The Wife (17 page)

I mentally began to prepare myself that I’d one day be living in Ireland with Jamie, and it was something I’d always considered might happen. The idea began to excite me more and more each time we talked. It seemed like a magical place the way he described it, and having him gone from me this way made me realize I would go anywhere with him.

I spent my days working hard on my classes, using free time to walk in Central Park, taking pictures of the places Jamie and I liked to visit after one of our daily runs so that I could send them to him, trying my best to keep him connected to me. I tried not to let his absence bring me down; he wouldn’t want me to mope around all day. I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to show him I could make it on my own and he didn’t have to worry about me. I only wanted him to worry about his dad. That needed to be his only focus. So, when we talked on the phone I was always sure to share with him my activities of the day so he would know that he didn’t need to worry about me.

Then one night, right after his father passed away as I was reading in bed, waiting to hear his voice, Jamie called, and my entire world was crushed.

“We have to talk.” Jamie’s voice was disconnected. I pulled my blanket up under my chin, as if it would protect me from what I knew was to come.

“Okay.” Fear overcame me.

“I’ve been going back and forth in my head about this since I left.”

“Jamie, don’t,” I begged, already knowing where he was going with this.

“I’m not coming back, Lex.” His words were clipped and it sounded nothing like the Jamie I loved.

I tried to remain calm. I was prepared for this. I had always doubted he would come back with everything going on at home. “I understand, Jamie. It’s alright. You’re doing what you have to do.” A little relief poured through me. I said what I knew would make him happiest. “I’ll withdraw this semester and apply to school in Dublin. I’ve already—”

“No.” Jamie cut me off. “You’re staying there. It’s been your dream to graduate from NYU and I’m not letting you give that up for me.”

“No dream is complete if you’re not in it, Jamie.” My voice shook with each word.

“I need you to promise me to finish school. We can talk about everything else later. I can’t give you what you need right now and I don’t want you to hold out hope that I’ll be coming back any time soon.”

“I’ll do what you ask because I will do anything for you.” I hold back my tears and be strong for him. “But I’m still coming out and spending my summers and holidays with you. We can make this work. I want to make this work. I’m willing to make the sacrifice if it means we will have the rest of our lives together.”

Jamie was silent.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, alright?” His voice is so disconnected it scares me. “I just wanted you to know before I dropped out of my classes.” He clears his throat, showing his first sign of emotion. “I’m sorry, Lex. I love you.”

He didn’t wait for me to respond and hung up. I sit, motionless, with the phone to my ear, wishing it would reconnect, although I knew it was impossible. I could sense something was terribly wrong between us and should have gone out there the second I recognized something in him began changing soon after he left. I fell onto my bed with a recording of the operator telling me to hang up the phone repeating in my ear. My world turned to darkness and the sadness that had been held at bay for so many years hit me like a powerful tidal wave, sweeping away all the pieces of me that belonged to Jamie, leaving only a skeleton of who I was.

The next day, I received the call I feared. He was too selfish to say it to me that night. Instead, he left me a message telling me it was over and disappeared from my life without a trace.

I’
m glad when Jamie acts as if he didn’t witness me being a crazy jealous person earlier today when I arrive early to the meeting and it’s just the two of us. He used the time to show me pictures on his phone of his other restaurants, hoping to be able to continue my idea of using photographs, rather than paintings, to add to the homey ambiance of all the locations, to make it the one link that visually ties the locations together.

I’m immediately struck by one location he flips past and its quaint beauty. It’s much different than his other restaurants and it struck a chord with me. “Which location is that one?” I reach over him, swiping back until I stop at the small, two-story gray building with bright red trim.

He pauses and clears his throat, uncharacteristically nervous. “It’s my home. Well, Hidden Moon is downstairs, and my home is on top.” He points to the windows of his family’s home above the expansive pub that is double the size I remember and I am brought back to my past again.

“How come I never knew it was called Hidden Moon? I thought it was named something different for some reason?” I wonder how I never took the time to know about his life in Ireland back then.

“I changed it when I took over and expanded it. It used to be called Fancy Fox. Fox was my mom’s name. It was a place that she loved, so I didn’t like talking about it so much back then.” He pushes the button to clear the picture and sets the phone on the table. “I turned it into a gastropub about a year after moving back. It was a big hit, and the catalyst that’s allowed me to expand the way I have.”

