Many Shades of Gray (17 page)

His eyes zeroed in on her like a laser and she lifted her eyes. She wasn’t glad to see him. That was evident, not only by the expression in her eyes but also by the pinched look around her mouth.

He followed her line of vision as she looked around the room, wondering who she was searching for. Her gaze landed on Tommy and so did his. Then she glanced back in his direction and this time there was a pleading expression on her face. Simon frowned again, wondering exactly what she was pleading for.

“Simon, how are you?”

He turned, saw Donna and Deatri, and pasted a smile on his face. Then he began circulating around the room, shaking hands, chatting, glaring every few seconds at his fiancée who was not making a move toward him. He watched Tommy Strong go over to her, whisper something and stand with her. Simon’s blood boiled.

As he glared directly at Janice, her look changed from one of pleading to mild irritation, to open defiance. And still she didn’t come to greet him. He made his way toward her instead, chatting as he moved, feeling the temperature of the room change with his every breath. He could feel the eyes on him as he stopped in front of Janice. For a long moment he said nothing. Then he leaned in to whisper into her ear. “You’re trying my patience,” he murmured. “You gave me your word.” Then he pulled back and stared at her.

“Would you like some pizza?” Tommy asked. Simon wanted to strangle him. This was partly his doing. Of course Janice had her own mind and she could have done as she’d promised, but he knew that Tommy’s hand had helped mix the brew.

“No thanks,” he said to Tommy, making his voice cold. He looked meaningfully at his watch. “I have,” he stopped and looked at Janice, “we have dinner reservations.” He watched as she dropped the slice of pizza she’d been munching on back onto the paper plate.

“There’s plenty of food,” Tommy insisted. Both Janice and Simon stared at him but he didn’t back off. He looked directly at Simon and said, “It’s a rare occasion to have so many black writers together in one place. Something really important is happening here, don’t you agree? Everyone’s pitching in to help.”

Simon wasn’t going to be baited. Of course he thought what they were trying to accomplish was a good thing. He’d given the man a million dollars to help, money he’d refused to accept, and his fiancée was helping by meeting all of Tommy’s crazy demands. So yes, he agreed it was important.

But he wouldn’t be foolish enough to offer his help again. He looked around the room and saw the quick way everyone turned away. They had been staring at them and he could just imagine what was going through their minds.

“We’re setting our wedding date tonight,” Simon said as his glance slid over to Janice. “That’s pretty important, too, don’t you think?”

“Would you like a glass of wine?” Janice interrupted and handed him her glass, which he took holding her gaze, challenging her to side with Tommy.

“No thanks, I’m driving,” he said and handed the glass back.

“You’re driving?” she asked. “You hate driving.”

“It doesn’t mean I won’t do it when I have to, when there’s a need.”

“There really wasn’t a need.”

“I beg to differ. Since I know how important giving your word is to you, I assumed when you broke it that there was something wrong, a major catastrophe.” He shrugged. “I thought perhaps you were being held hostage.” He glared at her. “I guess I was wrong.”

“I didn’t do this deliberately.” At her words he tilted his head so slowly that her breath caught and she blinked. She’d pushed too far. A feeling of panic filled her, robbing her of her senses. Janice glanced quickly around the room at the black faces watching her, at Tommy with his smirk, daring her to prove that she wasn’t owned by Simon.

Janice brought her gaze to Simon. He was fuming. Until recently she’d only worried about him finding out how much she loved him and having control over her. Now she stood to lose his love before she even told him her feelings about being in a room with so much black talent. They were a connection that she wanted desperately. At the moment it didn’t look as if she could have both.

It was Simon’s move. She waited for him to make a decision. He looked away for a moment. When he looked back at her, disappointment showed clearly on his face. For the first time since he’d come in the door she knew the entire day had been wrong. She’d been so caught up in her past that she was neglecting her present and her future.

“Is there a problem, Simon? I thought Janice was here with your permission.”

This time Janice glared at Tommy. He was being snide and sticking his nose in something that was none of his business. She knew exactly what he was trying to remind her of—that he believed she was owned by Simon. She wanted to warn him but knew it was unwise. She watched as Simon turned in Tommy’s direction.

“There is a problem,” Simon answered. “I’m trying to have a private conversation with my fiancée and you don’t appear to know the meaning of the word private.” He turned slightly toward Janice. “I would suggest that you stop behaving as if I were a fool.”

“Simon, don’t do anything,” Janice continued and touched his arm. His muscles were corded beneath his expensive tailor made suit. He was angry and he had a right to be. She’d not expected him to come to the bookstore after her or make a scene. That would have been the last thing she would have expected.

He was really angry and spoiling for a fight. She felt a twinge of regret, knowing that she’d put him in this position, that she’d made him a promise and had broken it.

She touched her hand again to his arm. She thought at first that he would brush her away but he didn’t. He tilted his head even more to the side and traced a finger down her neck. But she thought he was envisioning strangling her, not making love to her.

She unsuccessfully fought the shiver that invaded her body and licked her lips, not daring to tear her gaze from Simon, knowing that Tommy was standing too close to her, that at any moment one of them would push things to a head. She wanted to tell Tommy to stop but knew his behavior was also due in part to the feelings they’d shared through the day. Something had been resurrected and she knew Tommy was feeling as if he had a right, as if he were the man in her life.

She moved a step closer to Simon, deliberately away from Tommy. She heard a low growl and didn’t know if it was emanating from Tommy or Simon. Glancing around the room, she saw several people looking in their direction. There was no denying the animosity between the two men. The room didn’t lend itself to privacy and even if it had, their combative stances alone would have alerted even the most casual observer.

