Sacrifice

SACRIFICE

Nileyah Mary Rose

Publisher Sullivan Productions LLC.

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A Novel Written by Nileyah Mary Rose

Copyright © 2015 Nileyah Mary Rose

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Editors:
Shawnna Robinson, Jacqui Darns

This novel is a work of fiction. Any resemblances to actual events, real people, living or dead, organizations, establishments or locales are products of the author’s imagination. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are used fictitiously.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission from the publisher and writer.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication, and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

DEDICATION

Dedicated to the memory of my loving father Victor, and to one of my best friends who has always had my back through thick and thin, Shauna Redding Frank; may your souls continue to rest in perfect peace as the memory of you both stay in my heart forever.  PS: I love ya always.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I will always start by giving thanks to God almighty for his love and blessings. He has always been the center of my life. It’s a blessing alone to be able to do something that you love, and just for that, I will forever be grateful. To my friends, family, and my mother’s (yes I have more than one lol); I thank you all for believing in me and never giving up on me. Lastly, to you, thank you for your inspiration.

PROLOGUE

Ella: Washing Away My Sins…

The walk towards the front door of my house seemed like the longest steps I had ever taken; it was as if I was afraid to walk into my own home. I was afraid to face what I have done, afraid to come face to face with my past. I knew she had to be there waiting for the right moment to destroy me.

I finally reached the front of my doorstep and slowly turned the knob with the presumption that behind the door laid my own demise. To my surprise, the door was locked and I froze. I wasn’t quite sure if I was in shock or relieved. I nervously gathered the key in my hands in an attempt to open the door. A chill in the air suddenly welcomed me as I inserted the key, slowly turned the knob and walked in the house.

My heart had begun to sink as my stomach started to cave in with fear, I knew deep down in my very soul that I deserved whatever could be waiting on the other side. I knew I had to repent for my sin. I dropped my key and bag in the hallway and looked around the house realizing I had nothing in my hands to defend myself. I looked all over and found no one there, not even a hint that somebody had been here. Taking a deep breath, I stepped into my bathroom and filled my white, marble, bear claw tub with water as hot as I could stand it. I submerged myself completely under the water and tried to drown out and escape the betrayal I inflicted upon myself and my only true friend, Reggae. I held my breath a while longer and everything became quiet, even my thoughts. After what seemed like an eternity of suffocating silence, I emerged from the water and noticed that this sickening, anxiety feeling was still present. With my heart pounding hard, sending a steady thud throughout my chest, I stepped out of the tub on to the cold tile floor. Droplets of water from my hair mixed with the salty, small rivers streaming from my eyes. I still felt sick. I needed to feel comfort; I wanted to feel…anything other than what I was feeling. I tried to conceal the shame I felt for what had happened when I wrapped myself inside my robe.

After walking into my large bedroom, I climbed straight into my king sized bed. Still wrapped in my thick robe; I tucked myself between my soft white, Egyptian cotton sheets and comfortable goose feathered duvet. I felt warm and safe; I was hoping to sleep away the pain. Instead, I tossed and turned in the darkness hunted by the memory of my unfaithful desire.
Hurting someone that meant so much to me the way I did was the worst thing I had ever done in life.

There was no way for me to justify my actions in such a vile situation. I had betrayed the one person I felt I could depend on in my life. I took a deep breath; it didn’t seem to reduce the heartache. Knowing I had sinned against Reggae, I felt I had sinned against God…and I had definitely sinned against myself.

I opened my eyes in the still darkness of night and drowned myself with pain and regret. I thought the only thing that would possibly help me through the night was to dance my pain away until all of my senses went numb.

At that thought, I jumped up and changed clothes, went back out to my car and drove down to La Vista; a dance studio where I worked part-time. I found the music that fit the emotions that I felt at that very moment and immediately started dancing. The song didn’t make me feel less miserable; it only made me move with expression. I danced how I felt inside; broken. I danced until I felt nothing, not even my body. My heart and soul had stopped aching, so I kept dancing. I danced until my body gave up on me and I collapsed and met the floor. Looking up at the ceiling, on my back, I could feel the tears slowly finding their way down both sides of my cheeks.

SACRIFICE

Chapter 1: Rachael

It was late, really late. I waited at the top of the stairs reading my latest texts. I waited for my mother to fall into a deep sleep before I made my escape through the back door. It usually takes the bottom of a bottle to do the job, but not this time. I think it may have had something to do with the new medication she had made me walk through the rain for. Her guilt ammo, “Your mother is dying you ungrateful bitch.” My mother, the AIDS infected woman who the devil couldn’t kill even if he tried.

I made my way out through the back door when I heard the bottle of Jack Daniels hit the floor. I opened the back door and saw him standing at the corner, I didn’t have to see his face to know it was him; the boy I loved, or thought I loved. There was something about him that made him different, enough to want me to give myself to him. I walked slowly toward him, not ready to face him. I mean how could I? He turned around before I could make up my mind on whether or not I should face him or retreat.

He smiled,
‘Damn!’
I thought.

