The Everything Orgasm Book (23 page)

There are many more ways to give and receive oral pleasure. If you feel adventuresome and are ready to explore new territory, read on. Whether you get really turned on using your mouth on your lover's body or you just love what it does for her, the following variations offer some interesting new routes to orgasm.

Giving and receiving oral pleasure simultaneously, often referred to as the 69 position, is another way to enjoy oral sex. To try it, have your lover lie on his back with his knees up or down. Then, facing his feet, crouch down on all fours over your lover's head and lower your genitals to your lover's mouth. At the same time lower your face to your lover's genitals. You may find that giving and receiving simultaneously is a highly erotic way to build excitement between you and your lover. You can also try a variant of this position where you and your partner both lie on your sides.

Oral-anal stimulation, also called analingus or “rimming,” involves using your tongue or mouth to stimulate your lover's anus. While this is certainly not for everyone, the tissue of the anus is full of nerves and therefore very sensitive. Thus, analingus may be highly erotic for many people.

If you would like to try it, be sure to take note of health precautions. At the very least, make sure that your lover has thoroughly washed his anus and that there is no fecal matter present before you use your lips or tongue on him. To be extra safe, use plastic wrap, a dental dam, or a ripped up condom between his anus and your mouth. This will help protect you from the various diseases you could possibly contract.

Once you have taken all adequate precautions, you can explore the tissue of your lover's anus with your tongue and mouth. Try encircling the rim of the anus with your tongue, licking side to side and even penetrating the anus as much as he likes and as much as you feel comfortable doing. You can also stimulate the area just between the anus and the genitals, called the perineum, which is also full of nerves and therefore very sensitive.

Your lover's genitals are not the only parts of her body that are capable of deriving erotic pleasure from your mouth. See what other parts might be responsive. Take a tour of your lover's whole body with your lips, tongue, teeth, and open mouth. Lick, suck, nibble, bite, and blow your way around her magnificent landscape. See the different responses you get from the toes and fingers, ears, neck, nipples, and navel.

One way to get creative and have a little more fun with oral sex is to add some delicious flavors or treats. Stimulating your taste buds can make your sexual experience even more sensual. One option is to purchase flavored lubricants or condoms. Or you can try kissing and passing candy, mints, or gum back and forth between your mouths. Another option is to use syrup or liqueurs. Pour them on each other's genitals and lick them off. Try smearing food on each other's erogenous zones and then devour each other. Certain flavors like mint or cinnamon can add a tingly sensation — especially noticeable on the genitals — that your lover may really get into.

Yet another way to get creative is to play with the temperature and sensation. Try using an ice cube in your mouth as you give oral pleasure to your lover's genitals or other erogenous zones. Sometimes cooling things down can really heat things up! Or warm your mouth with some hot water or tea before performing cunnilingus or fellatio. See how the extra heat adds to your partner's pleasure.

T
here is nothing quite like the powerful sensation of penetrating or being penetrated. For most people, this is the pinnacle of excitement and sexual expression with a lover, and what many people consider as the most intimate you can be with another person. The path to orgasm through penetration is therefore often given the most recognition and status of all the sexual behaviors. Regardless of how penetration currently ranks in your book, this route offers tremendous possibility to deepen your experience of orgasm and take your pleasure to new heights.

Penetration feels good, but it could be said that the urge to penetrate or be penetrated stems from the desire to energetically merge with another. Many people feel penetration gives you a sense of closeness that you don't get from other sex acts, which can emotionally intensify the experience of orgasm. And, of course, being penetrated allows for certain internal parts that would otherwise go untouched to be stimulated, creating what many consider to be a much fuller, richer, and more satisfying physical experience. For many men, the act of penetration is the preferred route to orgasm. Women, on the other hand, are not as inclined to orgasm through penetration alone, and therefore penetration ranks lower for many women as a preferred path to orgasm. However, women who manage to receive clitoral stimulation and thus achieve orgasm during penetration rate their experience of penetration much higher.

Penetrating and being penetrated can happen in a variety of ways, with a variety of implements. In this day and age, you can't just assume that when someone refers to penetration, they are referring to penis-vagina intercourse. There are many ways in which people like to penetrate and be penetrated, and some relationships allow for certain kinds of penetration and not others. Two men together naturally can't have vaginal intercourse, but they can have anal intercourse or anal penetration with an object. Two women can't have penis-vagina intercourse, but they can engage in intercourse with a dildo or penetration with an object. If a man wants to receive anal penetration from his female lover, she can use a strap-on dildo to penetrate him anally — this is known as “pegging.” A couple in which the man has difficulty with an erection may choose to use an object for penetration. These are just a few scenarios that call for varied forms of penetration.

Vaginal Penetration

Vaginal penetration can happen in several ways — with a penis, with the use of another body part, or with the use of an object. While all of these involve stimulating the vagina, each has the potential to create very unique sensations and overall experiences. In general, women who like penetration like the feeling of having their vaginas filled. They like the pressure that is created from having something inside of them. A woman's preferred kind of vaginal penetration could be based on a variety of factors, including past experiences, relationship choices, and her body's response to the sensations created by the different forms of penetration.

