The Wife (16 page)

Jamie doesn’t press me any further. He brings me into his arms and wraps his giant hand around my head as if I’m a baby. It’s the most comforting feeling I’ve had in years. “Go home and take a shower, and relax for a bit. Have a glass of wine and have Lee come over or something. Just get to the meeting when you can. The boys and I have a lot to talk about anyway. There’s no rush. I don’t really have anywhere else to be. I just said that because he pissed me off.”

He is being so kind to me right now, and I am grateful. I realize how dismissive I’ve been to him since he came back into my life, and I am beginning to regret acting so immature. I thought I was setting boundaries with my actions toward him when I was really just being a bitch.

I’m positive that what just happened back there left no doubt in Jamie’s mind that there’s trouble in my marriage. I know he’s not pressing me now to tell him the truth about my life because he’s waiting for the right time to get to the bottom of things, but it’s not going to be now. I give him one last squeeze around his firm waist and say good-bye before I jog to my car, wanting nothing more than to hide away in my house and pretend this morning never happened.

“N
ow it’s my turn.” Jamie pointed the controller to the stereo and chose the next song, all the while keeping me cuddled in his arms.

I loved nights like these where we stayed in, eating takeout, and took turns playing songs for each other to say our feelings to each other. Some were funny and some were romantic. But I loved them all. I closed my eyes, clearing my thoughts of anything but Jamie’s fingers lightly scratching up and down my arm as he searched for the perfect song.

“Our song,” he said as “With or Without You” began to play.

As he sang along softly to the words, my mind drifted to the night he played this song as we stood under the stars and he promised to love me forever. He promised to make me his wife. I twirled my treasured ring around my finger, wondering when he would make it official between us. I was in no rush. Jamie never made me feel as though I needed to rush anything with us, because he always had a plan. I’ve never doubted his love for me, or that one day he would be my husband, but sometimes I wondered whether he’d want to get married while we were in college, or whether he’d wait until after graduation. Either way, I can’t imagine I’d feel any more secure in our relationship than I did. This ring meant more to me than any diamond ever could. It was his mother’s and she was the thing he treasured most. The fact that he trusted me with something so special to him was all the assurance I needed of his love for me.

I don’t know whether it’s the independence of being away at college or the confidence Jamie filled me with, but I’ve felt more confident and secure with myself than ever before this past year. I love the classes I’ve chosen this semester and am getting all As, making my dad proud, which has kept him off my back about living with Jamie. If anything, living with him has only made life better. We’re not big partiers, although we socialized with our friends plenty. But it’s nights like these that I found most satisfying.

“I love you, Jamie,” I said, without thinking about it. It’s as easy as exhaling.

“One love, everlasting.” He husked out his favorite phrase to me, flipping over on top of me and looking at me with intense, hooded green eyes.

This was a look that could instantly ignite my desire for him, and I felt the embers spark alive inside me when he licked his lips as if he were about to devour me. His mouth met mine with a fiery passion that was unavoidable when he was near me this way. He had one hand tangled in my loose brown curls, and the other searching up my fluffy white sweater. I sighed when he traced his finger across the lace of my bra, teasing my mouth with his tongue, begging for me to show him how badly I wanted him.

“I need you, Jamie.” The passion-filled words were filled with meaning.

He paused, looking at me in a way that touched my soul. “You have my whole heart, Lex. You’ve got every part of me.”

He crashed his lips to mine, filling me with the security I’ve always dreamed of. Everlasting love.

I awoke naked on our bed in the middle of the night to the sound of a faint ringing. I sat up, trying to get my wits together. Jamie was still sound asleep next to me. I smile at the memory of the exhausting passion-filled night we’d just spent together.

Suddenly I realize that the sound I was woken by was our telephone. I looked at our clock to see that it was almost three in the morning. I immediately shoot up out of our bed, wondering who could be calling at this hour. An unfamiliar voice speaks over our answering machine.

