Sacrifice (14 page)

“Oh ok, have fun.”

“I will and please don’t worry about me mother, I will be ok.”

I knew she was worried about me, but I refused to turn down the one thing that made me happy after my father’s death. It might have been just for that moment, but I hoped for that moment to last forever. I walked out with some conviction knowing that she was worried about me. I expected that from her since she was my only friend that had been there through thick and thin. Tierra was my friend as well, but I didn’t take her too serious; our relationship was completely different from Reggae’s and mines.

I kept spending almost every day with Celius until we finally moved in together when I graduated college with a 3.0 GPA. I could have done better, but my craving for the love I was receiving from him seemed more important. I still managed to graduate with a 3.0 with the help of Celius and also with the help of the strangers I paid to do my homework.

Chapter 10

Living with Celius was great, but I had to find a way to keep my friendship with Reggae. I wasn’t planning to lose either of them, so compromising most of my life to spend quality time with both of them seems to have been worth it at the time.  The only time I had for me was when I was at work. I would then come home to clean and cook for Celius and let him take me however he wanted. On the other hand, I would spend some time with Reggae when Celius was off working. As for Tiara, I cut off almost all ties with her once I saw a text message she sent to Celius saying, ‘I bet Ella can’t give you what I can give you.’

Talking to Celius about that situation, he said, “Baby it’s not worth confronting her so just leave it alone.”

“I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t confront her, but yet still smile in her face like nothing ever happened.”

I walked away ignoring Celius’ advice because I had planned to see Tiara a week from then. I kept feeling sick around a certain period of the month; my temper would jolt over anything. I kept throwing up every time I ate something, so I took myself to the drug store to get a pregnancy test. I was happy with the answer, I jumped up and down in the bathroom as Celius banged on the door asking, “Are you ok?”

“Yes, yes I’m fine!”

“Ok….”

I went to work that day pondering on when would be the best time to tell him. His birthday was coming soon so I thought that day would be the best day to let him know he was becoming a father. The problem with telling him on his birthday would be that I was seeing Reggae prior to his birthday, and I knew I couldn’t keep anything from her when I’m in her presence. I wanted to cancel, but I knew she was going to think something was wrong since she knew Celius and his friend were going out of town for the weekend. 

I got to Reggae’s house on Friday night to see Tiara already there; which appalled me because that gave me all the more reason to keep my mouth shut. She was a ticket for not telling Reggae that day so I exhaled as I sipped on Moscato with them.

“So, how are you and Celius doing?” Tiara asked as I rolled my eyes.

“We are doing great as usual.”

“Awww that is good to hear, so you not fighting no females yet from staring him down for being so beautiful?” she said with a smile.

“Girl it’s pointless trying to fight over him when I know he is faithful,” I said with a little attitude trying not to let it show.

“How would you know that?”

“Know what?” 

“That he is not cheating on you.”

“Because he is not stupid, he knows better,” I said with the rage of having enough of her already.

“You got him in check like that?" she kept pushing as my anger increased.

“Nah not at all, he just knows his limit and he loves what he got at home.”

At that point, her questions were starting to piss me off.

Reggae then intervened and said, “I hear that girl, now leave it alone before it turns into something else.” 

“Nah Reggae, she can keep going,” I said staring at her intensely.

“Oh no sorry if I offended you.”

“You good, I don’t sweat your words.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Ummm, ok enough, can we go eat now?” Reggae asked.

“Oh no, we might as well finish this,” I said ready to explode.

“Yeah let’s finish this because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“Whoa wait, you think I’m trying to get at your man?”

“Think? No not at all, I don’t think you trying to get at my man, I know you’re trying to get at him, but it’s ok because you are way below his taste.”

“What the fuck? You seriously think I’m trying to get at your man?” she got up looking angry which didn’t faze me.

“Ok I hate repeating myself and I’m done talking about this.” I turned to Reggae and asked her, “What did you make for dinner?”

“Now we talking, some shrimp fried rice,” Reggae said in relief.

“Sounds good let’s go eat.”

I got up and left them both in the living room.

Tiara then said, “No Ella we are not done with this, do you seriously think I would ever do that to you?”

“Ummm, yeah and you did.”

“How would you know?”

“Through the text you sent him.” 

“Whoa wait, I don’t even have his number, how would I get his number to text him?”

“You tell me.”

“Seriously Ella, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Ok seriously, I can’t stand people sitting here in my face lying to me, I find that very disrespectful.”

“I promise Ella, I…”

“Stop it Tiara, seriously I’m done with this,” Ella said cutting her off.

She then said while getting in my face, “You know what? I’m not going to sit here and let you treat me like this.”

“Then leave,” I said pointing towards the door.

“I swear you’re such a bitch!”

“Thank you,” I said as I walked over and opened the door for her exit.

“You should know I’m not the one to play with,” she said before she walked out of the door smiling as I shut the door behind her.

“I swear that girl is all mouth.”

“I hope you happy,” Reggae said.

“Nah I feel betrayed, but I’m not surprised though because we knew what a friend she was.”

“Oh Lord, now can we eat because I have been waiting on y’all bitches.”

“Sorry, it’s only one bitch now,” I laughed.

“Yeah sure, whatever.”

“Hey, look on the bright side, more food for us!” 

“Oh wow you so greedy. Anyway how are you and Celius really doing though?”

“We’re good, we’re really good.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m happy y’all still going strong ever since college,” she said sounding like she meant it.

