Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) (22 page)

I’m debating what
excuse will get us to leave so they can’t embarrass me any further
when Kohen starts laughing with them. I was so consumed by not
blushing that I missed Kohen making a mess of himself. I give him a
grateful smile when I see the remains of his burger all over his
face.

“Touché, you two are
perfect for each other.” Logan winks at me.

Connor picks some
action movie that I’ve never heard of. Not surprisingly, it has the
same plot of most movies about secret agents. Kohen and I sit
together on one couch while the guys take the much bigger one. Kohen
circles his arm around me and I lean into him.

I keep pretending that
I don’t notice every time Connor glances over, but I do. Each time
I feel guilty and I feel as if I’m doing something wrong. I can’t
shake this feeling that I need to put some distance between Kohen and
me. Logan comments to Kohen about the last scene. I can’t even
pretend to know what they’re talking about so I tune them out. I
stopped paying attention to the movie five minutes into it. Connor’s
scrutinizes me again. I force myself to ignore him and focus on the
movie, but it’s no use.

I stare down Connor,
wondering why he’s watching my every move. He gives me a
sympathetic look and it becomes crystal clear why he’s watching
every interaction of my date. The lightbulb goes off.

Jax.

I hold in my humorless
laugh. Everything leads back to the one guy who doesn’t love me. I
nestle closer into Kohen because I’m not going to second guess
everything I do with someone who actually likes me. As I concentrate
on the movie, Kohen runs his fingertips along my shoulder and down my
arm. If I didn’t feel guilty using Kohen as a distraction, I would
enjoy his simple defiance of my brother and Connor. He doesn’t seem
to mind touching me in front of them. I hate that I want to push him
away from me because I feel as if I’m cheating on Jax.

As the end credits
roll, I mentally curse myself for falling in love with the damaged
boy who trusted me to take care of him when he used to sneak into my
bedroom growing up. Ignoring the questioning look Logan sends my way,
I rise and collect my purse. I plaster on a fake smile when I face
the guys. For the first time tonight, I’m glad Jax isn’t here. He
would be able to see right through me, and that’s not something I
want or need right now.

“Ready to head out?”
I ask Kohen.

I can tell my mood
change catches him off guard, but he recovers quickly. “Absolutely.”
He assures my brother, “I’ll make sure she gets home safely.”

Logan shakes his
offered hand. “
Alone,
”
he says in a brotherly tone that isn’t necessary.

I could die of
mortification.

Connor rescues Kohen
from any more brotherly advice by smoothly slapping Logan on the back
of the head. “What Logan means is, thank you for making sure Addie
gets home safely.”

Kohen forces out a
laugh. “Yeah . . . no problem.”

They escort us to the
elevators and before Logan decides to join us, I rush to hug him and
then Connor.

“Give it time,”
Connor whispers into my ear.

The cab ride to our
building is long and awkward. Every time things start to get normal
between us again, an image of Jax pops into my head, shattering our
conversation. I tell myself it’s because I haven’t seen him in
forever and I miss my friend. As the car pulls up to the curb, I
almost sigh in relief.

Once we’re in the
elevator, I look up to apologize for my bipolar behavior, but the
words stick in my throat. Kohen watches me with his dark, stormy
eyes. Since words are nonexistent at this point, I try for another
tactic. I lean up on my tiptoes and kiss him. His kiss is nothing
like Jax’s. Where Jax is passionate, Kohen is tender. I break away
from the kiss as soon as I realize that I’m comparing the two.

Breathless Kohen, seems
influenced by our kiss. His eyes are full of desire. I want to throw
up. This is wrong and unfair to him. Luckily the elevator gods decide
to have pity on me. They finally stop at my floor.

“Next time it will be
a real date.” I step out.

“I’ll hold you to
that. Good night, Adalynn.”

