Hawk (Stag)
Authors: Ann B Harrison
HAWK
Ann B Harrison
Text Copyright © 2015 Ann B Harrison
All Rights Reserved
“Hawk, is that you?” He turned and watched the petite
blonde he’d been hoping to see sashay toward him along the boardwalk
in her tourist operator’s uniform.
“Cassie. Great to see you.” Geoff Hawkins reached for
her, intent on giving her a hug.
She lifted her hand and slapped him across the face,
hard. “You lousy bastard! How dare you stand me up and never bother to call. I
didn’t know if you were dead or alive or just in someone else’s bed.”
The sting should have shocked Hawk but in truth he was
kind of expecting it. In his job there was always the risk of pissing off some
poor unsuspecting female. No excuses, no goodbyes, and no postcards with a
‘thanks for the great time’.
He’d hoped for more from Cassie. They’d gotten on well
since they were kids. She knew he was in the armed forces—just not what part of
it exactly. Nobody knew that; not even his mother. Still, a slap across the
face wasn’t what he wanted. No. Something a little more welcoming would have
been nice. Not exactly a full-on parade to welcome him home after a long stint
overseas but less palm action would have been preferable. He refused to rub the
spot even though it burned like hell.
“Where were you?” Her eyes misted over and his stomach
clenched.
Not the tears. Please don’t give me the tears. They
always make me feel like a callous bastard. I’m not. Secretive—yes, callous—no.
“I told you
before, I can’t…”
“…tell me or you’ll have to kill me. Right, I got it.”
She wiped a hand over her eyes; half turned away from him and gazed out over
the ocean, the wind softly blowing the hair away from her tear-streaked face.
“So why are you here then? Going to love me and leave me again?”
“You mean you’ll give me a chance?” He watched her
eyes for any sign of impending violence, ready to take a step back or do a tuck
and roll off the pathway.
“Tell me why I should. You promise me the moon, take
me out, wine and dine me and take me to bed, love me like you mean it and then
disappear. I’m not sure I can take any more of that treatment. Why would
anybody in their right mind want crap like that?”
“Can we go somewhere and talk about this, please? I
don’t need to share my secrets with the local tourists or your work
colleagues?” He reached a hand out to her, inviting her to give him the chance.
“I don’t know if I want to go there again.” Cass wiped
a finger under her eyelid, sniffed and looked him directly in the eyes. “You’ll
sweet talk me, and after the last time, I promised myself not to get sucked in.
I want more than a part time, roll-in-roll-out-of-bed boyfriend, Hawk. I want a
man who can commit. That isn’t you, is it?”
He stepped closer, her smell triggering his body to
react as it always did around her. Damned if he hadn’t almost talked himself
into not coming back and trying to make it up to her. When the boss told them
they had Christmas off this year, his well-laid plans to keep his distance had
changed. It was the opportunity he’d looked for. He needed Cass as much as he
needed the adrenaline buzz he got from his job. It was all he could do
not
to
commandeer a chopper out to Fraser Island to see her. Common sense had won out
and he’d shared the ferry trip across to the island resort where she worked
with a load of wide-eyed visitors, dingoes and four wheel drives. “I have
Christmas off this year. Can we spend it together? It might give us a chance to
sort this out once and for all. I don’t want to lose you, Cass. Please say
yes.”
***
The pleading look in his eyes almost did her in. She’d
loved Geoff Hawkins ever since she was paired up with him for a science
experiment in year eight. They’d become best friends and that was enough …
until he’d started dating other girls. She’d been tempted to tell him how she
felt but always chickened out at the last minute. Better to be his friend than
be laughed at when he rejected her. Admittedly she wasn’t anything like the
girls he normally went for. His type had always been the big-breasted,
pouty-lipped airheads who spent more time fluffing up their makeup in front of
the mirror than taking note of what went down in the classroom.
Cass had pined for him when he joined the armed
forces, and waited eagerly for him to come home on leave, desperate to know he
wasn’t a casualty of war. The whole time he was away, she wrote to him,
emailed, and waited for him to return to her safely. She’d pasted all his
letters in a scrapbook she still kept under her mattress to bring out when she
missed him and needed comfort.
Watching him hanging out with other girls almost
killed her. It wasn’t until last year he began to look at her differently. No
longer the little kid he used to tease or treated like a best mate, he watched
her and treated her like a woman, and she’d loved it thinking they were finally
where she wanted to be. They spent time together on the island on her days off,
lying in the white sand, swimming in the island’s many lakes, and lazing about
together. Cass had imagined one thing would lead to another. She was wrong.
