Many Shades of Gray (20 page)

Somewhere at the back of his mind was the knowledge that Janice had never displayed such emotion, not in three years. She had battled to not come to him and she’d lost. For that he was grateful. Still, some inkling of dismay pulled at him, taking away some of his pleasure. Another man had wrought the emotion from her that he’d wanted to unearth. Sure, he was now benefiting, but…but…hell, he thought and gave up thinking as he heard her moan.

“Simon,” she moaned, pulling his hair, tugging a little harder than she’d intended. “Don’t you ever do that again.”

She had not even touched him, but he could have come right then if he weren’t so conscious of her needs. She finally did and he almost lost it then and there. He slid his fingers deep inside her and found her ready. She clenched her muscles around his fingers, pulling him in deeper.

He found her spot, did what he knew would bring her to the edge and quickly. “No,” she said, “not yet,” but his body was trembling with the tremendous effort it was taking to not enter her. She pulled away, not wanting to come, and he almost laughed. She was so determined to keep her control, even in the act of making love. Even though she wanted the release, she wanted to orchestrate things, be the conductor.

“I want you inside me,” she moaned.

Simon caved. Why the hell would he try to resist? He looked down and she was looking at him with the sexiest smile on her face. “I’m so glad you’re home,” she whispered, and he entered her, plunging deep into her, riding her with all the fever he held in his body. He felt his passion for her swelling, reaching a crescendo and he moaned, riding her harder, going deeper, wanting to touch her very soul with his thrusts.

Simon was trembling in his need from the built up passion of the past ten days. He poured everything into loving her, taking her moans of pleasure into his mouth and pouring his heat into her. He filled her and she filled him, his body and his soul. He felt his release rising from the bottom of his being and growled his pleasure, feeling her give in at last to her passion. They clung together in the aftermath, holding on to each other with an intensity that produced aftershocks of desire.

Janice was shivering, overcome with emotion. She’d lost control, something she’d sworn not to do. For three years she’d done her best to keep a part of herself separate from Simon. All that time she’d relied on her mantra and in the end it hadn’t worked.

Even now in his arms the refrain pinged in her mind. I shouldn’t depend on Simon. I shouldn’t depend on anyone but myself. But something had happened when he’d held out his arms. She’d tried to not run into them but she had and she’d told him things she wished she hadn’t. Now he knew how much she cared; now he could hurt her, damn him.

Damn him for leaving her. If he hadn’t, she would not have missed him so much that to not touch him would have been pure torture. She felt the beating of his heart against her skin, heard his satisfied growl in her ear. She bit him, first softly, then as she thought of his leaving her, harder, relishing the feel of causing him physical pain.

“Ouch,” Simon said and put his finger on her lips. “Baby, that hurt.”

“Did it?” she asked.

“Did it? You know that it did, you meant it to hurt.” He rolled over to look down at her and saw fear in her eyes. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Janice closed her eyes, knowing he was reading her emotions in them. She didn’t want him to. She felt a tear slide beneath her closed lids and cursed silently, wondering what was happening to her. She hadn’t cried in over twelve years now and at the drop of a hat she was bawling.

“Baby, you’re crying,” Simon whispered, wiping the tear away. “What’s wrong?”

She only gritted her teeth together and closed her eyes tighter; her body shuddered with her new emotion.

“You were serious, weren’t you? You really thought I had left you for good?” He kissed her cheeks. “Open your eyes, Janice, look at me.”

She didn’t. She couldn’t. If she did, that would be the end of her. He would know, she would know, and there would be no going back, no pretending to either of them that she didn’t love him.

“Open your eyes and look at me,” Simon repeated sternly. “I want you to see me when I tell you this.” He nipped at her lip, biting a little harder when she didn’t comply, and a little harder still until her lids fluttered and she opened her eyes.

“I’m not Tommy,” Simon began.

She felt the tremble begin at the top of her head and travel downward. “Why did you leave me?” she asked.

“I didn’t leave you,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “I’ll never leave you, not like that…not without telling you.”

“You didn’t tell me.” Janice felt as though she’d been in this position before, only one of the main players had changed.

“You refused to talk to me. You wouldn’t even look at me. If you had not wanted me to leave all you had to do was talk to me, tell me why you were allowing Tommy to come between us. If you wanted me home all you had to do was call.”

“You left your cell at home. I took that to mean you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“I didn’t want to make it easy for you to talk to me. But you knew Harold would know how to reach me.” He tilted her chin so that he was gazing into her eyes. “Baby, you were aware the staff would know how to reach me. Admit it.”

“I didn’t want to ask them. Why should you have left them with that information and not told me?”

He looked at her thoughtfully for a nanosecond. “You’re right, but what about Harold? You could have called him.” He frowned. “You did call him. Why did it take you so long?”

“You were so angry when you left our bedroom and went downstairs. I didn’t know you were leaving. Then when I figured out that you had…I didn’t know if…I didn’t know if you were coming back. I thought that you had—”

“Listen to me. Don’t compare me with anyone else.” He looked at her. “I wanted to give you some time to come to your senses. I wanted you to know that I meant what I’d said about fidelity on both of our parts. I was pissed big time. You disrespected me and our relationship. I wanted to teach you a lesson. Looks like I went about it all wrong. Like I said, infidelity is the only thing that would tear us apart. I have no plans on being unfaithful to you. Are you planning to cheat on me?”

“No, never.”

Simon smiled at her. “Then we’re good. Trust me, baby, I would never abandon you.”

“Leaving without telling me is abandoning me.” Janice couldn’t believe it. She was appearing weak and vulnerable and as much as she didn’t want that, she wanted even less for Simon not to be a part of her life.

