Winter’s Awakening (14 page)

But if she didn’t, she vowed right then and there to begin to confide in someone who had always been right beside her, right from the start, her heavenly Father.

She knew in her heart that He’d been with her during the whole experience. Perhaps it was time to start reaching to Him like a friend. To have conversation with the only one who was sure to understand her feelings and to be supportive of her, no matter what.

In the silence of the car, as she reached out to Him, she suddenly realized He’d always been reaching out to
her, too. She’d never been as alone as she thought she’d been.

It was a welcome feeling—much like the feeling she’d had when she’d first become a Christian when she was fifteen. Until that time, she’d only gone to church because it was what her family did. But one day in Bible study, as they were reading the book of Matthew, everything had suddenly clicked. One moment she was reading about Jesus’s struggles, and the next she was applying his lessons to her own life.

She knew she’d walked astray from those convictions over the last year. She’d been struggling ever since she started her relationship with Alec—and choosing to sleep with him didn’t help things.

Then, she’d felt too ashamed about her pregnancy to reach out to God again. After all, how could she call herself a Christian while ignoring so many of His guidelines for how to live out her faith.

But now she realized that He had just been waiting for her to reach out to Him. He didn’t expect her to be perfect, or to be free from sin. She only had to admit her transgressions and seek His will.

“Oh, Lord, I’ve been so silly. Thank you for reminding me that you are still on my side. No matter what.”

After parking the car, her mood perked up. There was a spring in her step as she stepped out onto the sidewalk. For the first time in a while, she felt hope.

“Hi. I’m Lilly Allen. I called here earlier and Mrs. Kent said I could fill out an application?”

From the other side of the counter Gretta couldn’t help but stop what she was doing and stare. This was
Lilly
? The Lilly Allen who had so intrigued Joshua? Well, now. She was far different in looks than she’d imagined.

Gretta had pictured an English girl looking very fancy and worldly, with lots of paint on her face and revealing tight clothes.

But those imaginings surely didn’t match with the girl standing in front of her. Sizing her up, Gretta had to admit that Lilly was a pretty thing, to be sure.

Her short curly blond hair was fetching. Her light brown eyes and smattering of freckles across her nose made her look fun and friendly. She wasn’t all stick thin
either, like some of the English girls Gretta had seen around town.

Her outfit was fairly simple, too—not all fancy. She wore a pair of brown pants and a loose sweater the color of raspberries.

But still, it didn’t matter to her whether Lilly was pretty or not, it was terribly awkward to be meeting her face-to-face. Especially since she wanted to work right here at the Sugarcreek Inn.

At Gretta’s continued silence, Lilly swallowed and looked nervously around. “Um, I won’t stay very long. And Mrs. Kent said there might be an opening. That it was okay for me to apply. I’m just applying to be a waitress.”

Now it was Gretta’s turn to feel ill at ease. Here she’d been staring at Lilly Allen like she was a wolf in the hen house. “I’m sorry, my mind went running. Yes, of course, I’ll go get you an application. And please, take a seat. I’ll bring you some pie and coffee too.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to—”

“It would be a pleasure. Sit now, I’ll be right back.”

As Lilly slowly lowered herself to one of the tables by the front window, Gretta turned and quickly ran to the kitchen.

“You all right?” Miriam asked when she rushed in, her face flushed.

“Oh, yes. But I need to get an application. There’s an
Englischer
out there looking for a job.”

“To waitress?”

“Ja.”

Miriam smiled. “I’m glad about that. Ever since Donna moved away things have been a little topsy-turvy.” She leaned toward the open area and peeked out. “Where is she? Does she look nice? I can’t see her.”

“She looks nice enough. That’s her, sitting over by the windows,” Gretta said over her shoulder as she pulled open the heavy door to the walk-in refrigerator. “I told her I’d bring her some pie.”

Miriam took two steps to the side and looked at Lilly. “She’d just about our age. Well, that will be a nice change now, won’t it? Donna was a
grossmutter
.”

“I suppose.” At the moment, she was missing Donna the grandmother something fierce. Hurriedly, Gretta sliced a thick portion of coconut cream pie and placed it on a plate. “I better go bring this to her.”

“You look nervous. And giving a new girl pie? Why are you going to so much trouble?”

Though Miriam would have lent her ear and offered plenty of advice, Gretta knew the time wasn’t right to share her grievances. “It’s no trouble. We’ve got plenty of coconut pie. It won’t be a hardship to share.”

