The Everything Orgasm Book (18 page)

Sexy underwear and lingerie are staples in sexy attire. They come in soft and silky fabrics. They can accentuate particular aspects of your form. They may reveal a lot of flesh, and/or teasingly conceal certain body parts. When purchasing these items, make sure that you try them on first. This allows you to gauge how well they fit and whether they feel good on you. You can surprise your lover by secretly wearing lingerie underneath your clothing and then revealing it at some point, perhaps during a strip tease. Or you can both go shopping, trying things on and choosing your selections together.

Using words to get turned on or to turn your lover on is often very fun. Since the brain is ultimately responsible for sexual arousal and orgasm, the use of language to stimulate the brain can be a surprisingly direct route to arousal. There are many ways that you can turn your lover on with words.

Graphic descriptions of how turned on you are and all the things you want to do with your lover can lend your lovemaking an edge of assertiveness, aggressiveness, raunchiness, or bawdiness. This boldness is part of what makes talking dirty so seductive. This is also what can make it embarrassing or scary.

It can be helpful to ask your partner how she feels about graphic language. It can be a relief to know if you have a green light in this department. And it is important to know if there are any limits for either of you. If dirty talk works for both you and your lover, then get creative and have fun with it!

Sending your lover a sexy e-mail, text message, letter, or poem is a great way to express your desire and turn up the heat between the two of you. It can be a wonderful prelude to a date later on that evening or it can be something you do between dates to keep the juices flowing. You may feel bolder and more creative when it comes to expressing your erotic feelings in writing. This is also a great way to set the stage for any fantasies or role-plays that you may want to act out later.

Hearing your lover's voice on the phone can be the ultimate in foreplay. He is so close and yet so far. Because you can't actually touch, phone sex offers a chance to slow the action down. You can really learn to appreciate the power of language when a verbal connection is all you have to work with. If you have to be apart from your lover, phone sex can take the place of being able to connect physically with one another.

When having phone sex with your lover, try closing your eyes. Let yourself feel the desire to be with him in person, or imagine that you are together. Say all the things you want to do and all the ways he turns you on. Feel the sexual tension build. Use that feeling of desire and longing to fuel what you say and how you say it. Sighing and moaning, whispering your desires, and talking dirty are all likely to build the energy between the two of you. Feel free to self-pleasure while you converse.

Erotic touch is any kind of touch that results in sexual arousal. Both men and women respond to erotic touch, but what turns each person on varies. You will have to explore different kinds of touch to see what works for your lover. You can always ask her how she likes to be touched or suggest ways that you would like to touch her and see how she responds. Learning how to skillfully touch your lover in a way that makes her sexually aroused or increases her arousal is a key to being a good lover.

Caressing expresses tenderness and creates a sense of intimacy and safety. Light, gentle stokes of your hand on your partner's body can encourage relaxation and surrender. It can also potentially lead to arousal, given the right circumstances.

There are numerous ways to caress and many parts of the body that like to be caressed. You can use just your fingertips, your whole hand, or the back of your hand. It is nice to combine all of these for variety. Generally, caressing feels best when done with a relaxed hand at a slow pace. Start by caressing the face and neck, the upper chest, shoulders and arms, the back, particularly the small of the back, and possibly the belly. Then, extend your caresses to your partner's erogenous zones and start building the heat.

Pinching and grabbing involve using your fingers or your whole hand to grab onto and squeeze a fleshy part of your partner's body. It expresses passion and desire and can be very effective at helping to build sexual tension. Not everyone likes pinching and grabbing, and it is only appropriate at certain times. It is usually best when there is already a fair amount of arousal built up, or if you are both in a playful mood.

The buttocks, nipples, clitoris, and labia (gently) are particularly responsive to pinching. The erect penis, the arms, the hips, the buttocks, and the breasts are generally responsive to grabbing. As with everything you do with your lover, and especially with rougher erotic behaviors, it is a good idea to check in about the desired quality and quantity.

