The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover (15 page)

To give a basic foot massage, use your thumbs on the sole of your lover's foot. Massage gently at first, covering the entire bottom of the foot, as well as the toes. Eventually, increase the pressure so you are massaging quite firmly. Also massage the areas around the ankle and between the toes. Your lover can give you verbal feedback and let you know what feels good.

As you massage your lover's feet, feel the rest of his or her body. Look at how your lover moves in response to your ministra• tions. Feel the texture, rhythm, and depth of your lover's breath. Can you slowly coax your lover toward an orgasm simply by mas• saging his or her feet? Can you at least turn your lover on so much that he or she begins to quiver and beg for deep loving? Your lover can also do the same for you by massaging your feet.

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The feet are very sensitive, both as receptors and as transmit• ters. You can use your feet as you would your lips or genitals, to circulate sexual love energy between you and your lover.

Try treating each other's feet as full-fledged sexual organs. Suck the toes, licking in between them. Gently nibble and bite the entire foot. Touch your lover's nipples with your feet. Let your lover masturbate with your foot, touching it to her clitoris or his penis, or perhaps inserting your toes into her vagina or wrapping both of your feet around his erection. You can also actively mas• turbate your partner this way with one or both feet.

Always feel the effects of your foot play. Don't impose some weird sexual play on your lover just because you think it's a neat idea. The feet can be fully incorporated into your sexual play, but only if you remain sensitive to the effects on you and your lover. The point is to open the energy flow in the body, from the tips of the toes all the way to the top of the head. Even during normal genital intercourse, your feet should feel alive, flexing and relax• ing, occasionally transmitting love to your partner directly, feet to feet.

Only when the whole body is open to the flow of energy can love invade the heart so deeply that sex becomes a means of contemplative bliss. Maintain a fullness of energy and awareness throughout the whole body, from toes to head, at all times during sex. So often, we live from the waist up, or even from the neck up, disregarding our lower body. And yet our lower body connects us to the earth. The energies of life can flow up our body and help us open in communion with the force of love. Make love with your feet and workup from there, until your genitals are conduct• ing energy your belly is full, your heart is wide, and your head is opened like a fully blooming flower.

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The circular flow up your spine and down your front eventu• ally approaches a speed or intensity that begins to feel more like a column of light, a bright and clear central channel of energy and openness. Breathe the energy up the spine and down the front of your body through your internal circuitry, until you feel like a hollow bamboo tube of radiance from toes to head. As your breath and energy become more coherent, a motionless vertical intensity shines as clear light infinitely above and infinitely below. As your heart relaxes all bounds, this intensity widens to include all appearance, so that everything seems as it always has, except now you are the intensity of its appearance, a motionless vibrat• ing bliss dancing brightly as all things.

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22 THRUST BOTH

DEEP AND SHALLOW

While making love, it is very important to feel the energetic ef• fects of your genital movement. This is equally true for both men and women, gay and straight. In this section, we will use the ex• ample of a man's genital thrusts with a woman. As always, feel free to experiment, modifying and applying these techniques to other sexual situations.

Any man can pump his penis in a woman's vagina, feel plea• sure, and ejaculate. A superior lover uses his genitals to open the energetic knots that bind his partner's energy and emotion. Then, when her body is wide open, he uses his thrusting to open her heart, to magnify love. It is a subtle matter, involving a wide range of pelvic and genital motion as well as a keen sensitivity to energy flow and the nuances of trust and love.

As a starting point, practice feeling the energetic differences between shallow and deep thrusting. Shallow thrusting means moving the head of your penis from your lover's vaginal opening to about three inches or so inside her vagina. Moving in and out at this shallow depth stimulates the clitoral area as well as her G-spot area. Furthermore, by denying her deep penetration, your shallow thrusting creates a desire in your lover for the energy of deep thrusts.

