Delete This at Your Peril (23 page)

Bobby

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Hello

Darling, it happen in the night it was the lady's pant! I have am not watching Bonds these days. I love adventurous films, people like Michael Douglas, Kathleen Tuners, Devito.

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Who had the pants on?

Benjamin, So who was wearing the pants? The man?

Have you seen Romancing the Stone? Douglas, Turner, Devito. The old gang back together.

Bobby

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Have a Nice Day

Morning dear,

The man is the one that wear the lady's pant the lady two wears the guy pant!

Yes i have seen the romancing the stone, the jewel of the nile, ruthless people, other people's money!

cheers

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Quiz

Hello Benjamin,

Yes, I am good thanks. They are all wonderful films, and extremely well acted. I think I've seen a book called Other People's Money, about some fraudster guy. I can't believe they named it after a Danny Devito film, what a bunch of fannies. Do you know who this man is? You must do?

Bobby

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Have a nice day

I wouldn't know him poor me. Can you put me through?

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: It's Ralphie

Hello Benjamin, It's Ralphie Milne, the former Dundee United player. Do you mind when women talk about football Benjy? Whenever I try and speak to the men in the bars here about it they say that I only watch football for the legs! I can't bloody win!

Oh Benjamin, I'm very excited, my friend has just called me and asked if I want to go to a party! What should I wear? I can't decide whether to dress in something to get the boys excited or if I should wear something fun.

Bobby

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: The Fun one

Bobby, wear something fun! You have an excited boy here that is all you wish for! I wish you a good luck, am not going out. Yes you can talk soccer. Will be thinking of you,

Benjamin

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Ooh my head!

Benjamin,

How are my dear? Aargh, my head is so sore! I drank too much wine at the party because I was so hot. The only fun outfit I had was a rabbit costume and it was absolutely roasting. Do you know any good hangover cures?

Bobby

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Have a nice day

Darling,

Once a while, it is good to satisfy one like that. Please drink a lot of water, or you top it with the same brand of drink. I hope it really fun?

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Good Idea

Thank you Benjamin, I will try that.

I have an idea, let's write a poem together. It's what lovers do in my country, one line at a time.

I'll start –

Bobby and Benjamin are new friends…

Now you write your line! It's fun!

Bobby x

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: so funful!

So lovely darling. Am working on some arrangement that will surely be of great blessing to our RELATIONSHIP! Am right about using this word? So nice an idea, so funful, ok my first line and second line.

YES BENJAMIN AND BOBBY HAVE JUST STARTED SOMETHING SO GREAT,

HOW SWEET WILL IT BE IF IT CAN BE BUILD WELL IN A SOLID FOUNDATION!

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Lovely stuff

Here we go you big sausage –

Even though they live in very distant nations…

Can't wait to see your new line, your others have been ok, but maybe try and make it rhyme?

Bobby x

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Benjamin and Bobby poem

Bobby and Benjamin are new friends,

Yes Benjamin and Bobby have just started something so great,

How sweet will it be if it can be build well in a solid foundation!

Even though they live in very distant nations

Yes this shouldn't count since they have strong feeling…

Benjamin x

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Very nice

Maybe one day they will live together in Ealing…

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Benjamin and Bobby poem

Bobby and Benjamin are new friends,

Yes Benjamin and Bobby have just started something so great,

How sweet will it be if it can be build well in a solid foundation!

Even though they live in very distant nations

Yes this shouldn't count since they have strong feeling

Maybe one day they will live together in Ealing

Very possible if really they both wish.

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Last bit

I wonder if Benjamin likes fish?

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Benjamin and Bobby poem

Bobby and Benjamin are new friends,

Yes Benjamin and Bobby have just started something so great,

How sweet will it be if it can be build well in a solid foundation!

Even though they live in very distant nations

Yes this shouldn't count since they have strong feeling

Maybe one day they will live together in Ealing

Very possible if really they both wish

I wonder if Benjamin likes fish?

Yes he like eating fish so much this days!

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Ok that'll do

OK Benjamin, that'll do us there.

Well done, what a wonderful poem. I had a great day today. My friend

Carol came round to the house and we washed my car together and made it look all pretty. I have attached a photo of Carol larking about on the car. I was going to get her to take a photo of me to send you but I am too shy!! I am worried that you won't think I am beautiful.

Bobby x
⁴³

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: cheers

Whoa! Darling you have share your today joy with me! I can't wait to see your picture, i will love it don't worry. WHOM DO YOU DREAM ABOUT?

One day you will drive me, or won't you? (Bobby, i have one thing in my character I don't like people that doubt about what take their time.) I love it what is the car name? Thank you for brighting this joy. (Bobby, i have one thing in my character i dont like people that doubt on what they do).

I am working on an exciting business model for us that will help our future, my dear. It will need a little investment but not so much,

Benji

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Test

Benjamin,

Hello my darling, thank you for your kind words. The car is called

HOTPOT. Benjamin, Carol told me that I should give you a ‘gentleman's test'. It's three questions and you have to say what you would do in these situations –

1. We are in a bar and another woman comes over and asks you to kiss her or touch her knockers. What do you do?

2. I am in HOTPOT and I wipe out an entire flock of sheep because I'm doing my lipstick. What do you do?

3. I eat a lot of lovely ham and get very, very fat. What do you do?

Bobby x

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Gentleman test indeed

OK my answer

I will honestly never response to any other woman kisses when am with you

I have to stand by you under any situation as long as i love you, not only when it happen in my present but even in my absent. If this happens with HOTPOT I would help you as I could.

Yes, a change in your look will never have any effect in my love for you as long as i love you.

So what about the photo?

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: Dreamboat

Oh Benjamin,

You are wonderful. I am so nervous about sending you my photo! I do not have the courage yet. Please, can you send your one first? That would
make me feel a lot better. I am so excited about seeing you, and showing you off to Carol and the rest of the girls! In the meantime, what is your favourite animal? I am generally lion mad but I also have a soft spot for the Australian kangaroo.

Bobby x

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: AM I CORRECT?

Dear,

My best animal is DOG I have one called Sharp. Am already having a feeling I can't express. I will send photo as soon as it is possible for me to do the scanning. Meanwhile, there is something that worries me. I seem to have told you much about me but you never say anything or you are not clear? You are interested in the business I mention?

Benjamin

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: My House

Benjamin,

I cannot wait to see the photo. I know that it will make me feel as if my heart is, quite literally, on fire. Well, what else do you want to know about me? I get upset when people are cruel to animals, or when I drop some of my lovely ham on the kitchen floor or I can't get my hair to look nice.

Talking about the old ‘Badger's Lair' (hair), I am going to go to the hairdresser's at the weekend to get my hair looking nice and pretty for when I have my photo taken for sending to you. I hope you like it!

Bobby x

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: DO YOU BELIEVE

Bobby,

Would you be hurt if I ask this question. Are you serious with me? Do you believe in love, I mean real love BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN? I think to love means that one might need to sacrifice? Things like money?

Benjamin

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From: Bob Servant

To: Benjamin Suma

Subject: I see what you mean

Benjamin,

Yes, I believe that love means many sacrifices. God knows I found that out with my last boyfriend. He was a nasty man that used to call me names.

He used to say that I was mental and that he wasn't my boyfriend, he was just my next-door neighbour and that I wasn't even a woman! He was an idiot, I'm glad he's not my boyfriend any more. He used to say ‘stop messing about Bob, you're scaring me'. He was called Frank and he was a real hunk.

Where is your photo?

Bobby x

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From: Benjamin Suma

To: Bob Servant

Subject: My Picture