I stood in front of him, and he really was handsome. Seeing his smile, I really got why all those girls around school threw themselves at him. As if I’ve lost all my words, my body kept rocking back and forth, hesitating to tell him. I need to say something, anything.

I knew I had to tell him. The way I felt every morning with this sickness led me to believe that something was abnormally wrong.  If I was right, everyone else would know too. I kept rocking back and forth trying to find the right words to describe what it was that I wanted to tell him. I didn’t realize that we had made it to his house because I was lost in my head and couldn’t step back into reality. I felt his eyes burning a hole through me. I didn’t want to look up. I wasn’t ready not yet; and to top it all off, I didn’t want him to hate me. I looked up at him as he stared right into my eyes. I believed I was trying to figure out why I was at his house this late at night.

“What is it?” he said interrupting my thoughts.

His voice finally broke the silence we had since he met me on the corner. I stared at this boy who could have possibly made a nightmare out of my already disconsolate life.

“I think I might be pregnant,” I whispered out.

As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I wish I could have taken them back. I watched his face turn from concerned to angry and it scared me; I didn’t want another person I loved to hate me.

“What do you mean you’re pregnant? You went to the doctor?” he snarled at me.

“No. Umm, not yet, I...I just think I am with the way my body feels,” I stumbled through my words.

“But you’re not sure yet?” he asked with the same angry expression.

His voice rose with a sigh of relief, with the possibility of a false alert.

“Yes but...”

I didn’t want to ruin his night any farther than I already had. The fact was that for the first time since I feared the possibility of a new life growing inside of me, I had hope that maybe I wasn’t pregnant.

“We’ll find out tomorrow after school, Kira is taking me”

“So what happens if you are? What are you going to do?”

“Me?” I asked, “We,” I corrected him with a whisper.

“Ok what are ‘WE’ going to do? I’m not ready to be a father yet. Damn Rachael, I’m only sixteen and you’re seventeen. What could we possibly do with a child?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know, my mother’s gonna kill me!” I said trying to fight back my tears, knowing the consequences I will face with her if I was.

“Fuck! My mom is going to freak. We have to get rid of it,” he said.

My heart skipped as I heard him make his decision before even finding out if there was even a baby to get rid of. I mean I could be pregnant even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it. My mother wouldn’t allow it. It seemed like my decision had already been made for me. I stood up ready to go.

“Wait...” he protested and stopped me in my tracks, “So we are getting rid of it if you’re pregnant right?” he asked nervously.

“Tomorrow if the results are positive, don’t worry; I will take care of it.” This time I didn’t try fighting the tears back.

“Ok well, I guess I will see you around,” he said as I walked away without responding.

I crept back into the house and headed straight to my bed. Restless, I laid there trying to find the will to fall asleep. For over an hour, I laid there in thought of my new adversity. I tried to abdicate from this thought that kept sinking my heart way below the ground. Looking to escape my reality, I got up from the bed when I couldn’t find any sleep in search of my MP3 player. Eventually, music would take me away.

The next day, I made sure to hurry to class to find a seat in the back of the classroom where I could remain unnoticed. I let my head hit the top of my desk as soon as my bottom touched the seat. My thoughts drifted back to earlier this morning and how things were so weird between me and my mother.

I made breakfast and got her supplements as usual. She ate then complained about having to swallow all of her ‘damn pills’ like she did every morning. You’d think she would be used to it by now, since she will have to do this for the rest of her life and as usual, after performing my dutiful daughter role, I left without her saying thank you, which I was used to. Today of all days however, I just needed to hear something nice from her; I needed her gratitude for some dreadful reason, but of course… same old Mom. If only I could feel like the same old me.

The brightness of the sun light beaming through the classroom window woke me up. Somehow I found my face hidden underneath my folded arms and hadn’t realized that I had fallen asleep; I only hoped the teacher hadn’t notice. The brightness dilated my eyes as I slowly raised my head before opening them all the way. This swimming and spinning feeling in my head was making me feel dizzy, so my intensions were to remain at a standstill for a moment while the rest of my classmates rushed their way out of the classroom.

I heard Kira before she entered my sight. She has been my best friend since fifth grade, I was drawn to her bravery from the first day I met her. She was everything I was not, and she had everything that I didn’t. I decided to wait at my desk for her to reach me since she had already entered my classroom.

“Come on,” she prompted me as I slowly stood trying to prevent gravity from taking me down. My head was pounding in unison with my heartbeat. I walked behind Kira letting her lead the way to the school parking lot, and then we rode to the hash colored clinic in her pink mustang. I remember when Kira first got her car for her sixteenth birthday; she drove to my house as soon as she had gotten it. She had called me and told me to come outside, that she had something to show me. Before I could reach the front door, I heard two long honks. Once I saw what had made those sounds, I screamed in reaction, screaming like the car had been mine, that all the lost birthdays my mother had forgotten has finally paid off and also for giving up so much to take care of me.

“You ready?” Kira asked as we pulled in to the clinic. We sat in the lobby impatiently waiting to be called. We both wanted to find out if what we had concluded was correct. My whole body shook at the thought of being pregnant.

