The Everything Orgasm Book (20 page)

There is no right way to stimulate your lover's genitals with your hands. Each person will have her own particular desires and preferences for manual stimulation. But there are some general tips and techniques that work for a lot of men and women. And there are some likely pitfalls to avoid, unless you know your lover doesn't mind.

• Remove any jewelry from your hands that could get in the way, cause discomfort, or irritate your lover's genitals.
  

• Make sure your hands are clean.
  

• Use adequate lubrication at all times, whether you use saliva, oil, or commercial lubricant. Apply it regularly to maintain your lover's preferred balance of glide and friction.
  

• Change strokes occasionally. Mix it up and get creative.
  

• Variety is the spice of life. The element of surprise can help maintain excitement and keep your lover from losing the thread of arousal.
  

• Let yourself get turned on when giving your lover manual stimulation. Your arousal will feed your partner's arousal. If it doesn't distract you too much, you can even pleasure yourself at the same time.
  

• Allow your body to be in physical contact with your lover's. Press parts of your body into her. Let yourself dance as you play with her vulva.
  

• Use erotic talk or fantasy. Talk to your lover and tell her how much you desire her or weave a fantasy that is likely to assist in her arousal.
  

• Kiss your lover's mouth. Your mouth on your lover's can help him surrender even more to the pleasure you are providing.
  

• Stroke other parts of your lover's body with your free hand. Focus on areas you know are hot spots and likely to turn your lover on even more. Stimulating more than one erogenous zone at a time can really build the heat.
  

While manually pleasuring your lover, feel the connection between the two of you. This will greatly enhance the experience for both of you. It should never feel like a chore. Reconnect to the love you have for your partner. From time to time, look your lover in the eyes. Send her your love while witnessing her in her vulnerable state of ecstasy.

Penises like to be touched. They present themselves in a way that let you know that — all out there in the open to be admired and appreciated. Most men have been touching themselves since they were young boys. Your male lover has most likely figured out how to touch himself in a way that feels good to him and brings him to orgasm. But having you take over will undoubtedly be a real treat, and it might be considerably more exciting for him.

The basic hand job involves using your palm and fingers to stroke up and down the shaft of his penis. Use a light or firm grasp, depending on his preference. And use lubrication to keep your hand from chaffing his skin. Start by keeping a steady pace or rhythm, unless he wants you to vary it. Let your stroke simulate what his penis might feel during penetration. Aim for smooth, gliding strokes. The pressure of your grip and the rhythm of the stroking can and should change over the course of your hand job.

There is a lot of room for your own exploration in giving hand jobs. Try the following tips and techniques. Never forget that your lover is ultimately the expert. If it works for him, it's a good technique. If not, try another.

• Begin with feather-light, tickly movements using just the fingertips up and down the shaft of his penis. You can do this before you have applied any oil.
  

• Play with just the head of his penis. It is the most sensitive area. Lightly squeeze the coronal ridge with your fingertips. Circle around it and the frenulum with one finger, using feather-light upward strokes.
  

• If your male lover has some pre-cum secreting from the tip of his penis, you can use that to lubricate and titillate the head of his penis, before adding additional lube.
  

• Avoid the head of his penis for a while, as a way to tease your lover and help build the anticipation.
  

• Alternate hand over hand. Use only downward strokes from the head of his penis to the base. Lift each hand as it finishes its stroke, bringing it back to the head again, without stroking back up the shaft. If you rapidly alternate this stroke with both hands you can give him the sensation of an endless tunnel, or penetrative entry.
  

• Use a corkscrew motion to spiral your stroke down or up his penis.
  

• Use both hands together for stroking. This allows the penis to feel totally engulfed and can also make your man feel really big, so big that you have to use two hands to wrap all the way around him.
  

• Some men like to have their testicles lightly cupped or stimulated during a hand job. See what your man thinks about this.
  

• Use one hand to firmly grasp the base of his penis as the other hand strokes the shaft and the head. This can allow you to stroke very firmly and intensely without him feeling any uncomfortable tugging or pulling.
  

