The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover (12 page)

Many women have never experienced cervical orgasms. Those who have, never forget them. Women who have had one or two of these extraordinary, earthshaking sexual revelations often refer to them as "religious experiences."

Other women, who experience them regularly, realize that cervical orgasms are beautiful occurrences of openness and deep

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surrender, but nothing to fret about. With practice, they can be enjoyed as frequently as desired with a trusted partner. Quite a few women, as their practice of surrender deepens, are able to open their hearts and bodies so fully in love that they experience cervical orgasms by themselves, while dancing, singing, or sitting in meditation without any partner at all.

Eventually, the lust for great orgasms begins to shift. Once you have willful access to any particular experience - whether cosmic orgasms, ice cream, or divine visions - you become less needy. You become less obsessed with obtaining the experience. You may still enjoy it, or you may be bored with it, but either way, it's just an experience. It may be a beautiful experience, but it doesn't change your life in any fundamental way. The experi• ence comes and goes, but unless you make use of it properly, you continue on as you were before.

Fundamental change occurs when you grow to a new level of love, bodily fullness, or stability as open awareness. No experience can actually cause such growth, although certain experiences can provide you with a glimpse, an immersion, a reminder. Then it is up to you to
practice
being love, receiving pleasure deeply into your body, offering love's bright and open surrender, over and over again, as you become more stable in feeling and relaxing as your natural, unbounded, deep being.

Becoming obsessed with repeating any experience, such as cer• vical orgasms - or eating, or meditative bliss - tends to degrade you. You become so fixed, narrow, and addicted that you often become less loving in the pursuit of your chosen obsession. So, it is important to remain loose and unfettered in each moment of practice, rather than bound to the goal of achieving a specific ex• perience. Whatever is your present experience, you can recognize

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the spaciousness that allows it to be. You are this spaciousness, this awareness, this luminous and open love.
Deeper love and more spa• cious awareness is the best lesson you can get from any experience.

Cervical orgasm is no exception. It is often one of the most profound physical, emotional, and sometimes even spiritual ex• periences of a woman's life, by which she gauges all future sexual experience. But in itself, it is merely an initiation into an openness that could pervade her everyday life. That is, the cervical orgasm could be used as a way of remembering the possibility of love, fullness, and openness inherent in every moment.

Once you experience a cervical orgasm, you may still enjoy clitoral orgasms, but they don't really compare with the depth and fullness you now know is possible. Even G-spot or vaginal orgasms don't provide the heartrending, body-blissing surrender into unbounded light and fullness afforded by cervical orgasms.

The revelation of a cervical orgasm tends to recontextualize the entire sexual act. Sex is no longer about genital pleasure or even emotional connection with your partner. Enlightened sex is about profound surrender and dissolution in bright oneness. The sexual occasion shifts away from the pointed pursuit of pleasure or even intimacy toward the relaxed practice of bliss• ful openness - ultimately, to the degree of effortless, effulgent, and unbounded love, a love that transfigures the entire body and heart. And this transfiguration affects both partners equally, if they are willing to actively receive such open light deep within their unguarded bodies and hearts.

Cervical orgasms often require forty-five minutes or even an hour of sexual stimulation. Clitoral orgasms and G-spot stimu• lation may be used as a warm-up, but most of the stimulation should occur deep inside the vagina, near the cervix. Some

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women find this area of the vagina either without feeling or painful to the touch. In many cases, this cervical numbness or pain is due to emotional tension, sexual trauma, or years of poor lovemaking technique.

The same methods should be used to relax the cervical area that were described for relaxing the G-spot area. Use very gentle fingertip massage near and around the cervix, and occasionally on the cervical opening itself.

If you are receiving the massage, be sure to give your partner abundant verbal feedback about how to massage you. Sometimes you will want slow and gentle touch; at other times, more firm and thrustlike strokes. Sometimes you won't want to be touched at all. Do your best to breathe through whatever emotional and physical sensations arise during the massage. For instance, if your partner is massaging near your cervix and you suddenly feel intense anger, don't automatically stop the massage. Rather, ex• press your anger - verbally, through gestures and shouting, or by hitting pillows if you feel the need - while continuing to breathe

and feel fully as the massage goes on.