“What are you going to do if you’re pregnant?”

I looked up at Kira hoping that I could find the answer in her pitying eyes. Fearful and confused I replied, “I have no idea.”

“You know what’s crazy?” Kira said.

I wasn’t in the mood to guess what was crazy, this whole scenario was crazy; hell my whole life was crazy. I broke eye contact without a reply to her question. I was more concerned and afraid of what my mother would do if the result turned out positive.

“Miss Reed,” the nurse called out from the door, gesturing her hand for us to follow as she led us to one of the rooms in the back. I had been sitting and waiting for over forty-five minutes in the overcrowded lobby, which had seemed like forever only to be minutes away for my fears. I wish I was back in the lobby with my question still unknown. What was so bad about not knowing? I mean I was pretty sure I wasn’t pregnant, how could I be?

‘How could this be happening to me?’
I questioned myself.

She led me to one of the available rooms that sat right across from the nurses’ station with Kira in tow. The nurse introduced herself, weighed me, checked my temperature and then started asking questions about my personal life.

“When was your last period? When was the last time you had sexual intercourse?” she asked as she wrote down my responses.

I felt embarrassed by her protruding into my life the way she was. After she finished taking notes, she started prepping me to draw blood from my arm.

I was very happy that Kira was there with me. I had no idea what I would have done if I had to go through this alone. I could always count on her, which I have learned in the past years.

After the barrage of questions and blood drawing, I was finally given that ugly, God forsaken sheath gown that covered nothing to put on. We waited nervously for the doctor to make his way to the room.

Thirty minutes later, the door finally opened and the most handsome, tall caramel man walked into the room. I wanted to fall off the table as Kira took a seat slowly in the chair across from me, all while looking at me with amazement in her eyes, and her mouth wide opened. He had my chart in his hands and he introduced himself.

“Hello, my name is Dr. Carter. What brings you in to see us today Miss Reed?”

My face got hot from being embarrassed. I wanted to crawl under the desk in the room. I just knew he would think that I was some slutty little girl. He was so good looking. I didn’t even hear him talking to me. I was looking at his perfectly straight pearly-white teeth that were between his lips.

“Miss Reed?” he asked.

His puzzled tone led me to finally respond.

“Huh, I mean yes?”

He held nothing back; his first question was straight to the point.

“So you think you’re pregnant?”

I shyly responded, “I’m not sure, but I think so.”

“Lay back on the table for me,” he said with a low soothing voice. His voice took my mind to a place it didn’t need to go as I lowered myself down onto the table. Gently he put his hands on my abdomen, which sent electricity throughout my entire body.

“How are you feeling right now?”

“I’m ok now, but every morning I get sick, and I am always falling asleep in school.”

He responded, “Hmm, one moment, I’ll be right back.”

He left the room and came back with the nurse who initially brought us to the room, and with him, an ultrasound machine. The nurse rubbed the gel onto my stomach, and then she touched the wand to my skin. 

On the screen next to me, I saw a blob and a bubble while she started to explain to me what was on the screen.

“Congratulation Miss Reed, you’re pregnant!” she said with a smile.

Her reaction did not match my facial expression. I looked in the direction of Kira, and then looked at the doctor. My eyes started to fill with water as I tried to fight the urge to let them fall.

“Why are you crying?’ Kira asked.

“Babies are good news,” Dr. Carter said, smiling.

“Yeah, I know,” I retorted abruptly as I climbed off the table without waiting for the doctor to discharge me.

I started dressing with him in the room; he called my name to see if I was ok.

“Miss Reed, are you ok with the news? Do you need to speak with someone?”

Fully dressed in my clothes, I left the room, ready to leave. I exited through the door to the lobby away from the building before I heard Kira’s panting voice calling for me.

“Rachael! Rachael! What’s wrong? Wait! Talk to me,” she said, her voice filled with concern.

“I’m pregnant!” I yelled, shaking my head in disbelief.

I hit my hand against Kira’s car door out of frustration.

“I am only seventeen, and it was my first time being with someone and this shit happens. What am I going to do?” Tears fell from my eyes at that moment.

Kira hugged me saying, “No matter what Rachael, you are not alone. I’m here for you.” Then reminded me with fear in her voice, “What about your mom?”

My nerves were bad, my face was hot, and my body wouldn’t stop shaking. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do at that point, but I knew one thing for sure; I needed to get rid of the baby before my mother found out.

I responded angrily, not at Kira but from my situation, “Thank you for reminding me, and that is exactly why I’m not going back home.”

Reality set in as I told Kira about a situation that happened when I was younger.

“I mean… she dislocated my shoulder in the tenth grade because she didn’t like the grades I brought home, so what makes you think she wouldn’t take my life when she finds out about the baby.”

Shook, Kira asked, “Wow, really?” 

“But you’re seventeen and about to graduate from high school, so running away is a very bad idea.” Kira said.

I knew it was a bad idea, but running away was the best decision I had at that time.

“I know,” I said while grabbing the door handle preparing to sit inside the car. “But there is no other option at this point; and hell, I don’t even know where to run to.”