The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover (16 page)

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24
VIBRATE QUICKLY TO INCREASE AND SMOOTH OUT ENERGY

Many people limit their sexual motion to a few styles and speeds. Some of the more popular include gentle, fast and furious, ag• gressive, orgasmic, and calm. Although there are infinite numbers of potential motions during sex, one motion bears emphasizing. This is the vibrating motion.

Vibrating does not mean thrusting really fast. It is actually more like a bodily buzzing, like a vibrator. Imagine putting your hand on the hood of your car while the engine is running. This is what it feels like to vibrate during sex.

It takes time to learn how to vibrate your body. It is something like the motion of shivering, though you do it consciously during the heat of sexual embrace. Practice "shivering" with the muscles of your buttocks. This creates a vibrating motion in your pelvis.

This vibrating motion smoothes out your energy and your lover's, magnifying but also dispersing the energy. Rather than a building-up sensation, vibrating serves to enlarge and smooth out sexual energy. Vibrating should be used periodically dur• ing lovemaking, whenever the energy becomes too intense or one-pointed.

If you are a man, practice vibrating your pelvis against, and your penis inside, your lover. Vibrating usually works best when the head of your penis is against your lover's cervical area, but it is also useful when your penis is more shallowly placed, perhaps only a few inches into your lover's vagina.

If you are a woman, practice vibrating your pelvis while your lover is inside you, thus surrounding his penis with vibrations.

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As long as he knows how to circulate his energy, your vibrations will serve to smooth out his energy if he has become too goal-oriented and one-pointed.

Men and women can also vibrate their whole bodies against one another, especially the belly and chest. If you feel that your lover is holding his or her breath or is too tense, simply stop your thrusting motions and lie firmly against your partner, belly to belly. Vibrate your open chest and soft belly against your partner's. Breathe deeply and steadily while you vibrate, never holding your breath. Feel your partner's energy loosen and open with your vibration.

When your partner's body feels soft and relaxed, like love-jelly then you can resume other motions to increase and circulate energy. Throughout your lovemaking, allow your body to remain liquid and pliable, rather than rigid and stiff. Periodically, you can vibrate against your partner - just through your genitals or with your entire body - to help keep both of you soft, alive, and lov• ingly vibrant.

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25 RELAX YOUR

BODY AND BREATH

If you have ever seen a great athlete perform, then you have seen grace in motion. Great athletes remain deeply relaxed, even when they are very active. This combination of relaxed ease and skillful activity is the hallmark of bodily genius. The same quality of graceful fluidity can be found in great musicians, singers, and dancers, as well as basketball, baseball, and football players. Spiri• tually evolved individuals, such as saints and true mystics, often evidence a uniquely graceful economy of movement.

As your practice of enlightened sex develops, your movements become more and more like those of a great athlete, dancer, or saint. Rather than flail like a worm in a frying pan, you move more like the waves rolling across an ocean - powerful, serene, and vast. Your heart opens through your body and beyond, so every movement is generated by the force of love. Your belly and genitals are full of energy, and all action emanates from your en• ergy-full lower belly. Your tempo of thrust and spine undulates with the rhythm of your inhalations and exhalations.

With practice, deep consciousness pervades every stirring of your belly, breath, and heart. It is as if your sexing is the play of ripples on the surface, but the deep ocean currents are its source. The deep of consciousness unfolds through your belly, breath, and heart, and this is enlightened sex: consciousness unfolding through the body as love.

Unless consciousness can pervade your body, love will not prevail. If your body is kinked by tension, the immense force moving through you cannot unfold as love. Rather, it will unfold

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in the shape of your kinks.

If you are afraid of anger, for instance, this fear will be shaped as a kink in your body. As sexual energy becomes magnified, it will echo in the shape of the kink. Your fear of anger will become greater. Your breath will become shallow and your body will tighten. Tension will increase and the flow of love will decrease. Because of energy echoing in the shape of your kink, you may automatically react to your partner's passionate or aggressive ex• pression of lovemaking as if it were an angry violation of your boundaries, even when it is only a playful expression of love.