Breath is a key to opening closed vaginal tissue. If you hold your breath while being massaged, you won't be able to release the tension stored in your vagina, nor will you be able to bring fresh energy to numb and deadened areas of your body. Always continue breathing - inhaling down the front of your body, filling your belly and genitals, and exhaling up your spine to com• plete the internal circuit of energy - while your vagina is being massaged (and, whenever it seems appropriate, throughout most sexual occasions).

Your breath may change frequently sometimes being slow and deep, and other times more quick and shallow. But, in general,

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keep your breath full and relaxed, not tense. Allow your belly to rise and fall with your breath. Allow your jaw to be relaxed. Notice if you lock yourself into a repetitive breathing pattern; instead, keep the breath fresh and responsive to your feelings in every moment.

Eventually, your cervix and the surrounding area will become relaxed, responsive, and, in most cases, orgasmic. During sexual intercourse, your partner's penis will need to enter at the right angle, speed, and depth in order to stimulate your cervical area. Since no one position or style works for everyone, you should experiment and find the ways that work best for you. Once your cervical area has been relaxed through massage, then deep, firm, and gentle thrusts of the penis (or a dildo), over a period of forty-five minutes to an hour, will often result in a cervical orgasm.

However, it takes more than mechanical stimulation to enjoy a cervical orgasm. Cervical orgasms are even more dependent on emotional trust than G-spot orgasms. Cervical orgasms are co• incident with your deepest surrender. Yield yourself utterly into love, trusting love without any resistance, actively receiving the invasion of love deeply into your body, giving yourself without restraint to your partner, and, more important, giving yourself without inhibition
as
love. As your body opens in total trust, the force of love moves through you unimpeded. Your emotional surrender opens your body and soul to a huge power of love and life that flows through you and fills you and overflows in orgas• mic plenitude.

It is quite natural to shed tears during and after a cervical or• gasm, even if you don't particularly feel the need to weep. Is it joy? Is it love? The openness sweeps through you and whisks away all mind, leaving only a deep well of expanding fullness. The sense

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of being a separate self is inundated with an indescribably bright oneness, a luminous openness of devotional surrender, as if your only sense of self were infinite love opened outward to receive all, your body widening to include and be filled by the cosmos.

The effects of such an experience can reverberate through you for days. Your body flows with a delicious and powerful force of life. Your heart feels radiantly open, sensitive, and alive. Any sense of lack or emptiness in your life is replaced by the knowl• edge of love, the intuitive certainty of love, the cellular relaxation in love's glow.

In this way, cervical orgasms are baptisms of true surrender. They are bodily reminders of the profundity of your natural openness, if only you would choose to remember love, widen your awareness, relax your body, give yourself completely, and receive the available force of life deeply, down to your toes, with every breath.

To remain this open through the ups and downs of the day takes real practice. It is so easy to close in the face of difficulty, a busy schedule, and unloving relations at work or home. Cervical orgasms provide a deep
yes!
in the midst of all the no's of life. They can help you remember that life is about receiving and giv• ing unbounded love. Anything less than remembering, breathing, and practicing this openness creates numbness and pain - in the vagina, heart, and soul.

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15 CHOOSE WHEN TO ORGASM

She began coming while straddling me. Her body heaved and glistened. I felt her waves of love echo through my body, soothing my masculine go and push, dropping me into the open of love. Then she lay flat on top of me, still coming and coming, her breasts and belly a soft membrane of merger.

I could not believe her beauty. It was not an eye, lip, or curve that carried her beauty so much as the offering of her orgasm itself. Her pleasure was so vulnerable, her love so vast, her trust so graceful, I was overwhelmed. What could I do but yield myself in reverence, belly to belly and thigh to thigh?

