Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) (18 page)

The sunlight streaming
in from the panoramic windows wakes me up. I’m disoriented at
first, but once my brain wakes up, too, everything from last night
comes rushing back. I can’t believe that I was brave enough to take
control, or rather pretend to take control, of the situation. Jax
never really gave me the control I thought I had. I can still feel
his hands on me. I loved the way he touched me, leaving my skin on
fire, desperate for more.

I open my eyes, but
then close them for another minute or two against the glaring
sunlight. Once I’m able to remove the pillow from my face without
wincing, I roll over. I expect to feel Jax beside me, but instead my
hand touches a cold bed. It’s obvious that he’s been up for
awhile.

Not caring about the
bright morning sun, I sit up hoping that I will hear him making
breakfast or something romantic, but I already know it’s wishful
thinking. I’m not surprised when I’m met with silence. He’s
gone. The sinking feeling in my chest lets me know how very wrong I
was about last night, but I don’t regret any of it. How could I? I
was finally able to have a small glimpse of how Jax really thinks of
me.

Needing last night to
mean something to him, too, I desperately search around the bed for a
note that I never find. I’m not even ashamed that I lift each
pillow and rip the blankets off the bed . . . twice. Still no note.
Now the regret rolls in. I focus on how Jax made me forget about
everything last night and made me feel. Really made me feel in the
first time in . . . I don’t even know how long. There’s no way I
can regret what happened last night between us even if it didn’t
mean the same to him. How could it?

My thoughts are
everywhere and nowhere at once. I’m too distracted to notice
anything but getting out of here as fast as I can as I hurriedly walk
into the bathroom. Peeling the wrapper off one of several spare
toothbrushes, I refuse to acknowledge why he has so many extras. I
focus on the task at hand. I close my eyes while I brush my teeth
because I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror. I’m afraid
of what I’ll see in my reflection. As I open my eyes to spit, I
spot a pile of my clothes on the sink with a note on top.

I pause, toothbrush in
hand, and gape at the note. Without reading it, I recognize my
favorite pair of shorts, and an old Ramones T-shirt, with a matching
bra and panty set. I blush thinking of Jax going through my drawer
just to find a matching pair. That’s the only thing I don’t have
color-coordinated. I just toss them in my top drawer. Awesome. I have
no idea how he was able to get all of this over here, but then it’s
Jax. He’s capable of anything.

After getting dressed,
I tuck the note in my back pocket and decide that I’ll read
whatever he has to say when I get home. I’m too afraid to read it
while I’m here. Glancing around his room for the first time since I
woke up, I’m not even a little surprised that my entire outfit from
last night is missing. In its place is my favorite red purse and
black Toms. At least he’s thoughtful about my morning-after outfit.
Points to him.

I paint a smile on my
face that I’m not feeling as the elevator doors open. When I spot
the doorman, I beam at him, my exit only a few footsteps away. As he
holds the door open for me, I’m caught off guard to discover Jax’s
driver waiting patiently for me. I’m tempted to hail down a taxi
just to spite Jax, but I don’t want his driver, Henry, to think I’m
mad at him. I really like Henry, always have.

Swallowing my pride, I
close the distance between Henry and me. “Thanks, Henry, but can
you do me a favor?”

“Whatever it is,
consider it done, Adalynn,” he says in his British accent. If he
wasn’t happily married, I have no doubt that he would be as big of
a player as the boys.

“Next time call me so
that you’re not just waiting out here.” He seems confused so I
add, “I was just going to get a taxi. You didn’t have to wait
here to take me home, I’m a big girl.”

If it’s even
possible, he looks more confused than before. He opens his mouth to
say something but stops when the back door opens from the inside. I’m
so startled to see Jax waiting for me that I nearly fall flat on my
butt. And when I say nearly, I mean if Henry didn’t step in to
catch me, I would have been mortified.

“Why are you in the
car?” I accuse more than ask.

Jax counters with a
smirk. “Why aren’t you in the car?” he asks while extending his
hand out for me.

I smack it out of the
way. “I got it.” He gives me another one of his classic smirks
and I roll my eyes at him.