I make it back to my
apartment and sink to the floor. Why am I still obsessed with Jax
after all this time? Why can’t I just move on? Why can’t I even
remember the sensation from Kohen’s lips on mine? Forcing myself
off the floor, I concentrate on getting ready for bed.

Three weeks have flown
by since that
unforgettable
dinner at Connor’s. Liv is a thorn in my butt that I can’t shake
. . . not like I really want to, anyway. I’ve been seeing the
change in myself and I won’t jeopardize my progress. Kohen has
become a permanent fixture in my life. We usually have dinner
together unless he’s working. Connor and Logan, Yankees season pass
holders, invited him to a game. Liv seems pleased that I’m dating,
she just cautions me to take it slow.

Luckily Kohen treats me
with extreme patience. Which is great because every time things get
interesting between us, I think of Jax. I have to concentrate on
removing Jax from my mind, total mood killer. Kohen thinks I’m just
not ready to take the next logical step in our . . . whatever we are
. . . but the truth is I don’t want to do anything with him that I
will regret. I have a sinking feeling that if I’m with him, I’ll
be thinking of Jax. So until I no longer have to force my thoughts
off Jax, I can’t take that much needed next step. It’s unfair to
Kohen.

Jax avoids me at all
costs. I’m not even worth the effort for him to nod in greeting. I
hate that he’s ignoring me. Sure, when I’m at the office he
mumbles two words to me in passing if someone is around. I learned
pretty fast to give up on conversation. If he doesn’t want to talk
to me, fine, I’m not going to beg him. I’m not a dog. Jax makes
excuse after excuse so he isn’t forced to be around me. It’s a
good thing Connor is aware of what’s going on because he helps me
distract Logan.

As much as it hurts to
not have Jax in my life anymore, I know that him pushing me away is
the best thing that he could have ever done for me. He’s not my
savior, and I need to stop thinking that one day we might end up
together.

“Order ready for
Addie,” a server calls out, jerking me out of my thoughts.

I jump up from the
bench and snag two salads for the lunch I’m surprising Kohen with,
since he’s working all night. He didn’t take anything with him
and he usually forgets to eat unless someone forces him to sit down.
Lately I’ve become that person. I jog out the door and hail down a
cab.

When I reach the
hospital, a passing nurse gives me directions on where to find him. I
head into another corridor and come across Kohen facing a young guy
in scrubs.

“I know I’m sorry,
it won’t happen again,” the man says, with exasperation.

“Sorry. That’s all
you have to say? I could have you fired for this!” Kohen shouts.

“I’m not going to
make excuses, there are none. This won’t happen again I promise.”
The guy’s eyes bulge out of his head as if he’s afraid. He
doesn’t know Kohen as well as I do because he wouldn’t hurt
anyone.

An older doctor steps
out of a room and notices the situation unfolding. It takes him about
a nanosecond to guess what’s going on.

“It’s an easily
corrected mistake that happens with interns, Dr. Daniels. He won’t
let this slip by again and just to make sure it sticks, he’s going
to be doing grunt work for the next three months.”

The older guys pats
Kohen on the shoulder and walks away, leaving Kohen and the intern
alone. When the other doctor is out of sight, Kohen grabs the intern
by his throat and slams him into the wall. When Kohen has the
intern’s attention, he releases his throat but doesn’t back away.
Instead Kohen whispers into his ear. The intern can only nod because
it’s clear from where I’m standing that he’s too terrified to
speak.

I’m speechless. I
know that I need to stop this from happening, but I can’t make my
legs move. I’m transfixed as Kohen tells him something
unimaginable. I watch in horror as the blood slowly drains out of the
intern’s face. I can’t even pretend to know what he’s telling
him. I release my death-like grip on the bag. The salads crash to the
floor. Suddenly my legs move on their own accord.

Out of nowhere, Kohen
backs away. I have no idea if I’ve yelled his name or if he heard
my too-loud feet. The guy sinks to the floor. Immediately I squat
down beside him, ignoring Kohen. I have no idea how much time has
passed, but it feels like hours, not minutes. I can’t believe Kohen
reacted this way. I desperately want to know what he said that was so
terrifying.