As we learn to open fully in the play of enlightened sexuality, we must remember to keep the body relaxed, so love can flow fully through all our parts. Tension causes love to kink into fear. Tension obstructs the energy magnified through sex, energy that would otherwise be used for transmitting love to our partner and beyond. The more relaxed our body remains, the more our sexual motions reflect the vast consciousness that is the source of our being. The more fully our breath circulates through our body the more our love can unfold through every gyration and moan.

However, a relaxed body does not mean a limp body. An open body is not a passive body. Consider an athlete or dancer. He or she is very active, full of great force and dynamic energy. And yet, his or her movements are relaxed, at ease, and graceful. Over time, you can develop this capacity during sex, so you are simul• taneously powerful and relaxed.

Pay special attention to keeping your body relaxed as the energy builds during lovemaking. If you notice your forehead crinkling, smooth it out. If you notice your jaw clenching, relax it. If your belly and chest become hardened, allow them to be soft and open. Keep your whole body fluid and alive. Allow your

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energy and power to move through you without clamping down the body.

Allow your power to be wide and round, rather than narrow and one-pointed. If your thrusting becomes rigid and knifelike, round it out into the form of a huge crashing wave. If your shrieks become sharp, open them into full-throated moans. If your limbs go stiff, move them with the slithering power of big snakes. With• out decreasing the force of your energy, allow it to flow like huge water, rather than like a monster robot. Your strength can be that of a waterfall or a giant redwood tree, rather than that of a metal pole or concrete slab. You are alive and filled with energy, not dead and rigid.

Your breath fills your body with life force. Just as blowing into a balloon fills its limp rubbery skin with pressure, or as wind fills the sails of a huge ocean vessel, so your breath fills every inch of your body with energy. Your movements ride on this force of breath.

When you practice enlightened sex, the large movements of your pelvis and spine ride the rhythm of your inhalation and exhalation. And even your smaller movements - kissing your lover's neck, for instance - are done at the right moment of breath in order to transmit the most love. You must feel and learn what the right moment of breath is, and this is done by remaining aware of your breath and the flow of energy dur• ing lovemaking.

Imagine a place about two or three inches below your navel. This is your center of movement. Every movement of yours can feel connected to this place, as if the impulse to move even your fingertips emanated from this area in your lower belly. Move from your lower belly, and allow all motions to unfold as love through your breath.

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If you are spreading your legs wider, for instance, allow this action to originate from your lower belly. Drop your attention and awareness to your belly, to your center of power and move• ment, two or three inches below your navel. Feel this area below your navel. Inhale and feel your belly rising with your breath, pushing outward. Feel your hips and upper thighs separating with this motion.

Widen your legs in synchrony with either your inhalation or your exhalation, whichever feels more open, natural, and easeful. Do the motion itself as an act of transmitting love to your part• ner. As if kissing a child, allow your action to communicate total love. As if massaging a stiff muscle, offer your motion with the conscious intent to open your partner even wider into love.

With practice, your body, breath, and heart will become syn• chronized with your partner's. A coherence will develop between the two of you, magnifying your life force and depth of loving beyond what you could manage alone. As you both relax through your kinks, fears, and resistances, love will pervade you to a pro• found degree, until your bodies become as waves in an immense ocean of love. The power of love will express itself naturally and spontaneously through your relaxed breath and body as the play of your sexing unfolds from greater and greater depths. The grace of your lovemaking may provide an opening through which eter• nity can flood its hello.

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26 MAKE LOVE FOR AT

LEAST FORTY FIVE MINUTES

Sex is enjoyable in various portions. Sometimes you just want a quick dollop of passion during lunch hour. A brief ravishment in the car can move your energies and awaken your hearts for the remain• der of the day. There are many times when a short sexual occasion is just what you and your partner need. However, sexual occasions of long duration can be the mainstay of your sexual practice.

