Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) (43 page)

“You two aren’t
talking, and you haven’t hung out in I don’t even know how long.
Clearly you guys aren’t over it, Addie.”

I don’t bother
objecting. There’s no point. Jax and I aren’t friends. That isn’t
going to change. I’ve given him every chance in the world and he
still avoids me. It sucks, but I’ve accepted it.

“He misses you.”

I laugh. “Right!”
Sarcasm laces my voice.

“Even if he won’t
admit it, he misses your friendship. Ever since you guys had your
falling out months ago, he’s been different . . . lost almost.”

I desperately want his
words to be true, but sadly they’re not. If they were, then Jax and
I would have been able to get back to normal. We haven’t and it’s
not from a lack of trying on my part, either.

“We were never that
close,” I say, even though Logan won’t believe me. I don’t even
believe myself. “If he’s lost, it’s not because of me. I’m
just his best friend’s little sister. I’ve never been his
friend.”

I hate how small my
voice gets. That is what I fear most with Jax. That he puts up with
me for Logan’s sake.

Logan gives me
the-don’t-be-stupid look. “You two have been friends since
childhood.”

“No, you two have
been friends since childhood. I was the little girl that you let tag
along.”

Logan stands. I take
his offered hand.

“You are as much of
his friend as I am. He needs you in his life, Addie, and I know you
need him, too.” He gazes out at the city before he continues. “You
two have been friends for so long. You shouldn’t throw that away
over something stupid.”

“He told you why we
got in a fight?”

“No, he didn’t have
to. Whatever you guys fought over is stupid if you two aren’t
talking. So swallow your pride and talk to him again.”

I let out my breath. I
thought Jax told Logan about everything that happened between us. I’m
relieved he didn’t. I don’t think my brother would take it badly,
but I’m sure he doesn’t want to know that his best friend slept
with his sister.

“It’s not pride. He
just doesn’t want to fix things.”

“He’s your friend.
Just call him.”

“I’ll think about
it, that’s the best I can offer.”

“I’ll take it. Now
that it’s settled, let’s talk about more important matters,”
Logan says as he leads me to his living room.

Whenever I enter this
room, one picture always steals my attention. The picture of our
parents on their wedding day. They smile at each other, and in that
one moment, the photographer captured the love my parents had for
each other. It steals my breath away each and every time. I force
myself to glance away and make my feet carry me to the grey couch.

“There’s more
important matters than Jax and I making up? No!” I grab my chest
dramatically.

Logan shakes his head
at me, but I know he thinks I’m funny. It’s hard not to, I’m
hilarious.

“The fundraiser
tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

I don’t know what to
say. I know it’s for a great cause. It raises money for foster
care. My dad would be happy that we’ve kept it going, I just hate
the looks I get from everyone there. I feel like I’m in that dream
everyone has. The one when you show up to school naked and everyone
points and laughs. Instead of being naked, I’m the girl who
survived. Instead of laughing, everyone gives me sad smiles like they
understand. They don’t.

“So will you?”
Logan asks.

“What?”

“You really need to
stop spacing out.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I’m working on it.” I roll my eyes at him. “Seriously, what’s
up?”

Logan runs his hand
through his buzzed cut brown hair. A gesture I know well. He’s
stalling.

“I think you should
give the speech this year.” He raises his hands up to stop me from
interrupting him. “Before you say no and give me every excuse in
the book, just think about it.”

“Besides the fact
that everyone expects the speech to be by you, not me, I still can’t
do it.”

“Why?”

“You do realize the
event is tomorrow, right?” I ask him.

“Your point?”

“My point? Oh, I
don’t know, maybe that I can’t write it, practice and in less
than twenty-four hours give a speech that I’m not prepared for.”

“Okay, I’ll give
you that, but what’s the real reason.”

Logan crosses his arms
over his chest. I know he won’t drop this until I tell him why I
can’t. My brother is stubborn.

“I just can’t give
the speech. I can’t deal with the stares from everyone.”

