The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover (10 page)

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retain and magnify their internal energy. A man in his late sixties, for instance, may find it best to avoid ejaculation altogether, or at least ejaculate very infrequently - perhaps three or four times a year - if he wants to maintain optimal health, vigor, mental acuity, and spiritual depth. Every man is unique, however, and so each man must experiment to determine his own best frequency of ejaculation.

Diet and exercise often affect your circulation of internal en• ergy and therefore influence your need to ejaculate. Excess sugar in your diet may make it more difficult to smoothly circulate your internal energy. Excess consumption of salt, eggs, and meat may increase your urge for ejaculation.

On the other hand, some of these same foods can also help re• vitalize you if you find yourself depleted from excess ejaculation. The foods that work best to revitalize you depend on your body type, metabolism, constitution, and everyday diet.

For many people, eggs are a powerful revitalizer after excess ejac• ulation. In fact, eggs are often considered a normal breakfast food among many people who are addicted to frequent ejaculations.

Depending on your regular diet, there are other foods that are effective for rebalancing your system after a period of excess ejaculation. If you eat a vegetarian diet without any meat, eggs, or milk products, then almonds are an excellent post-ejaculative replenisher. If, however, you eat a heavier diet, already rich in eggs and other proteins, then you may need something like a steak to replenish your depleted system.

Just remember that this dietary influence works in reverse, too. In general, the more eggs or meat you eat, the more likely you are to feel you
need
to ejaculate frequently. So, for instance, eating eggs every morning may make you feel the need for

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frequent ejaculation, as well as be an unconscious way to attempt to replenish the lack you've created by excess ejaculation.

Regular physical exercise - especially gentle and conscious exercise like yoga, tai chi, and walking - often helps you to con• duct the energy circulating through your body, making your sexual practices much easier.

Your health and work need to be taken into account when determining how often to ejaculate. You should almost never ejaculate when you are feeling really sick or unusually weak. If your daily work is exceptionally strenuous - or you are simply exhausted at the end of long day - it is usually best not to fur• ther deplete yourself through ejaculation. When you are feeling tired or weakened, it is far better to have sex and circulate your energy without ejaculating in order to magnify your internal en• ergy and strength.

How often you have non-ejaculatory sex also affects your need to ejaculate. For example, if you are enjoying one non-ejac• ulatory orgasm every day, you will naturally build more internal energy - and thus be more able to replenish energy spent in an occasional genital ejaculation - than if you are enjoying only one non-ejaculatory orgasm every month.

Weather plays an important role in determining how often you should ejaculate. In cold weather, your body needs to use more of its internal energy to produce heat, so you should ejac• ulate less frequently in order to conserve and build up internal energy. In hot weather - for instance, when you are on vaca• tion in the tropics - your body doesn't need to use extra energy to heat itself, so your internal energy builds up more readily than in cold climates, and ejaculations will have a less deleteri• ous effect.

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Your body is something like a battery. Its store of energy is drained by too-frequent ejaculation, along with cold weather, ex• cessively strenuous or unenjoyable work, disease, poor diet, and chronic tension. It is recharged with energy through non-ejacula- tive, energy-circulating sex, deep loving, appropriate diet, exercise, engaging in work you enjoy, and full and relaxed breathing.

After you break your old ejaculation habit and learn how to have internal non-ejaculatory orgasms, use the guidelines and effects described here to help you discover how often you truly need an ejaculatory orgasm in order to bring equilibrium and vi• tality to your body, mind, and spirit.

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11 UNDERSTAND THE THREE TYPES

OF WOMEN'S ORGASMS

Whereas most men lose energy when they ejaculate, many women find that when they have orgasms their energy actu• ally increases and flows more freely helping their hearts to open more widely. However, just as men can learn to convert ejaculatory orgasms into internal rejuvenating orgasms, women can learn to bloom their orgasms into deeper and deeper openings of rejuvenating bliss.

