Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) (40 page)

When we finally gain
strength, we trudge to our water bottles. Harper collapses on the
ground and doesn’t move. She just closes her eyes. If I didn’t
see her chest rising and falling with each heavy breath, I would
think she was dead. I do a quick stretch with my arms. Hopefully if I
stretch enough, I won’t hate myself tomorrow for overdoing it.

I rinse out my dry
mouth before sipping from my water bottle. I want to drink it all,
but that will give me cramps. Harper heaves loudly and sits up. She
chugs her water. Without any grace, I drop down right next to her. I
stare at the trees in front of us. I know I need to tell her. Now.
Quick and painless like ripping off a Band-Aid.

“I had the great
pleasure of meeting Jax’s current slut. Today. At lunch,” I tell
her point blank.

Harper’s surprise
quickly morphs into anger. She pretty much is spot-on to how I felt
in that bathroom. I still can’t believe how little the world is. I
can’t even put into words how small I felt sitting on the toilet
listening to the troll tell her friend about Jax.

“Back up. Who is she?
Where were you? And how do you know she’s sleeping with Jax?” I
don’t even have time to answer her before she’s shooting off a
new round of questions. “Most importantly, have you talked to Jax?
When do you see him again?”

My hands rip out the
grass. I force them to lay flat on the ground as I fill her in. I was
kind of hoping she wouldn’t ask that question. The answer makes me
look like a psycho. I sigh heavily, and lay down. I stare up at the
sky, different hues of purple and pink with a splash of red. I wish I
had my camera to capture the scene in front of me. Its beauty is so
simple, it’s magic.

“I asked her if she
was talking about Jaxon. Her friend answered me. Even asked if I was
his girlfriend. When I told them that I was just his friend’s
little sister, the troll stopped looking at me like I was a threat.”

“Please tell me this
story ends with you throwing something at her, or at least calling
her a troll to her face?”

I love her. I shake my
head. “I wish.”

“What happened next?”

I tell Harper in detail
everything that happened. Even the parts I didn’t intend on telling
her; feeling like my heart broke into tiny little pieces, how angry I
was at myself. Surprisingly, I tell her about pretending, about
making it seem like I was perfect on the outside, even though I am
far from perfect. It’s amazing how easy it is to bare my soul to
her. As much as I keep telling myself to be quiet, words continue to
flow out of my mouth.

“Nobody’s perfect,
Addie,” Harper finally says when I’m done.

“I know that. It’s
just . . . I don’t know. Hard to explain, I guess. I hate when
people can really see me. See how broken I am. I hate feeling like
everyone can see how easily I can shatter. I guess that’s why I do
it. It’s become easier over the years pretending to be someone I’m
not. It’s easier to become the person I want the world to see than
the person I really am.”

“I think letting the
world see the real you is better than pretending to be someone you’re
not. If anyone doesn’t like the real you, then that person doesn’t
deserve to be in your life, Addie.”

Harper lays down on the
cold grass beside me. I don’t know how to respond. I don’t like
people getting to know me. Probably more from fear than anything.
Just something else I need to work on. I want to be the person that
tries, not the person that gives up because something horrible
happened.

My family wouldn’t
want me to give up my life. They would want me to live, to enjoy
life. For them, I need to try. It won’t be easy, something will
tempt me to return to the dark shadows, but this time I will fight. I
want to stay in the light. I don’t want the horrors of my past to
trap me in the dark.

Harper sits up again.
Dusk has fallen. Time to head back. I need to soak in a hot bubble
bath for at least an hour to relax the muscles I over-worked. Which
makes me think of making Harper work just as hard. A thought I don’t
like.

“I’m sorry about
the intense run. I promise next time it won’t be like that. I kind
of lost myself in my head.” I hold out my hand to help her up.

She takes it. “It
gives me an excuse to go to the spa and get a nice, long massage.”

I grab both of our
waters and toss Harper hers. A spa day and massage sounds wonderful.
I haven’t been to one in almost seven years. Since Hadley and I
worked our butts off to surprise Mom with a day at the spa. My dad
found chores around his office and at home so we could earn enough
money for Mother’s Day.