Intercourse can refer to penetration of the vagina with a penis or with a strap-on dildo. Penis-vagina intercourse requires, of course, a biological man and a biological woman. It is the only procreative sex and what many people think of when they hear the word “sex.” However, it is more than just a path to procreation, and it is only one of many paths to orgasm. For many, penis-vagina intercourse is truly the primary route to ecstasy. With penis-vagina intercourse, both parties are simultaneously genitally stimulated, and the pleasure is shared, which has certain advantages and disadvantages.

Using a body part, such as fingers, known as “digital penetration,” or a whole hand, known as “fisting,” to penetrate the vagina, is another option. Some women prefer the use of fingers to stimulate the inside of their vagina because of the dexterity of fingers and their ability to focus or direct their stimulation on the G-spot in just the right way. Using the whole hand can give a woman a sense of really being filled vaginally, which is highly erotic and pleasurable for some women. When your lover is using her fingers or hand to penetrate you, the primary focus is your pleasure, which can render some amazing orgasms.

Some women find the use of objects, such as dildos, to be just the right thing to penetrate them. There are many objects that can provide wonderful stimulation for the vagina, which will be discussed in depth in Chapter 12. Again, when using an object for penetration, the focus is all on the recipient's pleasure, giving her a feeling of being catered to or pampered.

Anal Penetration

Anal penetration, like vaginal penetration, can happen in several ways — with a penis, other body parts such as fingers or the whole hand, or with an object such as a butt plug or dildo. More and more people are discovering the pleasures of anal penetration and intercourse. Once a highly taboo sexual activity, anal stimulation is now becoming more accepted and mainstream. While it is still an activity that makes a lot of people squirm with discomfort, many bolditalic and curious pioneers are setting out to discover this new frontier of pleasure for themselves.

For some people, anal sex is erotic partially because of its taboo status, but for others it is erotic solely because of the sensations that are created when the anus is stimulated. The anus has many nerve endings that can create tremendous arousal when stimulated. For men, anal sex stimulates the prostate gland, or the P-spot, which is the male version of the G-spot.

The main things to keep in mind with any kind of anal play are adequate lubrication and relaxation of the anal sphincter muscle. You will need a tremendous amount of lube when engaging in anal intercourse or penetration. This is because the rectum and anus do not have any natural lubrication, and the tissue is very sensitive and vulnerable to tearing and soreness. Also, because the anal sphincter muscle is very strong, you will need to spend a fair amount of time focusing on relaxing it. This can take a fair amount of patience.

Because of the inherent vulnerability of being penetrated, the one who is being penetrated is ultimately in charge. In other words, you take responsibility for what feels good to you, and communicate with your lover how to direct the penetration so that it adds to your pleasure and arousal and does not cause any discomfort or pain. This is particularly important to remember when engaging in forms of penetration that involve a penis. That is because the person penetrating is also being genitally stimulated, and may therefore be distracted by, and focusing on, his own pleasure so much so that he loses his awareness of your experience.

In nearly every position with any kind of penetration, it is possible for either or both partners to be the active one, although it is typically the person who is providing the penetration. Being the active partner requires more work, but it has the benefit of allowing you to be in control of the movement in a way that satisfies you. You can give yourself the angle and the depth of penetration that feels good to you. Because one needs to be fairly relaxed in order to open and receive penetration, it is usually the recipient of penetration who is the passive partner. But some people like to be active as they are being penetrated, at least some of the time. Regardless of what your preference is for being active or passive during penetration, there are benefits to sharing that role. You can give the active partner a break and you can also demonstrate how you like penetration, showing your partner what feels good to you.

The most important question to ask before engaging in penetration each and every time is whether or not each person is ready. Penetration is a particularly vulnerable act, and it is thus very important to take extra precaution in making sure you are both in the right place for it. There are both physiological and psychological factors that play into being ready for penetration. Overlooking any of these factors could be detrimental to yourself or your relationship with your lover. Knowing how to assess your own readiness, as well as your lover's, could help you avoid any potential harm or damage to yourself, your lover, or the relationship. Everyone has her own preconditions for penetration, but here are some likely candidates for conditions that need to be met in order for you to be interested and ready to go.

How you are feeling toward your lover factors into whether you want to engage in penetration with her, as well as the quality of the connection when you do. Generally speaking, it is good if you both feel close and connected, and not angry or resentful. Sometimes couples use sex to feel closer and more connected to each other, and if this works for you — great! But having sex when you are angry or feeling resentful is potentially very harmful to your connection and could taint your feelings pertaining to the act of intercourse for one or both of you.

So many factors can play into whether or not it is a good time to engage in penetration, but the most important are whether there is enough time for it to be satisfying for the both of you, and whether you will be able to be present for the experience. While there is certainly nothing wrong with a “quickie,” you want to be sure that there is sufficient time for everyone who wants an orgasm to have one and that you can both enjoy the encounter. If you need to be somewhere or get some sleep, or if your mind is occupied with all the things you need to get done, then you will probably not be able to show up for the encounter in a way that is mutually satisfying for both of you. You will be better off waiting until the time is right. If the time is always right for intercourse for you and your lover, then you should both count your blessings.

When engaging in anal or vaginal intercourse, it is essential that both parties be adequately turned on in order for the experience to feel good to both of you. There is a particular a danger with intercourse in which the one being penetrated may not be as aroused as the person penetrating. This is something to look out for. If this is a dynamic that pervades in your relationship for any length of time, then your sexual relationship is at risk of coming to a stand-still somewhere in the future. Better tend to it now, before your partner decides she just doesn't like, want, or need penetration, period.