To cultivate enlightened sex, it is helpful to know of at least three types of women's orgasms: clitoral, vaginal, and cervical. Most women and men know only of the clitoral orgasm, which is a relatively superficial pleasure, a shard of trembling quickness. Without intimate knowledge of vaginal and cervical orgasms, many women remain unsatisfied, without ever knowing why. This dissatisfaction may extend far beyond the sexual occasion. A woman may feel something missing in her heart. She may feel an emptiness, a yearning that her man doesn't seem able to touch, try though he might.

Without the deeper invasions of vaginal and cervical or• gasms, a woman's body may never feel fully ravished by a man's love penetrating into the heart of her being. She may feel his at• tempts at love. She may feel his care and affection. But her depth awaits the bloom of fullness.

In her unfulfilled longing, a woman may darkly dream of deep penetration by other men, bikers and pirates, horses and fantastic creatures, or perhaps an indefinable force that "fucks" her like no man ever has. And all of this because she has not been

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able to receive her partner's deepest penetration of ravishing love - whether lesbian or heterosexual - in her body and heart with full trust.

For years, a woman may tolerate her lover's ineptitude or her own fear of opening completely Over time, since it's better than nothing, she acquiesces to rote sex. She settles for some lip and tongue between her legs, a penis or dildo entering her for ten minutes of thrust and seizure, her lover's hairy pubic bone perhaps grinding her nub relentlessly. But it is never enough. No matter how many clitoral orgasms she has, as her lover drifts off to sleep she is left deeply untouched. Knowing there is more to sex than this. Yet not knowing how or what to do to get it.

Eventually, she may despair of ever getting it. She may begin to resent men, little men, stupid men. Or she may fault her own poor self, convinced it is she, not her partner, who lacks sexual worth. Either way, bitching about her partner or depressed about her own lack, she shows the symptoms of an unravished feminine essence. Sometimes her sense of unravishment has nothing to do with orgasm. Sometimes it is solely a depth of heart that is missing. But sometimes the body yearns, too, and clitoral orgasms often won't do it. For many women, vaginal and cervical orgasms are the necessary physical door to a more complete emotional and

spiritual reception of love.

Women vary widely in their orgasms. The so-called facts we discuss here - how long an orgasm takes, what it feels like, how it is created - are only very general approximations. Every woman is different. Some women come like rain. Other women never experience what they would call an orgasm and yet are perfectly healthy in body, profoundly open in heart, and deeply fulfilled in intimacy. Not all women need or even want orgasms.

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Furthermore, each woman differs from day to day and mo• ment to moment in her orgasmic responsiveness. Much depends on mood, trust, and the special texture of loving created by the unique chemistry between lovers. Taking these caveats into ac• count - as well as the fact that I am a man and thus in no position to convey the subtleties (or even the not-so-subtleties!) of wom• en's orgasms - please accept the approximations presented here as guidelines for your own exploration.

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12 ENJOY CLITORAL ORGASMS

I lay on the bed while she sat on my belly. She began to move her hips so that her crotch rubbed up and down my torso. She was making love to my belly, humping my abdomen with wet abandon.

Her movements grew faster and faster. As I looked up at her, she was a beautiful sight. Her long hair swung back and forth , sometimes covering her entire face before she flung her head upward to look at the ceiling, groaning and snarl• ing, tossing her mane as if she were savoring the fresh meat before her.

Her breasts swung heavily, almost bursting with the full• ness of sweet love. Occasionally I would sit up and draw her nipples to my lips and teeth before lying down again to take her wildness against me and watch her pleasure grow.

She raised herself on her knees and focused her movements so as to maul her clitoris against the muscles of my belly, again and again, back and forth. Her movements became smaller and more rapid. Her face squinched up, her eyes closed, her breath quickened.

She was coming against me, her body tight, her breath strained and fast. Her throat constrained the whimpers and shrieks that cried to escape. Her eyes closed. Suddenly, her body froze still and taut. No breath.

Then she relaxed in a final curl of short pleasure.

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Clamp down, tense up, hold breath, release. For women, clitoral orgasms are most like male ejaculative orgasms. Since most couples don't make love long enough, with enough emotional trust and spiritual openness, many women end up settling for clitoral orgasms, which are plenty enjoyable. It's just that if clitoral orgasms are all a woman knows, she is missing much of what orgasm can be.

