The Wife (24 page)

It takes minutes to get me ready this time and we’re out the door and walking into the party before I even have a chance to process what’s happening. The second we walk through the door, I’m flanked by my old friends who are handing me drinks and leading me out to the dance floor. I’m glad Lee hasn’t told them that I was just served divorce papers from Mike, but they all know something’s up with my marriage, and are trying their best to give me no time to think about it. I’ve only caught glimpses of Jamie in the short time I’ve been here; he’s spent most of his time by the bar chatting it up with a flock of girls, much the same as the first night I saw him again. I’m glad that he at least didn’t take my text blunder seriously and is comfortable enough around me to flirt the way he is, but the least he could have done is come and say hi.

After few glasses of champagne and endless dancing, I actually start to have fun. I’ve forgotten how much fun Jess, Kat and Cam are, and having men who look as good as Joey, Gage, and Holden to innocently flirt with has helped eased the insecurity that’s plagued me tonight. Just watching them with their wives also gives me hope that I can one day be happy again like they’ve all been able to do.

When there’s a pause between songs, I take an opportunity to run to the bar to mix some water in with all the champagne I’ve been drinking. I’m beginning to feel a little tipsy, and don’t want to feel like I’ve been in a car crash tomorrow. I’ve never been a heavy drinker, enjoying a few glasses of wine here and there, but the more I drank tonight, the more it feels as if my worries are washing away. As I approach the bar, I’m reminded that Jamie’s here when I’m forced to stand behind him as he orders a drink, with a woman’s arm caressing his back almost mockingly.

Jamie turns around with a water in his hand and immediately hands it to me. “I was getting this for you.” He smiles sweetly, pissing me off that he’s doing anything for me with another woman all over him. I know I shouldn’t care.

But. I. Do.

I grab the water and hold it up to him in thanks, instead of saying any words, because if I open my mouth, it will be to tell him off. I know my emotions are being fueled by alcohol and decide to cut myself off before I do or say something I regret. I bounce out to the dance floor, doing my best to get back to my mood from moments before when the song abruptly changes.

Just then, I hear Lee curse. “Shit, I told him to stay away from her tonight.” I follow Jess and Lee’s gaze behind me to see Jamie approach us with determination. It’s then that I realize he’s the reason the song changed when “Believe” by Mumford and Sons begins to play.

“Fuck,” is all I say when he stalks up to me, takes my hand and dances with me to the slow beat of the song.

He doesn’t say anything as he presses his hand against my lower back and slips his fingers through mine to lead me across the floor and away from everyone else. He just looks at me. He looks at me so intensely, I feel it in every part of my body.

His gaze is too penetrating for me and I try to pull away. He reacts by pulling me in closer. “It’s getting to my favorite part,” he says when the song picks up its beat and he twirls me around in a circle. I smile at the sensation it gives me. This moment is so surreal, I actually feel as if I’m in one of those teen movies.

“I told you I only liked the first part,” I say playfully, although I want to make clear that it truly was a mistake to send him the song as a way to speak for me like we always used to.

“I know you do,” he says dismissively. “But I’ve really started to love this song. I can’t stop listening to it.” I can tell he’s just egging me on to get a rise out of me.

“You suck at dancing,” I say, trying to do anything but look up at him. My heart’s too delicate and my wits are too fogged to trust myself with him this way. Any woman in his arms would be vulnerable.

“Really?” He laughs as he expertly moves our bodies together to the fast-paced song and sings along like he’s singing the words to me.

I stop us in our tracks. “We can’t do this.” I push away from him and walk as quickly as I can to the back patio and hightail it down to the beach.

When I hear Jess and Lee call after me, I hold up my hand to keep them away. I’m not pissed at anyone but myself right now. I’m pissed that I liked how it felt to be in Jamie’s arms again. I’m pissed that looking at his scruffy, masculine face singing to me made me feel that dead piece of my heart that he destroyed spark back to life. I shouldn’t have gone to the party in the first place. All of this is completely irresponsible and inappropriate.

I kick off my shoes and begin the two-mile jog down the beach to my dad’s house. This shorter cocktail dress makes it easy to keep a strong pace, and the run helps to clear my head of what I just let happen. The guilt is overwhelming when I remember what I felt dancing with Jamie. I’m pathetic, simply pathetic, to let any man get to me, especially one like Jamie who has done the things he’s done to me. My embarrassment grows as I think of the way all the women were hanging all over him and how I had let myself think for a moment that his decision to dance with me was anything but a pity party. He made no attempt to even say hello to me until the night was almost over. Even though I heard Lee say she told him to keep his distance from me tonight, he could have said or done something to let me know I was just as important to him as those strangers. Hell, he knew I was upset about something since I didn’t show up with Lee, and knew it had to be more than what happened at the gallery for me to flake the way I did. He must think I’m a complete basket case with the way I’ve been behaving today, and will surely be keeping his distance from me—with or without a warning from Lee.