“Are you okay?” I
ask like an idiot. Obviously he’s not.

“Yes . . . Fine,”
the intern wheezes as he glares at Kohen.

Brave man. I help him
rise and when he’s finally able to stand on his own, I take a small
step back, but keep myself in between him and Kohen. I don’t know
this guy, but I need to protect him. There’s no telling what
Kohen’s capable of. As I turn to face Kohen, the intern mumbles
something under his breath that I don’t hear. Kohen does.

In the next second,
Kohen shoves me out of the way and slams the intern into the wall. I
land onto the hard ceramic floor. I feel as if all air has left me. I
can’t believe I’m dating someone like Wyatt, Jax’s abusive
father. I swallow the bile rising.

It isn’t until Kohen
comes up behind me that I realize the intern is nowhere to be seen. I
jump to my feet and put a good distance between us.

“Don’t touch me,”
I warn.

I’m so mad at myself
for not seeing the abusive man standing in front of me. My body hums
with the anger coursing through my body. I’m furious with Kohen. I
stalk away from him, leaving our lunch on the floor, but he stops me
by wrapping his hands around my forearm.

“Ads, wait. I’m
sorry, let me explain, please.”

I don’t know if it’s
the fact that I just watched him slam his intern into the wall, that
he touched when I told him not to, or that he called me Ads, but for
whatever reason I slap his face as hard as I can. Each one is reason
enough in my book. Without another word, I flee.

The entire ride back to
my apartment is a blur of every moment I’ve spent with him. I try
to pinpoint times when I could have noticed his abusive tendencies,
but I come up blank. It’s scary how much you think you know
someone, just to be proven wrong. Can you really ever know somebody?

After finishing a ten
mile run through Central Park, I still don’t have any answers. I
don’t know how I didn’t see that Kohen is exactly like Wyatt. He
has been nothing but perfect since I’ve met him. He doesn’t even
give off that too-nice vibe. He just seems to have the same amount of
worries as everyone else.

With Jax’s father,
Wyatt, it was obvious since the first time I met him that he was a
troubled man. He showed it in everything that he did. Even when I was
little, I knew that there was something wrong. As a kid, Jax would
cower away from his father whenever he raised his hand or made any
fast movements. I feared him from the moment I met him and even more
so the first night I saw what he was capable of; the night that Jax
finally let me in, and shared his burden.

Stumbling down the
hallway leading to my apartment, I’m so preoccupied that I don’t
realize someone is sitting beside my door until I trip over a pair of
legs.

“Crap I’m—” The
apology dies when Kohen leaps off the floor.

“Please, Adalynn,
five minutes, and if you still don’t want to talk to me, I will
never bother you again.”

I cross my arms over my
chest and nearly yell, “Oh, so you expect to tell me some bullshit
excuse that makes it okay to slam someone into a wall? Wow, this must
be good. I can’t wait. You now have four minutes. Go.”

He runs his hands
through his hair and down his face, exhaling loudly. He moves toward
me, but when he sees me take two steps back, he gives up.

“Adalynn, you know
me, I’m not the person you saw today. I lost it with Mike. I’ve
been his mentor for so long I didn’t even think to make sure he
knew what he was doing and I failed him. I was more mad at myself
than him for expecting too much, so early, and I lost it.”

I roll my eyes and make
a point to glance down at my phone to check the time. Times like this
I wish I was wearing one of my watches.

“Simple mistakes like
the one Mike made today can cost people their loved ones. Families
can be ruined by one simple mistake.”

Guilt washes over his
face. Before his eyes cast down, I see the sign of unshed tears. It’s
almost enough for me to wrap my arms around him, but I need more from
him. I stand frozen as I silently beg him to let me in, waiting for
him to fill in the last puzzle piece.