Sacrifice (10 page)

“Is your dad ok?”

“I don’t know, I hope so, I just feel like there is something they are not telling me. It bothers me.”

“Do you want to go visit him by surprise to make sure he is ok?”

“My dad will be so mad at me and I don’t want to stress him out.”

“Ok, let me know if you need me for anything.”

“Thanks Reggae.”

“You’re welcome. He will be alright, I am sure of it.”

“I hope so.”

Reggae was always there for me when trouble came my way and I had always done the same for her as well.

“How was the test?” she asked.

“It wasn’t that bad but I have another one in two days,” I said as I sighed. “I’m so over these tests.”

“Girl who you telling, at least you don’t have to study until tomorrow, I have another test tomorrow so I have to go study for it.”

“Ok and when are you going to make up your test from today?”

“Girl I don’t know, but I am about to go talk to the professor and tell him that I was sick.”

“Liar,” I said.

“He doesn’t know that.”

“Right.”

“I’m about to go eat something then study.”

“Good luck.”

“Need that,” she exited out of my room as I went out running.

Rachael

I was on my way to the hospital to bring Charles some food when the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“May I speak to Mrs. Boyd?”

“This is she.”

“Ma’am this is Dr. Silaski.”

I knew something was wrong by the way he sounded. He sounded so pitiful and sorry.

“What’s wrong with my husband?”

“Ma’am I am sorry to say your husband is dead.”

I felt so relieved when I heard that he was dead. Yes, I felt relieved. I pondered to myself at that moment.
‘How could I? What kind of a person am I? Feeling so free and relieved, that my husband had died; the kind that married a man for the sake of her daughter.’
  I knew this deep inside for a long time, but I was afraid to face the truth. I quickly placed both of my hands on my mouth as I dropped the phone; surprised at the words I mumbled to myself, hoping the doctor didn’t hear a thing.

“Ma’am, are you ok?” I heard the doctor say.

“Oh no I’m fine.” I started to cry.

“I’m sorry for your loss ma’am, I did all I could to save him, but his body stopped responding to the treatment.”

“Thank you doctor for trying your best,” I kept crying.

“You’re welcome ma’am. So I will be seeing you soon to make final arrangements?”

“Yes, I’m on my way.”

I put my head down and cried, not because I felt bad for not truly loving him the way he loved us, but because of the impact he had in my life. If it wasn’t for him, I would have never found myself and I wouldn’t have gotten my daughter back who loved him dearly. Now I had to face my daughter to tell her that her father, whom she just talked to, was dead. I didn’t know how to tell her after I had just told her that everything was ok with her father. I pulled myself together as I dialed Ella’s number.

“Hey mommy,” her tone almost made me cry knowing it was about to turn sour.

“Hi sweetie, what are you doing?”

“Studying for my test. What are you doing?”

“Getting ready to go to the hospital.”

“Oh, how is dad doing?”

I stood still as my words froze in my mouth. I didn’t want to hurt my daughter because I knew how much she loved him.

“Mommy?”

“Yes honey.”

“Is dad ok?”

“I don’t know,” I was so hesitant to just blurt out the truth, but I had already lied by telling her I didn’t know if her dad was ok or not.

“Mommy is my dad ok?” she repeated as she impatiently waited for my answer.

“Your dad is dead,” I couldn’t put it off any longer.

“WHAT!”

“Sorry honey, but your dad is dead.”

“He can’t be dead, I just talked to him yesterday and he told me he was going to be ok and that he would talk to me soon, so you’re lying!”

“Ella, I’m not lying your dad is really dead.”

“How come you sound like that then?”

“Like what?”

“LIKE YOU DON’T GIVE A FUCK!”

“I have to be strong for you baby.”

“Leave me alone and my dad is not dead, you just wish he was so that you can have everything he had ever worked for.”

“ELLA, HOW DARE YOU!”