“I suppose.” Miriam tilted her head. “Are you sure there’s nothing else going on? You seem like you’re on pins and needles.”

Changing her mind, Gretta decided to share her news after all. “Actually, I am a bit flustered.” Lowering her voice, she confided, “The girl applying is Lilly Allen.
Joshua’s Lilly
.”

Miriam’s eyes went wide. “No wonder you look so worried! Do you want me to bring the coffee and dessert to her?”

“No, I can do it. She seems nice.”

“But she is surely not. She’s caused Joshua to look around.”

“It’s not her fault. I’m afraid Joshua did all that on his own. Besides, I just went riding with Roland, so I’m not one to talk.” But even as she said the words, she felt herself blushing. There was more going on inside her head than mere good wishes.

Inside of herself, she was jealous, plain and simple. She didn’t like that Joshua had a new friend, especially since that new friend was pretty and seemed nice, too.

“Don’t you worry, Gretta. I’ll go take this to her.” Snatching the pie plate from her hands, Miriam sauntered right through the swinging doors dividing the kitchen from the dining room.

Gretta followed, but kept her distance. She couldn’t help but smile as Miriam paraded around the room like a bossy hen. Regally, she nodded to a pair of women who’d recently sat down, then walked over and deposited the slice of pie right in front of Lilly. “There you go.”

Lilly stared at the dessert in confusion. “Thank you. Um, this looks great. But…I came here for an application.”

Gretta closed her eyes and quickly asked the Lord to help her. Stepping out from around the counter, she called out, “I’ll bring it right out. Coffee, too.”

Gretta trotted back into the kitchen and began looking through a pair of cabinets in the front of Mrs. Kent’s office. She was so frazzled, she could hardly think straight! As she opened another cabinet and frantically looked inside, Miriam appeared in the doorway. “Mrs. Kent just called. She said she’ll be here in ten minutes. She was so pleased that Lilly was here that she asked if I could ask her to stay to be interviewed.”

“Oh, my.” Gretta’s spirits sank. Before she knew it, she’d be working next to Lilly all the time. “She’s going to want to have Lilly fill out an application, but for the life of me, I can’t find it anywhere.”

Miriam winked. “That, I can help you with.” As competently as ever, she wiped her hands on a dishcloth and plucked the neatly typed application from a stack on Mrs. Kent’s desk. “Here is one. Don’t worry, I’ll go deliver the application and tell Lilly about Mrs. Kent’s interview. She’ll be right pleased, I think.”

Following Miriam back into the kitchen, Gretta heaved a sigh of relief. “
Danke
. Now I wonder what I should do?”

“Take a deep breath and roll out the pie dough,” she said with a grin. “You’re going to need all your wits about you from now on.”

Gretta felt like she was in such a fog, she knew Miriam was right. At the moment, she’d most likely forget to put her head on straight.

“You’ve helped me along a time or two. I’ll help you today. Don’t worry so, Gretta. We’ll get through this
together. If it’s God’s will that brought her here to work instead of the many other restaurants in town, we’ll deal with that.”

Gretta murmured, “
Danke
, Miriam. I’ve been running scared here. In fact, I’m so muddled I don’t know what to do or how to act.”

Miriam simply smiled. “Don’t worry so much. You’re a kind person—I’m sure you’ll get along with most anyone. And this Lilly might surprise us, yes?”

“Yes. I need to think as positively as possible. And pray! I’ll take a few moments and say a little prayer.”

“I think that’s exactly what you should be doing.”

As the doors swung shut behind her, Gretta heard Miriam’s usual chatty voice both welcome the ladies and introduce herself to Lilly.

In no time, Lilly was chatting with Miriam and smiling. Just like they were friends.

Gretta closed her eyes and reached out for the one who always was looking out for her.
Dear Lord, please be with me today. I know you have a plan for me and for Josh, and for this Lilly Allen, too, I suppose.

If you wouldn’t mind, though…could all our plans work together? That would make me so happy, indeed.

Feeling better, she finished rolling dough, then got to work chopping pecans for a batch of pecan sandies. As she methodically crunched up pecans by putting them in a bag and rapping them lightly with a rolling pin, Mrs. Kent came in, said hello, then walked out to greet Lilly.

Miriam stayed in the dining area, though whether it
was to refresh the table of women’s coffee or eavesdrop was hard to know.