My body was made transparent in the power of her love. I felt the hurried nothing of my daily toil thinned by her thick feminine glory. I was disappeared into her, consumed in her large love, only to find myself as ever, love without move or need, pervading her every cell and soul as she surrendered ever more deeply. As I permeated her heart forever, her or• gasm loosed love more loudly, and again, what was left of me was drawn into, through, and beyond the inconceivable beauty of her fearless vulnerability and open love. Her orgasm was a flower, drawing me more deeply into her fragrance, un• til I was gone in shudders and soft petals, rested as the love that is our very color.

Another time, she was coming, yet seemed totally closed off. Her breath was tense, her jaw tight, her brow knitted. She rubbed her nub against me needily, like a bear scratching an itch against the bark of an unwitting tree. Afterward, she

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simply stopped. She was done and tired. No depth had been revealed, no openness unfolded. Her coil unwound against my friction and now it was over. Her heart remained alone as before. And our separateness stung the moment.

Sometimes a woman's orgasm fills her and her lover with en• ergy. At other times, though, a woman's orgasm may deplete and weaken her, just as a man's ejaculative orgasm often does.

With practice, a woman can learn to distinguish, at the onset, orgasms that are going to magnify her energy and open her heart from those that are going to deplete and close her. When she feels an energy-depleting orgasm on the horizon, she can breathe her about-to-orgasm energy throughout her internal circuitry, up her spine and down her front in blessed fullness, bypassing the kind of orgasm that might weaken her.

She can enjoy as many of these energy-magnifying, love-opening orgasms as she likes. These rejuvenating orgasms may be clitoral, vaginal, or cervical - or a combination - varying from woman to woman and moment to moment. In any case, these orgasms of fullness are a tremendous gift to a woman and her lover, sanctifying the couple in an ocean of celestial refreshment while reawakening them as effortless, vast, and original love.

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16 ALLOW ORGASMIC VARIATION

She was washing dishes at the kitchen sink. I walked up and hugged her from behind. She came.

She was sitting on top of me, straddling me, sexing me with dripping fervor, grinding, grinding, grinding, for almost an hour, exhausting me. She never came.

She was just waking from a night's sleep while I gently entered her. Within moments, she had several short, quick orgasms. We continued making love, and twenty minutes later she began a low gurgle of moaning love, coming like huge bubbles rising from a deep lake.

I spanked her once, hard, softly caressed her ass for a while, then spanked her again three times, and she came.

I sucked her breasts for ten minutes and she came.

I planned the evening with her perfectly. Candles. A bath. A long massage. I kissed her body up and down, the way she likes it. I entered her gently at first, and slowly built up the intensity of our loving. I expected her to come in buckets, but she just fell asleep.

We were making love. She wasn't moving at all or making any sounds. Suddenly, she began crying. I asked her why. She said she didn't know why she was crying, but she just had the deepest orgasm of her life. I couldn't tell.

We were kissing, fully clothed, and she came in shivers.

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Some women can have cervical orgasms with a kiss, or with no physical contact at all. Other women experience only clitoral or• gasms, no matter what sexual positions they use or how skillful and loving their partners are. Still other women may never have what they call an orgasm in their whole life, and yet are more sexually fulfilled than some women who have orgasms by the dozen. Many women need slowly increasing stimulation over a long period of time, while others need almost none. There are women who can have an orgasm just by intending it.

Women vary greatly in their orgasmic potential: each woman is different, and the same woman responds differently at different times. There is no single orgasmic response that can be called "healthy" A woman may be multi-orgasmic or non-orgasmic; if she is able to relax and trust her deep heart's wisdom while sur• rendering as radiant and natural openness, then she will be gone in love from toes to nose. Orgasm isn't necessary or even always desirable. But for some people, orgasm can become a matter of great concern.

Some women's bodies and emotions are completely open and full of love, yet they simply aren't the orgasmic type. They enjoy sex immensely and feel deeply fulfilled without orgasms.