Getting in the car was
a lot easier than thinking of what to say to him. My mind tries to
piece together an explanation, but I can’t come up with anything to
explain why he’s sitting next to me. I give up quickly and cross my
arms over my chest and wait. He obviously has something to say to me
or he wouldn’t be here.

I
should have read the stupid note before I got into the elevator!

Following my lead, he
leans against his door to fully face me, too. Right when I think he’s
going to say something, he winks. Actually winks!
What
I wouldn’t do to give him a nice hard kick to the balls
.

“Ouch. What has your
panties in a twist today?” he asks.

It isn’t until he
places a hand in-between his legs to protect himself that I realize I
said that out loud.

I just glare at him. I
hate when he does that stupid raised eyebrow thing. I want to smile.
Ugh, he’s annoyingly charming. I need to wait him out. I’m not
going to break under the pressure.

As he stares intently
into my eyes like he did last night, the memories come crashing down.
My face heats up as I blush a deep crimson, remembering everything
that happened, and it suddenly gets way too hot in this air
conditioned car. Needing a distraction from the staring contest, I
take in his appearance for the first time today. Which of course is a
huge mistake. Why didn’t I just look out the window instead of at
him? He’s too hot for his own good. He’s wearing his dark blue
jeans that I know hug his ass in that sexy way only he seems to be
able to pull off and a faded black Superman shirt that makes his
green eyes stand out in contrast.

Looking back up at his
face is an even bigger mistake. He’s studying me in a way that
makes me think he can see right through my soul. Remembering the way
he drank me in last night right before his lips trailed up my legs, I
bite my bottom lip to keep from making any embarrassing sounds. My
body temperature rises. I’m positive that he can hear my heart
hammering through my chest. He licks his lips and I let out a barely
audible moan.

He isn’t even
touching me and yet every time his eyes sweep over me, I can feel it
like a caress. I somehow find the will power to break the trance he
has me under and turn towards the window. My body burns so I rest my
forehead against the cold glass as I watch the city zoom past us. I
can’t focus on a single thing going on outside of this car.
However, I’m more than fully aware of everything inside it. Without
taking my head off the window, I can feel him stretch out his legs.
He must have pressed a button because suddenly the privacy window
slides up.

“Fuck it.” Jax
nearly growls and that’s the only warning I get before he is on me.

His tongue takes full
advantage of my gasp. His kiss is anything but gentle. It’s almost
like he’s mad that he’s kissing me and is taking it out on me.
Fine by me. He can take it out on me whenever he wants if this is how
he’s going to do it. I dig my nails into his biceps, trying to hold
on as he kisses me passionately.

I angrily grab his face
and kiss him back. I take out all of the conflicting emotions
swimming inside of me, out on him. We become each other’s oxygen
supply. He breathes me in and then breathes the air into my lungs.
Repeat. We’re both running out of air, but neither of us makes a
move to slow down the kiss. We can’t. It’s all-consuming. The
kiss starts to transform from sexual frustration to something more.

Something much, much
more.

Something that
terrifies me.

I pull away and study
his face. I need to know that I’m not just imagining this. I need
to know that he’s feeling the weight of this just as heavily as I
am.

He caresses my face and
smiles at me. “You’re my light,” he says simply before kissing
me again.

I know what he means
because I feel exactly the same way about him. He’s my light that
shines through all of the darkness.

He guides me against
the back seat and hovers over me. I know that he needs me to say
something, but I can’t. I have no words. I’m at war with my mind
and my heart. I know what I want to say, but I can’t tell him how
much he means to me. I don’t deserve to ask for more from Jax.

“Don’t,” he says
as if reading my mind.

“I can’t, Jax,” I
say, full of regret.

He knows that I can’t
do this, I’m not ready, but I can’t seem to stop either. I’ve
gotten so used to building walls, brick-by-brick, that it seems
impossible to let someone in. Even Jax. With each brick that he has
broken down over the years, another one replaces it. As much as I
want to tear down all of my walls for him, I can’t trust him to
catch me. Every time I do, he disappears.

