Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) (36 page)

“So just because it
has a tutu, it’s a girl? I’m pretty sure you know a few guys that
like to wear tutus and tiaras.”

I can’t help it, I
snicker. He always know how to evoke a smile from me.

“Well, when you put
it like that.”

“How about Mac?
That’s a manly name for a bear like this.”

I choke a little and
tense at the name. Hadley’s teddy bear, her favorite teddy bear,
the only one she slept with every night, the one buried with her, was
named Mac. How does he know? It can’t be a coincidence, could it?
I’m about to ask him, but think better of it. It’s just a name,
I’m analyzing this too much.

I force my voice to
work. “It’s perfect.”

Out of every name in
the human language, how did he pick Mac? It’s not like it’s a
common name for a stuffed animal.
It’s
just a coincidence.

“I can’t believe
you haven’t been on a Ferris wheel before,” Kohen says, breaking
through my mental freakout.

Did I tell him that? I
can’t summon the mind power to search through our conversations
from today. Obviously I did or he wouldn’t know. I give myself a
mental shake. I’m over-thinking everything. I need to stop before I
voice my crazy thoughts of him being a stalker and ruin our day.

“Yeah, I know, but my
mom would never let us ride them when we were younger and I haven’t
been to a carnival since . . .” I trail off, not wanting to go
there. “So hopefully this doesn’t break and we don’t fall to
our deaths like my mom was always afraid of.”

“Your mom sounds like
a lot like my mine. My mom wasn’t the biggest fan of this ride
either.”

When we’re seated on
the Ferris wheel, I’m sandwiched between him and the stuffed animal
that comes up to my knees.

Clutching my hand, he
whispers, “Relax, Adalynn, this isn’t going to break, we won’t
fall to our deaths. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Easier
said than done.
I yelp in surprise when the ride moves,
making Kohen chuckle. It stops to let on the next passenger.

“See, that wasn’t
so bad,” he says into my ear as we move again.

He trails small open
mouth kisses from my ear down my throat. My breath hitches. He’s
trying to distract me and it’s working. He slowly kisses my nose,
my closed eyelids, both cheeks, and as we reach the top he kisses my
lips. All my crazy thoughts earlier about Kohen disappear as I open
my mouth to him. Slowly, oh so painfully slow, he strokes his tongue
with mine. He keeps the kiss slow, sensual, barely touching his
tongue with mine.

“Open your eyes,
babe.”

I gasp in surprise when
I see the breathtaking view. I almost feel like we’re floating
being up this high. I have a clear view of the city lights from here.
I want to look down, but I know that will be a mistake. Instead I
stare, mesmerized at the setting sun reflecting off the water in
Central Park. It feels more like a dream than reality.

“It’s beautiful.”

The last remaining
thought of Jax floats away as I look into the horizon. I can’t
believe I’ve never done this before. And that I’m sharing this
experience with someone as special as Kohen. I lean against him and
we enjoy the view in silence at the top. As the ride descends to let
us off, I think this is the beginning of us, and the end of Jax.

“Want to stay the
night?” I ask when we reach my door.

He nods as he closes
the distance between us and brings his mouth down to mine. I force
myself to turn my head so I can unlock my door. Kohen takes full
advantage of my exposed neck, making it impossible to concentrate on
the task at hand. It takes me six tries until I’m finally able to
insert the key.

The door bursts open as
Kohen eagerly pushes me inside my apartment. Dropping my purse, I
turn to face him. His mouth captures mine so fast I gasp. His mouth
is powerful, punishing even. I can’t even kiss him back, I stand
helplessly as he steals my breath away. He runs his hands down my
arms to my waist and picks me up. Automatically I wrap my legs around
his waist and kiss him back just as fiercely as he’s kissing me. He
carries me through my apartment heading in the direction of my
bedroom. Perfect.

I moan into his mouth
when he bites my lower lip. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know
I shouldn’t be doing this, but it feels too good to stop.

Tongues fighting each
other, we finally reach my room. Slowly, Kohen releases me, dragging
my body down his strong one, letting me feel every one of his muscles
with my body. I squeeze my thighs together, hoping to stop the
moisture gathering in my panties. I only make it worse.

He brushes the hair out
of my face. He bends down so that his mouth hovers over mine, but
doesn’t move closer. I stretch so I can close the tiny distance
between us. He backs away.

“I love you. God,
Adalynn I love you so much. I’ve loved you for so long, since the
day I first saw you.”

Breathing is
nonexistent. I so did not expect him to declare his love for me when
he opened his mouth. Why did he have to ruin this? I push away from
him and sit on the edge of my bed. This can’t be happening. He
doesn’t really know me. He can’t love me. I examine his face and
see that he believes he really does love me.

I’m going to throw
up.

I press my hand to my
mouth and will myself to take small deep breaths.
He
isn’t down on one knee. He just said ‘I love you,’ no big deal.
I know people say this all the time, but not to me, this feels wrong,
he isn’t Jax.

I need to say
something, but I can’t. Every time I open my mouth to speak, it
feels like someone poured cement into it, making it impossible. He
cups both hands around my legs and rubs them. After several awkward
minutes of silence, he pulls his hands away from my legs and begins
to stroke my face.

“Babe, it’s okay. I
know it’s too soon for you. You don’t have to say it back. I want
you to say it when you really mean it, not because I said it.” I
hear the sincerity in his voice, “I couldn’t wait any longer. I
need you to know that I love you, that I’ve always loved you and I
always will. I want to be the person you love, the person you want a
future with. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes to hear those
words for you, Adalynn, because you’re worth it.”