An Irish accent alerted me to the severity of what I was listening to. “Jamie, it’s Aunt Maggie. Call me, honey. Call me as soon as you can.”

I pick up the receiver and walk to our bedroom; tears already filled my eyes. “Hi, Maggie, it’s Jamie’s girlfriend Alexa. Let me get him for you. Is everything alright?” I asked in a wavering voice.

“No, honey; it’s not. Jamie’s dad is sick. Very sick. He needs to come home.”

I shook Jamie, tears pouring from my eyes. Jamie’s biggest fear in life was losing his only surviving parent. He sat up quickly, startled from his deep sleep and immediately saw the tears in my eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumbs.

“It’s…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words; I handed him the phone and watched helplessly as Jamie heard the news.

He froze.

He didn’t speak.

He sat there with no emotion and stared at me with disbelief. I knew he was counting on me to be the anchor to keep him together right now and I pulled him into me, repeating over and over that everything’s going to be alright.

We both knew it wasn’t.

I helped Jamie pack his things, wishing he would open up to me and tell me how he’s feeling. I’d never seen him this way. It’s as if he’s not with me anymore and already in Ireland. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he threw all of his clothes in a large duffel bag.

“Why don’t you just pack a few things for now? I can come and bring more if you need it.” I tried to push away my own anxiety building at his leaving in such a panic. “Do you want me to book you a flight? Do you know how long you’ll be gone?”

Jamie stopped in his tracks and sat on the bed, wringing his hands. “I’m just going to get to the airport and get on the first flight back. I’m not sure how long I’ll be there.” He looked up at me, filled with anguish. “He’s really sick, Lex. Stage four pancreatic cancer. He’s in the hospital and they can’t operate.”

It was as if I were punched in the stomach.

Cancer.

He’s going to lose another parent.

This will devastate him.

I turned and grabbed another bag, stuffing anything I could find into it.

Jamie grabbed my hand. “What are you doing?” His eyes were strained and sad.

“I’m coming with you,” I answered matter-of-factly.

“You can’t. Finals are coming up. I’m not letting you mess that up because of me.” He takes my bag and tosses it across the room. “You’re staying here.”

I could only imagine what he was going through and tried not to show my hurt. “I want to be there for you and your family. School will always be here.”

“You’re not coming and that’s the end of it.” He ran his hand through his unruly long brown hair again and came over to my side, placing a deep, comforting kiss on my lips. He breathed in deeply, as if he were making a memory of the perfect way our lips fit together.

My eyes filled up with tears. Why did this feel like good-bye?

“When finals are over, I’ll fly out. I can take a semester off if I need to. I won’t take no for an answer.”

He smiled sadly at me. “Always my stubborn love.” He pressed his forehead against mine, letting our hearts and souls connect. “One love, everlasting.” He tossed his bag over his shoulder and walked out the door.

I fell to the ground in a pool of tears when the door closed behind him. Deep in my heart, I knew things would never be the same for Jamie and me. It all seemed like a nightmare moving in slow motion. Just hours ago we were envisioning our future together, happier than ever, and in a split second it was all crushed like broken promises and lost dreams.

The first few weeks that Jamie was gone, he called several times a day, filling me in on his dad’s outlook, and asking about school. I let him know that all of his professors agreed to give him incompletes, and he would be able to take his finals when he returned, although we still weren’t sure when that’d be.

Upon his return to Ireland, Jamie talked to me about his relatives fighting over the family business—a small pub that his dad had run and been in charge of his entire life. It belonged to his mother and she wanted it to be Jamie’s one day. Jamie and his dad had lived upstairs for his entire life, and would do anything to save it. It was the one place he went to that held most of his memories of his mom, and if his dad really was as sick as he said, it would be all he had left of him as well. Jamie was becoming increasingly worried his relatives were going to sell the business, and was working tirelessly to find someone to take over until he finished school.