• Find your rhythm with each new stroke, getting into a groove. This will enable him to surrender more fully. Consistency can help establish an erotic trance and get him closer to orgasm.
  

When you are ready to bring your male lover to orgasm, increase the intensity and pace of your strokes. You might increase the pressure too, if that's okay with him. Be consistent with this higher-intensity stroking until he comes.

The head of your lover's penis may become very sensitive upon ejaculation, so ease up a bit as he completes his orgasm. Check with him to see what he prefers. When your lover ejaculates, you may choose to let him come on your hand, some other part of your body, his own body, or on a washcloth or towel. It helps to have a plan for this ahead of time.

After he orgasms, you can help him surrender to the pleasure he is experiencing. Rest one hand lightly over the shaft of his penis and the other over his heart. Just be present with him as he comes back to resting. This is a good time to share with your lover how much you love him or how beautiful he is, or to just enjoy peacefulness together.

The skill of bringing your female lover to orgasm with your hand is likely to be very appreciated. Your fingers may be the most effective way to supply the direct clitoral stimulation many women require to achieve orgasm. Training your fingers exactly how to satisfy your lover, however, usually requires a willingness to both experiment and listen to feedback. Learning how she uses her fingers to masturbate is a good place to start. Unfortunately, not all women are comfortable with self-pleasuring, so she might have as much to learn as she has to teach about how to pleasure her.

You may need to try different things and ask her for feedback. Remember to be prepared for more peaks, plateaus, and dips with your female lover. It can be more of an up and down ride than with a man. There may be multiple starts and stops. Don't get discouraged. The end result will be worth all of the fuss.

Your hand can stimulate her entire vulva, including her labia, clitoris, and the inside of her vagina, if she wants that. Don't limit yourself to just fingering the head of her clitoris. If you remember from the chapter on anatomy, the whole clitoris extends to just underneath the surface of the inner labia, where most of the erectile tissue of the clitoris lies. Stimulating the entire vulva allows for a larger area to become engorged, increasing arousal immensely for the woman, which will ultimately culminate in a richer, fuller, more satisfying orgasm. Here are some more tips and techniques that can help you give your female lover profound erotic pleasure with your hands:

• If your hands are too rough for the delicate tissue of her vulva, use a latex or vinyl glove with some lube.
  

• Be careful with your nails. The tissues of the genitals are very sensitive and can easily be aggravated by long, sharp, or jagged nails.
  

• The inside of your lover's vagina may supply adequate lubrication for a hand job. Dip a finger gently and slowly into the vagina to pull some of that wetness to her vulva. If not, just add some oil or lubricant.
  

• When fingering a woman, you can use the fingers of your free hand to spread open her outer labia, making the inner parts of her vulva more accessible.
  

• When stimulating the vulva, let your fingers glide smoothly over the clitoral hood and down both sides of the inner labia.
  

• Spread your touch around the vulva. Alternate between teasing the vaginal opening with light finger circling and stroking the clitoris.
  

• When stimulating the head and shaft of the clitoris, try different strokes and mix them up. Use just the tip of your forefinger or both your forefinger and middle finger. Use a circular motion or a figure-eight, or rub back and forth over the top of the head and shaft.
  

• You can also try lightly tapping the head and shaft with your fingertip. Or you can use a flickering motion with your finger.
  

• For extra fun and exploration, try gently gripping the shaft of the clitoris between your thumb and forefinger and stroke it up and down as if it was a very small penis. Feel it get harder and more engorged. Alternatively, you can lightly grip the clitoral shaft between your forefinger and middle finger, and twiddle your fingers back and forth.
  

• If and when she is ready to have the inside of her vagina stimulated, you can slide a finger or two inside of her. To start, just let them rest there while you continue to stimulate the rest of her vulva. Then begin to slide them in and out repeatedly. Make sure there is plenty of lubrication so that your fingers glide in smoothly and effortlessly. This is likely to heighten her arousal tremendously.
  

• Once she is really turned on, thrust your fingers along the front wall of the vagina (toward the stomach) where the famous G-spot is located. Try stroking her G-spot with a come-hither motion. She may or may not like this. Be sure to check in with her about where she feels her G-spot and how she likes it touched.