The Everything Orgasm Book (27 page)

Ben-Wa and Duo-Tone Balls
Ben-wa balls are three-quarter-inch marble-sized balls that you insert into your vagina to increase pleasurable sensations or to exercise your pelvic floor muscles. The original ben-wa balls date back to ancient Japan. Today, there is also a new version called duo-tone balls that are a bit larger — one to one-and-a-half inches — and attached to each other with a strong nylon cord, which can be tugged on for added pleasure. The cord also aids removal. Duo-tone balls also differ from ben-wa balls in that they are lighter but have a weighted ball bearing inside each ball that helps to create more sensation.

Both ben-wa and duo-tone balls are best used for pleasure when combined with other forms of stimulation, such as a vibrator or vaginal intercourse. Neither should be used anally. If you are using them to strengthen your PC muscle, just insert them and walk around. Your PC muscle will have to work to hold them in place. However, don't wear ben-wa balls out of the house unless you are prepared for a potentially embarrassing situation. Your PC muscle will inevitably grow weary of holding them in place and you may end up losing them while you are out in public. Duo-tone balls would be safer for this because of their size and weight.

Sex props and accessories are more peripheral sex aids that are used to assist in a variety of sex acts. These may just add variety and spice to your sex life or they may play a more significant role in helping you reach orgasm.

Sex props are objects that support your body as you engage in sex. There are many commercial props available to assist you in a variety of sexual positions. These include ramps, wedges, cubes, balls, and swings designed specifically for sex. These props can help get you get comfortable in just the right position for your favorite sex act. They may also help you discover some new positions. Of course, if you are on a budget, you can always get creative with your own furniture, pillows, and homemade props.

If your juices really get flowing through touch, you might like using different textures to stroke or caress your skin. Some options include feathers, fur, wool mitts, leather, latex, and fabrics such as silk, velvet, satin, and chenille. Take turns with your lover lightly stroking or teasing each other. A blindfold can be used to increase the anticipation, which often adds significantly to arousal.

Some people have a penchant for power play. Is that you? If so, you are in luck when it comes to props and accessories. Power play equipment can assist you in your role-playing sessions. There are blindfolds and gags to keep your lover from being able to see or talk. Nipple clamps can provide constant nipple stimulation for the women or men who fancy that. Restraints, such as ropes or handcuffs, used to keep your lover from using their arms or legs, may be fun to play with. And there are crops, whips, and paddles, used to discipline your lover when he or she has been “naughty.” There are many options in this department for those who choose to explore the dark side.

As use of sex toys has grown more common, it is no wonder that there are now accessories to go with the most popular toys. There are harnesses to hold clitoral vibrators in place. There are strap-on harnesses to attach dildos to your body. And there are suction cups to attach a dildo to a surface. In addition, there are miscellaneous attachments that you can add to vibrators to adapt them to different uses.

Aphrodisiacs are substances believed to increase sexual desire or libido. Although there is no widely accepted scientific proof of the efficacy of aphrodisiacs, many people claim they have a real effect. Some contain certain nutrients that may support the production of sex hormones in the body. Aphrodisiacs come in the form of food, herbs, spices, drugs, or beverages. Here is a list of substances, by no means comprehensive, that are thought by some to have aphrodisiac properties:

• Almonds
  

• Asparagus
  

• Avocado
  

• Bananas
  

• Basil
  

• Cayenne
  

• Cloves
  

• Chocolate
  

• Eggs
  

• Figs
  

• Ginseng
  

• Kava
  

• Kava
  

• Kelp
  

• Maca
  

• Mangoes
  

• Oysters
  

• Pumpkins
  

• Tangerines
  

• Tomatoes
  

• Vanilla
  

Some people use drugs, such as marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, amphetamines, and barbiturates, as aphrodisiacs. While these may reduce or altogether eliminate your sexual inhibitions and/or produce pleasurable sensations that cause you to feel sexually aroused, they may actually decrease sexual response and functioning, particularly with moderate-to-heavy use and long-term use. The use or abuse of these substances can also result in more serious harms and/or dependency. You would be wise to stay clear of using any drug as aphrodisiacs.

The effect of aphrodisiacs may depend on what you believe. The best way to determine whether or not a substance is an aphrodisiac for you is to try it and notice your response. Does the sight, smell, or taste of it turn you on? How do you feel after you partake of it? Scientifically proven or not, if a substance makes you want to have sex, it is deserving of the title
aphrodisiac
, at least on your list. Others will undoubtedly have their own lists.

You may not consider music to be a sex aid, and certainly not all music is capable of inspiring sexual feelings. But some music can, indeed, greatly assist in your arousal and erotic pleasure. Music has the ability to help you get into a flow or a groove that keeps your attention out of your head and into your body.

Different kinds of music work in this way for different people, and at different times. You may like instrumental music without words to help you relax. Or you may want sweet lyrics that connect you to your heart and generate a loving space. You may want something with a strong, rhythmic beat, encouraging you to get your funk on. Or perhaps you like a nice mellow groove that helps you slip into a sensual state of being. Suggestive lyrics or seductive vocals may get you really turned on. Whatever works for you should be duly noted and utilized often to enhance your sexual encounters.

Sexually explicit media is the broad umbrella term for any media that depicts explicit or graphic sexual images or descriptions of sexual acts. It includes all adult books, magazines, videos, and websites, both educational and pornographic. It also includes all erotica. There are many ways to use explicit media in helping to build arousal and achieve orgasm, whether you are alone or with a lover. You may use it simply to jumpstart your arousal, or you may use it all the way through to orgasm. You may use it to get new ideas about what to do with your lover, or to learn some new techniques.

Whatever or however you choose to use sexually explicit media is up to you. The use of sexually explicit material is a completely valid sex aid that you should not feel in any way ashamed for using. It is a completely normal activity, and you are certainly not the only one using it.

Some people like to produce their own sexually explicit media. You may choose photography, videotaping, erotic writing, drawing, or even sculpting. The process of producing your own sexually explicit media with your lover can be very erotic. Afterward, you have a very personalized sex aid for future use when you are alone or even when you are together. Of course, anything you do should be completely consensual, and you should both agree on how the material will be used.

Erotica refers to literature or art referencing sexuality, usually with the intent to incite sexual desire, while still maintaining a sense of artistry. It is a form of sexually explicit media. It differs from pornography in that it makes a significant artistic statement in addition to being sexy. Erotica generally pays more attention to subtle nuance and details. It often involves some element of fantasy, mystery, or intrigue. The focus of erotica tends to be more on plot, sensuality, character, and relationship development, rather than solely on explicit graphic sexual acts. It is also more likely to include foreplay, intimacy, and mutually satisfying experiences than pornography. Women, in particular, are drawn to erotica for these reasons.

Erotica is often overshadowed in accessibility by pornography, but it is available if you look hard enough. It can come in the form of erotic literature, generally fiction. It may be in one of many sub-genres, such as science fiction, fantasy, horror, or romance. There are also erotic films, both current and dating as far back as the silent film era. There are erotica magazines and journals that include erotic news, reviews, art, photography, fiction, poetry, how-to articles and more. And now, you can even find erotic podcasts and erotic blogs on the Internet.

You may choose to use erotica alone or with a lover. It can be excellent material to fuel your arousal for either self-pleasuring or making love to your partner. Erotica has the potential to open up and stimulate your mind erotically in ways that you may not yet have discovered on your own.