Clitoral orgasms are the easiest of orgasms. They occur for many women after only ten or fifteen minutes of manual, oral, or penile stimulation, near, around, or directly over the clitoral area - as long as sufficient attention is given to the rest of her body, too.

A woman may have difficulty achieving clitoral orgasms through intercourse for an anatomical reason: her clitoris doesn't receive sufficient contact during normal genital sex. Her lover's penis slides right by without sufficient clitoral stimulation to pro• duce an orgasm. Adapting to this common anatomical mismatch, a woman's lover has to be careful to orient his pelvis in just the right position relative to hers, allowing his pubic bone, or perhaps the shaft of his penis, to rub against her clitoral area.

This doesn't work for every woman. Although clitoral or• gasms are usually the easiest to attain, arousing the clitoris to orgasm is not always a simple matter. For some women, a tongue licking or fingers stroking will provide sufficient clitoral excita• tion. For another woman, it may be a combination that rings her bells best: for instance, masturbating her own clitoral area while her lover plumbs her vaginal depths with penis or dildo.

When a woman approaches a clitoral orgasm, her body often becomes more tense. Her eyes close, her breath comes fast, and she may seem to be clamping down rather than opening out. An

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ever-widening expanse of oceanic pleasure may become reduced to a swollen nub and contractive ripples. A woman may become emotionally disconnected from her partner in the moment of clitoral orgasm, enclosing herself in her own sensations just as a man may do during ejaculation.

You don't have to be very emotionally open, or deeply in love, to enjoy a clitoral orgasm. In fact, many women experience them best with vibrators, alone, focused only on their own pleasure and sensation. As with a man's ejaculative orgasm, even purely mechan• ical stimulation, done the right way for the right length of time, can result in at least a perfunctory clitoral orgasm for many women. However, you do have to be relaxed enough or willing enough to experience such pleasure. If you are too closed down or resistant to allow intense pleasure to course through your body, no amount of stimulation will make you come.

The clitoral orgasm itself tends to be short-lived and de• fined: several seconds of ripples and intense pleasure that may be repeated, since many women can experience clitoral orgasms mul• tiple times during a single sexual occasion. In the range of potential orgasms, clitoral orgasms are relatively easy, quick, and superficial, not often the kind of orgasm during which women feel the "earth shaking" or the heart cracking open into a new freshness of love. And, like most men's ejaculative orgasms, clitoral orgasms some• times spend, rather than enhance, a woman's energy.

Clitoral orgasms are an essential flower in the garden of many women's sexual pleasure - and they can also loosen the soil in which more fruitful tendrils of love may grow. The first orgasmic step for many women is learning to freely enjoy clitoral orgasms. It's important that women and their lovers don't stop there, though, since there is much more to come.

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13 DELIGHT IN

VAGINAL ORGASMS

We kissed and held each other in bed for a long time. I ran my hands up her thighs and grasped her ass. My fingers found their way to the crack between her legs and felt her wetness. I took my hand from behind her and moved it onto her pubic mound , cupping it firmly. She moaned and smiled. She squeezed her legs tightly together and then opened them, placing her hand on mine, pushing my hand against her mound , pushing my fingers into her wetness.

When she felt open and very juicy, I slowly slid one, then two fingers into her vagina. I gently explored her velvety ter• rain, every part of her sex region, deep and shallow, to the left and right, front and back. After touching her throughout her softness and feeling her responses, I began to focus more on her G-spot, about tw o inches inside her vagina, at the front and center, just behind her pubic bone.

Her G-spot felt spongy, a little bit ridged, differently tex• tured than the rest of her vagina. I began to stroke up and down across this area, moving my finger in a shape similar to the gesture for indicating "Come here."

Her breath deepened. She touched her breasts with her hands. I took her cue and massaged her breasts with my free hand while I continued to stroke inside her vagina. Occasionally, I would enter her more deeply with my fingers, reaching to touch near her cervix, the opening to her uterus at the far end of her vagina. At other times, I would bring my fingers to the outside of her vagina, gently pinching,