“I know right? I really love him and I hope this lasts forever because it feels so good. I just want everybody to experience this feeling,” I sighed and went on, “Anyways how are you and Andre doing?”

“Girl nothing, I’m over him.”

“Why?” 

“Girl, that man don’t do shit.”

“What do you mean? He doesn’t take you out?”

“He ain’t got no money, hell he still owe me money!” 

I laughed a little bit with a serious face.

“Oh my God, are you serious? Wow that is too crazy, but how do you feel about him?”

“I’m mad as hell that’s how I feel about him.”

“Why are you mad, because he owes you money?”

“Absolutely!”

“That is your man though, and there is nothing wrong with y’all supporting each other fifty-fifty.”

“I wish that was the case. I’m more of a ninety-nine and he is one percent, which is the percentage he earns from putting it down.”

We both laughed.

“Girl, but he’s only one percent?”

“Ummm yeah, sex only has one point with me. Responsibility, being a good provider, caring and loving is the areas where you get the most points from.”

“Oh yeah he got to go.”

“Yup, anyways isn’t Celius’ birthday coming up soon?”

“Oh yeah, wow you got a great memory.”

“Trust me I didn’t store that in my memory, you just make it hard for me to ever forget because you make a big deal about it every year.”

“You’re right but this year is going to be way bigger because I have a great surprise for him.”

“What?” her face lit up with curiosity.

“Reggae, please don’t make me say it, you know I can’t hide nothing from you, I want him to know first.”

“Girl I don’t care about that man knowing anything first, you here so you got to tell me before I get mad.”

“Come on please, I want him to know first.”

“You pregnant?”

“Ugh you get on my nerves I was hoping you didn’t guess that.”

“No, are you?”

I sighed then answered, “Yes!”

“Ahhh! Oh my God!” she got up and hugged me. She then released me and said, “You were going to hide that from me?”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted him to know first and you know I tell you everything but this was just too special for me.”

“I know, but when did you find out?”

“Last week, which is why I was hesitant to come here today because I knew I was going to be with you and I can’t hide anything from you.”

“You surely can’t and don’t you dare hide anything from me ever again.” 

“I won’t, I promise,” I rolled my eyes.

“So when are you telling him?”

“On his birthday, I’m nervous.”

“Why? He’s going to be so happy I’m sure of it.”

“I hope so because I’m ready to start a family with him.”

“Awww, you must love him that much.”

“I do, I really do.”

“I’m happy for you, I’m the Godmother right?”

“Who else would it be?”

“That’s what I thought.”

“And please don’t spoil him or her too much.”

“Ok that’s when you mind your own business.”

“What? He is my child.”

“Right, but it’s my Godchild different connection.”

“Girl you’re crazy.”

“I know,” we paused and kept eating, then continued conversing.

“Now you know you can’t drink no more,” she said while eating.

“I’m drinking my Moscato once in a while; they said it’s good for the baby.”

“Please don’t have my Godchild coming out looking retarded because you don’t know how to stop drinking.”

“Your Godchild is going to be just fine, I promise.”

“You ain’t God, so you don’t know that.”

“But I’m the mother, I can feel it.”

“Awww, I can’t wait till it comes out retarded, I’m still going to love he or she the same.”

“Stop speaking retarded to my child you crazy Godmother.”

“Stop drinking then I will stop.”

I sighed, “Ok fine just this one glass then I’m done for the rest of the eight months.”

“I can see you drinking right when the child comes out?”

“Oh yeah you better have a bottle of wine by my bed side right when I’m done pushing.”

“You might be knocked the hell out.”

“Put it in my IV then so that the buzz can kick in when I wake up,” we both laughed.

“Girl you crazy and I hope my Godchild don’t come out retarded for real.”

“One sip of wine is not going to make my child retarded.”

“It takes any amount of alcohol to do the damage.”

“Ok, we need to stop talking about my child being retarded before you speak it into existence,” I said still digging inside my food.

“I’m just saying.”

“I’m not drinking no more.”

“Good.”

I shook my head as I kept eating.

“What happens if he doesn’t want the baby?”

I paused for a moment, and thought about her question. I then said, “I will love him either way.” I stopped eating due to this knot of worry that became tied to my stomach.

“I mean I wouldn’t kill my child for nobody but I will love him still,” I sighed as I went deep into thought, scared that he might not want me to have it, knowing I was going to have it either way. I became afraid of his reaction.

“I really want to be the first and last woman to have his baby, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, that would make me the happiest woman on earth, but overall, I just want to make him happy.” I couldn’t help but feel sad at the dreadful possibilities.

“Why are you so sad?” she said seeing my reaction drastically change.

“I’m scared to know his answer but I will love him either way. I mean, I fell for him completely after my father’s death; he lifted me back up. It’s like I was given a second chance to be happy again. He is my rock, he’s everything to me. I’m not saying you’re not my rock, you mean everything to me too, I feel fully complete having you and him. I don’t ever want to change that.”

“Everything is going to be alright. Know your first priority, talk to him and I’m sure he will be happy that you carrying his first child.”

“I hope so and please don’t ask me anymore questions.”

“Ok I won’t, but he loves you and he would want to do whatever is best for you, and I know he will support your decision no matter what decision you make.”

“Which is to keep the baby.”

“He will support you.”

“I just can’t see myself with anybody else but him.”

“And I’m sure he can’t either,” she said in hopes of making me feel better.

“I hope so,” I went back into a mini depression, wanting to be left alone. I said, “I’m going to start heading home, I’m tired.”

“You’re not tired; you just wanna be left alone to think.”