“You can do whatever
you set your mind to, Addie. And they’re not staring at you in the
way you think. They’re staring at you because they can’t believe
that after everything you’ve been through, you’re still here.
It’s something we all admire, especially me.”

“With a speech like
that, I can’t wait to hear what you come up with tomorrow.”

“So you won’t do
it?”

I shake my head because
that’s my usual answer. Each year Logan asks me and each year I say
no. I know he thinks this year will be different. So far this year
has
been different.
I’ve been different. But it’s still not the year for me to stand
up in front of everyone and give a speech.

“Not this year, but
maybe next year.”

Logan thinks about it
for a second. “Fine, are you actually going to stay and listen this
year?”

“I promise I’ll
try. You know I hate these things.”

“No you don’t, you
love them.”

“No, I love the
pretty dresses. That’s about it. Everyone there is always so fake.”

“And you wouldn’t
know anything about being fake in public?”

I shrug. We both know
it’s true. I’m not the only one guilty of that though, everyone
does it. Nobody wants the world to really see them. They want that
one special person to break down the walls and accept them as they
are. The only difference between everyone and me is that I don’t
want anyone to break down my walls. I like them in their place.
Without them I would be naked. Nobody has the patience to break down
my walls anyway. With me, every brick that falls, another one comes
back in its place.

After eating an early
dinner with my brother, I return home. I still can’t get over that
my awkwardness with Jax is obvious to everyone. I thought we were
doing a pretty good job acting like everything was fine. Guess I was
wrong.

I know my brother is
right. I should talk to Jax. I’ve avoided him as much as he’s
avoided me.

I tell myself this is the last
chance that I will give Jaxon Chandler. That’s what I want to
believe anyway, but deep down I know it’s bullshit. I will always
give Jax every chance in the world. I wish I had more backbone when
it comes to him. Maybe one day. Yeah, one day I’ll be able to say
enough is enough and mean it. Too bad today isn’t that day. I send
him a quick text, needing to get this over with before I lose my
nerve.

Me:
We need to talk . . . Can you come over?

Jax:
Sure. What time

Not gonna lie, his quick response
surprises me. Not as much as him agreeing to come over. I bite my
lip, wondering if I should freshen up. I quickly shake that idea out
of my head. I do not want to look good for him. I’m glad that I
just got done working out with Logan. I’m definitely not looking my
best right now.

Me:
Now?

Jax:
See you soon.

I sit on my couch and
wait. A little less than twenty minutes later, I hear him outside my
apartment. I wonder where Jax was because I know he wasn’t at his
place. It’s not possible to get to each other’s building in this
short amount of time.

That’s not the point.
I need to focus on the matter at hand.

Calm
and collected. No yelling. Just stay calm and collected.
Calm and collected, should be easy right? From my spot on the couch I
can hear him sliding a key into the lock. I stand, all previous
thoughts vanish. I march over to the foyer.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” I
say a little too loudly before he can even close the door.

“Hello to you too,
Ads,” Jax says.

Fucking cocky bastard.
He walks past me to my living room and sits on the coffee table. I
despise arrogant Jax. At least it’s easier to stay mad at him when
he’s like this.

“Why do you still
have a key? Never mind, it doesn’t matter,” I say when I realize
that I never demanded it back. I blame The God for distracting me.

“What matters then?”
he asks before I can finish my train of thought.

I point my finger at
his face.

“Me?”

He slides his keys in
his back pocket. If he didn’t ask “me” in a way that sadly
makes my skin ignite, I would be a little nicer. Too bad Jax is the
only man who can make me want to kill him and kiss him at the same
time. I am not going to be nice or easy on him. I may be losing it
here, but I can’t find the will to care.

I’m pissed. I’m
outraged that he’s hardly talked to me and just swaggers in here.
Who does he think he is? I bite my lip in a way that I think is sexy
and look him up and down. I watch him closely to see if I can ignite
a reaction. All I want is a small one. Bingo! He swallows loudly and
his pupils dilate. It’s the exact reaction I wanted.

“Yes you,” I say in
a voice that I hope is seductive.

I know I’m playing
with fire here.