After a time, Miriam finally returned to the kitchen, an empty plate in her hands and a satisfied expression on her lips. “Well, that’s done.”

Gretta hurried to her side. “What is?”

“Mrs. Kent hired her right away. Lilly Allen will begin to work with us tomorrow.”

Her stomach somersaulted. She’d hoped to have a few days to get used to the idea of working with Lilly at the very least. “That seems mighty sudden.”

“Why? We need the help.”

“Doesn’t Mrs. Kent want to think about things for a bit?”

“No need. You were right, Gretta. I’m ashamed of the terrible things I was thinking. That Lilly Allen is a nice girl, and real easy to get along with, too. What’s more, she talks as if she’s a hard worker, which we all will appreciate. I like her.”

“Oh.”

“I know you aren’t sure how Joshua feels about her, but that hardly matters, right?”

Gretta wasn’t sure what in particular Miriam was referring to. Was she speaking of how things weren’t too good between herself and Joshua? Or of how Lilly was English, and therefore not much of a rival anyway?

Or was she merely thinking of only work? One didn’t need to be best friends with a person in order to work well by their side.

“I suppose it doesn’t matter after all,” she said.

She was about to expand upon that when Mrs. Kent came bustling back in.

“Girls, we are destined to have a very busy week. That’s what my meeting was about this morning. I met with a representative of a women’s group in Toledo. They’re going to be touring the area and want to have lunch here on Wednesday.”

Miriam’s eyes lit up. “How many women?”

“Sixty-five.”

“Oh my.”

“Oh my, is right.” Already calculating everything in her head, she turned to Gretta. “I need you to make four shoofly pies and several batches of dinner rolls.”

“I’ll start on that now.”

“Miriam, I’m going to let you work in the dining area with Lilly. Lilly’s done some waitressing before so she should be up to speed in no time. Already I think the two of you will get along just fine.”

“I think we will, too,” Miriam replied in her usual excited way.

Though Gretta felt that there really wasn’t that much to be excited about.

Looking at them both, Mrs. Kent continued. “Now, one more thing. I promised a church group that we’d provide some box lunches for them tomorrow, so we need to prepare those.” She pulled out a list. “You two divide up the chores as you see fit. I need to go run to the Grabers’ store for supplies, then I’ll be right back.”

And with that, she rushed out again.

Gretta couldn’t help but feel a little stung. She knew
why Mrs. Kent had asked her to bake the pies. She was a very good pie baker.

But she also felt that Mrs. Kent also knew she wasn’t near so good with the English as Miriam was. She simply wasn’t all that chatty and upbeat.

But perhaps she could make herself be more outgoing. People were reaching out to her lately. At least Roland was. It was time to stop hiding behind her shyness and reach out to them, too.

She’d just make sure she did some reaching out to the Lord while she was at it. She had a feeling she was going to need His help as much as possible.

When Joshua drove his buggy home from a long day of work at the store, he spied Lilly waiting for him on the other side of the hedge. After getting Rex, their second buggy horse, settled in his stall, he wandered out to see his new neighbor. “What are you doing out here?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh.” Well, if she simply wanted to stand around in the cold, he had nothing to say about that.

“I mean, I’ve been waiting for you to come home.”

“Why?”

“I have news. I got a job today.”

“Why, that’s mighty nice. Where will you be working?”

“At the Sugarcreek Inn.”

He almost choked. “The Surgarcreek Inn?” Out of all the places in the town, she’d picked the one spot where
Gretta worked? Well, perhaps the girls wouldn’t talk too much. Or at least talk about him.

Yes, surely his name wouldn’t even be brought up! They most likely had many other things to discuss.

But his hopes were not to be.

Weaving her way through the snaggle of trees and branches, she broke through to his driveway. “I met a friend of yours, by the way.”

“Yes?”

Looking at him strangely, she said, “Gretta.”

He played dumb. “Gretta who?”

“I don’t know her last name, and I don’t need to know it now, anyway. Isn’t she your Gretta, the Gretta you mentioned on our walk?”

“She’s not mine.” Not any longer. It didn’t help that he’d firmly pushed her away.

“But she’s the girl you spoke of, right?”

“Yes. She is.”

“Well, she’s really pretty. And nice, too. Plus, Mrs. Kent says she can bake like a dream. I tasted a piece of her coconut cream pie today and it was fantastic.”