As she watched, the mood of everyone shifted swiftly. The gaiety was now forced and the tension emanating from the men standing near her, one in front, one to the side, grew so thick as to almost be visible.

She tugged on Simon’s sleeve to pull his gaze from Tommy’s, wondering what had really happened between the two men.

“You want to leave?” she asked.

He glanced at his watch and smiled.

She licked her lips. “Are you sure you don’t want pizza?” she asked, staring straight into his eyes. She wasn’t sure what his expression meant, but she sure as hell knew he didn’t want pizza. She was doing her best to have a normal conversation, trying to pretend that everything was rosy.

“I’m sure, he answered, “but if this was what you meant when you said you wanted Italian for dinner, you go right ahead.” He gave her a half smile and moved away. “I want to have a word with Wayne,” he said.

Simon kept the smile on his lips despite the fact that he was boiling inside. How dare she think that this in any way was a romantic dinner for two? Eat pizza? How the hell could he think of eating anything? He would choke.

His right hand was fisted in his trousers. Simon wanted to punch out Tommy and strangle her. But he wouldn’t. If he made a scene he would only embarrass himself and Janice. But for one blessed moment he hadn’t cared. The pleading look in her eyes had only angered him. She apparently could give her word and keep it to a man who should mean nothing to her, but her word meant less than nothing to the man she was going to marry.

“Simon, how are you?” Wayne asked, sticking his hand out. “It’s been a long time.”

“Too long,” Simon answered, grateful that he now had a reason to bring his balled fist out of his pants.

“Don’t you want something to drink?”

“Maybe a cola,” Simon said, attempting to smile as he reached for a paper cup filled with ice. He filled it and took a sip as he continued talking to Wayne, deliberately keeping his back turned to Janice. If he had to look at her standing next to Tommy Strong as though he were her savior, he would not be able to continue the simple act of civility. If she wanted to behave as if he weren’t important to her, then he’d return the favor. He smiled as Barbara and Lisa joined them, aware that he was talking and laughing a little too loudly.

The sound of Simon’s laughter rang false in Janice’s ears. He was highly upset and had every right to be. Still, she wanted to stay, and she didn’t want him there. It didn’t matter that he belonged; he knew most of the people whereas she’d just met them.

She couldn’t help resenting Simon for knowing a group of black writers when she didn’t. Maybe if Tommy had not pounced on her ignorance of African American publications she wouldn’t be feeling so territorial. But he had and she did. She wanted this gathering of talent, this energy, to be for her.

There was no way to tell Simon how she was feeling, that being in the same room with so many black writers filled her with pride, that as much as Simon wanted to be a part of this he wasn’t.

Janice glanced at Tommy and caught him watching her, as he’d done all day. She knew what he was thinking, that she wasn’t behaving like a woman in love. That, she’d never claimed to be. She made her way up to Simon. “Excuse me,” she said to Wayne. “Simon and I can’t stay long, we have plans. Simon, are you ready to leave?”

He looked at her and she felt the chill.

“Not just yet,” he answered and turned back to talk with Wayne, his refusal telling her that he was giving as good as he got.

She stood there, her face flaming. Then she caught sight of Tommy and realized he had seen the snub. Her face flamed even hotter. Janice held his gaze for a moment longer, then turned back toward Simon. He stared at her, then over Wayne’s head to where Tommy stood.

“Wayne, it was nice seeing you again. I guess my fiancée is right. We do need to leave,” Simon explained.

Janice watched while he shook hands with the man, said goodbye to a few more people, then waited as she paused at the counter to retrieve her books. He carried them to the car. held the door for her, then got in on the driver’s side.

“What the hell did you think you were doing?” he barked the moment he was seated. “You gave me your word.”

“Things happened.”

“I know things happen but there is a new invention called a phone. You have one, I know, I’ve talked with you on it. You could have called. You could have asked me if I minded, you could have invited me to join you,” Simon said, trying hard to keep the hurt from his voice. “Tell me something, Janice. Are you that embarrassed to be seen with me when you’re around a group of black people? It never seems to bother you otherwise.”

“When have we ever been around just a group of black people?” she asked. “In three years it’s never happened.”

“And that is my fault? You’ve never wanted to go to events that were billed as African American functions. I know I’ve asked you.”

He stopped, counted in his head to ten, then started over again. “You are not starting a fight with me over something so stupid. You’re the one who’s never once wanted me to meet anyone from your past, not a friend, not your family. I’ve gotten nothing from you in three years, so don’t you dare.”

“How did my family get brought into this?”

Simon glared at her. “What the hell’s going on? I saw the way you looked at Tommy Strong, is something going on with the two of you?”

“No.”

“Then why are you more worried about his feelings than mine? Would you please tell me that?”

“I’m not,” Janice protested.“You shouldn’t have come looking for me. I’m not a child, I know when to come home.”

“You arrogant little witch,” Simon snapped and before he could stop himself, he grabbed her by the shoulders.

“I have warned you not to keep trying me, but you refuse to listen. Tell me why.” He licked his lips and sighed, letting go of some of the anger. Still, he held her. “I want you to listen to me and listen good,” he began. “If you think you can marry me and have it all in a neat little bundle, think again. There is no such thing as an uncomplicated relationship. You’re a fiction writer, for God’s sake. Can’t you tell the difference? The way you’re acting this moment, do you want me to tell you what you remind me of?”

Only he didn’t wait for her to answer before he began again. “You’re behaving like one of those women that you tell me you read about in books—the ones who are too stupid to live.”

“Did you just call me stupid?” Janice asked, anger fueling her also. She tried to shove his hands from her body.

“Yes. If you think you can treat me this way and not pay the consequences…”

“What are the consequences, Simon? Why don’t you tell me?”