Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) (47 page)

Barely able to fight
the urge to repeat,
no the
person behind you
, I give in and tell the man that I love
what he wants to hear and a little more.

“I love you, Jaxon.
Only you. I love that you’re the one constant in my life. Despite
everything we’ve put each other through, I love you. It’s always
just been you, Jax. It will only ever be you.”

Jax leans his forehead
against mine. Jax moves in to kiss me but I pull away slightly.
There’s still one more thing that needs to be settled before I give
myself over to him . . . Well two things actually.

“There is nothing
more I want to do right now than get lost with you all night, but I
need you to clear up something for me.”

“Anything, Ads, all
you have to do is ask.”

“Are you done
shutting me out? Are you done running? If you’re not, tell me now,
because there will be no coming back to me if you leave me again. I
can’t play this game with you anymore, Jax. So if you don’t think
that you’ll be able to stay, leave now.”

“There is nothing
that can push me away from you. Not even your brother. I’m so sorry
for betraying your trust repeatedly. I love you, Ads. I want to be
with you, nobody else. No more running, I promise.”

I start to smile, but I
realize that he didn’t answer my first question.

“What about shutting
me out? Are you gonna open up to me?”

“Are you going to
open up to me?” he challenges.

I bite my lip,
stalling. I would be easy to say yes, but I can’t. I don’t know
how. I’ve kept everyone at arm’s length for so long. It seems
impossible to let even Jax in. What if I let him in and I lose him?

“I don’t know how,”
I finally admit.

“How about we try
together? It won’t be easy for me to open up, either, even if it is
to you.”

“Perfect.”

“You’re perfect,”
he says huskily.

I roll my eyes. I’ve
never known Jax to be this cheesy, but it sounds adorable coming out
of his mouth. I’m pretty sure anything sounds adorable coming out
of his mouth. All thoughts quickly float away as Jax presses his lips
to mine. He traces my bottom lip with his tongue, seeking entrance. I
open my mouth and moan when his tongue does devilish things to me.
It’s one of the soul-breaking kisses. A kiss that ruins you. I know
I will never have a kiss this intense with anyone else. It’s
impossible.

I tangle my fingers
into his hair. Jax bends and picks me up bridal style and carries me
to my bed, as if I weigh nothing. Laying me down gently onto it, Jax
breaks the kiss and memorizes my face by tracing my eyebrows, my
cheeks, my lips, even my nose.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”
I pull his face closer to me so that our lips are almost touching.
“Now show me how much I mean to you.”

Jax gives me his famous
grin before kissing my nose, my cheeks, my forehead, everywhere
except for the one place I need him the most. I groan in annoyance
when he kisses around my mouth, never touching my lips. He’s doing
this on purpose.

“Patience.”

“I hate you.” I
breathe heavily.

“I love you too,
Ads,” Jax says with delight in his voice.

Kissing a trail from my
jaw line to my neck, he licks my earlobe, and makes me moan
embarrassing loud. He moves back down to my collarbone, switching
from wet kisses to licks, to my personal favorite, bites. God, the
things this man can do with his mouth should be illegal.

It’s
because he has had a lot of practice.
I hate that stupid
voice in my head right now. I try to block it out, to stay here with
Jax. It doesn’t matter, they were all before me. I won’t be one
of those women that fault a man for their past. It’s in the past.
How far in the past? A month? A
week? A day?
Fuck. Without any conscious thought, I drag
him up.

“What’s wr—”

“I only had sex with
you,” I blurt out.

His fingers brush the
hair out of my face. “I know.”

“How?” I ask even
though I don’t want to hear the answer.

He’s now frowning,
which worries me. I know whatever he’s about to say, I’m not
going to like. He moves our linked hands so they’re stretched over
my head.

“Don’t get mad. I
mean it. I don’t want to have to restrain you.”

I nod.

“The only guy you
were with in high school was me. I assumed you didn’t get close
enough to anyone after the accident. Plus I keep close tabs on you,
as well as your brother when it comes to your dating life. I was
getting a little nervous with Kohen being in the picture, but when we
all hang out, you two never give off that intimate vibe.”

