The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover (9 page)

In general, the amount of semen you release corresponds to the amount of energy you release. By regulating the size of your ejaculation, you can better balance yourself, releasing only the amount of energy you need to release in order to attain in• ternal equilibrium.

With practice, you will discover that you can explode huge gobs of semen and expend huge energy in doing so. Or you can seep a small sample, a quarter of a teaspoon or less, and not even

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lose your erection. Once a month or so (or whatever you discover to be your optimum frequency), you will be able to ejaculate just the amount you need in order to balance your internal energy.

At first, this control will be deliberate. You will predeter• mine how much you should ejaculate to achieve internal balance without depletion. Eventually, however, your body's inherent intelligence will come to the fore. Without any mental intentionality your body will "know" how much to ejaculate. When you practice relaxing your body and breathing fully as ejaculation ap• proaches, your body's intelligence will automatically determine the correct amount to ejaculate in order to maintain fullness and achieve internal equilibrium.

Your lover can probably feel the energy transmitted by your ejaculation. In fact, your lover may occasionally crave your ejaculation since it transmits a certain quality of energy that non-ejaculatory orgasms don't convey - although non-ejaculatory orgasms trans• mit a quality of energy that is, in general, much more subtle, profound, and powerful than that of ejaculatory orgasms.

If your lover wants to feel the energy transmitted through your ejaculation, the most direct way to receive this energy is through physical and energetic absorption of your semen through the lining of your lover's mouth, anus, or vagina (assum• ing, of course, that you have taken appropriate birth control into account). Even ejaculating onto the skin of your lover's body al• lows for more absorption of energy than if you were to ejaculate onto the bedsheets.

By choosing the amount of each ejaculation wisely, and even• tually letting your body develop the natural intelligence to do so, you will neither deplete yourself through excess release nor suppress your body's natural liberation of surplus sexual energy.

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Your occasional ejaculation can become a way to optimize and balance your energy as well as your partner's.

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9

OPTIMIZE EJACULATIONS TO MAXIMIZE LIFE'S DEPTH

Learn to. become sensitive to the signs of energy in your body and mind. Unless you are ill, of advanced age, or coping with intense stress, you should generally feel replete with energy and yet relaxed. Your breath should be full and deep. Your entire body should feel filled with vital force and ease, especially the major en• ergy centers of your genitals, belly, chest, and head. Impotence, frigidity, promiscuity, lack of motivation, workaholism, ulcers, heartburn, heart disturbances, shallow breath, and headaches can all be signs of blocked energy in these major energy centers.

After you have opened your internal blocks and broken your addiction to frequent ejaculations, your body will discover its own natural equilibrium. If you are ejaculating too frequently, this equilibrium will be disturbed and you will feel tired, weak, depressed, unclear, and unmotivated. A man who ejaculates too frequently often finds himself addicted to stimulants such as cof• fee, cigarettes, or pornography. Even the stress of his career or profession may function something like a stimulant, compensat• ing for his spent internal energy.

A too-frequent ejaculator may find himself unable to muster the energy to meet creative challenges and cut through the ob• structions that arise in a creative life, so he may settle for a rote job, something he can do without really living fully. His financial, cre• ative, and spiritual endeavors may be decent, but they will evidence far less expansiveness than he is truly capable of. If he has depleted his natural energy through excess ejaculation, he may find that all he can do at the end of a day is sit in front of a TV and zone out.

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Alternatively, a man who doesn't ejaculate frequently enough may become overly picky, angry, and obsessed. He may suppress his natural flow of energy in other ways, too, becoming prone to fanaticism or zealotry, righteously devoting himself to a spe• cial diet, religious belief, or social cause. If he builds up internal energy but isn't sensitive enough to know when he needs to ejac• ulate, then he may also be too insensitive to properly circulate his building energy, resulting in "blue balls" or genital discomfort, as well as headaches, backaches, or emotional rigidity.

When you are ejaculating at your proper frequency, your en• ergy is full yet smooth. Your mind is rested and calm, yet alert and responsive. Your creativity flows freely and you are able to meet difficult situations with fresh perspectives and great persistence. Your humor is quick and flexible, neither uptight nor excessively sarcastic. Your body flows with its full natural energy, and thus you tend toward optimum health for your age, constitution, and genetic characteristics.

Most important, you have the energy to grow in awareness. Spiritual growth - the deepening capacity to love through all situations and feel the infinite here and now - depends on hav• ing enough free energy to apply to the spiritual process. If you are squirting out too much energy in ejaculations, you just won't have enough vigor to witness the expanse of the moment; rather, you will get caught in its maze of transient forms. Hours will go by and suddenly you will realize you have been totally lost in a sequence of one detail after another, without even a moment of true humor or profound love to awaken your heart to deep sur• render and clear recognition of natural and open being.

Nothing you do, nothing you
can
do, makes any difference to your deepest being. This moment of experience evaporates

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as quickly as you do it. Your lifetime flies by. In your death, how important will you find the hours you have spent so seriously entangled in dramas of money, sex, family, and knowledge? It will all be gone. Even now, the moments that seemed so impor• tant yesterday or ten years ago - the events that made you cry, scream, laugh, or rejoice - are now barely remembered in the present stream of assumed importance.

And yet, life consists of actions taken in this present moment: earn a living, take out the garbage, diaper your baby, read a book. Spiritual growth involves being able to take these actions - im• peccably - while at the same time feeling through them as they arise in the midst of infinity. Then, you can have humor about your situation. You can live as love. As good or bad as this moment is, you can feel its transience, as well as the depth of primordial awareness in which this moment always abides. This recognition isn't a trick of thought or a philosophy to believe in. It is realized, or not, with your whole being, in the smack of this moment.
Ei• ther you are living as love or you are lost in the drama of your own story to one degree or another.

