Many Shades of Gray (45 page)

“Fine,” he answered at last. “I hope you find what you’re looking for in his arms.” Then he closed the door and walked away.

Janice went to the window and watched as Simon got in the limo and it drove away.

“This had better work,” she said to the baby in her arms. “If it doesn’t, your mommy and daddy are going to be in a battle to end all battles, because there is no way that I ever plan to leave you.” She gave the baby her finger. “Or your daddy.”

The stubborn jackass, she thought, but she wouldn’t say those words aloud to her son. “I’m going to do my best to keep us a family.” She smiled at the baby.

* * *

Tommy was waiting for her when she entered the restaurant. He had a sort of smirk on his face, making her wonder at her choice for a meeting place. She’d chosen the place because it was quiet, but of course since it was quiet, it had a lot of ambiance, which had apparently given Tommy the wrong impression.

“Hello,” he said, rising to kiss her. Janice turned slightly, ensuring that his kiss landed on her cheek and not on her lips as he intended. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry,” she said, sitting down.

“What, you found out finally that I’m right?”

She ignored him. “I wanted to ask for your forgiveness for not asking you what you thought about my getting an abortion, for not giving you a chance to be involved. All of these years I’ve blamed you and it was wrong. I was wrong. I want you to forgive me, Tommy.”

Tommy sighed and took her hands. “Do you mean that?”

“I mean it. It took me a long time to realize that you did have rights. When Simon held his son in the delivery room I realized what I had taken from you. And I knew I had to tell you how sorry I am for that.”

For minutes she sat in silence while Tommy sat with his eyes closed. When he opened them he looked at her for a long time. “Thank you,” he said. “I’ve waited a long time to hear you say that. I know you hated me, Mary Jo. You had a right to hate me. I hated myself. I always wanted the chance to make it up to you. I think that’s why I’ve been so angry with you, maybe why I…”

“Tried to ruin things with me and Simon?”

“I think so, but I also wanted to see if maybe there was something left.” He squeezed her hand in his. “There isn’t, is there? I could tell it from the moment you sat down. You really do love the guy, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Does he know that you’re here with me?”

“He knows I’m with you, but I’m sure he thinks we’re in bed together having wild sex.” Janice smiled. “He had a little help from you in that department.”

“I’m sorry but it just pissed me off that you would want him and not me. Then you married him. And when you got pregnant it was like a slap in the face to me.”

“Maybe I should have told you this sooner. Then Simon would not have had to be a part of our war. But then again, in a way it took all of this, the past eighteen months, to let me know just how much I do love him.”

Janice looked away for a second before deciding whether to go on. “I’m not saying this to hurt your feelings, Tommy, but I would have thought that after all the things Simon and I have done to each other that I wouldn’t want him, that I would stop loving him. But I haven’t.”

“He’s hurt you much more than I ever have.”

“No, he hasn’t. No matter what we do to each other, all the fights, everything, when I need him I can depend on him, he’s always there for me. He may not go about things in the right way to help me but it’s my happiness he’s thinking of. Even right now, Tommy, if I called and told my husband that I needed him, even if he thought I was here sleeping with you, he would come. He loves me.”

She saw Tommy wince and she gave the hand she was holding a squeeze. “I’m not saying this to hurt you. I’m just telling you Simon isn’t the monster that you want him to be.” She smiled slightly. “When I was in labor I tried to push him away. I told him the baby wasn’t his, that it was yours. I told him I didn’t want him with me.”

“What did he do?”

“He stayed there anyway. I needed him and he knew it.” Janice closed her eyes, feeling overcome with emotions. “He would never leave me, no matter what the reason, but he will allow me to walk away from him.”

“Why are you still having problems?”

“He thinks the worst thing that could happen in a relationship is infidelity. I know that it isn’t and I have to prove that to him. I don’t want him always thinking that you’re a threat to us. I want to prove to him that we belong together.”

“You’re behaving a hell of a lot differently than you were when I first saw the two of you together. Maybe if I had seen this then…Oh hell, I would have still gone after you,” Tommy grinned.

“It took me an awfully long time to thaw. I was afraid that we would end up where we are right now. I know now that this isn’t my worst nightmare. Losing my husband is. Now that I’ve gotten rid of the wall around my heart I have no plans on rebuilding it. I couldn’t if I tried. I love Simon, flaws and all. I’m going to let him believe his worst fears.”

“That you slept with me?”

“Yes. In fact,” Janice paused, then decided to say it anyway, “I thought of going through with it, of going to bed with you. Afterwards I was going to tell you I didn’t want you. I was going to do it to make you feel like a fool, to hurt you. But that was before I knew I owed you an apology. I wanted to use you for hurting Simon. I don’t want that anymore. Besides…”

“Besides, you can’t stand the thought of another man’s hands on your body.”

She smiled. “How did you know?”

“I know you.”

“Wish me luck. Now come on, let’s order lunch, my treat.”

“It really is over isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is. How do you feel?”

“I’m okay with that.” He smiled at her. “You have no idea what your coming here means to me. Thanks.”

Janice smiled. She did know what it meant. She had a son now and she knew what it meant.

* * *

There was one more thing Janice needed to do and that was to ensure a quiet place for Simon to blow his stack. The mansion was always filled with staff but tonight she intended for there to be only her family. She smiled as she thought it. Mack, Simon and she really were a family. And she was going to do everything in her power to make sure they remained one.

Janice’s next stop was the Edwardian. She secured six rooms for two nights for the staff and paid cash, making sure to include more than enough for any expenses. She wanted the management to know that it didn’t have to worry about payment. She wasn’t doing this with Simon’s funds but with her own restored accounts.

