Many Shades of Gray (47 page)

“Are you willing to try?” she asked as tears streamed down her face.

“God help me, what choice do I have?” He pulled his wife into his arms, crushing her to him, lifting her tear-streaked face to kiss her. “I’m willing to try.” Tears fell from his eyes also and mixed with those of his wife.

“Simon, can you forgive me for one more thing?”

“What?” he whispered raggedly. “What else?” He held her closer, praying she wouldn’t tell him that Mack wasn’t his.

“I never slept with Tommy, not once.”

“But your book?”

“I told you that was fiction. As usual, you didn’t listen to me.”

“I was right. You did set me up.”

“I had to. You’ve been so worried that you were going to repeat your parents’ lives that it became the main thing in your life. You’ve threatened me so many times that I thought about doing it just to piss you off. Later I thought maybe if I did it, it would help you to get over Tommy. I would have done almost anything to save our marriage, but I couldn’t sleep with Tommy. I couldn’t allow anyone other than you to touch me. I love you, Simon.”

“Then why did you go to see Tommy today? Why did you make me believe that you were leaving me for him?”

“I never said those things. You thought them and I’ll admit I wanted you to. I went to Tommy to apologize. I’ve known since Mack was born that I had to. I took something from Tommy that I didn’t have a right to take. I had to tell him that finally I knew that. Until Mack, until you held your son, I hadn’t really understood what I’d taken from Tommy.”

Janice stopped and held her husband’s gaze. “And Mack is your son, Simon. What I did to Tommy was the catalyst for what he did to you. It wasn’t you he hated, it was me and what I’d done. I had to tell him that I understood, that I was sorry that I’d thought he had no right in the decision. I believe we’ve both finally let go of the anger. There will always be pain but he knows that there is nothing between us.”

Simon wanted to be angry that she had even gone to see Tommy. Then he heard Mack gurgling over the intercom and his chest constricted. If Mack weren’t here, if Janice had made the same decision to abort their son…He breathed deeply, closing his eyes against his thoughts.

“You’re right,” he said. “As much as I hate Tommy I can understand how he must have felt all of these years.”

“Simon, you can hate Tommy, but don’t hate him because you think I love him. I don’t. He’s my past and your fears should be also.”

She opened her mouth to say something more but her husband cut off her words with his lips. He took possession of her lips and her body and she could feel his need. She saw the passion in his eyes, felt the fire in his touch and felt his flesh pulse. He pushed her back toward the bed.

“No, baby,” Janice moaned. “We have forever. First, I want you to tell me about your parents. Talk to me.”

“Now?” Simon groaned, his erection growing with each breath. “Feel me, it’s been so long. You sure you want to talk now?”

“We need to talk now,” she said, moving to sit on the bed, making room for her husband, going into his arms.

And they talked.

And then they made love.

* * *

In the morning they awoke in each other’s arms. Mack had slept through the night. Simon went for his son, changed him, and brought him to the bed so that Janice could feed him. He watched her breast feeding Mack and thanked God that she’d gone to the lengths that she had to show him how much she loved him.

“Baby, I’m sorry about all the things I did to hurt you. Thank God I came to my senses before I did any real damage to your career. I’ll make sure you’re bigger than ever before.”

“No, Simon. From here on out I don’t want you butting into my career. No matter what happens to the two of us I want my career to be just that. Mine. If I make it or not, I want it to be me, Simon, not you, not my wondering if you pushed my book to the number one slot. I don’t want it that way, Simon. In truth I never did. So promise me that you will stay out of that area of my life. And, Simon, I want you to mean it.”

“I promise, baby.”

“Another thing: I’m going to start writing under Mary Jo Adams. I’m glad now you insisted on following my parents’ wishes and married me under my real name. I don’t need to be Janice anymore. I’m not running away from anything anymore. I’ve found everything that I was looking for.”

Mary Jo looked at the baby in her arms, then at her husband’s face. “This is my dream, you and Mack. No more manipulating”

“I’m sorry, honey. Aren’t you going to miss being Janice Lace?”

“Yes, but it’s not the thing in my life that I would miss most.”

“Will you forgive me for that?”

“Today is the beginning of our lives, Simon. There are no more demons chasing either of us. The slate is clean and everything is forgiven and forgotten.” She got up and placed a sleeping Mack into the cradle they kept in their room. Then she came back to the bed and pulled Simon to her, determined to make love to him until he was too tired to think.

* * *

A few hours later Mack forced them from the bed with his needs. Smiling, they carried the baby downstairs, both grateful for the second chance to be a family. The moment they stepped on the last stair the doorbell rang.

“Good timing, Mack.” Simon smiled at the baby and went to answer the door. “Harold,” Simon said, moving for him to come inside.

Harold held the mail out to him with the telltale envelope on the top of the pile. It contained the information Simon had been waiting for. He looked at the envelope and held it out to Mary Jo. “I don’t need this; we can shred it. Mack is my son.”

Simon looked over at Harold, knowing that Mary Jo didn’t mind his being there. They were both staring at him and at the envelope in his hand. He looked at them and knew his wife and surrogate father shared a secret. But that thought was best left for another time. Besides, he already knew it was Harold who’d filled Mary Jo in on his parents and their lives. And for that he was grateful. His gaze landed on Mack nestled in Harold’s arms. He was Mack’s godfather, the same as he was for Simon.

Simon, looked into the ice blue eyes of his son, knowing they would one day turn gray. Like his. This was his son, his flesh and blood his soul cried out. He didn’t need a paper to tell him that.

“Simon,” Mary Jo said softly.

He looked to his wife. “I know you know,” she said, “but every man deserves to have that certainty.”

He saw her gaze slip to Harold and again he wondered.

Mary Jo took the envelope from her husband’s hand, opened it and handed him the paper. “I want you to have your proof, Simon.”

“I don’t need to see it,” he whispered softly not looking at the paper, keeping his eyes on her.

“Look at it, Simon,” Harold said, adding his voice to that of Mary Jo.

“Yes, darling, you need to see it.”

For a moment Simon grappled with the thought of whether it would make his wife wonder if he trusted her. They’d been through so much together. They didn’t need even a hint of mistrust to cloud their marriage. His eyes flew back to hers and she was smiling at him, urging him to read the paper.

At last he lowered his eyes to the numbers on the page. Ninety nine, point ninety nine percent positive. You couldn’t get surer than that.

Mary Joe watched as her husband read the results, saw his face, the light in his eyes and the love reflected there as he wrapped her in a bear hug.

“What about that book,” he asked, “the one you wrote about us. Is this how it ends?”

“That book was just for you, to show that nothing is all black or white. There are many shades of gray, even in love,” she said and slid her arms around her husband and son. “Even in love. The real ending wasn’t written until this moment. Now we can be happy. Now I can write, THE END.”