“Wait. How do you
know I didn’t sleep with someone in high school after you left me?
You were on the other side of the country.”

Jax looks everywhere
but at me. Whatever it is, isn’t going to be good.

“Jax . . .” I
prompt.

“I didn’t leave
you. I was at NYU. I was going to transfer to be closer to you and .
. . ”

“And what?”

A broken expression
crosses over his face that I recognize all too well. Regret.

“And then we stopped
talking. The accident happened and then you moved here.”

There’s something
about the way he averts his gaze that makes me think he’s lying. It
doesn’t make sense. There’s no reason why he would lie to me.
But
isn’t there?

“Is there something
you’re keeping from me?” I murmur.

For some reason I know
there is, and I don’t think I’m ready for the truth. A memory
pushes it’s way to the forefront of my mind, but I can’t grasp
it. There’s a blockage, and something within me knows it’s too
painful to remember. I have my answer when he finally opens his eyes.
They’re filled with unshed tears. I shake my head. I’ve never
seen him like this, so whatever it is, I don’t want to know.

“Make me forget,” I
whisper before bringing his lips to mine.

It takes a second of
coaxing until he responds. When his tongue caresses mine, my thoughts
evaporate. The only thing left is Jax. I focus on the way my
breathing matches his, the way his hand trembles slightly as he
touches my bare shoulder. He’s everything, taking away any painful
memories. He deepens the kiss. Tangling one hand into my hair, he
slowly runs his other hand down my body. I bite his lower lip while
moaning into his mouth.

That seems to light a
fire in him because he growls right before he bites my collarbone.
Hard enough that I yelp in surprise, but gentle enough that it still
feels incredible. I wither underneath him, trying to satisfy a need
only Jax can fill.

“Jax.”

“Patience,” he says
with that sexy bedroom voice of his that I love.

“Please,” I plead
as I unbutton his shirt.

Jax looks down at me
with dark, hungry eyes before taking off his jacket and dress shirt.
My eyes greedily soak up his naked chest while my hands roam his
chiseled abs.

“This dress will look
better on the floor.” Jax whispers into my ear before nibbling on
my ear lobe, making me moan in response.

The next second he’s
gone. Before I can protest, he drags me to him. He holds his hand out
to me. I take it and he helps me stand. Before placing my hands on
his shoulders, he trails kisses from my palm all the way up to my
collarbone. He repeats this process with my other arm, making my skin
break out in goosebumps.

This
man is going to be the death of me.

He turns me around so
that my back is to him. Then Jax starts rubbing my shoulder blades
while kissing the back of my neck. I’ve never been this turned on
in my life. Every part of my skin that he has touched is on fire.

Ever so slowly, Jax
unzips my dress, pressing his lips to the skin he exposes. He’s
dragging this on, teasing me. I just want to be with him again. It’s
been too long.

“Please,” I beg.

Jax ignores my pleas
and finishes unzipping my dress while I squirm, trying to relieve the
tension that has been building up. I’m surprised when my dress
doesn’t fall to the ground immediately. OH MY GOD. He’s trying to
kill me. I attempt to step away from him so that I can yank off my
dress, but Jax’s grip on me is unbreakable.

“I finally have you
again, Ads. I’m going to take my sweet time with you. I’m going
to etch your entire body with my tongue.”

I’m about to say
something in response, but every thought leaves my mind when I feel
his tongue lick from the bottom of my spine to my neck. Holy-hotness.

“Let me learn your
body again,” he says as he lets my dress sail to the floor.

Jax sucks in a breath
as if he’s in pain. I’m glad that I decided on the barely-there
panties. The brazilian briefs are a tease since they’re
see-through.

Tugging me into him so
my naked body presses against his, Jax trails his hands up my thighs,
over my waist, and grazes my breast. I can’t take this foreplay any
longer. When Jax kneads my shoulders, I shift my head slightly and
bite on his hand before facing him.

“My turn,” I say in
a sultry voice that surprises me.