Deep thrusting means entering your lover as deeply as pos• sible. For most men, this means that the head of the penis thrusts near her cervix. Besides stimulating cervical orgasms, deep thrusts allow your lover to feel profoundly penetrated by your love. This deep penetration of love - physically, emotionally, and

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spiritually - is the essence of the masculine sexual gift. If and when your lover is ready, you can enter her so deeply that she has no choice but to receive you utterly, surrendering and opening without limit as love.

Try different combinations of shallow and deep thrusts while making love. In general, especially near the beginning of a lovemaking occasion, shallow thrusts should outnumber deep thrusts. A good rule to follow while you are developing sensitivity is to use about nine shallow thrusts followed by one deep thrust. Once you can actually feel the currents of energy flowing between you and your partner, frequency and depth of thrusting become obvi• ous and spontaneous matters.

While you are thrusting shallow, feel as if you are priming your lover's pump. Her desire to receive you deeply increases as she is stimulated superficially but denied deep penetration. Like• wise, you may build up a desire to plunge in as deeply as possible and really pierce your woman to her core. By not succumbing immediately to these desires, you create an energetic vacuum that begins to suck you and your partner into the deepest giv• ing possible, beyond what you would otherwise tend to give of yourselves. This combination of many shallow and a few deep thrusts also creates a physical vacuum inside your lover's vagina, producing a unique sensation alternating between suction or yearning (during shallow thrusts) and fullness or merger (during deep thrusts).

During the deep thrusts, visualize or feel your penis extend• ing far beyond its actual physical length. As you enter deeply into your lover, it is as if the energy of your penis extends through her cervix, through her womb, up through her heart, and perhaps even up through the top of her head. Hold yourself deeply within

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her, feeling her loving reception of your love, while you remain motionless, yielding your sense of separation, giving yourself completely to your lover and through her, so that you are gone in the giving.

Your giving of love and penetration of her heart may become so complete that no sense of separation remains, for you or her. Feeling her completely, you are willingly giving yourself in love. You are pervading her body with your consciousness and energy, feeling through her, taking her beyond herself as both of you are undone in love.

When you enter her with your unrelentingly deep yet totally trustable force of love, she can practice surrendering fully - phys• ically emotionally, and spiritually. Her vagina opens in pleasure. Her heart widens in love. Her love-bliss unfolds in response to your conscious entrance into her deepest, most hidden cham• bers of love. To open so completely she must feel the
trustable
force of your body, your love, and your consciousness. She must be
tenderly
and
deeply
penetrated by all three of your masculine sexual gifts - penis, heart, and consciousness - before she will fully reciprocate and offer you her most profound devotion and surrender.

As you practice over time, she will feel the strength, care, and persistence of your love as you yield your separate sense of self and enter her deepest parts in physical, emotional, and spiritual unity. She can open her vagina, heart, and soul with complete abandon, receiving the obliterating depth of your loving, and both of you will be blissfully vanished in sexual self-yielding.

In addition to helping you and your partner open in love, an assortment of thrusts can help magnify and circulate the sexual energy flowing between you. A variety of thrusts may include

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shallow and deep thrusts, but also churning, twisting, rotating, and vibrating styles of thrusting, as well as thrusts directed to• ward specific areas of her vagina. For example, following a deep thrust, it is sometimes very useful to vibrate deeply inside your partner, so that your penis is moving back and forth only a frac• tion of an inch, but at a very fast rate.

In order to determine what types of thrusts to use, feel your partner's energy. Is it rising deliciously up her spine, causing her back to arch? Is it descending fully down her front so her vagina is pulsing with power, squeezing, sucking, and churning? Or is there a deficiency of downward energy, robbing her vagina of life so that it feels slack and passive? Is there too much energy stuck in her head, causing her face to be tense and her legs to be empty? Is her pelvis moving smoothly with the flow of energy, or does it seem rigid, ratchety, or stuck? Are her belly and chest tight and resistive, or do they feel soft, open, and receptive, welcoming your body to melt into hers? Use whatever thrusts serve to open your lover more deeply, as well as to stimulate and circulate full life energy throughout her entire body and your own.