I heard a dial tone and I felt horrible for yelling at her. I should’ve been used to her hurting my feelings, and wanted to desperately go comfort her instead of going to the hospital, but she wouldn’t want to see me, but I knew the only person that could comfort her right now was Reggae. So I dialed her number and she picked up on the second ring.

“Hello,” she didn’t sound surprised that I was calling her, because I had always called her whenever Ella decided to ignored me.

“Hey sweetie, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine ma’am.”

“I need a huge favor from you.”

“What is it?”

“I just told Ella that her dad just died, I don’t know how she is doing right now, but please help me comfort her because I know she does not want to see me right now.”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry for your loss ma’am, I’m turning back around right now.”

“Thank you darling, please tell me what’s going on with her when you do see her.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Thank you and I will talk to you later.”

“Ok Mrs. Davis and I’m so sorry again for your loss”

“Thank you."

Chapter 8: Ella 

I was in front of my computer, frozen. Everything turned icy cold when I heard my father was dead. I pondered, how could it be? “I will be fine sugar, and will talk to you soon ok? Those were the words he said to me yesterday, so how could he be dead when he told me he would talk to me soon? He lied to me? How could he, how?” I kept talking to myself seeking an answer for this occurrence. “He didn’t even say goodbye before he left me.” Tears came down my cheek, then down to my homework that was sitting right in front of me. I laid my head on my book and soaked my face in tears. I could feel the frog in my throat. “No, he’s not dead, he can’t be dead, how could he?”

My door knob started turning as I pondered why my dad would leave me and not say goodbye. I could never forgive him for not telling me that he was going to leave me. I would have spent his last moments with him, but apparently he didn’t want to share his last moments with me. Yet I still wondered, why not?  I quickly wiped the tears off my face as the door opened and Reggae ran to me and held me tight.

“Let it out boo, its ok.”

I was still not letting it out for anybody to see, I was getting angrier at my father.

“I’m fine,” I said bluntly. I wanted her to leave me alone.

“No you’re not, its ok Ella, I’m your best friend, you can cry on my shoulder.”

“I’ll be back.” I broke loose from her.

“Where you going?” she was more concerned that I wasn’t showing any expression.

“I’m going to the park.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“No, I will be fine.”

I grabbed my keys and purse then pushed through the door and faded away as she watched me leave in worry. I drove at full speed toward the furthest park away from campus. I didn’t have the energy or the strength to talk to any familiar faces. I played music and slowly but surely my vision became blurry from all of my tears. I cried over my wheel and was losing control of myself.

“Park…park.” I didn’t know how to stop. I kept going as the music played as loud as it could. My body began to shake as I cried my eyes out and I drove faster. It was getting clearer and clearer to me that I couldn’t see anymore, yet I didn’t feel the need to take my foot off the accelerator. It was like I was driving towards death. It was like I was looking forward to it. I kept going until I completely lost control, I heard a big boom and then I blacked out.

I slowly opened my eyes. I was in a hospital bed, and everything, everywhere was blurry.

“Ella… Honey?” I heard my mother’s voice expecting to hear my dad’s voice also. “Honey you ok?” I only heard my mother’s voice so I kept quiet. “Ella talk to me, are you ok?”

After a few minutes, I finally uttered, “Where is dad?” At that time, I felt there was no hope of me hearing my dad’s voice, but not because he was dead, but because he was probably mad at me for driving recklessly.

My mother broke down and started crying. I ignored her tears and waited for an answer as Reggae came closer to me weeping. That threw me completely off guard, and then it came to me. ‘My father is dead,’ I whispered to myself. I completely forgot that he left me without saying goodbye. My eyes were wide open, but the thought of him dying was like a dream to me and I needed to wake up. I tried getting up but couldn’t.

“Please honey lay back down.’

I ignored her and tried getting up. They tried holding me back, “LEAVE ME A-LONNNE!”

My mom told Reggae to call the doctor. Reggae ran off to do as she was asked.

I kept trying to get up, but my legs were hanging while my hands were wrapped in white bandages. I was in pain trying to get myself up. The doctor and nurses rushed in and managed to calm me down.