I hungrily kiss Jax
while my nails rake down his torso. I use one hand to squeeze his
tight ass that I will have my teeth in by the end of the night and
use my other hand to tease him. Using just the tips of my fingers, I
trace a light path over the hard ridge in his pants, making him growl
in the back of his throat.

Pay-back is a bitch.

Smiling wickedly at
him, I place small open-mouthed kisses over his heart. When I reach
his nipple, I gently bite it before moving to the next one. I take my
sweet time with him, enjoying when his muscles contract underneath
me. Slowly, making my way down his torso I use the same agonizing
pattern Jax used with me; switching from licking, to biting, and wet
kisses. Unbuttoning his pants, I drop to my knees in front of him,
enjoying the shocked expression on his face.

“Ads,” Jax pleads
with his bedroom voice.

“Patience,” I mock
before I slide his zipper open with my teeth, a trick I practiced on
him years ago.

Running my greedy hands
over his abs, I grab ahold of his briefs and pants and pull them
down. I had every intention of making him beg. I really did. I wanted
him begging me to touch him. I wanted him to feel just a fraction of
how I felt when he was undressing me.

My hands dig into his
hips and drag him closer to my mouth. He brushes my hair out of my
face and tilts my chin up. He’s watching me in awe with pitch black
eyes. I blow out the breath I didn’t know I was holding, making Jax
groan in response. I lick the crease in the middle of the head.
Licking up the first drop, I open my mouth to take him but Jax
roughly grabs me by the shoulders and throws me onto my bed.

“What—”

Jax’s aggressive kiss
swallows my protest. Jax is done with me acting like I’m in
control. I don’t know why, but a man in control in the bedroom is
the sexiest thing in the world.

Jax slows down the kiss
until his lips barely brush against mine. I arch up to him, trying to
get closer. Jax and I stare at each other without speaking, but
saying everything without words. Reaching up with one hand, I caress
his face. He leans into my hand before sweeping the softest kiss on
the inside of my palm.

“I want you, Jax.”

“You have me,” he
says with a grin.

I open my mouth to tell
him in detail exactly how I want to have him, but Jax catches my lips
with his teeth. I moan into his mouth, wrap my legs around his waist
and dig my nails into his shoulders when he grinds into me, making me
wetter than I thought was possible. My panties are soaked.

“Oh God,” I moan
again when I feel him rub against my core.

“You’re so wet,”
he growls right before nipping my neck.

Needing release, I
reach in between our sweat-covered bodies and trace the head of his
dick with my thumb. I’m rewarded with Jax cursing before he sucks
on my earlobe. I shut off my mind and let my body take over.

I lick Jax’s chest at
the same time that I slide off my panties. Jax sits up on his knees
and finishes removing them. Each time his fingers touch my skin, I
moan. I need him. I need him like I need air to breathe. When my
panties are finally off, Jax brings them to his nose and inhales
deeply.

Holy-hotness that was
hot. I bite my lip thinking about where else I want him to put his
face. Jax licks his way up my body making me a withering, moaning
mess. His lips are everywhere. Tenderly he cups my breasts before
bending down and tracing my nipples with his tongue. I moan while
arching into his mouth. I rake my nails down his back as he moves
lower and lower. He dips his tongue in my belly button. Without
pause, he moves even lower. It’s been too long since I’ve had him
touch me like this.

“Watch me,” he says
huskily.

I use my elbows to
support me as I watch him spread my pussy with his fingers. My
breathing becomes nonexistent as he bends his head down to my
throbbing clit. He licks the length of my pussy before sucking hard
on my clit. I scream in pleasure as my heart kicks into overdrive.

He rolls my clit in his
mouth. I pull at the sheets, desperate for my release. His fingers
trace the outside of my pussy, spreading the juices, before he
penetrates me with two fingers.

“You’re so tight.”
He blows on my clit and I moan my response.

He stretches me with
his fingers, preparing me for his impressive size. The pleasure is
building fast, I’m almost there. I yank at his hair, stopping him.
His eyes meet mine and his lips glisten from my juices. I moan at the
sight.

“I need you,” I
whisper.

He inserts a third
finger. I grind into his hand, loving the feeling of him. I hold back
my release. I don’t want to cum without him.