Pride rushed through me. “I love the look and feel of it. I think we should try to capture some of its charm here.” Ideas flood my mind and I’m filled with excitement. I jump from my seat and point out the window to the location where the restaurant will be built. “I think you should think of moving the main dining room here.” I point to a spot in the corner of the lot. “With floor-to-ceiling windows, diners can have a view of the sea and the mountains.” I run up to the window, imagining the building if it were already there. “The bar would be there then, and the view of the valley and ocean beyond will make people want to sit there for hours—and spend money.” I clap my hands together, imagining myself sitting there with my girls and am pumped with the idea. I point down to the blueprint on the table. “We can still incorporate most of our design details, and just use more wood and beam work than we initially planned to tie it together with Hidden Moon.” I can’t help but notice the way he’s watching me, never interrupting me and letting my ideas fly, amused by my enthusiasm the entire time.

Jamie laughs and decides to challenge me like he always used to. “Don’t you think people would enjoy something more upscale, like my SoHo restaurant?”

“No. I don’t at all.” I smile and pull out my phone, searching for pictures of my friend’s bed and breakfast in New Jersey. It’s been my favorite place to visit when it opened a few years back. One couldn’t help but relax and feel at home there while having five-star quality at the same time. “Look at this.” I show him the pictures on the website. “This is one of the most popular places on the Jersey Shore and caters to all the rich and famous, but with all the comforts of home.”

“I see what you mean. I love the woodwork and wrought-iron detailing. It’s masculine and cozy all at once.” Jamie pats me on the back. “I knew you’d be the magic touch I needed.”

“Sorry I’m late. Look who I found.” Frank walks through the door with Tommy and Mike.

I notice Jamie look at me out of the corner of my eye when Mike walks through the door, seemingly checking for my reaction after what he saw happen between us earlier. Little does he know how practiced Mike and I are at pretending everything is perfect between us. I walk right up to Mike and greet him with a kiss on the cheek as he wraps me under his arm, acting possessive of me for the first time in forever.

“Hi, love.” He lays another kiss right on my lips, making me feel slightly uncomfortable and a little curious. I have to assume he’s only trying to reassure me after my insecure mistake this morning and not marking his territory in front of Jamie, which is how it almost feels.

Jamie makes no attempt to hide his narrowed eyes at Mike. Everything up until now had been so normal between the two of them. I wondered whether Jamie actually questioned what made me react the way I did to seeing another woman in Mike’s arms, as innocent as it was. Now it’s clear he’s come to his own conclusion about why I reacted the way I did.

I quickly try to defuse the tension. “Alright, now that everyone’s here, let’s get everything finalized on my end, and I’ll leave you guys to your business.”

“Lex was telling me earlier today about her plans to visit a photographer while she’s in New Jersey next week. Can we fit it in our schedule to meet her and Mike there?” Jamie asks as I pull out my swatches and idea board, completely shocking me.

I notice a scowl come across Mike’s face when Jamie refers to me as Lex. No one calls me that but Jamie, and when Jamie left me, I never let anyone call me that again. I have to admit that a part of me feels a little happy that he’s finally feeling threatened by Jamie. I would never do anything to make him have actual reason to doubt me, but it’s nice to see him have any emotion over the possibility someone else could possibly be interested in me other than him.

“I’m sure we could make it work,” Frank answers excitedly. “I’ve been wanting to get down to the shore anyway. Where are we talking about?”

I try to hide my surprise. “Sea Girt, to his gallery first; then off to Bay Head to see my friend’s bed and breakfast.” I turn to Jamie. “It’s the place I was showing you earlier this evening.”

Frank smiles over at me. “You bringing Lee?” he says suggestively.

“She goes nowhere without Lee,” Mike responds for me jokingly and I’m glad to notice the tension in the room reduces a few notches. Mike’s always been glad to have Lee on trips with us because it lets him get the freedom from the boys and me that he always seems to need when we’re on vacation.

“Man, let’s make a trip of it. I can get my crew to meet us there too. We can make a weekend of it.” Frank’s already on his phone, making plans.

Jamie laughs and turns to Frank. “Don’t get carried away. Just see what you can work with my schedule.”

I spend the next hour or so going over all the rest of the details for my part of the restaurant. I make the changes that Jamie and I talked about earlier and everyone is in agreement. Even Mike looks excited about my idea to shift the location of the building and my ideas about the photography. He’s also always loved my friend’s place in Jersey and the pride I saw when he looked at me chipped away at the anger and sadness from earlier today, although I question why he said he was in Los Angeles when he clearly never was and never planned to be. Something is up, but this is not the place to question his behavior.

When my part is done, I excuse myself, saying good-bye to the men, glad to be on my own again and to get back to the boys. Mike walks me out the door, hand in hand like we always used to and to my car, , but I quickly pull away, once we’re out of sight, not wanting to let him think that I really believed his lie today. He doesn’t protest, and laughs to himself condescendingly like I’m the one who’s screwing everything up. I know he doesn’t question me because he knows he’s wrong. He just turns away and goes back into the trailer without another word.