“Let go.” I barely
have time to process what he’s saying before he’s kissing me
again.

Everything slips away
with his hands caressing my face while his tongue tangles with mine
in a soul shattering kiss. I’m almost out of air, but I don’t
dare stop him. Reading my mind again, he eases up and leaves a wet
trail of kisses down my chin, then across my jaw, and then he’s
sucking on that spot right below my ear. I shiver as I dig my nails
into his back. I bite my lip so hard to smother the moan that I cut
it. He nips on the pulse point at my throat and I whimper.

“I want to hear you,”
he whispers huskily into my ear and I almost combust on the spot.

Holy-hotness, just
hearing him whisper to me in that voice is enough to make me cum. I’m
vaguely aware that we’re still in a car. I try to be quiet but he
rolls my earlobe with his teeth, making my last strand of willpower
break. I moan loudly. He fondles my boobs over my shirt. I moan
again, this time louder than the last. Jax forcibly grabs my face and
swallows the rest of my sounds.

Not wanting to be the
only one getting off, I finally manage to make my hands move to the
hem of his Superman T-shirt, instead of clawing at his back like some
wild animal. Knowing what I want, Jax lifts his body off me to help
me take off his shirt, at least that what I assumed. When he doesn’t
remove his shirt, but instead puts it back into place, I know this
isn’t going where I thought it was.

“We’re back to
this?” I whisper.

He doesn’t respond,
either because he doesn’t hear me or because he doesn’t know what
to say. I’m going with the latter.

I close my eyes because
I know if I see him right now, I will more than likely punch him in
his stupid, beautiful face. He moves his body weight off me. I sit
up. He doesn’t need to say it, to tell me that the moment is gone.
He surprises me by reaching for my hand, but like the child that I
am, I snatch it back and turn so that I’m facing the window again.

I don’t need to say
anything to Jax because he knows how I feel. If he wants to keep
playing these hot and cold games with me, then fine. I’m done.
And
he wonders why I won’t let him in. Hmm that’s a tough one.
I’m fine stewing in my anger all by myself, but when he chuckles, I
lose it.

I turn around and
surprise the both of us by slapping him across the cheek. I quickly
get over my shock and close my mouth. I almost feel bad for how hard
I slapped him. My palm stings and there’s a clear handprint on his
cheek. But then I hear his chuckle in my head and I get angry all
over again.

On its own accord, my
hand goes to slap him again, but Jax is much faster than I am. He
captures my wrist before it can connect with its target. All of my
pent-up fury comes rushing forward and I try to smack him with my
other hand. Just as quickly, he’s holding that wrist too. I can’t
help it, I laugh. Wrong move.

He’s seething; his
jaw keeps popping from clenching it too tightly. His entire body hums
with anger, just like mine, but yet I can’t stop laughing. He
narrows his eyes at me, which would make a lesser woman feel
intimidated, and I laugh even harder. I don’t know what makes Jax
more upset: me laughing at him or the fact that I slapped him. I’m
gonna go with a little bit of both. His stern gaze reminds me of
someone trying to throw daggers with their eyes.

Deep
breaths. Control yourself.
Repeating this mantra somehow
helps me calm down.

“Oh God . . . It
hurts . . . I better have abs for days,” I say once I’m able to
catch my breath.

I playfully nudge Jax
with my shoulder. The games is us, and as much as I hate them, I
would hate for him to play with anyone else.

He nudges me back and I
know I’m forgiven. How? I have no idea. I caress his still red
cheek. It’s warm to the touch. I trace the outline of my hand with
my fingertips. Before I even have a chance to apologize, he beats me
to it.

“Don’t, Ads. It’s
fine.”

Because I just can’t
seem to help myself when it comes to hitting Jax, I lightly slap his
other cheek. “I wasn’t going to apologize for hitting you,
jackass. You deserved it . . . I just didn’t mean to hit you that
hard.” Sarcasm drips from my voice. I go to move my hand, but
before I do, he bites my palm with enough pressure to leave teeth
marks. “Yeah, you definitely deserved that slap.”