The Wife (29 page)

“Good to see you could make it, C.J.,” Mike answers with relief obvious in his tone.

I eye the Paulsons carefully. “I hate to interrupt, but do you have a minute to talk about the San Diego location you’re building for me? I’ll be heading back to New York, then Ireland tomorrow and want to go over a few details before I leave.”

I’m doing my best to make it clear to these men who clearly have a bone to pick with Mike that he’s still in business.

“Of course.” Mike looks to the curious men. “If you’ll excuse me, business calls.”

I watch as Tommy invites the four men out back for a drink and take the opportunity to instruct Frank to find out as much as they can about these guys, and what their beef with Mike is. I wanted to know whether it was business or personal.

I turn back to Mike, who’s leaning against the wall and downing his entire glass of whiskey, flushed and clearly flustered. I reach out my hand to his again. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person.” I try to figure out the best way to tell him who I really am. We’ve done our business on the phone up until now, and in order for me to be able to make this work, I have to be as honest as I can without giving away my true motives.

Mike reaches out to me, turning back into the charismatic person I have come to realize he was. “I can honestly say I’ve never been happier to meet you than right now.” He laughs to himself, unaware I know exactly why he’s feeling that way, and knowing how quickly that may change.

I decide playing dumb is best and motion over to the door. “Was that your wife you were just with?”

“Oh God, no, just some girl from the office who won’t take no for an answer.” He pats my shoulder, which makes me cringe. “I like my women with a little more to offer than big tits.”

I fake a laugh and nod, glad to see at least he wasn’t flaunting an affair in front of Lex. “No, I mean the one who you brought outside.”

“Oh yes, that’s my old lady, Alexa.” He laughs and again pats my shoulder like I’m one of the good ole boys. Little does he know that I almost knocked him out with that disrespectful reference. Lex deserves to be cherished, not treated like a joke. “She’s the interior designer I talked to you about. Frank said you’ve decided to go with her. That’s fantastic; it will get her out of my hair. Ha.” When he takes a drink from his glass, it takes all my self-control not to knock it away.

There he goes again with the laugh and pat. I’m. Going. To. Explode.

Thankfully, he’s too drunk to realize how pissed he’s making me. “She’s very talented, and when I looked over her portfolio and saw her wide range of style, I thought there wasn’t another person with her talent that I’ve ever come across and have no doubt she’s who I want to project the feeling and ambiance that I want to create with Rising Moon—”

He interrupts me, leaning into me, and slapping his arm over my shoulder, either to hold himself up or to show his appreciation, but the smell of alcohol permeating from his skin is sickening. “That’s fantastic. She’ll knock your socks off. You won’t regret it.”

“There’s something you need to know first. Something I didn’t realize until tonight,” I lie.

“You don’t have to be so dramatic,” he jokes, bumping me with his elbow and thankfully removing his arm from my shoulder. “What is it?” he asks with another slur.

“My name wasn’t always C.J. Those are my initials.” For some reason, a sense of strength comes over me when I say the next words for the first time in years. “My name is Jamie McCullen and I used to be in love with your wife.” I knew the last part was a lie because all I could think was that my love for her was still as powerful as it has ever been.

My words clearly shock him as he staggers back. He clearly knows who I am, making me wonder just how much he knew about me and what I did. “I see.” He finishes off his drink, stares into the glass for a moment, and then, as if a revelation comes over him, he shrugs and looks up at me with a smile. “Jesus, man, what are the chances?” he says and I can see the man I’m sure he truly is peek through the drunken mess before me. “I don’t know if she’ll be cool with her part in the deal. You fucked her over pretty good.” Hearing him say those words is like a hot blade tearing my veins apart, bleeding me out. “But I’m good if you’re good.”

I know Mike needs my business more than he’s going to allow his pride interfere and I am taking full advantage of that. “Is it alright if you don’t say anything to her until I’ve had a chance to talk with her?” I decide to take advantage of his clouded state and decide inflating his ego is the best way to get what I want. “I’m afraid she’s going to try to talk you out of taking on my project, and I can’t afford that. We chose you because you are the best. You have an impeccable reputation where I’m from, and I want the best. I’m always traveling back and forth between my locations, and most of the West Coast work will be handled by Frank and Tommy anyway,” I lie, knowing very well I’ve adjusted my schedule to be here three weeks out of every month.