“So, you think I abandoned you without a word?” he asked, looking at her with a hint of a smile around his mouth. He pushed the button on the intercom behind the bed.

“Would you get the package for Ms. Lace that I left for her and bring it to our room.”

“Simon, we’re not dressed,” Janice reminded him as she burrowed under the covers.

“Do you think I’m going to let him come in here? I never want anyone to see you like this but me,” he said and allowed his eyes to roam over her flesh. She turned as the knock sounded on their door.

“Just leave it,” Simon called out. “Thank you.” He bounced from the bed not bothering with a robe; he knew he would have no need for clothes. The moment she was sufficiently satisfied that he was telling her the truth he was determined to drive that point home in other ways. He felt his flesh rising at the thought and he smiled. Crazy woman, how the hell did she think I would ever abandon her?

He opened the door, retrieved the package, brought it back to the bed, and presented it to Janice with a flourish and a smile. “Here is the proof of my innocence.” He smiled broadly. “If you had asked the staff about my whereabouts, they would have given it to you.”

The package was sealed so tightly that Janice knew it hadn’t been opened.Simon handed her a pair of scissors from the drawer and waited. She looked at him, then at the package, wondering what was in it. Her heart fluttered in her chest.

She took out a picture of the front page of the newspaper dated ten days before, along with a note. She glanced at Simon, then began reading.

“I think we need some time apart. I know that I do. That number you pulled with Tommy was foul and totally disrespectful. I have no plans on putting up with that ever again. Maybe you need to not have me in your life for a time in order to admit that you need me and yes, that you love me. If you don’t come to your senses, then maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you don’t love me after all. By the way, my staff located the back issues of Black Rose and Black Train of Thought. I hope you enjoy them. Also, congratulations on making the front page of the paper. I may be upset with you but I’m also very proud of you. Just so you know, I had nothing to do with the mention in the paper. If you want to call me, Harold has the number. If you want to come to me call Harold and he will get the jet ready for you. If you don’t call or come to me I’ll assume that you can live without me. Simon.

Janice’s heart fluttered again. This was nothing like when Tommy left. Simon had made sure she knew she could come to him. As angry as he’d been he had thought of her. She barely glanced at the magazines in her hands. Her eyes skimmed over the newspaper and she blinked away the sudden tears.

“That wasn’t the reason I didn’t call. It’s not that I ever wanted to live without you, but you were so angry when you came to the bookstore.”

“I had reason to be angry.”

“I know,” she answered, “you did. But, Simon, you were playing dirty. You took my worst fear and used it against me.”

“A little, you’re right. But I was desperate and desperate times…” Simon nudged her ear with his nose. “Why do you think I left the paper with the magazine and the note? You’re so darn paranoid that I knew that without proof you wouldn’t believe I had left this for you the night I left.” He tapped the paper. “Look at the date.”

She already had. “I guess maybe I shouldn’t have been so stubborn about calling Harold. You did sort of let me know by leaving this. But, Simon, next time just try telling me.”

“I don’t plan on there ever being a next time. I missed you far too much to ever want to be apart from you again.”

“I missed you too. I really did. I’m sorry for making you feel as though I didn’t care. But you don’t have to worry; Tommy’s not a problem for us.”

“What you had with Tommy was nothing more than puppy love.” He paused and laughed. “Okay, maybe it was real but it was what young people feel. It wasn’t a mature love. Regardless, he was crazy to ever leave you. Don’t lump me with him, baby. I’m not Tommy; I’m not going to hurt you. I love you and you can depend on that always. I’ll be here for you no matter what. I love you,” he said. He saw her attempt to pull away and pulled her back, tilting her chin upwards. “Are you listening to me?”

“I am.”

“Then tell me you know how much I love you, tell me how much you love me.”

“I do.”

“Tell me,” Simon insisted. “Saying the words is not going to stop my loving you. I just want to hear you say them.”

She pulled his face down to hers, kissed him and grinned. “I’m so glad to have you home.”

“I’m glad to be home, baby,” he answered, kissing her back, not forgetting that she hadn’t told him that she loved him. He sighed heavily. “You told me before I left that I had demanded that you marry me. Now I want to ask you, no demands, do you want to marry me?”

“Simon Kohl, I want to marry you. You’re the man that I want, not Tommy Strong.” She tilted her head, “I know what you thought. You were wrong. You’re the man I want in my life.”

“Now tell me that you love me,” he smiled, trying again.

“Simon, I have a hard time saying it, but I do. Know that I do. Besides, the way those words are bandied about I don’t put much stock in them. Can’t we just move past the need for words, for now?” she purred, touching him in his most intimate area. “Why don’t we go downstairs and get a bite to eat.”

Simon grinned from ear to ear as he reached for her. “Woman, you are truly evil. Look at me.” He looked at his erection. “Do you really think I’m in any condition to go anywhere?”

“I know where you can go where that won’t be a problem.”

He watched as she fell back on the mattress, opening up her arms for him, knowing that he wouldn’t resist the delectable treat she was presenting. He knew she’d not said what he wanted to hear but he would let it go for now. He wanted her in his arms. They’d wasted enough time. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly for a long moment before he pulled back in order to kiss her. He felt her shiver, felt her fire and delved deeper, tasting her juices.

“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” she asked, laughing.

“I’m starving,” he answered, “and there is only one thing that can satisfy my appetite.”

Simon swooped down on her and Janice trembled from her head to her toes. He ran his hands up and down her torso, his look melting her. He laved her flesh, suckling her as if he were indeed starving. And all the while his hands were probing, testing. And she moaned as his fingers brushed against her. She felt the juices from her body rushing out of her and felt herself going under, her orgasm fast approaching.

She heard Simon telling her that he loved her and with his words she went under completely, crashing, barely able to breath, choking out his name in surrender.