One of the main effects of too-frequent ejaculations is a very subtle spiritual dullness, in which the scope of your attention be• comes whittled down to the routines of life. This can be very depressing indeed. Being lost in the plot of your life - its actual routines - does not and cannot truly fulfill you. No matter how good your life seems for the moment, you will also feel like you are missing something, unless you are feeling into this moment's true depth.

Excessive ejaculation can dull you to the infinite depth of being in this and every moment. Cut off from your true inspira• tion - the love that is alive at your core - you can forget who you

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really are and get carried along on the river of things that you do. No longer sensitive with each breath to the deep divine, you may mistakenly look for spiritual depth and meaning in the surface ad• venture of your life - religious searches, social activism, family, career, relationships, drugs - rather than relaxing through your autobiographical saga into the ever-present openness of aware• ness and love, into who you really are.

Excessive ejaculation is not the only cause of this dullness, of course; moment-to-moment depth of awareness is easy to lose even under conditions of optimal energy. Sexual misuse of energy is just one important factor that contributes to spiritual dullness.

If you are an excessive ejaculator, you will rarely have the en• ergy it takes to sustain the awareness you need in order to feel into the depth of this present moment and live as love, giving your deepest gifts. Instead, you will feel cut off from the efful• gence of energy that is the nature of being itself, because all you can feel are the tasks in front of you. Since most men these days are excessive ejaculators, weakened and dulled in a subtle way, they are living lives of less depth than they are capable of. Most men can feel the lack in their lives. And they suffer it.

Thus, the best measure for frequency of ejaculation is your depth of awareness, moment to moment. Are you able to love through the events of this moment, feeling into the openness of awareness? Or are you lost in the unending details of the day, riveted to events, defined by the narrow mechanics of your at• tention? The capacity to remain wide in love depends on a subtle recognition of the depth and openness of this moment, which in turn is sustained by practice. You'll have neither the energy nor the attention to give to this practice if you ejaculate too frequent• ly - or if your sexual energy is blocked in other ways.

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In the way of the superior lover, you have sex as often as you like, but you circulate your energy rather than needlessly spend• ing it in excessive ejaculation. You allow your increased energy to loosen your internal blocks by practicing full breathing, loving, and feeling, during sex and throughout the day.

Don't assume that your energy or consciousness is limited. Rather, relax and intentionally open yourself out into the space around you. As if you were pressing love into your lover, practice pressing your consciousness into the room with your breath. Em• brace the events of the moment with your open love. Through the events of this moment, receive energy into your heart as you would receive delight from your lover's body.

Meld through any stress or sense of separation with a heart of trust, moment by moment by moment, so that relaxed and easeful oneness is your constant practice and natural home. Then, when your body needs to, when you can feel that it would be healthy for you - and not simply a spasm of addicted need - then and only then ejaculate, with as much love and open giving as you will allow yourself. In this manner, find the best frequency for your ejaculations, whether once a day or once a year.

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10
EJACULATE WHEN

THE BODY NEEDS TO

Non-ejaculatory, energy-circulating sex recharges your body with life force. Excess ejaculations weaken and deplete you. So, how much is "excessive"? How frequently should you ejaculate? There is no single answer to this question, since many factors influence your natural cycle of ejaculation. Your age, your diet, your life• style, the type of work you do, and even the weather all play an important part in determining how frequently you should engage in ejaculatory rather than non-ejaculatory, sex.

To determine how frequently you should ejaculate, you'll first need to erase the old habit patterns of your body so you can feel its authentic and natural rhythms of energy flow. In other words, you'll need to break your addiction to frequent ejacula• tions before you can trust your body's messages.

To understand this better, let's look for a moment at the com• mon addiction to caffeine. If you have been drinking coffee every day for years and then you suddenly stop, you might experience headaches, tiredness, and discomfort. Your body would seem to be telling you that it's bad to stop drinking coffee. But this would just be your addiction speaking. Your body has become habitu• ated to caffeine, and it takes a while to get beyond this addiction. After about a week, though, your cravings for caffeine will dimin• ish. It is only then, after you have broken your addiction, that you can feel what your body truly needs and therefore determine when to drink coffee and how much is good for you. Otherwise, you will be confused by the false symptoms of craving driven by the momentum of your addiction.

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The same is true for your addiction to ejaculation. You must break your old habits before you can determine your best fre• quency for ejaculation. To break your addiction to ejaculation, you'll first need to practice the techniques of conducting energy through your body up your spine and down your front, as we have discussed. You'll need to practice breathing, relaxing, and loving fully during sex and throughout the day. Otherwise, the tension you develop from a day of partial breathing and constrained lov• ing will want to be released in an ejaculative spasm.

It may take several months of this kind of practice, during sex and throughout the day, before you can easefully bypass ejaculation on a regular basis. Once you reach this capacity, however, your inner energy quotient will increase day by day. Every time you have sex, circulating and magnifying your en• ergy' rather than throwing it off, you will be increasing your internal energy. And even though your internal energy is grow• ing daily, you will be able to remain full and relaxed, breathing energy throughout your complete internal circuitry while prac• ticing love and open awareness.

Age plays a large part in determining the most healthful fre• quency for ejaculation. Teenagers might ejaculate quite frequently without noticing a significant depletion of their overall energy and clarity. A man in his mid-twenties might ejaculate once a week or more and still maintain full energy and clarity. However, by the time a man reaches his late thirties, he will probably find it to his great benefit to ejaculate only about once a month. These are only rough estimations; each man needs to experiment to dis• cover his own natural ejaculatory cycle.

As a man ages, it is natural for his ejaculatory needs to de• cline, and it becomes more and more important for older men to