The Wife (27 page)

Even if he had no way of knowing for sure, he made me feel better to think that way. “Let’s make a promise today to tell our dads and friends how much we love them every day. If anything ever happened to me, or our dads or our two little girls,” I looked up at him and winked, “let’s make a promise not to ever leave their side and make as many memories, as mundane as they may seem, as we can.”

He held up his pinky to me and wrapped it around mine. “Promise.”

Jamie walked through the door, looking proud and accomplished, the next day. I knew that look well and wondered what he had up his sleeve. Like, literally up his sleeve. I could see a bulge up near his elbow and wondered why in the world he put something there. I didn’t say anything at first; I knew he’d spill the beans sooner rather than later. No one was worse at keeping surprises or secrets than he was. It still amazes me that he was able to pull off that perfect night at camp when he gave me my promise ring.

Instead, I lay back on the couch, pretending to look over my notes for class tomorrow, and played with the ring on my left hand, wondering for the first time in a long time when it would be replaced with the real thing. It’s not that I wanted another ring from Jamie, or that I was in any kind of a rush to get married; I just wondered when we would make it official.

I sometimes wondered whether we would wind up raising our family in America or Ireland, where his dad is. Jamie and his dad are so close; I was amazed he’s been able to find happiness so far away. Jamie loves to tell me stories about the adventures he and his dad had together when he was a kid. His dad was like mine in so many ways. I’ve always thought they’d get along well if they ever met. Maybe one day they will. I haven’t ever met Mr. McCullen myself, only spoken to him on the phone when he calls. His voice is much like Jamie’s, only his accent is so strong, there are times I could hardly understand what he was saying. He always wanted to make sure Jamie was working hard and treating me well. He understood Jamie’s desire to go to school abroad and experience life in America, but it was always clear he expected Jamie to return to him when school was finished.

I twirled his mother’s ring around my finger, remembering how he said her death changed him forever and it makes me wonder what would have been different if she was still here. Would we have ever met? Would he have fallen in love with painting the way he did? It’s what brought us together in the first place, his love of art. His mother was an artist, and he surely got his talent from her. He loved to talk about the way she would sit in the corner of their small pub and paint the patrons, often times putting the finished products along the dark walls of the cozy restaurant as homage to their regular customers. According to Jamie, everyone in town was a regular customer given it was one of the few places in their rural community to gather.

Jamie told me many times that I was the person who made him able to love again. I was the one to give him back his life. When he came to Camp Callahehee, it was to escape the memories of his mom. When she died, he closed off everyone in his life, even his dad. He didn’t feel as though he deserved to be loved after the way he spoke to his mom before she died. He said he realized he pushed everyone away also because the loss of losing her was too painful and he didn’t ever want to feel that kind of pain again. I don’t know whether it was his Irish superstitions or plain stubbornness, but he came to America that summer when we first met to keep a distance from everyone he loved, thinking he was poison and fearing that his bad luck brought on his mother’s unexpected death. When I looked at Jamie’s life, I didn’t see a man with unrelenting bad luck, the way he did; I saw a man with a heart to love beyond all expression, and knew that we were in each other’s life for a reason.

I looked up from my daydreaming to see Jamie standing over me with a huge smile. I decided to call him out since he still had that silly, obvious bulge on his arm.

“What you got up your sleeve?” I said jokingly as I tugged at the cuff of his sweater.

“Something for you,” he winked and pulled a little black box from his jacket, “but I can’t decide if I want to give it to you now or save it for your birthday.”

“Now. I want it now.” I popped up from my seat and reached for the box; he dodged it away from my reach. “Come on, Jamie. You know you’ll never be able to wait until next week anyway.” My stomach clenched when I saw the size of the box; it was small, small enough to hold an engagement ring. I faltered between excitement and nervousness with anticipation about what was about to happen.

He smiled. “You’re right.” He sat next to me and held the box in his hand. “I don’t want you to get too excited. It’s not diamonds or anything expensive, but it’s from my heart.”

I’d be lying if I didn’t say there was slight disappointment, but what came next washed all of that away. He opened the box to reveal a delicate silver charm bracelet. Instead of charms, there were little frames so small that it’s hard to imagine there were pictures small enough to fit inside.