He’d gone without a word, not coming back for five weeks. When she’d asked him
about it, he’d shrugged his shoulders and told her that was the way it was. His
work came first and always would.
It was acceptable for a while until she’d wanted more.
Cass wanted him to make love to her, to make her
his
once and for all.
It didn’t take much to convince him after they’d been out dancing one night. A
night of passion, grappling each other like horny school kids, Cass had finally
gotten what she wanted—a night in his bed. He’d made love to her with a passion
she craved more of— like a drug after one hit—but the next day he was gone
again, just like before. Unlike the last time, now she was hopelessly in love
with him. He just didn’t know it yet and she refused to tell him.
Now he wanted her to talk when she knew he would love
and leave her again and again because that was how he rolled.
“Fine, but this is the last time, Hawk. You leave me
without a word and you can go whistle for one of your little groupie
girlfriends to take you back because I won’t.” She poked him in his very broad
hard chest with her finger. “I’ll be done. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, I hear you.”
He grabbed her hand in his, winding their fingers
together and guided her to the little cabin behind the resort where she stayed
during the week she was on roster. Heart pounding in her chest, Cass hurried
with him through the cool leafy pathway. Her little cottage stood at the end of
the staff quarters facing the beach. She scrambled in her back pocket for her
keys, handing them over to Hawk. When they were inside, he slammed the door
closed behind him and pushed her against it.
“I’ve missed you so damned much.”
The dark shadows under his eyes marred his otherwise
good looks giving him a haunted appearance. The uncertainty in his stance
amazed her. This was so out of character with his usual forceful style. Cass
had a fleeting moment of hope before apprehension sunk in again. He rested his
forehead on hers.
“I missed you too. I didn’t know if you were coming
back, Hawk. I can’t live like that anymore, you understand, don’t you?”
He closed his eyes, his mouth pinched in a grim line.
“Yeah, I get it.” Hawk kissed her softly, with such delicate touches she
wondered if she imagined his lips on hers. “We need to talk.” He opened his
eyes, turned away and walked into the room. Over at the window, he leaned
against the frame looking out to sea.
A heavy fear settled in her stomach. “What about?”
He continued to look out the window. “Us. If there is
an ‘us’.”
Cass walked over and sat on the edge of the couch, her
hands gripped together on her knees. “Okay. I’m listening.”
He stretched his neck and raised a hand to rub the
tanned skin above his t-shirt collar. “I want to see where this will go … you
and me.” His eyes were bright clear blue when he turned back to her.
She’d always loved the color but now they were an almost cold, detached hue
that made her wary. “But there have to be rules if we’re together.”
“Rules? Like no dating other people kind of rules?”
“No. I wouldn’t anyway but it’s more than that. It’s
about my job.” Hawk stepped away from the window and pulled out a chair,
flipping it around and lowered onto it so he was sitting with his arms resting
on the back. “I can’t talk about it—what I do—not even to you.”
“Why?” Cass swallowed. Before when he said it was off
limits, she’d thought it was his way of not committing to a relationship. Now
it was sounding like something more sinister.
“What I tell you can’t leave this room, Cass. You
understand that?”
She nodded.
“I work for the government. There are times I have to
leave on short notice and I can’t tell you where I’m going or when I’ll be
back.” He gave a bitter laugh. “It’s not the ideal job for someone who wants a
relationship, is it?”
“So why are you telling me then?” A sense of sadness
washed over her. Just when she thought they stood a chance, he gave her bad
news. Her day couldn’t get much worse.
“Because I want you … I’ve always wanted you.” He
wiped his hand across his face. “Ever since we met, it’s been you. When
all those other girls came onto me, I wanted it to be you chasing me, and you
never did. I figured you weren’t interested in being with me like that. Acting
like my little sister was enough for you. That changed the last time I was
home.”
“Yeah well, what can I say? It’s always been you but
I’m not like the others. I can’t chase guys and throw myself at their feet.
It’s just not my style.”
“And then I had to leave.”
“Yeah, you do that well. So, why are you here now? Are
you serious about a relationship, or is this just another break for you and you
want to kill time?”
“I want you, if you’ll have me. I have two weeks off.
Figured it might be enough time to convince you I’m serious. I need to know
this is what we both want.” He rose to his feet and walked over, stood looking
down on her with such a little-boy-lost look on his face she melted.
“Does that mean I have you all to myself on the island
for two whole weeks? No leaving in the night when I’m sleeping?” She held her
breath.
“Yes, it does.”
Cass jumped up and threw herself into his arms,
squealing with joy.