My lungs burn from the pace I’m keeping and the bottoms of my feet begin to tear when I cross the sandy beach to the rocky street, but I welcome it. Anything but the pain in my heart is welcomed right now. I didn’t realize I was crying until now, but the tears are falling too fast to ignore. When I get to the driveway of my house, I decide not to go inside when I see the television flickering in the window. Instead, I quietly sneak around to the back of the house, grabbing a bottle of wine from the fridge in the garage and taking a sip straight from the bottle as I make my way to the dock.

“Holy shit!” I jump back, nearly chipping my teeth on the bottle when I see Jamie sitting on the steps that lead to the water. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to make sure you got home alright.” He stands and runs his hand through his hair. “And to apologize.”

I take another sip of the wine, walk past him and sit on the stairs obstinately. “No apology necessary.” When he moves to come sit by me, I don’t look up. “But you need to leave.”

He completely ignores me and sits next to me. “No.”

I nearly choke on my wine that I now seem to be uncharacteristically guzzling. “You can’t say no.” I am appalled at his nerve.

That’s when Jamie’s fiery Irish brogue intensifies. “Listen to me, Lex. You can’t run out of a party like that and not expect someone to come after you.”

“Anyone but you would’ve been fine.” I can’t hide my irritation anymore, but he doesn’t seem to care either and matches my annoyance.

“You are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. I thought you may have grown up a little in the past fifteen years, but you still drive me crazy.”

“Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!” I stand and yell into his face. “You’re the one that was too fucking proud to come looking for me until you made it big. What are you doing here anyway? Why are you even here?”

I know I’ve hurt him when he narrows his eyes on me, grabs me by the shoulders and bites down on his bottom lip as if he’s trying to hold back his words, but I’m too fired up to back down now. “Why. Are. You. Here?” I say, defiantly challenging him.

“I’m here because I care about you. I’m here now, because I couldn’t stay away.” He runs his hands through his hair and takes my face in his hands to wipe my tears from my cheeks. “I know what’s going on, Lex. I. Know.” His voice is a whisper.

“How?” is all I can say, even though I assume Lee told everyone everything when I left.

“Frank suspected months ago, and well, I have my ways of finding things out.”

“It changes nothing.” I lower my head from his hands and take a step back, but he doesn’t let me.

“It changes everything, I still love you Lex. I’ve always loved you,” he says simply.

“No you don’t.” I grow angrier with each admission he makes. “I’m still married. I love my husband. I love my family. I’d be insane to go back to you when I wasn’t good enough for you when you had me! You chose everything and everyone over me already. Hell, tonight you chose every other girl in the room over me. You think I didn’t see you with all of those women? If you
know
what’s going on in my shitty life, then why would you behave that way? I know—”

He cuts me off before I can spew anymore venom his way. “Don’t you dare make me feel guilty about tonight, Lex!” His usually bright eyes have fogged over with sadness. He brushes a loose piece of hair behind my ear and closes his eyes. “If I did have a choice in any of this, I’d choose you.” The look of desperation he shows when he opens up his eyes makes me weak. “I’d always choose you,” he says with a whisper. With those words, he turns around, walks away from me and doesn’t look back.

“H
ow did I ever get so lucky?” Mike swept me up in his arms, twirling me around in circles, placing a sweet kiss on my lips.

“We’re going to be late,” I said through his kisses.

It was our first big night out since Liam was born, and we were heading to Los Angeles to see my favorite band, Coldplay. I used to love U2, but can hardly listen to a song by them with all the hormones I have pulsing through me these days. I don’t remember being this emotional with my pregnancy with Colin, but I find myself crying at insurance commercials these days.

“Alright, alright.” He kissed my head and put me down, smiling. “So is Lee bringing Bachelor Number Fifty-Five?”

“Be nice, and yes, she is.” I take his hand and lead him to the door. “Let’s go before the boys realize we’re leaving. I finally got Liam to sleep and Martha’s reading to Colin.”

Just then, Mike’s phone rings. He takes it out of his pocket and silences the ringer without looking at who was calling. A little piece of me sparks with excitement at his dismissal. He’s been working so much lately, which is great for business, but I can’t remember the last time we weren’t interrupted with twenty calls during dinner alone.

Mike’s business couldn’t be going better, and that should make me happy. It’s the reason we moved all the way across the country, and is the reason we were able to purchase this big house in an exclusive Southern California neighborhood. I knew there would be sacrifices made, so I kept my disappointment about his increasing absence to myself. He’s been able to coach Colin’s soccer team, and comes home every night, although many times well after I’ve gone to sleep, but this is the life I chose—the life we chose together.