The Wife (18 page)

I drive home with all my windows down, letting the air blow my worries away, resetting my thoughts for when Mike comes home later. I hope he doesn’t bring up what happened in the coffee shop, and I’m pretty sure he won’t because we don’t really talk about these things anymore. He’d much prefer to ignore instances of my jealousy because he knows he’s given me reasons to doubt him. I know Dr. Murphy won’t think another thing about it, given her intimate knowledge of all I’ve been going through with my marriage. Just seeing that she didn’t have any hard feelings toward Mike gave me hope that he may even start back up marriage counseling. I think it’s important he goes for himself like I’m doing while we work through everything. It’s been so helpful for me to get perspective.

I press the speakerphone in my car, asking it to dial Rita, and turn down my music.

“Hey, Alexa. Sorry I missed you today.”

“No worries. It wound up being a crazy day anyway. I’m about to grab a pizza for the boys and wanted to see if you and your little man wanted to join us. Mike won’t be home until later.” I wonder just how late Mike plans to be tonight. I don’t think he has any other plans after his meeting.

“That sounds great, but I have Lee sitting here, batting her eyes and hoping for an invitation.”

“Jesus, doesn’t that woman have a life?” I ask jokingly, knowing very well Lee could hear me. “Be at my house in thirty minutes, okay?”

“Sounds great! I’ll bring wine.”

“Don’t show up without it.” I hang up and dial the pizza place.

For the first time, I feel happy, and that’s saying a lot considering how my day started. I love working, I love my family, and I no longer have the question of Jamie looming in the back of my mind. Everything seems to be as it should have always been.

“That sounds like one hell of a rollercoaster day.” Lee swirls her wine in her glass.

“It was definitely one for the record books of embarrassment for me,” I say truthfully.

The girls and I were all comfortable in our yoga pants, hair in messy ponytails, lounging around the house like teenagers, making up for the gossip session we missed because of our canceled workout. The first thing all of us did every day after work is scrub off the make-up and get comfortable. I loved having friends who didn’t give a shit about who looked better than the other.

I walk over to the stairs to check whether the boys have finally gone to sleep, hoping they don’t hear the conversation we are having. The one thing that I’ve been acutely aware of is to never talk about my issues with Mike when the kids are around. No matter how bad that man may have messed up in the past, he is still and will always be their father. I don’t want the boys to think poorly of him, as much as I don’t want them to perceive me as weak or some sort of doormat for staying with him through all of this. Children don’t understand the complications and mistakes that can happen in a marriage. They don’t get that every marriage has its problems—some small and some too big to overcome. I think my marriage falls between the two. We weren’t careful enough in the past and I don’t want to make that mistake again.

“Don’t underestimate yourself.” Rita laughs. “You eating it on the treadmill in front of that hot Irishman and the entire gym was pretty high up there.” She clinks her glass with Lee as they both bust up laughing, reenacting my face when I fell.

“Very supportive—jerks.” I laugh along.

“What’s his name again?” Rita asks.

“Jamie,” Lee and I both say at the same time.

“Only everyone else calls him C.J. He’s apparently only bestowed Alexa with calling him Jamie.” Lee raises her eyebrow, as if there is something going on.

I look between them defensively. The last thing I want to do is give an impression there is something going on between us. I’ve been overly careful about not putting myself in any situations where our intentions would be questioned. “It’s only because it’s the name I know him by, and it’s a little weird calling him C.J. He didn’t like it either; he’s always been Jamie to me.” I put my glass down and glare at the girls. “There is and will never be anything between Jamie and me. You know I’d never do anything while I’m married after what I’ve been through with Mike.”

Lee stands up and kisses my head. “Relax, Alexa. We’re just jealous. He’s one hot hunk of man.”

“I’d ride that pony if I had the chance. He. Is. Hot!” Rita says jokingly as she high-fives Lee.

I know the chances of Rita cheating on her husband were as unlikely as they are with me. She’s always joking, but has the most solid marriage I’ve ever seen. It makes me jealous that they’ve been able to keep the fire alive for so long. The four of us used to be the couples people looked to as a picture of perfect marriages. Lee would always say she’s stayed single so long because she hadn’t found her lobster like we found ours. Lee lived life by
Friends
and
Seinfeld
quotes, which always made us laugh, but also always backed up her point perfectly.