“It’s beautiful,” I said as he took it from the box and placed it around my shaking wrist.

“I wanted to get you a necklace, but when I saw this, I knew it was perfect for you.” He turned over my wrist after he secured the clasp and kissed my wrist. “Look.” He lifted one of the frames for me to see.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The picture wasn’t a shrunken photograph; it was a hand-painted recreation of a picture of the two of us kissing. I remember the picture well: it was one of my favorites taken when we saw each other at camp the first time after we decided to be a couple. One of my photographer friends had taken it for us, and it was one of the most special pictures to me because it was the first time I was able to feel, really feel, the love that Jamie had for me. “How did you do this?” I was speechless.

His smile burst with happiness when I had no words as he flipped to the next picture of my mom. I brought my wrist up closer to my face and was amazed by the details he was able to include in such a small space. There was another of my dad, and another last one that was blank.

I looked up at him. “Did you get lazy or something?” I winked and kissed his lips, feeling full of pride and love for my talented, thoughtful boyfriend.

“Very funny.” He kissed me again and ran his finger back and forth on the empty frame. “I wanted this bracelet to represent all the people you love. I saved this one for our kids. When you see this, don’t think of it as being empty; think of it as a symbol of the endless possibilities of our future.” He shakes his head and straightens up, always uncomfortable when he spills his heart this way. He was always full of surprises. As romantic and thoughtful as he’d always been, sharing his heart this way was not easy for him, and it made me appreciate this gift even more.

“That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.” I reached over and wrapped my arms around his neck and climbed up on top of him, looking deep into his eyes. “One love, everlasting.”

He kissed me passionately, parting my lips with a brush of his tongue, taking in a deep breath as if he were taking me in. I pulled my body into him, gently dragging my hands through his unruly brown hair, holding on to it as if it were my anchor from falling over the edge. His hands were quickly up the back of my tank top, grasping at my waist and back as our kiss intensified. The feeling of his greedy hands on my bare skin set me on fire, leaving a trail of desire on every place his hands touched. Our bodies moved together in a way that was driving me to such a desperate state of need that I could no longer hold in my plea when his hands possessively wrapped around my erect nipples making me unable to wait another minute to be with him.

“I need you,” I said breathlessly.

Without hesitation, Jamie ripped my shirt over my head and placed his full lips on my nipple, sucking pleasurably hard on my skin. “You drive me crazy, Lex.”

He flipped me over and was on top of me, pulling off my yoga pants and underwear with one swift movement. I lifted his shirt over his head, pulling him back to my lips that were growing impatient. When Jamie kissed me again, it was like nothing ever I experienced. He had a way of putting so much emotion and feeling behind his kiss that I had no doubt he could bring me over the edge just by the dominating way he controlled our kiss.

I reached down and unbuttoned his shorts, loving the way his sculpted stomach flinched with anticipation when my hands brushed against it. When I freed him from the confines of his clothes that were the last thing keeping us from being one, we both sighed in relief at the exhilarating feeling of coming together in one swift movement, unable to take another second apart.

“You feel so fucking good, Lex. So. Fucking. Good,” he husked out as our bodies moved expertly together.

I climbed higher with each thrust of his hips, our hands desperately clawing at each other as if our need was driving us to extinction. His lips crashed back to mine and deepened as our pace picked up, begging for the release that was building in us.

“I love you,” I repeated through our kiss, as if it was the air I needed to breathe. We’d made love many times before, but there was something so much different about this. Something so raw and passionate that I didn’t want it to end. Something like this couldn’t last; our need was too powerful.

He looked me in the eyes when we reached our peak together, and it was more than words could ever say. It was as if he was giving me a part of him, so much more than the fervent experience that brought us together. “I will always love you. There will never be anyone but you.” He kissed me again, this time much softer and caring.

We made love all day and lounged in each other’s arms, playing songs for each other that could say what we were thinking. We had no way of knowing that it would be the last time we were together that way, but looking back at it now, I can see that it was if Jamie somehow knew our lives were about to change after that day. Maybe it was coincidence; maybe it was meant to be. But Jamie always had a way of sensing when the tides were about to change.