I give him a tight
smile and nod since I’m incapable of speaking. Everything he says
is perfect, what I’ve always wanted to hear from the man that loves
me. I’ve just always pictured that the man confessing his love for
me would have green eyes, not blue. It hurts that the image I’ve
had since childhood has disappeared with Kohen’s words. This isn’t
fair to him. I should be ecstatic that he loves me, but the only
thing I can think about is the green-eyed God.

Kohen is the type of
man that I should be in love with, the man that my parents would
admire. He’s the type of man to plan a future with, to grow old
together. Maybe one day, he can be that man for me.

“I think in time I
can fall in love with you, too.”

Kohen opens his mouth
to say something, but I stop him with my lips. I don’t need anymore
words tonight. He takes control of this kiss, too. I can feel the
extent of his love; he’s showing me with his mouth how much he
cares. I pull away first because I can’t go further. He frowns so
quickly that I would have missed it if I wasn’t paying attention.

Without any direction
from me, Kohen gets up off the floor and heads over to the dresser
where I keep my old shirts. He grabs an old jersey, one of Jax’s,
and sets it on the bed beside me. “I’m going to get us some water
while you change for bed, my love.”

I swallow the bile
rising up.

He kisses my cheek. “If
you want me to go, I understand.”

His words register when
he reaches the threshold. “No, please stay,” I whisper to him
before he leaves my room.

Kohen returns right
when I’m coming out of the bathroom from doing my nightly routine.

“Hey,” I say lamely
to fill the silence.

He runs his fingers
through my hair. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever
seen. You take my breath away, Adalynn.”

I rest my head against
his chest. “You’re too good to me. I don’t deserve someone like
you.”

He tilts my head up.
“You deserve anything and everything you want, Adalynn. We belong
together, never doubt that.”

I force my lips to turn
up into what I hope is a smile at his affectionate words. I wish I
loved him and I could say it back, it would be the perfect moment.
This is the moment I should realize that I love him, too, and jump
into his waiting arms. Sadly, I don’t, at least not yet.

“Can you wake me up
when you’re ready to go? I want to swim a few laps before work,”
I say when he sets the alarm on his phone.

Kohen nods. Snuggling
in behind me, he drapes his arm over my stomach and tugs me close to
him.

“I’m glad you’re
finally getting back into the water, my love.”

I turn so that I’m
facing him, lying my head on his chest. “Thanks.” I press my lips
to his bare sculpted chest.

“Addie, time to get
up,” someone coos into my ear.

I rub my eyes with the
back of my palms before turning over and grunting my response. Nope,
way too early.

“There’s a lane
somewhere with your name on it,” Satan says again, ignoring that I
do not want to get up.

“Huh?”

Kohen kisses my exposed
neck. “Someone mentioned they wanted to do a few laps before work.
Now time to get up or you won’t get a chance before you have to
leave.”

Ah, that’s what he’s
talking about. Painfully, I open my eyes. “Just so you know, you
remind me of the devil in the morning.”

He bites my neck at my
pulse point, making me yelp. He hauls me up so I’m sitting in bed.
He’s dressed for work looking like the handsome doctor that he
knows he is.

“How are you so
excited to be up this early? No, wait, don’t answer that. Let me
guess, you’ve always been a morning person?”

He gives me a quick
peck on the lips. “Yes, now get up. I have to go or I’ll be late,
and I know if you don’t, you’ll fall sleep the instant I leave.”

I want to say I won’t,
but let’s be honest, there’s a real good possibility I will do
just that. I force myself out of my warm bed that’s calling my
name, begging me to stay in for another hour and sleep.

I plant my hands on my
hips. “I’m pretty capable of functioning without a babysitter.”

He kisses my pouty
lips. “Of course you are, my love.”

“Get to work so I can
go workout.”

He gives me a mock
salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

Once he leaves, I check
the time and groan when I see it’s almost four. As in, not even
four in the morning yet.
Sleep
or swim, sleep or swim?
I repeat the question over and
over again. The need to swim is too powerful.

Ten minutes later, I
stretch my cap onto my head and slide my goggles into place. As I do
a few calf-raises, I stare at the dark blue tiles at the bottom of
the pool. Positioning both feet at the edge, I bend down at the
waist, take a deep breath, push off and dive into the water.

My muscles relax into
the rhythm that they are so accustomed to, even after all these
years. I glide through the water, breathing every seven strokes.
Quickly I reach the other side of the pool. My body goes through the
motions of a flip-turn. I don’t need to think to swim, never have.
Swimming is to me as breathing is to everyone else. I’m meant to be
in the water.

As I swim, I stop
reflecting about what Kohen said last night, and the inevitable drama
between Connor and Harper. I forget about Jax. I focus on my strokes,
my breathing, and just let go.

Everything floats away.
Everything is silent, it’s just me and the water, no place I’d
rather be. I feel more myself than I have in years. I push myself,
enjoying the burning of my legs, my arms heavier with each stroke. I
push myself even further, I’m sprinting now. I lose count of how
many laps I’ve done. When I finally can’t swim any longer, I
stop. My arms feel like they’re going to fall off any moment, and
my legs feel like they’re made of lead. I miss this sensation of
being utterly spent after a workout, and enjoying every second of it.

After a long shower and an omelet, I
hail down a taxi. I pull my phone out of my purse.

Me:
You. Me. Wine. My place.

Tinkerbell:
YES please! Want me to bring the wine?

I’m about to text her back that I
already have some, but her reply beats mine. And then she texts
again. And again.

Tinkerbell:
Oh and what time? I can bring dinner?

Tinkerbell:
Actually let’s cook together!

Me:
BEST IDEA EVER