We all freeze when we hear the beep of the alarm that lets us know the front door has opened, and as if we were teenagers caught in our parents’ liquor cabinet, the girls jump up and start to put everything away. I take a drink from my glass, letting the girls know there’s nothing to worry about when Mike walks back into the kitchen. There have been times in the recent past when Mike’s been upset to see the girls here after he’s had a hard day at work, but I knew he was well aware of my plans for tonight.

My calm, confident demeanor quickly shifts to surprise when Frank and Jamie walk around the corner of the kitchen door, following Mike. We giggle a little between one another as we try in vain to adjust our horrendous hairstyles. Lee immediately turns away from Frank and pinches her cheeks, completely unaware that the wine has already flushed her.

“Hey,” I say as casually as I can and hop up to kiss Mike on the cheek. “What are you fellas doing here?” I reach for some more glasses. “Would you like to join us?” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them.

“I wanted to show them what I did with the remodel of Jose’s Place. We’re thinking of a similar bar area.” Mike walks past me to the office. “Grab a glass, guys, and meet me back here.”

I smile when I see Frank nuzzle up to Lee, telling her how beautiful she looks. She’s had dud after dud come into her life. I’ve gotten over the fact that he’s Jamie’s right-hand man and am glad that she’s found someone to balance out her crazy. Rita takes the glasses from me and pours them for the guys.

“You have a lovely home.” Jamie looks at the pictures around my kitchen. It isn’t until now that I recognize how many symbols of Ireland I have around me, which I only now realize can easily be thought of as reminders of him. There’s a painting as large as the width of my kitchen of the Irish countryside that gets Jamie’s attention. “Aye, is that Kerry Way?” He traces his fingers over the thick paint.

It makes me instantly remember how he loved the feeling of dried oil paintings that have been layered over and over, adding depth and complexity, and as he said, emotion to the painting.

“Yes, it is.” I turn and point to the small paintings arranged in a collage next to the oven. “These are of Beara Peninsula.”

I turn my gaze from the painting to see Jamie is no longer looking at the painting; he’s looking at me.

“I’m back here,” Mike calls from his office, unaware of our conversation.

“Excuse me.” Jamie takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, not keeping his usual physical distance from me.

I turn back to the girls to see Lee and Rita staring at me curiously.

“You’re in trouble.” Rita smiles.

I roll my eyes. “For what?”

“Don’t play dumb, Alexa. He looks at you like he’s going to eat you alive. I’m all hot and bothered just watching you two together.”

“You’re just drawing conclusions based on background knowledge. He looks at everyone the same way. He’s an intense guy.”

“Uh-huh.” She takes a long drink from her wine. “I’m not saying you’re doing anything wrong. I’m not saying he’s doing anything wrong, for that matter. I’m just saying the chemistry between you two is enough to make a nuclear bomb.”

“You can tell all that from a benign conversation about art? Either you need to get out more, or stop watching
Days of Our Lives
.”

“Uh-huh,” she repeats condescendingly. Lee busts up laughing.

It’s then that I realize as happy as it makes me to have Jamie in my life again, I’m going to have to let him go when this is all done. Mike and our family have to be my priority. I can’t let anyone’s misperceptions interfere with keeping my marriage and integrity intact.

M
y dreams of having a vacation in New Jersey together were thwarted the first day we arrived when Mike told us he had to go into the city for a few days. The past two days he’s been home have not been easy for any of us. By the time our first week at the quiet Jersey Shore was over, my boys were busting at the seams with excitement to leave for Camp Callahehee this morning, and it’s breaking my heart to send them on their own, so far from home, for an entire week for the first time. Their excitement to leave seemed to grow once Mike returned in a more sour mood than ever. Mike and I put on a show for my dad and the kids during the day, but argue every night. Lee has done everything she can to help me keep the boys shielded from his outbursts, but there are only so many trips to the boardwalk they can handle. There’s been no way to completely hide Mike’s outbursts from them with them only a room away. Mike has been getting irate with me when I ask him not to let his work worries affect our fun on the trip and just blows up at me for inferring he’s in a bad mood and ruining our vacation when he refuses to join us on any of our excursions.