“You are going to be ok, just relax sweetie.”

I was so angry that I didn’t talk to any of them. I wanted them to leave so that I could properly let out the pain inside of me. They didn’t leave, so my anger and tears kept building until tears slid out of my eyes in anger. My mother cried along with me as I turned the other way to ignore her. I only wanted to see my father. Everyone else was irrelevant at this time. I tried pretending as if I was sleep hoping they would leave, but it didn’t work. Reggae and my mother never left my side.

“Don’t you have a lot of work to do in school?” I asked Reggae hoping that she would leave.

“Nah girl I’m good, all my teachers and your teachers know what happened so we’re ok.”

“Ok what about work?”

“I have some vacation time that I haven’t taken yet, so this is my opportunity,” she cracked a smile like this whole hospital thing was something fun.

“So you don’t have anything at all to do?” I was running out of options on how to get her out. I wasn’t worried about getting my mother out, I could easily tell her that I didn’t want to see her face and then she would leave. But I didn’t want to hurt Reggae’s feelings for trying to help.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Umm no, not at all.”

“Good cause it’s not working.”

I groaned to myself and turned the other way not looking to talk to anyone, and I just thought about my father. The good memories zoomed through my mind while tears escape from my eyes. I laid there and fell asleep in my memories of him.

“Dad… Dad… Wait… Where are you going?” I yelled out to my dad, he turned around and gave me his warm smile that always told me that everything was ok.

“Hey sugar.”

“See I knew you weren’t dead, mom is such a liar,” I groaned. “I hate her,” he gave me a frown of disapproval.

“You can’t say that about your mom, sugar.”

“But she told me you were dead.”

“I am sugar.”

“How can you be dead when you here with me right now?”

“Because I’m in your dreams sweetie,” he held my face high to his. “I’m always going to be around you, and please forgive me for not saying goodbye before I left. I didn’t want you to see me in my dying bed useless,” he said as he let go of my face and started walking backwards.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Home sweet pie,” he got further away.

“But dad!”

“I’ll see you soon sugar, say hello to Rachael and let them know I’m ok.”

“Them?”

“My father too, he feels bad for not being there, tell him its ok, that I am ok,” his voice faded away as his body went along with it.

“Dad… Dad… Dad… Dad!” I kept calling his name expecting him to appear again, he didn’t appear. I stood there motionless constantly calling his name. I kept calling until my hope of him appearing started to fade. Tears dripped down my cheek as I felt very disappointed and mad that he left me again, “Dad… Dad… Dad!” I kept calling.

“Ella wake up, you ok? Wake up sweetie,” my mother woke me up from my dream. 

“Dad… Dad!" I caught myself still calling his name while I was awake. I became embarrassed seeing everybody looking at me with concern, then all of a sudden, I didn’t care. “They don’t mean anything to me,” I said underneath my breath in anger. “They are not my dad,” I whispered to myself.

“Ella you ok?” Reggae asked.

I didn’t respond back, I closed my eyes and hoped they would all disappear.

“Is she sleeping?” Reggae asked.

“I don’t know sweetie.”

I opened my eyes when the doctor finally came in. “Can I have another pain killer please? I’m in pain,” I lied knowing I could not feel my body at all.

“The one that we gave you should not have worn out yet, it has only been 4 hours. I will give you more in about two hours.” 

“Oh great,” I whispered to myself. Everyone around was boring and annoying me, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep to see my father. I kept feeling he was waiting for me.

I laid there patiently with my eyes closed so they wouldn’t know I was awake. Two hours finally went by which felt like days. There were no doctors or nurses around to drug me back to sleep.

“Where is the doctor?” I spoke knowing my mother would give me what I need in this sorrowful situation.

“I can go get her for you.”

“Ok thanks.”

