The Wife (26 page)

My heart is in my throat when I start to put some pieces together. Mike’s increasing uneasiness as therapy went on. His inability to talk about our problems. His leaving therapy when our marriage was at its worst. The coffee shop encounter seeming friendlier than appropriate. The pieces don’t fit perfectly, but it’s enough to cause me pause. I notice that a name, Stephanie Murphy, is tagged in the picture and take a deep breath before I click on the link, already knowing in my heart what has been going on.

I click on her photos, not sure of what I’m looking for, but with each click through the pictures, my heart picks up its pace like a police dog following a scent. Then I see it. It’s not a picture of them together. She wouldn’t be stupid enough to post a picture of a married man she was screwing. She wouldn’t be stupid enough to post a picture of a married man who she’s screwing who also happens to be her patient; no—that would get her license revoked. She wouldn’t be stupid enough to include her face in a half-naked picture of herself that she sent to a married man.

But she would be stupid enough to have the most ironic tattoo engraved on her stomach. I zoom in on a picture of her standing by a pool, striking a pose like she’s Paris Hilton, with the word “Faithful” written in plain sight. There’s no doubt in my mind that the person Mike’s been cheating on me with, the person he’s most likely divorcing me for, is the lying bitch who I told my deepest secrets to. The person I went to for guidance and advice on how to save my marriage. I’m about to explode.

I reach for the barf bag and step quickly over Liam, hoping to make it to the bathroom before I hurl all over the place. I place the bag to my mouth and run straight for the door, locking myself inside the tiny space. I lose my stomach in the toilet and fall to the floor in a flood of tears.

Thankfully the boys slept the rest of the flight, giving me time to cool down and figure out how I’m going to keep my calm with Mike if he’s at my house tonight. I will need Lee with me to face him and she won’t be home until tomorrow because she decided to stay back with Frank, giving me privacy with the boys. I decide to text Mike once we land that our flight has been delayed and that he can come see the boys tomorrow. I’m hopeful he doesn’t decide to come by the house while he still can, but will have to do all I can not to show my rage to the boys. This betrayal feels so much worse than if it was some random girl or someone from the office, and it simply disgusts me. I’ve got to try to find any positive about what I’ve realized, because if I don’t I may kill him. I need to remember that the person who helped drive the wedge further in our marriage isn’t the only problem. Now that I know the level Mike would stoop to and the lack of respect he has for me is something I should be happy to be free of. Any trace of love that I still had for Mike has turned to absolute disgust and anger.

We arrive at our house to see Rita waiting for me, and I’ve never been happier to see anyone than her right now. I sent her a text when we landed and had asked her to come and stay with the boys tonight. I know she wondered why, but instead, she just acted casual and supportive. She helps me carry the boys in and get them into bed, all the while watching me like a hawk, knowing something is different about me, something’s changed. When we walk downstairs, her tone changes from the casual conversation we had with the boys while tucking them in.

“What’s going on, Alexa? I don’t like the look on your face.” She comes over and grabs my hand. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

I’ve never felt like this. I’m numb. “I need to talk to Mike first.”

I decide the best way to find him is to check his messages on his laptop, which means I have to go to his office. I give Rita a kiss and she looks at me warily. “Be careful. These boys need you.”

I’m sure the look on my face makes me look as though I’m going to murder Mike, but she knows me better than that. I’m just tired of the lies, and if I hear another one out of his mouth I’ll never be able to forgive him. I need proof. Proof he can’t deny, and then I’ll use my evidence to make sure he doesn’t fight me for custody. I would never take the boys from him; they will always need their father no matter how big of an ass he may be. But I’ll be damned if they ever live with that horrible woman.

“I won’t be long.” I kiss her cheek, grab one of Mike’s hoodies he left behind and walk out the door. I decide to take the black Mercedes Mike left in our garage that he usually drives and leave my minivan, not wanting to give myself away in case he’s still at the office.

I’m starting to feel a little crazy as I make the ten-minute drive to his office building and begin to think of what I’ll tell people who are still in the office if they see me there that time of the evening. I don’t know how much they know about what’s happened between us.

When I pull into the parking lot, I’m relieved to see it’s empty besides a car parked in the distance and see no sign of Mike’s sports car. I hop out of the car just when it starts to downpour, as if the heavens have opened up on me, and sprint to the door. I’m inside before I have a chance to take in my surroundings and take off the jacket, shaking off the water that has accumulated all over it.