“Me?” he asks
again, this time his voice a little deeper.

I smile on the inside
knowing that I got to him. I narrow my eyes at him. I’m done
playing with fire now.

“Who do you think you
are, Jaxon? We’ve barely talked in months. MONTHS! And you just
walk in here like you own the place. Who does that?”

“Ads, calm down, it
hasn’t been months we just saw each other at brunch. Besides, I
don’t see why you’re making such a big deal. I’ve always had a
key and I’ve always used it. I don’t see why you would care now.”

“Calm down? Really,
you want to tell me to calm down?” I shove him back a little. “A
key to someone’s place is either from a friend or a lover. You
aren’t my friend and you are definitely not my lover, Jaxon!”

I know I should calm
down, but now that he’s here, all sense has left. Did I even have
any to begin with?
Not when he’s
near.

“Talking is having a
conversation. Not nodding your head and saying hello and goodbye to
each other,” I say with venom dripping out of my voice.

“We are friends! I
don’t know what else you want from me, Ads!”

“We’re friends,
really? Okay, Jax, since we’re such close friends, what’s been
going on in my life? Because I have no idea what’s going on in
yours! That’s not a friendship and you know it!”

Jax’s silence angers
me more.

“Exactly! You have no
idea what’s been going on in my life because you haven’t been
here! You’ve been avoiding me for no reason! We slept together
again, get over it! I have!”

Jax opens his mouth to
say something, but I talk over him.

“You want to know
what I want? I want you, Jax! I want you in my life! I don’t care
about the stupid bullshit that happened between us. It was nothing
and didn’t mean anything to either one of us. I just want my friend
back.”

“Ads, I haven’t
been avoiding you. I’ve been busy with work and you know that we
are friends.”

“It’s Adalynn! Not
Ads!”

“Come on, Ads, don’t
be like this.”

Jax makes an attempt to
embrace me, but I step out of reach. His arms fall to his side. I
will not let him walk all over me like this again. I deserve the
truth.

“It’s Adalynn, not
Ads! We’re not friends so you don’t get to have a nickname for
me!”

I shake my head when he
moves closer. I know if he touches me, I will lose it. I will
collapse into his arms and breathe in his heavenly scent. I can’t
do that. It can’t be that easy, not this time.

“If you’re going to
lie to me than at least come up with a better excuse!” I shout.

“It is the truth! I’m
not lying to you. I’VE BEEN FUCKING BUSY! Get over yourself,
ADALYNN!” he shouts right back at me.

“You’re not lying?
Go fuck yourself, Jaxon! If you have enough time to take a shit you
have enough time to send me a text to ask how my day was or respond
to one of the millions texts I’ve sent you!”

Jax takes two long
strides and gets in my face. I can feel the anger rolling off him. I
know he’s about to lose that self-control he’s so big on. Good!

“Don’t try to act
all high and mighty, Adalynn! Talking is a two-way street! You can’t
blame this all on me!”

“You’re right,
talking is a two-way street. Too bad you NEVER PICK UP YOUR PHONE!
It’s kind of hard to carry a conversation with myself.”

Jax pulls out his
phone. “Really, when have you called me lately? I don’t see any
missed calls from you, princess!”

Do
not kill him. Do not kill him.

“Don’t you dare try
to turn this around on me!”

I yank his phone out of
his hand and throw it at the wall. His phone shatters. Well I guess
I’m going to have to settle for killing his phone.

“Are you crazy!” he
shouts at me at the same time I shout, “I have called you! I’ve
given you every chance in the world, Jax. Repeatedly I’ve tried to
fix us, but I can’t do it alone!”

“Maybe I don’t want
to fix this, ever thought of that?”

I’m too shocked to
say anything. I clutch my stomach as if he punched me. His verbal
abuse isn’t over, he’s just getting started.

“The world doesn’t
revolve around you, Adalynn!”

“I know that!” I
snap.

“Then act like it!”
he shouts back.

“What are you talking
about? ”

“Nothing, forget it.”

“No, I will not
forget it! If you have something to tell me, then say it!”