I was still looking away because I still wasn’t interested in seeing her reaction. My mother left but Reggae sat there sounding excited that I was awake, but she was unaware that I had heard every word they had been saying. Some of the things that were said offended me, but I kept my mouth shut.

“Ella you ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine,” I said bluntly. ‘Wait, why am I mad at her again?’ I said to myself. There was no reason to be upset with her. I loved my best friend, but she shouldn’t have been there, I didn’t want her missing classes because of me. I didn’t care if she had an excuse. This was my battle, not hers. The doctor finally came and checked on me and asked if I was in pain. I nodded my head and they did a few more checkups and gave me my medicine which drowned me back to sleep in seconds.

There I was in this foggy place where I couldn’t see anybody.

“Dad?” I called his name hoping he would show up again.

“Ella?” I heard my mother’s voice.

“What is she doing here?” I asked myself.

“Hey honey, how are you feeling?”

“Where is my dad?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Sweetie there is no more Char… I mean dad anymore, it’s just me and you now.”

She freaked me out when she said that. “Stay away from me,” I said, backing away as I woke up and flashed my eyes at my mother, but luckily for her, she was sleep. I noticed it was only her in the room along with flowers and cards sitting next to me in my bed.

“Hey sleepy head,” Reggae called from the door with coffee in her hands.

I mumbled to myself, “Great, she’s still here,” then I said out loud, “Who brought this stuff?”

“Friends and classmates,” she said.

I looked at all the flowers and cards, but only one stood out to me. It was a dozen red and pink roses with chocolates and a card glued to the side. She brought every single one to me while I read the nice things that people wrote to me. She finally brought me the one I kept looking at. I opened the card and it read, “Hey gorgeous, sorry about your loss, and sorry about your accident. If you need a friend, I will be here for you. Get well soon. And hopefully I can have the honor to take you out to dinner when you get back to the dorm.” It was signed ‘Celius.’

My eyes got wider when I saw his name on it. I read the card over and over again until Reggae noticed it.

“He brought that here personally and gave you a kiss on the cheek.”

My heart was filled with butterflies.

“Stop lying to make me feel better,” I said.

“Girl I swear he did, ask him.”

“I wouldn’t do that either,” I hoped it was true.

“Anyways what did it say?” she seemed anxious to know.

“Nothing big,” I kept my cool but wanted to scream.

“Nothing big, let me see because you are secretly blushing.”

I gave her the letter without fighting it. She read it and screamed enough for the both of us and said, “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. We will see when I leave this hell of a place.”

My insides felt warm but my outside felt like a hard rock. I didn’t feel like smiling.

“Your mother thought he was cute.”

“Hey sweetie,” my mother said after she woke up.

“Speaking of the devil, hey,” I said with a little love in me.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

She touched my head and said, “You look better and your head is not as hot as before.”

I was silent not trying to prevent her from talking. I kept feeling better as the days went by. I was thirsty to feel the breeze outside. It was spring which happened to be my dad’s favorite season, as well as mine. A few days later, I started walking on my own little by little with the assistance from the nurses. Celius became my inspiration to get better. Reading his letter over and over again when nobody was around motivated me to get better soon. I changed my attitude towards the nurses and became nicer and I started following their instructions without giving them a hard time. I also became nicer to my mother and I was myself again around Reggae. They were all happy to see me acting better as the day finally came when I left the hospital and felt the breeze that ran through my hair. I still had to wear a brace on my leg, but I was happy I wasn’t there anymore. I wanted to see my father’s grave, so I insisted to be taken to his plot to visit his tombstone. They buried him without me so I never got the chance to see him in his coffin. 

“How dare you,” I said crying as I looked down to his grave. “How dare you daddy!”

My mother grabbed me as she held me tightly to console me from this painful moment.

“He left me without saying goodbye.”

“He didn’t feel the need to say goodbye because he never left your side, and he is with you every second of your day.”

“I want to see him,” I said crying.

“He can see you but you can’t see him.”

“Not good enough, this is not fair,” I forced myself off of my mother and wept. “Take me home.”