When she reached home, she called the staff together and held out the keys. “I have rooms for each of you at the Edwardian for two nights.” She looked at the chauffeur. “I want you all to pack an overnight bag, take the limo and go. I want to be alone with the baby and Mr. Kohl.”

“How soon do you want us to leave?” Marcus asked.

“In the next half hour.”

“I haven’t prepared dinner,” Elizabeth muttered.

“I can cook. Please don’t worry about us. Have a good time.” She held out the keys and one by one the staff took them. “Whatever you want, charge it to the room and it will be taken care of. I’ve already made sure of that. This is my treat,” she said, hoping that would stop them from calling to check with Simon. In less than half the time she’d asked them to leave, the staff was heading out to the limo.

Marcus came back. “Mrs. Kohl, are you going to be all right?”

In all of this time none of the staff had ever asked her if it were true that Simon had hit her. Now it was time to set that story straight.

“I’m going to be fine. Simon never hit me, he never would,” she said, smiling. “Don’t worry about me, but thank you. We’re going to be fine.”

“Will you still be here when we return?”

“That’s my plan.” Janice said. “Say a prayer for us.”

“I will, Mrs. Kohl,” Marcus answered and walked out the door and to the waiting limo.

So the man knew a hell of a lot more than he let on. Why shouldn’t he? The entire world had been made privy to their fight. She intended to make sure they would be soon be privy to their love.

* * *

Running his hand over his face Simon hung up the phone and heaved a sigh of relief before turning toward Harold. He shook his head, deciding to suck it up, to tell Harold that at least one of his evil deeds had been reversed.

“Was that that bastard Eric?” Harold asked.

Simon smiled at Harold’s open dislike of Eric. “Yes, that was him. I finally got him to sell me the leases.”

“How?”

“I told him the truth. When he learned the stores weren’t a part of any big project I’m working on but a part of my insanity, he relented and allowed me to buy them as was the original plan.”

“And?”

“And I’m going to deed them to the people who were leasing them. I’m going to give them the stores, lock, stock and barrel.” Simon grinned and shook his head at his usage of the old cliché.

“How much?” Harold asked.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Last time it was for ten times more than what he’d paid. Is that what you had to pay to get them back?”

“A bit more,” Simon admitted. His eyes met Harold’s and he shrugged. “Penance for my arrogant and evil ways.”

“You’re not evil, Simon.”

Simon smiled but didn’t answer.

“You’re not. You were just going about everything the wrong way, being a bit stubborn, hotheaded and a bastard, but you weren’t evil.”

Simon grinned at the look of pride on Harold’s face. That alone was worth the price he’d paid for the stores. Having his godfather’s respect back was priceless. “I’m glad to know you think so highly of me.” He rose and walked toward Harold, holding out his hand, clasping Harold’s hand in his own and patting him on the shoulder. “I have to go home and play with my son and spend some time with my wife while she’s still my wife.”

“You can change that, Simon. Just ask her to stay, tell her that you’ve undone one wrong.”

“I didn’t buy the leases to gain points with my wife. That was one act I never should have initiated. I didn’t need you to tell me that.”

“When is she planning to leave?”

“I won’t know until I read about it,” Simon said, not bothering to explain to Harold that he’d taken to reading Janice’s book about the two of them. He glanced at his watch. “I really have to go. Janice keeps Mack up until I get home and it’s getting pretty late for him.”

Simon closed his eyes and smiled as he pictured his son’s sweet face. “I never knew I could love so much,” he said. “If I tried to undo my wrongs you might say it’s because I never want Mack to be ashamed of me.”

Simon walked toward the door, then turned back. “I’ve never told you thank you for all that you’ve done for me, for being like a father to me. I love you, old man.”

Janice looked over the words she’d typed. This was the last chapter. She was praying that her plan would work. For the past few weeks she’d been aware that Simon was reading the manuscript and she’d also been aware that he thought it was true. Hopefully her plan wouldn’t ricochet. Hopefully this would be the vehicle that would enable them to repair their marriage and make it stronger.

She looked over the words again, wishing a less drastic approach would be enough but she knew it wouldn’t be. Sooner or later Simon’s jealousy would rear its ugly head again and she would spout off things that she didn’t mean. No, it would be better for them to have the mother of all fights and get it over with. Win or lose, she was going out in the only manner she knew how, swinging. They’d begun their relationship fighting and if it were to be saved, it would be saved by fighting.

“Why are you here,” he asked me. “Have you finally realized that we belong together?”

“Yes, I realize that we have unfinished business.”

“What about your husband?”

“He has what he wants,” I answered, “He has a son. “

“Tell me why you’re here. If you want me to touch you you’re going to have to tell me to do it.”

I looked at the man from my past. “I want you to touch me. I came for you to make love to me. Please,” I begged, moaning, “make love to me.”

He pulled me to his hard body and I felt the steel of his embrace as he held me tightly and shoved his tongue into my mouth. I waited for the sweetness, the wanting, the lust, the need, but it didn’t come. What came instead was a picture of my husband standing in the doorway of the mansion looking at me with our baby son cradled in his arms. His pain was etched so clearly on his face that I almost cried. I closed my eyes to the images. This was my destiny.

It was over quickly. He rolled over to his side. “It’s over, isn’t it? You’re not in love with me.”

“I haven’t been in love with you in twelve years.”

“Then why did you sleep with me?”

He looked at me and I knew he had his answer. Still, confusion clouded his eyes. I shrugged my shoulder and stared at him. A mixture of pity and compassion filled me.