Mike falls for my suggestion hook, line, and sinker. “Whatever you want. Although I think you underestimate
my wife
and her ability to move on.” He laughs a little again. “I think your perception of how my wife felt when you ran away and the reality of how you felt when you ran away are vastly different.” His look turns hard for the first time. “She was over you pretty quickly once I came along. I don’t think she’d give a shit I was working with you, and even though you fucked her over, she doesn’t give a shit about that anymore either.” He laughs again, contradicting what he said about her feeling about what happened between us and holds up his glass. “Good chat,
Jamie
.” He emphasizes my name and stumbles away. All the while, I think I’ll need to remind him that it’s C.J. to him.

I understand his need to mark his territory by constantly referring to Lex as his wife, but it still pisses me off. I begin to doubt that I’ve made the right decision and contemplate doing as I said and letting Frank and Tommy take over the Rising Moon construction dealings. But I see something that changes everything for me. Right then, in front of all the people who were just pretending to be Lex’s friend, Mike flounders up to another woman. She’s a beautiful, sophisticated blonde woman who just arrived. At first I think it’s just an acquaintance, but as I watch him and notice the intimate way they lean into each other, my suspicions are confirmed, and she kisses his lips as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

I’ll destroy him
, I think to myself.

I can’t ever expect to have Lex back, but when everything’s said and done, I’ll find a way to make sure he and the shit he brings with him is out of her life forever.

“Y
our da is sick, Jamie. Very sick. You need to come home.” My Aunt Maggie’s voice broke into tears as she told me the devastating news. I felt as if I’d just been hit by a freight train of my worst nightmares.

I immediately think of Lex and what she’d told me about her mother’s battle with cancer and stiffen. My body shuts down at the thought of watching my dad die in front of me.

I. Can’t. Lose. Him. Too.

Everything else was a blur. I noticed Lex was running around the apartment, making phone calls, and hopping on the computer, but I couldn’t make sense of what was happening to me. I could only think of getting back to my dad. I shoved everything I could put my hands on into a duffel bag and focused on my one goal. I don’t know what I would have done without Lex there to hold me together. She took care of everything: got me a ticket, took me to the airport, helped me pack, all without ever thinking about the way I had already started to push her away and close myself off. When she told me she would drop everything for me and follow me to my dad, I couldn’t let her. I didn’t want her to go through that kind of sadness again. Even though she’d never met my dad, she loved him because he was part of me. It would pain her too much to see me watching my dad die and be left an orphan. No, I couldn’t put her through that.

I wouldn’t put her through that.

So she let me go.

The entire plane ride, I sat in a row, all alone at the back of the near empty plane, and cried for the first time since I was a child. I wasn’t a crier. When my mom passed, I became a professional at shutting it all down, but tonight was the first time, and last, that I’d let my sadness take me over. The thing is, I wasn’t only mourning my father, but a part of me knew that when I kissed Lex before I got on the plane, it would be our last. I pulled my hood over my head and looked out to the night sky. A part of me wished I could be taken away from the crushing pain I was feeling. I hated that suffocating feeling of losing control. I took a few deep breaths, and with each inhale, felt the doors around my heart lock shut, protecting me from feeling the blows of loss I know are to come.

When I arrived to my dad’s bedside in the hospital, he was much worse off than I imagined. He was asleep in a small hospital bed and looked gray, like death. The doctors told me my dad admitted to feeling sick for a while now, but never went to the doctor, even though the daily pain he was experiencing was too powerful for him to hide from those he worked with. He looked as if he’d lost fifty plus pounds since I saw him in the summer. I cursed myself for not being here. It took him falling unconscious for people to force him to go to the doctor. If I were there, I would have noticed he wasn’t eating. He wouldn’t have been able to fool me the way he was the others and have been able to hide his pain for so long.

Guilt—lock.

Regret—lock.

Anger—lock.

My heart was shutting off from any emotion when I watched him lying there, struggling to breathe and looking dead already. I would never see the dad I knew—the strong, stubborn man I grew up with—ever again and that knowledge shut me down completely.