“What are you doing here?” Mike’s voice surprises me and I momentarily panic, but quickly remembered what I was going to say if he or anyone else were here.

My breath is sucked out of my chest when I have a moment to take in the scene before me. I can’t stand here and pretend anymore with the obvious staring me in the face. I have to save the little dignity I have left. “It’s been her the entire time, hasn’t it?”

Mike doesn’t flinch and Dr. Murphy has the nerve to be at his side and smile at me as if she is about to get what she’s been waiting for. “Yes.”

I can’t hide the disgust in my face. “You both make me sick.” I turn to Dr. Murphy who still sits there as if this is the most normal thing in the world. “You manipulated me to believe that my questions about Mike’s behavior were causing my marriage to fall apart, when the problem has been you this entire time.” I don’t give either of them an opportunity to speak again. I look at Mike now, doing my best to hold my composure and not let them see that I want to tear the two of them to shreds so they can feel like my heart.“I want the boys. You can have everything else.”

“Fine,” he answers coldly, and it should have surprised me. But it didn’t.

I slip the hoodie back on and turn on my heels, not able to breathe the same air as them anymore. The rain falls even harder now, but I feel different than I did moments ago. I feel free. I slip the hood over my head and open the door in another flat out sprint to the car. I fumble with the door before finally getting inside and for some unknown reason begin to laugh hysterically. Perhaps I was going into shock, perhaps it was a release my body needed, but I sat there laughing so hard that it made me cry.

My tears suddenly stopped as if my emotions were taken over by something not under my control. I sense something isn’t right. I can feel it in every cell of my body. I fumble to put my key in the ignition when I notice a shadow slide up the side of my window. Before I can turn to see who it is, there’s a pop. Then nothing but darkness.

“A
stór…my love, time to wake up.” Jamie leaned over and placed his lips tenderly to mine, waking me from my dream.

“No, I like my dream.” I pulled the blanket back under my chin, and tried to turn over and continue the life I was dreaming about.

Jamie was quickly on top of me, his bare chest flexing under the strain of me trying to wriggle away. Once he had me easily back on my back, he secured my hands above my head and speckled my face and neck with kisses. “What could you possibly be dreaming about that would be better than me?” He moved his free hand up to my breast.

I sighed in pleasure. “Don’t worry, you were in it.” He was surprised as much as me when tears spilled over my cheeks; he quickly hopped off me and pulled me tightly into his arms. It was times like these that always made me feel how much he loved me.

“Tell me about it,” he said after I had calmed down a bit and was able to handle the unexpected emotions that came from my dream.

I traced a figure eight on his chest, letting the smooth feeling of his skin keep me in reality. “It was the future, but much different than it can ever be.” I closed my eyes and pictured the large blue-green wave as it crashed on the shore, where two little girls played hand in hand together. They had a familiar face with eyes that I’ve looked into a thousand times. “We had children. Two little girls.” The next memory threatened to bring the tears back and Jamie must have noticed the change in the beating of my heart because he pulled me in closer and kissed my wrist.

“I’d always hoped for boys,” he said jokingly, trying to make me smile.

I kissed his chest and continued my story. “Our moms were there. Holding hands with the girls, running through the waves. We were happy, happier than we’ll ever be.”

“That does sound nice,” he said truthfully.

“Our dads were there too. My dad was smiling and laughing, watching the girls and my mom together.” I kissed his hand. “It felt like my mom was really there with us. It all felt so real and I didn’t want it to change.” The tears poured from me and so did the confession that followed. “I was horrible to my mom when she was dying. Horrible. I was so young and I blamed her for leaving me.” I sniffed and calmed myself down. “I wasted my last moments with her to go to a stupid soccer game. She wasn’t feeling well that morning and I knew it. I knew she was dying and I left because I was too scared to watch her die. I wasn’t there for her when I should have been the last face she saw. I should have been the last hand she held…and now I’m starting to forget the sound of her voice or what she looks like, and how she smells.”

“She understood, Lex. I promise you she didn’t blame you.” He kissed my head, held me closer and took a deep breath. “The last words I ever said to my mom were I hate you.” I could feel him swallow hard. “I was so mad at her for not letting me play my Atari that I told her I hated her when she left for the store. And do you know what she said back to me?” He laughed a little at the memory. “She said she loved me. She knew I was just being a pisser and she loved me still. I used to think she thought of what I said when she died, but I have no doubt now that her only thoughts of me that day were of love. I know that’s true for you too.”