Teasing touch is another way to create a feeling of yearning and desire. Good teasing is all about finding desire's edge and dancing back and forth across it. There's an art to building the fire in someone, letting it cool a little, and building it again and again and again. It slowly raises the passion to a new plateau.

Teasing may involve touching a little bit and then withdrawing completely or varying the kind of touch or the place you touch. For some people teasing the genitals is a very effective way to build up arousal. This can be done by touching all around the genitals but not on them directly. Another way is to lightly stimulate the genitals at irregular intervals. It can be fun to see how much teasing you can take and how much arousal you can build up with teasing alone.

Spanking can be either light patting or hard smacking on the buttocks. There seems to be a bit of a spanking craze right now. More and more people are getting into this naughty delight. If you have never tried it but think it might work for you, there is no time like the present. Spanking can be done on a clothed or a bare bottom. You can be standing, bending over, or lying down. The skin on the behind is very sensitive and because of the proximity to the genitals, it is particularly erotic. Tension can start to build in the buttocks and the whole pelvic region with the anticipation of each slap. It can be especially effective at building arousal when combined with a fantasy or role-play.

Dancing with a lover is a great way to build up the heat. Dancing puts you into your body and gets your energy moving. Energetic dancing can release endorphins, your body's “feel good” hormones. When you dance, let yourself be inspired and moved by the music in ways that feel really good to you. If you are feeling good in your body, you probably look good to your lover.

There are many ways to bring dancing into your erotic life. In addition to going out and dancing at concerts, clubs, or other venues, you can clear a space in your living room or bedroom for some private dancing action. You can use dirty dancing, erotic dancing, lap dancing, and strip teasing to get the juices flowing.

Dirty dancing is a way to let the sexual energy between you and another person influence how you move together on the floor. Dirty dancing tends to be very focused on the pelvis. It may include a lot of bumping and grinding. Your whole body is usually touching and moving with your partner, enjoying the heat between you. Feel each other's muscles and flesh and try to merge your movements. If you are a woman, you can straddle your lover's leg and feel your clitoris rubbing against it. If you are a man, don't be afraid to have an erection and to let your lover know that you have one. Feeling your lover's genitals rubbing against you while dancing can be a huge turn-on!

Erotic dancing is dance performance that involves posturing and moving your body in seductive ways. You can either do this by yourself to help increase your own arousal, or you can dance with your lover. Erotic dancing can be very arousing to both the performer and the audience. Whether you are a man or a woman, you should consider adding this delightful treat to your erotic repertoire.

The most important elements of erotic dancing are expressing your sexiness and having fun. Erotic dancing is about strutting your stuff. Displaying sexual confidence increases your sexual desirability. Showing your partner that you feel good about what you've got to offer is more important than having the right shape or the right moves. You need to be able to turn off your critical mind and have fun.

Erotic Dancing Techniques

Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, there are some universal techniques that can help make your erotic dancing particularly hot. First of all, dress in a sexy and revealing way. This will get your lover's attention immediately. When it comes to posturing, think suggestive. You want to draw attention to the sexualized parts of your body, like your butt, your chest or breasts, and your pelvis. Slowing your movement down can help build the tension. Crawling on the floor toward your lover like a cat or a wild animal on the prowl can be very sexy. Try snarling and growling like an animal to release more primal passions. Smiling seductively or coyly can also be a real turn on. You can occasionally speed up the movement for added excitement. Try suddenly thrusting your pelvis up and down several times. This may take your lover by surprise and increase the sexual tension.

Masculine Suggestions

If you want to display your masculine strength and power, move in a way that stretches and flexes your muscles a lot. Gyrate and thrust your hips and pelvis. Displaying your ability to move that part of your body will surely get your lover to take notice.

Feminine Suggestions

If you want to display your feminine prowess, try arching your lower back so that your butt sticks out some. Keep your chest and breasts jutting out and your shoulders down and back. And keep at least one leg completely straight when standing. Think of a filly trotting. This posturing puts it all out there on display, in a prideful way. Also, keep your toes pointed. This extension creates tension in the legs that your lover will likely find enticing.