“We should make a day
out of it. I can make reservations for this weekend if you don’t
have any plans,” she says, reading my mind.

“It’s a date. My
treat,” I tell her because I know her. She will insist on paying.

We argue back and forth
as we leisurely walk back to my apartment. Cabs and town cars fill
the street. A large group of people wait for the crosswalk. As we
crossing the street, I get a brilliant idea. I’ll force her to
spend time with Connor. She told me she doesn’t feel worthy, not in
so many words, but I know that’s how she feels. I want her to know
she is worthy, of anything and anybody. I’m going to give her a
push in the right direction.

“Fine, I’ll let you
buy.” I wait to see the smile that she saves for when she’s won.
She is so wrong. “One condition. You have to go somewhere with me,
no questions asked, and wear what I put you in.”

She pretends to
contemplate the deal, but I know I already have her. She isn’t one
to back down to anything. She’s not that type of girl, if she were,
we wouldn’t get along as well as we do. If only she knew what I was
planning. This is going to be fun. I hate that my part of
our-soon-to-be-deal won’t happen for a few more weeks. I hate
waiting.

“Deal!” she sings
as she holds her hand out for me to shake.

“Deal!” I say just
as enthusiastically.

I control myself and
only dance in my head. I can’t let her think there’s more to my
master plan. I can’t wait for her to find out the truth. Hopefully
she doesn’t dump water on me, I know that’s her go-to move. Water
will not go well with the couture dress I will be wearing.

“How do you know that
the two of them are sleeping together?” Harper asks, pulling me out
of my thoughts.

At first I’m
startled, thinking she was reading my mind again. Then it clicks, Jax
and the troll. That’s what she meant. Not what I was planning.
Which is good since I don’t plan on her sleeping with her date. I
just want her to know that it is an option, that she can have whoever
she wants.

“Jax doesn’t have
any women friends he doesn’t sleep with.”

“I think there’s
more to the story. Maybe you should ask him.”

I gawk at her like
she’s lost her mind. I mean come on, Jax is a man, if it’s there
in front of him, he’s going to take it. With a woman like that, I
have no doubt that she shows Jax exactly what she has to offer him.

“I saw the way he
kept staring at you at brunch. I’m not blind, anyone with eyes can
tell he wants you, Addie, and that he hates whenever Kohen touches
you. Maybe he’s sleeping around because he thinks he can’t have
you.”

“Jax knows he can
have me if he wants to. That’s not the problem. You’re reading
into something that isn’t there. Trust me.”

“He kept sneaking
glances at you the entire time. He needs to work on his stealth moves
if he doesn’t want to be so noticeable.”

My mouth falls open a
little. She’s crazy. There’s people everywhere in New York City
and I befriended one of the crazies. Of course I did.

“You’re the only
one that doesn’t see it then,” Harper says.

I shake my head and
sigh. “Trust me, I’m not wrong about this. As much as I wish I
was. I’m not. He doesn’t want me. He’s made that fact crystal
clear.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” I ask, not
believing she has given up so easily.

“One of us is right.
Hopefully I don’t have to wait too long to be proven right.”

“Don’t count on
it,” I mutter.

As we wait for the
elevator to arrive, I hear her mutter something about Romeo and
Juliet.

“Please tell me you
didn’t just compare my love life to Romeo and Juliet. You do
realize that isn’t even a love story, right? It’s a tragedy that
could have been easily avoidable.”

She shrugs. “You
can’t deny that your love life has similar qualities from the
story.”

“Jax chooses to not
be with me because . . .” I can’t tell her about his abusive
father, it’s not my story to tell. I shake my head. “It’s not
because our families hate each other. Besides, where would Kohen fit
in to all this?”

“Okay, I didn’t say
it was exactly like your love life. Just similar.”

As I fetch my key I
ask, “Did you get dropped on your head when you were a child? You
do realize you pretty much said Jax and I are Romeo and Juliet,
everyone wants us together, but we die. Are you planning our deaths
in the near future?”

She ignores me and
tramps straight to my living room and collapses onto the couch. I
follow her lead and sprawl in the chair beside the couch. Unable to
get comfy, I struggle out of my jacket. After lying around for five
minutes, Harper, rises and stretches. She could put the Energizer
Bunny to shame.