“She does make a good pie.”

“And?”

“And, she is all those things. Gretta Hershberger is a right wonderful girl…” Inside, his mind was racing. What had Gretta thought when she met Lilly? What had Lilly thought when she’d realized that Gretta was the one he’d been courting? He could only imagine the things that had come up in their conversation.

Lilly didn’t seem to notice that his voice had trailed
off. “Anyway, I can’t tell you how excited I am to have a job. I’ve been going crazy, staying home all day and doing my classes online.”

“When will you start?”

“Tomorrow. Isn’t that something? Nothing like being thrown into the thick of things. Mrs. Kent said that there’s some women’s group coming to town from Toledo and they’re going to need all the help they can get.” She patted her pocket. “I might even make some good money in tips.”

“I hope you will do well.” Josh meant that sincerely. He hoped she liked working at the restaurant and enjoyed Mrs. Kent. However, he also really hoped she and Gretta were so busy that they wouldn’t have an extra moment to spare.

“I hope so, too. I mean, I’ll do my best.”

She still stood there, looking at him expectantly. It suddenly occurred to him that she was lonely. Unlike the day they’d walked to the river, the clouds were out in abundance today, covering up any chance to feel warm rays of sun.

The cloudy day, combined with the bursts of wind, were enough to chase anyone from standing outside. “Lilly, would you like to come into our house for a bit? It’s getting too cold out here just to stand and talk, don’tcha think?”

“You wouldn’t mind? It’s not against the rules or anything?”

“I’m not sure what rules you mean.”

“You know…Amish rules. My parents said you all have a lot of rules you have to follow.”

“Perhaps we do. We have the
Ordnung
, which is the agreed-upon rules of our community.”

“The
Ordnung
,” she repeated earnestly, like she was preparing for a test.

He chuckled. “Having company over is not against those rules. But I need to warn you. Being in my house might give you a crying headache. We’re a big family of seven children, just to remind you.”

“I don’t mind a full house at all. Not even a busy three-year-old. I like kids.”

“If you like
kinner
, then you’ll be happy inside. Come in, yes?”

“Yes. If you don’t think anyone would mind.”

“If I thought someone would mind, I wouldn’t have asked you in.”

She chuckled. “I tell you, Joshua, sometimes your directness catches me off guard.”

He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He didn’t know how to speak in the English way, of filling his talk with half-truths and white lies.

Seeking to reassure her, he added, “We’ve had English guests over before. Why, we used to have the Wilsons over sometimes. My mamm enjoyed Mrs. Wilson’s company.” Of course, as he said it, he recalled his mother’s warnings about becoming too friendly with Lilly. She hadn’t looked very convinced about his protestations that he and Lilly were simply friends.

But perhaps as soon as she spent some time with Lilly, she’d understand more about their true relationship. “What do you say?”

“I say it is cold out here. If you think it’s okay, I’d love to come over for a visit.”

Then, with a shrug of her shoulders, she began to follow him across the field to his house.

Right outside the front door his little sisters Maggie and Carrie were playing Four Square. The red ball fell to the ground when he and Lilly neared. They scampered toward them like puppies, then skidded to an abrupt stop when he and Lilly came closer.

He performed the introductions as casually as possible. “This is our neighbor Lilly. Remember we talked about her family?”

Seven-year-old Carrie solemnly nodded. “You’re English.”

Lilly smiled. “Yes, I am.”

“Why are you here?”

“No reason. I…I just came for a visit.”

That answer was accepted readily enough. “Well, then, welcome, Lilly,” Carrie said, right as little Maggie pulled on Lilly’s sweater and practically screamed,
“Welcome!”

“
Danke
,” she replied with a smile.

“We’re going inside now,” he told the girls. “It’s too cold for us.”

“We’re playing tag!”

“I hope you catch each other good and well,” he teased
with a laugh before holding the door open for Lilly. “Something hot sounds good, don’t you think?”

She nodded, then followed his example and took off her coat and hung it on a peg near his. Joshua couldn’t help but notice how out of place her fuzzy jacket looked next to his family’s dark-colored coats and capes.

Next, he led her into the kitchen where his mother and Anson were working on Anson’s math problems.

They looked up in surprise when Lilly entered the room.

Anson recovered first. “Hi, Lilly.”

With a grateful smile, Lilly replied. “Hi, Anson. I sure am glad your arm is feeling better. Hello, Mrs. Graber.”