As animals, our bodies are built for sex. Upon stimulation, we get hard and wet and want it more and more. We touch, couple, and gyrate like writhing mammals of love, finally convulsing in an orgasm. Our penis spews seed. Our cervix dimples and sucks sperm toward the waiting egg. This kind of sex is best for making babies. Two minutes or ten minutes, it really doesn't matter too much if our desire is to procreate.

But if our desire is to circulate healing energy through our bodies, loosen the tightened knots around our hearts, and sur• render into open communion as love, then we can practice sex for longer periods of time.

Something happens to the energy of the body after about forty-five minutes of sexual intercourse. Our urgency smoothes out. Our tension eases into an open love. The wrinkles of the day flatten into a calm sea that washes through us in a bigger way than a normal orgasm ever could. For many people, the fullest sexual potential starts after about forty-five minutes of active loving.

For women especially, the sexual occasion is one of gradual heating to the boiling point. Deep cervical orgasms, for instance, typically don't emerge until after forty-five minutes or more of

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sex. And for many men, the urge to ejaculate is strongest after two to ten minutes of sex. If a man can continue making love without ejaculating for forty-five minutes, his body reaches a pla• teau of energy. He can then more easily sustain a high intensity of lovemaking for a long time, enjoying multiple, whole-body or• gasms without ejaculating.

The knots of tension that obstruct energy and block the heart are usually not opened by a short sexual session. These knots of• ten require the steady and persistent circulation of energy that only a longer session affords.

These very knots can sometimes keep us from long and lei• surely sexual practice. Our sexual energy builds in our body as we make love. Then the knots act like dams, blocking our internal energy flow, forcing us to spill out our energy in ejaculations, hoots, hollers, and convulsions of tension and release.

If, instead of overflowing, we steadily practice to open the dams of our tension, then the knots can open. Our deep heart-energy can flow throughout our body. Relaxing as love's bright flow, our body is unbound from the force of fear that tied the knots to begin with.

Every time we experience fear or hurt during the day, we tie our internal knots a little tighter. Unless we are very conscious and learn to breathe and circulate energy throughout the day, we end up accumulating a remarkable storehouse of tension within our body. The stock market takes a plunge, and the fear of loss ties a knot within. Our child is late from school, and fear ties an• other knot around our heart. Our lover threatens to leave - or insists on marriage - and another knot of fear tightens through our gut and chest. Fear - along with the anger, worry and grief that result from fear - is stored in every knot.

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Mediocre lovers find it easier to spurt and shimmy away sexual energy than to open their internal knots, which would allow their energy to circulate in a much more profound and blissful depth. They can't sustain the practice of circulating love's energy through their knots. Why? Because to circulate love's energy, they would have to loosen their knots and, in doing so, release the fear stored within them, which often creates panic, nausea, or even moments of relived trauma. Mediocre lovers are afraid of letting go and
feel• ing.
They are afraid of feeling hurt, rejected, abandoned, taken advantage of, and ripped off; they are even afraid of feeling loved. To circulate energy freely throughout the body and heart requires that we feel, embrace, and open, loving our fears, moment to mo• ment. Surrender is the texture of loving even while afraid.

Long sexual occasions are not simply a means to greater physi• cal pleasure, although certainly the fathomless ecstasies that arise deep into a long session of loving far surpass the surface flash of an early orgasm. Beyond sheer enjoyment, sexual occasions of forty-five minutes or more are often necessary for opening the body and heart to the fullest potential of human love and inti• mate communion. Otherwise, the knots in our body and heart detour our loving into brief excursions of shallow pleasures.

As a practice for a month, try having at least one occasion per week of continuous sexual intercourse that lasts forty-five min• utes or longer. Vary the depth, style, and position of sexing to allow the body to remain relaxed and open. Use the breathing techniques and upward tension of your pelvic floor (discussed earlier and explored fully in Part Four) to circulate the energy and bypass ejaculative or weakening orgasms.