The Wife (9 page)

Not today.

“How’ve you been, Alexa?” Frank asks sweetly as he leads me to a chair. I love how he can instantly make me feel at ease, as if we’ve been friends for years. That must make him very savvy in business.

“I’ve been great, Frank, thank you. I’m just excited to show you all I’ve been working on.”

“Your husband has been raving about what you have to show us.” He smiles with a little sadness, as if he knows everything that’s happened. “He’s very proud of you, you know?”

I nod my head and smile as if everything between Mike and me is perfect, but can feel myself blush with embarrassment. I don’t want to be someone consoled. Now I’m beginning to wonder whether they hired me just to give me some sense of worth. Jamie knowing what is going on in my marriage would be the ultimate humiliation for me.

Frank smiles as he pours some cabernet into my glass, realizing that his words struck a chord with me, and changes the subject. “Tommy is running a bit behind, but I thought we could look over what you have, and I’ll share it with C.J. and Tommy later.”

We spend the next few hours talking about my ideas and drinking a few glasses of wine together. I normally wouldn’t drink this way with a client, but Frank just makes me so comfortable, it isn’t until he pours my third glass that I stop him.

“I have to meet my girlfriend for dinner. I can’t have any more. Besides, you haven’t told me what you think.” I slap his hand away from my glass that he keeps reaching for, ignoring my request.

“Want to know what I think? I think the guys are going to love it. This is exactly C.J.’s taste. It’s like you had a direct line into his brain when coming up with this shit.”

I look away, smiling to myself.
If he only knew.
Clearly Jamie hasn’t told him we know each other and that gives me a little sense of relief.

“How about you show what I have here to the guys then, and call me tomorrow to tell me if I’m in or out.” I slide out of my seat; if I don’t leave now, I’ll be late for dinner with Lee.

He looks at me and laughs, as if what he’s about to say is common knowledge. “You’re in. C.J. already decided that. When he has his mind set on something or someone, he just goes with it. Hasn’t steered him wrong yet.”

I feel sick. I don’t want to talk about Jamie. Especially after two glasses of wine. I tuck away my feelings and smile, trying to feel grateful as I slide out of my seat. “Fantastic. I’m so happy to hear that. Then, I’ll call you tomorrow to set up a meeting to go over all the details with Tommy. Or are you taking the lead on this?” I ask, still unsure who I’ll be working on my part of the project with.

Just then, the metal door slams open and Tommy stumbles in, followed by Jamie. Our eyes lock immediately and I know I’ve stopped breathing. He stops dead in his tracks and doesn’t break his gaze from mine. Frank is saying something to the both of us, but I’m too caught up in the buzzing in my ears at the shock of being face to face with Jamie, with no escape in sight, that I can’t focus on anything but those green eyes that beg for me to speak to him.

“A-Lex-A!” Frank steps directly in front of my face with wide eyes and a giant shit-eating grin. “Can I come crash your dinner with your friend? Tommy here needs to sleep off whatever he’s been drinking, and I’m starved for food and company other than these two fools.” He jokingly pinches Jamie’s face as he watches for my reaction.

I notice Jamie glance down at my legs, and at first think he’s checking me out and recoil, but then remember my accident on the treadmill when I see the scratches on my knees and realize he’s checking to see whether I really was alright, like I pretended.

I’m too stunned by Frank’s imposition to know what to say. “Um, sure, but…” I look over his shoulder to see Jamie watching me now like I’m his prey. “It’ll probably be boring for you, though. I’m sure Jamie…uh, I mean, C.J. can go get something to eat with you.”

When I said Jamie’s name, Frank instantly realizes that we know each other, because he looks back and forth between us with a sleuth-like grin, as if he’s just solved a puzzle. Before he can answer, I try to get past the three of them. “Thanks again for this opportunity.” I accidently look up at Jamie and know right away he’s not letting me out of his reach this time.

“Why don’t we all get dinner together? We’ll just get Tommy settled and meet you there. I have some things to discuss with you anyway.” Jamie’s Irish accent is as powerful as ever as his green eyes light up with his suggestion. He knows how uncomfortable I am right now and clearly loves every second of it. Little does he know how being with him only complicates an already complicated situation.

“Great! Where should we meet you?” Frank gives me no chance to say no as Jamie slides past us and gives me a look that I know well. He’s trying to tell me not to worry. He would look at me that way when we were young every time that I was worried about a test or my dad.

“Javier’s. In Crystal Cove,” I say blankly.

“Awesome.” Frank kisses my cheek, oblivious of my discomfort. “See you in a few!”

I walk out the door in a haze.

“Hey, is your friend hot and single?” Frank calls behind me.

Here we go; that’s all I would need. After I finish this job, I don’t ever want to see Jamie again. That would certainly complicate things. “See you at dinner,” I reply without answering his question.

I don’t look back and get in my car, wondering what else could possibly go wrong today.

“So you’re trying to tell me that the hot Irish dude from the gym—your future boss—is your long-lost love, Jamie?” She takes a giant gulp from her margarita, looking at me as if this is the best soap opera she’s ever heard. Lee came into my life after Jamie left me, and has only ever heard bits here and there about him when I was drunk in college and feeling sentimental. “Ho-ly sh-it!” She exaggerates each syllable dramatically.

“He’s not a long-lost love, Lee. Stop making this out to be more than it is. He’s someone who I once cared for and also someone who treated me like an ass.” I match her drink from my own margarita. Jamie could walk through the door any second, so I’m trying to calm the butterflies battling inside me. I haven’t even gotten to tell Lee a word about what happened between Mike and me today yet, and perhaps it’s for the best. If I’m going to stay with him, it’s best as few people as possible know that he’s actually confessed to cheating on me. I’ve been using the fact that I don’t know for sure as my reason for staying to them.