To choose the appropriate style of thrusting for the moment, consider your lover's capacity to receive love. If your lover is in a closed mood, feeling hurt and shut down, then you are not likely to elicit a great response from suddenly thrusting deeply within her. Instead, you will need to use only careful, gentle, shallow thrusts, slowly opening her, showing her you are trustable, and coaxing her heart to receive your loving more deeply. Only after a prolonged period of shallow and caring touches of love will she be ready for the full force of your loving, perhaps pressing into her cervical area.

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The important point is not whether you should thrust shal• low or deep, but whether you are skillfully circulating energy and opening yourself and your partner to deeper loving and aware• ness. In the fullness of love, no holds are barred. Until then, make sure your lover really wants you to thrust deeply before you cross any physical or emotional barriers that may not be ready to relax.

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23 CONNECT THE CERVIX AND PENIS

Often, men ejaculate too quickly and women are unable to re• ceive deep love-penetration. Thus, the clitoris has become the focus of some women's sexuality. But for many women, the cer• vix holds a key that unlocks the physical and emotional doors to truly spiritual sexual union.

If a couple's sexual organs are of compatible size, the head of a man's penis, when fully inserted, fits firmly against a woman's cervix. However, vaginas and penises vary in size from person to person, so couples may have less than perfect compatibility between their sex organs. For some couples, the penis might pen• etrate through the cervix into the uterus if the man thrusts hard enough. For other couples, the head of the penis falls short of the cervix no matter what position the couple takes during sex. Careful experimentation will teach most couples how to accom• modate the size and shape of each other's genitals.

Couples often need to experiment with different sexual po• sitions to find the best posture for penis-cervix contact. If the vagina is shorter than the penis, the woman and man may lie belly to belly during sexual intercourse, with the woman keep• ing her legs pressed together. This posture prevents the man from entering too deeply and painfully beyond the woman's cervix. If the vagina is longer than the penis, the woman may need to lie on her back and place her legs on the man's shoul• ders while they are facing each other in order for him to enter deeply enough to contact her cervix. For some couples, the "doggie-style" position, with the woman kneeling and the man

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entering her from behind, is the best position to use for cervical stimulation by the penis.

Pay attention to how you feel when the penis is in contact with the cervix. If the penis is motionless against the cervix for too long, the man may eventually begin to lose his erection and the woman may begin to feel less aroused. This is due not only to the lack of movement, but also to the equilibrating effect of the energy flowing between the cervix and the head of the penis.

Separate the penis and the cervix just a bit and feel the shift in energy. Practice feeling the difference between cervical contact and more shallow genital contact.

Build up a force of sexual energy by using shallow thrust• ing. Take care that the penis does not contact the cervix. When both partners are filled with sexual energy, then slowly but firmly move so that the head of the penis contacts the cervix. At first, do this with your eyes closed so you can more easily feel the ef• fects. Eventually, keep your eyes open, gazing deeply into your partner's eyes.

Either partner can vibrate so the head of the penis and the cervix quiver against each other, increasing the flow of energy between partners. The hot masculine energy from the penis is received through the woman's cervix and moves up the wom• an's spine while her cooling feminine energy is received through the penis and moves up the man's spine. Then, before you feel depleted or bored, separate the penis and the cervix and con• tinue with shallow thrusting, remembering to circulate energy through your complete internal circuitry, up the spine and down the front.

Couples can experiment with different styles of contact be• tween penis and cervix: forceful, gentle, sharp, slow, repeated

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bumping, vibrations, just staying in place, or even penetrat• ing through the cervix. Of course, any kind of cervical contact must be done with great care and sensitivity. At first, the woman should guide the man with her words. Remember that a woman's cervical area often stores the residue of old sexual and emotional traumas and stress, and, therefore, it may be quite painful for her when her cervix is penetrated or even gently touched by the tip of the penis. These old emotional stresses can be released as previously described before couples freely engage the energetic circulation and deep transmission of love through uninhibited penis-cervix union.