“It’s late, I’m
gonna head home.”

“Okay.” I help her
collect her things. “Let me know what time to meet you for our spa
date.”

“OH MY GOD! WHAT THE
FUCK HAPPENED?” Harper yells as she grips both my arms.

I’m so startled from
her outburst it takes a second to register what’s happening. She
stares wide-eyed at the dark bruises that appear worse than they did
this morning. How is that even possible? Shouldn’t they be getting
better? I yank back my arms, and cross them, in hopes of covering the
bruises.

“Nothing happened,
it’s fine.”

“Nothing happened?
NOTHING HAPPENED!” She grabs my arms again and turns them this way
and that way, inspecting the damage. “There’s fingerprints on
your arms! NOTHING HAPPENED! WHO DID THIS TO YOU?”

I need to find a way to
calm her down fast. She is about to explode. I have to extinguish
this situation. If she thinks it’s a big deal, she will tell
someone. Then, it will definitely become a big deal.

“If you calm down, I
will tell you everything, okay? Just relax and remember I’m fine.”

She releases her hold
on my arms, but gently touches the bruises with her index finger. A
tear trickles down her cheek as if she can actually feel these
herself.

“Did Kohen do this to
you?” she asks quietly.

“It was an accident,
I didn’t even feel them. I still don’t feel them. It looks worse
than it is. It doesn’t even hurt.”

“A lot of women say
‘it was an accident’ until they can’t say anything anymore.”

“This is not one of
those times. I promise. If he was actually hurting me, do you really
think I would be okay with this? That I wouldn’t immediately go to
my brother?”

She leans against the
wall. I follow suit. She doesn’t say anything at first. Her eyes
keep bouncing back from my forearms to my face. I can tell she’s
trying to determine if I’m lying or not. She kicks off the wall and
stands in front of me.

“I’ll believe you,
this time. I don’t know what happened and it won’t make a
difference if you tell me. I won’t say anything to anyone because
it’s not my place, and if you say this isn’t a big deal, fine,
I’ll believe you.”

I sigh in relief, but
she’s not done.

“If he EVER lays a
finger on you again, I don’t care what you try to make me believe,
I will make a big deal out of it and I will tell someone. I won’t
just stand by while your boyfriend uses you as a punching bag,
Addie.”

I know what she’s
saying is fair, but at the same time, it’s not. It’s not like
Kohen hit me. He didn’t even hurt me. I have been hurt a lot worse
than this.

“Kohen isn’t the
type to hit a woman.” I slip back into the jacket. “It isn’t
what it looks like.”

“Every woman says
that, you don’t know what you’ll do until you’re in that
situation.”

“Well, it’s a good
thing I’m not in that situation,” I snap at her.

I immediately feel like
crap. I just lashed out at a friend. A friend that wants to be here
for me and make sure I’m okay. I won’t be getting the best friend
of the week award.

“I’m sorry. I know
you’re just trying to help, but I promise you nothing happened.”
I engulf her into a huge bear hug. “Thank you for showing me how
much you care, but I promise you, it’s not what it looks like.
Kohen is a good guy.”

She squeezes me back
tightly. “Fine, I’ll drop it. Just promise me you’ll be safe.”

“I’ll be safe,
promise.”

She gives me one more
hug before leaving. I turn on the T.V. to drown out Harper’s words
that keep echoing in my ears. I switch it off when it doesn’t help.
I don’t get why she would immediately assume the bruises were from
Kohen. He’s the last person I would suspect. It could have been
anyone, a random person on the street. It could have even been Jax.

Groaning, I rub my
temples with my palms. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to take
off my jacket. I don’t want Harper treating Kohen differently, that
will put everyone on edge and I don’t want to deal with that drama.
It’s unnecessary.

As I attempt to sleep,
without a shower, all I can think about is Harper’s reaction. I
dread them being in the same room together, and I hate that. I don’t
want to worry about her berating him, or her believing the worst if
he gets upset in front of her. I know she’s going to watch him,
watch us, every chance she gets. I can’t blame her because I would
do the same thing in her situation.