“Here he is,” she whispers excitedly as she takes another sip from her drink, looking like she’s ready for a show. “And, who’s the other hottie he’s with? I don’t want your leftovers anymore. His friend is pretty delectable too.”

Here we go.

Luckily, she doesn’t wait for my answer because her attention is solely on Jamie and Frank when they walk through the dimmed entrance. It feels like some twisted, weird dream as I watch Jamie, the boy from my past, walk toward me, looking so much more like a man. The softness of his face was gone, replaced by a look that was more forlorn. Perhaps it’s the light layer of beard he’s let grow out; perhaps it’s the sadness that is hidden in his eyes. I didn’t look away when his eyes met mine this time. I didn’t want him to think his being here was affecting me in the way it seemed to be. It really was like seeing a ghost from my past walk to me. He has been dead to me for so long, nothing but a faint memory that lingers in my soul, that as I watch him now, it’s hard not to surge with emotion. Part of me wants to run in his arms and tell him how proud I am of all he’s accomplished, and the other part of me wants to kick him in the balls and tell him what a selfish asshole he is.

I don’t do either.

Frank approaches the table eagerly, kissing my cheek before he quickly introduces himself to Lee and takes a seat at her side, much to her pleasure. My heart’s in my throat and butterflies battle out World War III inside me when Jamie is left no other option than to take the seat next to me. I nervously take a sip from my drink, trying to quell my anxiety and quietly cursing myself for caring that he’s so close to me now, after so long apart. After I thought I’d never see him again, and now he’s unavoidable.

This is all too weird. I need to just think of him as another business associate and not the man who stole a piece of my heart and never gave it back.

Jamie reaches for the chair beside me with a slight grin at the side of his mouth, bringing me right back to our time together in camp. It was a smile that I knew well. A smile that told me he knew the crazy thoughts going on in my head right now. Accidentally, his hand brushes against mine as he pulls out his chair; we both flinch back as if touched by a live wire. He tries to ignore the reactions each of us have when our skin meets and he takes his seat next to me.

“Good to see you, Lex,” he says in his smooth Irish brogue.

“Hi,” I say, simply because I’m not sure what to call him. We both turn to Frank and Lee, hoping they’ll save us from the tension that is building like a tsunami with each look.

Awkward doesn’t begin to describe our dinner as Jamie and I acted uncomfortably polite to each other, while Lee and Frank tried to pretend they didn’t know everything about our past. My night has been filled with flashes of Mike’s confession, and it makes me feel uncomfortable sitting here next to Jamie. If feels as if I’m doing something wrong, even though I’m not.

I’m trying to treat Jamie as if he were any other client I was having dinner with throughout the evening. It wasn’t uncommon for me to go and celebrate with some of my clients, and I tried my best to act the way I would have with anyone else. Jamie seemed almost amused by my attempt to maintain a nonchalant attitude when we all talked about very safe topics like Jamie’s restaurants and Lee’s job in technology, all the while ignoring the elephant in the room. Jamie rarely spoke about himself, letting Frank and Lee take over the conversation. Jamie would pause the conversation only to ask questions when he learned of my boys. It seemed to make him happy that I had gotten the family he knew I always wanted, or at least it seemed as if that’s how he wanted me to feel.

Lee did like she promised and always cut off our conversations when they got too personal. I didn’t want to get into my past with Jamie tonight, especially with the two of them sitting here. Just when I thought she was being the best wing-girl of all time and we had just finished our meal, she and Frank decide to excuse themselves and go outside for a cigarette.

What. The. Hell.

Lee doesn’t even smoke.

“I’ll get the bill,” I call after them, wanting to make sure she knows I’m going home as soon as I can. Today has been the worst day of my life and all I want to do is get home and be with my boys. Certainly one of the weirdest. It feels as if I’m on
The Twilight Zone
and I just need this all to end.

I look around the room for the waiter. I’m really looking anywhere but at Jamie at this point, not wanting to leave any opening for things to get personal between us while they’re gone.

Why is it that every time you need a waiter, they’re never around?

After a few minutes of fruitless searching, I glance at Jamie out of the corner of my eye as I reach for my drink, trying anything to avoid an actual conversation from beginning. He’s grinning at me over his glass.

He swirls the whiskey in his highball glass and squints at me playfully over the rim. “It really is good to see you, Lex.” He takes a sip of his amber drink and places it back down on the table. As he leans in toward me on his elbow, the end of the words he has tattooed below his wrist peek out. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you since I saw you at the party a few weeks ago.”

I’m not sure what he expects me to say to that. Does he actually think that I’ve been wanting to talk to him? I spent years wishing he’d talk to me, and even longer grateful I never had the chance. “I can’t say the same.”

He puts his glass down and sits back in his seat, as if he’s not only expected my answer, but is amused by it. “I deserve that. I know I do.” He exhales deeply, reaches out for his glass again and takes a sip before he continues. “I hope one day you’ll let me explain myself. I know I behaved badly, and I’ve regretted it every day. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but I want you to know why I did what I did, and that I know I was wrong…”

I have to stop him before he says anything more. I know he’s intending to be nice, but with each word he says, the anger and frustration intensifies inside me. “I don’t think it’s really necessary…C.J., is it?” I say sarcastically, making him narrow his eyes at me, trying to hide the hurt behind them.