The look of adoration in her eyes did him in. He was
taking a huge chance trying to see if this relationship would go anywhere. If
they didn’t work out as a couple, it would no doubt impact on his work
performance but it was a chance he had to take. His boss hadn’t liked the idea
of him considering a serious relationship when Hawk put it to him. He preferred
his operatives to be single men but they were all reaching an age when they
wanted more than just their jobs. Bucking the system usually meant you were
posted back to being a soldier, not something he wanted to do. The adrenaline
rush of the job was what got him out of bed every morning. The urgency of slipping
into another country and taking down an ‘unfriendly’ and slipping out again
before anyone found out what had happened—that was the challenge he loved.
The guys were a tight-knit unit and, considering
they’d all worked together so well over the years, the boss had cut them a
break to discuss the possibility of families with them. He was the first to
gain permission and if he stuffed it up they’d all be back to foot soldiers or
destined to stay single, dedicated to their jobs.
If he gave it up to have a life with Cass, he doubted
he would ever settle down to the normal routine of a foot soldier, and they
would both suffer. It was the same for most of the guys in the unit. The job
was their life and the ‘brothers’ were just that— brothers—and they came first.
Unfair as it was to put that on her shoulders, Hawk had to try. His job wasn’t
only important to him but to the freedom of those he fought for.
He gripped her tight in his arms as she covered his
face with kisses. “I take that is a ‘yes’ then?”
She slid down his chest until her feet touched the
floor. “Yes. I missed you, Hawk. Not knowing where you were and what was going
on almost killed me. Thinking I’d been a quick roll in bed was embarrassing
too. I thought we meant more to each other than that.”
“I’m pleased to hear it. I was worried when I was on
the ferry you wouldn’t talk to me. It’s going to happen again though, Cass.
It’s just how it is.”
“Can we talk more about it this week?” She brushed a
bead of sweat from his temple.
“Sure, but don’t be disappointed if there are some
things I can’t talk about. It goes with the job.”
She touched his lips with hers, turning her face to
deepen the kiss. Her hands around the back of his head, Cass brought his head
down to her height and leaned against his broad chest. Her tongue danced with
his, the built up frustration fading away as he ignited her passion with his
touch. Cass pulled away, gazing into his eyes. “I need to call housekeeping and
get some time off. Shouldn’t be a problem, we have plenty of staff on the
island now anyway, and I’m overdue for a break.”
He nodded and watched as she walked over to her
kitchen counter and picked up the phone. “Don’t tell them anything about me.”
“Not a chance. You’re my secret for now.” She spoke
into the phone and within minutes had secured holidays with Hawk. “There,
done.”
“Pack a bag. I want to get you all to myself for
awhile.”
She tilted her head and looked at him. “Where are we
going?”
“I have a house on the other side of the island. It’s
on lease for the season. Just bring casual gear; we won’t be going anywhere
apart from the beach.”
Cass pulled a bag from her wardrobe and hurried to
fill it with shorts and tops, a couple of bathing suits and her bathroom gear.
She zipped it up and grabbed the handle. “I’m ready.”
“Let’s go then.” He took her hand and together they
walked out, shutting the door behind them. He led her down to where he’d parked
his four wheel drive. Hawk threw her bag in the back and held the door open to
help her get in. When she was in her seat, he slammed the door and hurried to
the driver’s side.
Before he started the vehicle, he turned to her.
“Thank you for trusting me. You won’t regret it, Cass. I promise.”
She bit her lip, and he wondered if she was thinking
the same thing. Cass gripped the edge of the seat when he rolled the vehicle
down the back the sandy track and onto the beach. She brushed her hair back and
turned her face to the ocean. The salty breeze rolled through the open windows
and the smell of fresh seaweed filled the vehicle. The smell always reminded
him of growing up fishing in the surf with his mates. The carefree holidays of
his childhood were always spent on the island, one of his favorite places on
earth. Now he had two weeks there to talk Cass into taking a chance on him.
If the roles were reversed, he would decline the
offer. Not knowing when your partner would leave could kill a normal person.
Setting the table for dinner and serving food only to be left sitting alone
when the call came in would upset even the strongest person. The boss had run
it all past them, scenarios he himself had encountered with his own family, now
living apart after too many years of disturbed holidays, missed school plays
and being pulled out of bed while making love to his wife.
Hawk was convinced he could do it, make it work with
Cass. She had her career and he had his. There had to be a way.
“Look, dolphins.” She pointed out the window and Hawk
slowed the four wheel drive, pulling over to get a better view.
The small pod frolicked in the white caps of the
breaking waves chasing fish, coming closer until it was too shallow for them.
The remaining fish got a short reprieve as the dolphins headed back to deeper
water. Cass sighed. “This is just perfect. Thank you for coming back.”