

She’s extra snarky at first and makes a comment that causes me to pause. When I was trying to convince her to join me, I tried to joke with her and teased her that she loved to chase me. She snapped back that she’s never chased me, and the second she said it, we both stammered. I’ve never thought of what happened between us as being any choice she made. I made it impossible for her to chase me, and didn’t like that she seemed to realize that maybe she should have. I decide not to press her reaction and take off after her.

At first, I trail a few steps behind so that she doesn’t feel self-conscious about her pace. We always used to run together; she hated when I kept my pace with her, and always asked me to go up ahead, fearing she was holding me back. There’s no way I’m going ahead of her and let her out of my sight. Besides, the view from where I am is good enough to make me want to run for the rest of my life. I notice that having kids hasn’t changed her fit, sculpted body one bit, only making her curvier in all the right places, like a woman should be. I contemplate sending her songs like we used to do, but don’t. It’s too soon.

Instead, I follow behind, planning the perfect way to convince her to come talk to me. There’s so much I’ve wanted to say to her, and I can’t hold it in any longer. I’m not going to profess my love for her. Not yet. But I need her to know how sorry I am. She needs to know that I realize how heartless and thoughtless I was to her.

When we reach our starting point and have nowhere else to run, I convince her to come have a smoothie with me, even though I hate those fruity things, and use that opportunity to connect with her in a way that doesn’t involve business.

Just when our conversation gets where I want it to be, Lex notices Mike walk into the coffee shop next to us. For a moment, I worry what he’ll think if he sees us together this way, but quickly remind myself that Lex has done absolutely nothing wrong. She continuously finds ways to remind me she’s married, although I know the happiness she tries to project is false.

At first, I think we are going to simply part ways until our meeting later tonight when she noticed Mike too, but when Lex stands up, shoving her chair from the table, I know something is up. There’s a reason she’s pissed Mike’s at a coffee shop and I have no idea why.

I let her go out the door without a word, but decide to follow her to make sure things don’t get out of hand. I’m not sure what Mike’s capable of or what could be making Lex so upset, but I need to know she’s okay. I stand in the doorway and watch her pry the woman I saw Mike kissing at the party from his arms. I start to make my way over to them, worried Lex is going to throw blows, when everything changes and I stop in my tracks, confused. The woman greets Lex with a condescending smile that makes me irate. Lex seems to know her, which makes the fact that Mike is having an affair with a friend of hers even more disgusting.

I’m seething; anger simmers inside me, about to blow up and cause me to explode on Mike’s terrified face. He’s such a bastard. A pathetic bastard who can stand there and look his devoted wife in the eyes and make her feel as though she’s the one who made some sort of mistake.

When he directs the conversation toward me, I don’t hesitate to put him in his place. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to do it with more than words. But I don’t.

I take deep, calming breaths when Lex turns toward me, flushed from embarrassment and walks out the door. I want to follow her, but when Mike looks my way and shrugs as if there’s no explanation for Lex’s behavior, I storm over to him, unable to hide my anger.

“Who are you?” I say only to this vile woman.

She smiles at me as if I’m an idiot and holds out her hand, which I refuse. “Okay, well, I’m Stephanie Murphy. I’d say it’s a pleasure—”

I cut off her condescending tone and turn my attention to Mike. “Either end this right now,” I look at her with disgust, “and go back to your wife, who loves you more than you deserve.” I can’t hold back my anger when he rolls his eyes at me, trying to act tough for his girlfriend. “Or I’ll make sure you lose everything, including Lex.”

I turn before he can answer and walk past the stunned patrons who were surely listening in to our conversation; the intensity of the situation was more than most people see on television. I make a promise to myself that after I’m done with Rising Moon, I’m stopping at nothing to win Lex back. Husband or no husband.