Joshua watched his mother get to her feet. “Hello, Lilly Allen. What brings you here?”

“Nothing. I just happened to see Josh outside and we started talking.”

His mother crossed her arms over her chest. “Yes?”

“And…well…I…” Lilly’s eyes went wide as she turned to him for help.

Joshua knew his cheeks were stained with embarrassment. Never before had he seen his mother behave so rudely. “I asked her over, Mamm.”

“Why?”

“No reason. Just to talk.”

Once again, she looked Lilly over from head to toe, just as if Lilly had been covered with a contagious rash. She frowned. And to his surprise, didn’t say another word.

Lilly took a step back and looked toward the door.

Joshua put a stop to that. “Please sit down. So, does hot cocoa still sound good? Or would you prefer coffee or tea?”

She shook her head no just as Anson’s eyes lit up. “I would! I’d like some hot cocoa.”

When Lilly slowly took a chair, his mother stared at their guest a moment longer, then pulled out a pan from one of the many carefully stained oak cabinets. “I will make everyone some hot cocoa.”

“That sounds mighty good, Mamm,” Joshua said, hoping his mother would take his full meaning to heart. He was thankful for the drink and for her kindness to Lilly.
“Danke.”

“Yes, thank you,” Lilly said quietly.

Though it was probably the last thing he wanted to talk about, Joshua said, “Lilly was just telling me that she took a job at the Sugarcreek Inn today. As a waitress.”

“But that’s where Gretta works,” his mother said, just as his sister Judith entered the room and stared at Lilly, too.

When Lilly seemed frozen, Joshua gave her a gentle nudge. “Tell everyone about the job.”

“It’s…it’s just a waitressing job,” she managed to say. “I’ve waitressed before so I think I’ll be good at it. I like helping people and being busy.” Without hardly stopping for breath, she continued on. “I met Gretta, too. She seems real nice.”

Slowly, his mother poured some cocoa and sugar into
the hot milk in the pan and gently stirred. “So, will you be working at the restaurant a lot? With Gretta?”

“I’m going to try to. I’m hoping to make some money and meet some more people.”

After a moment, his mother said, “I imagine it would be terribly hard to meet new people at your age.”

“It has been. I’m being homeschooled now, so there’s not an easy way of meeting other teens.”

Judith entered the conversation. “There’s a big high school in town. Why are you going to school at home?”

“Well…it’s a personal reason,” Lilly replied. Joshua noticed her voice had become awfully quiet. “My parents thought it would be better that way.”

In no time at all, his mamm poured five mugs of hot chocolate, then carefully added a large homemade marshmallow to the center of each mug.

Anson hopped up out of his chair and helped her carry the mugs over.

After taking a small sip from her mug, his mom examined Lilly again. “So why is it that you are going to school at home? I’m afraid I didn’t hear the reason.”

Joshua groaned. “She didn’t tell us, Mamm.”

As strict as a schoolmarm, his mother stared at Lilly. “But is there a reason?”

Lilly sipped her hot drink then slowly put it down in front of her. “Actually. There is.”

They all waited. Well, all except for Anson, who was pretty much concentrating on his hot cocoa.

After another few seconds passed, Judith came to the
rescue. “It’s none of our business, Lilly. You don’t have to tell us a thing.”

“No, actually, I think it might be good for me to share this. It’s been weighing on my mind. See…I—” She stopped.

His mother frowned. “Is it because you want to be near Joshua?”

Lilly looked shocked. “Oh, no! Not at all. Josh is a nice friend and all, but being homeschooled and taking the job at the inn has nothing to do with him. It’s because…” her voice drifted off as her cheeks bloomed. Then, pushing her mug to one side, she lifted her chin. “It’s because I’m pregnant.”

Stunned silence met her news.

“You’re what?” his mother asked.

Lilly’s face turned bright red. “I mean, I’m going to have a baby. In six months.”

Anson’s mug clattered to the table. His mother’s eyebrows shot to her hairline. Judith looked as if she’d turned to stone.

And Joshua felt ill. Lilly was with child? And she’d kept the news from him, even though she’d talked about how nice it was to have a true friend?

She’d kept her secret while he’d told her all about Gretta and his conflicting feelings for her?

He now felt ashamed and embarrassed and more than a bit resentful.

Why, oh why had he asked her to come inside?