Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) (9 page)

I sit down on the
leather sofa and attempt to ignore Jax. I can feel him watching my
every move, making it impossible to ignore him. He shifts his feet as
if he’s trying to decide if he should leave or say something to me.
My money is on him leaving. That’s what he does best. Leave.
Whenever we get close to each other, Jax disappears. Always.

Jax startles me when he
answers whatever question my brother just asked and sits next to me.
I’m the only one that notices when his finger grazes my pinky.
Sadly I notice everything that Jax does.

Jax rearranges himself
in his seat so that he’s facing me. I focus on a black and white
picture across from us as if it’s the most interesting photograph
in the world. After a few more agonizing minutes of Jax silently
studying me, I finally give up.

After glancing at my
brother and Connor to make sure they are still engrossed in
conversation, I focus on Jax. “Are you going to just stare at me or
do you actually have something to say?”

Jax gives me a rare
smile. “Hi.”

I huff out a breath.
Hi, really that’s all he has to say to me after three weeks of
silence. “I’m out of here,” I tell my brother as I stand.

“Want to meet at my
gym later this week?” Logan asks as he engulfs me into a hug.

“Sure.”

“Where you off to in
such a rush?” Connor asks.

I meet Jax’s green
eyes for a second before turning to Connor. “I have a coffee date,”
I lie.

“With who?” Logan
asks.

Crap, I didn’t think
this far ahead. This is why I’m horrible at lying. I toss out the
first name I think of. “Kohen . . . the doctor who lives in my
building.”

At everyone’s stunned
expressions, I flee. I know they’re about to shoot a million
questions at me, questions I don’t have the answers to. Because I
can’t help myself, I look over my shoulder before closing the door.
Logan and Connor have returned to their conversation again. I have to
force myself to keep moving when I see Jax. He’s smiling. He
never
smiles. And he’s choosing now to do it. He was supposed to be
furious that I was going out with someone.
Of
course he isn’t mad. He doesn’t care.
I rush to the
elevators.

As the doors start to
slide close, someone reaches a hand out to stop them from shutting
all the way. So much for my hasty exit. Hopefully it isn’t anyone I
recognize, but I know it’s highly unlikely since my brother owns
the company. I keep my head down and let my hair cascade down the
side of my face in an attempt from letting whoever it is recognize
me.

Any attempts of being
left alone fail. That someone who stopped the elevator doors from
closing is Jax. Of course it is. It’s always him. I’m so lost, I
don’t want him to see me like this. Not again.

He continues to press
the open button as he talks. “I got this for you, and before you
say you won’t accept it, understand that I’m not taking no for an
answer.” He hands me a present with a purple ribbon. “Oh, and
you’re welcome.”

It shakes in my
trembling hands. I hate presents. I don’t celebrate my birthday
anymore. “I haven’t even opened it yet. How do you know I’m
going to even like it?”

He shrugs. “I know
you.” Then he steps away.

“You don’t —”
The words die on my lips as the doors slide shut.

When I get home, I
stare down at the present, wondering if I can get away with throwing
it out. Not likely, Jax will ask about it. I sigh, hating that he’s
does this to me every year. He’s the only one that continues to get
me birthday presents. Of course he says they’re just gifts since he
doesn’t give them to me on my actual birthday, but we both know
what it really is, and why he never gives them to me on May 21.

With shaky legs, I head
over to the living room. I set the present on the table before going
to the kitchen for a glass of wine. Phone! I hurry over to my bedroom
where I left it. I’m stalling. Once I’m seated, I finally grab
the present.

The first thing I notice is a note
in Jax’s handwriting.

Seven years ago you were consumed with swimming, you began to lose
yourself. This helped . . . maybe it can help you find yourself
again. It’s time to live again, it’s time to move on. I’ll be
here every step of the way.

-Jax.

Without seeing the
gift, I know what it is. A camera. As much as I try to be angry with
him for deciding it’s time for me to move on, I can’t. I wouldn’t
be able to without him pushing me. I want to ask him what he means by
being here. I want him to mean it as more than a friend, but I know
he doesn’t. We’re not those teenage lovers who sneak behind
everyone’s back to be together every chance we got anymore. Too
much has transpired.

Taking a deep breath, I
pull the camera out of the box. My eyes go wide when I realize
exactly what camera he bought me. It’s a SLR Leica. It’s so
expensive, I’m almost too afraid to touch it . . . almost.

My phone goes off, startling me. I
plan to ignore it, but when I see it’s a text from Jax, I carefully
set down the camera.

Jax:
You actually get a choice . . . Thai or subs.

Me:
Yeah real big choice there. Subs.

Jax:
Great choice, I already have them. Be there soon.

Me:
Why do you even ask then?

Jax:
So you think you actually have a choice.

Me:
Thanks for the camera . . . You shouldn’t have . . . but
thanks.

Jax:
Don’t mention it. You’re going to use it, maybe not
tomorrow, but soon. And I can’t wait to see you come to life again
when you’re behind the lens.

I smile as I set my
phone down and I decide that I need music to fill the silence until
Jax gets here. Picking the playlist
feelgood
on my iPhone, I hit shuffle and plug it into the Surround Sound. The
first song has my head bumping, but it isn’t until Sammy Adams
Only
One
comes on that I actually begin to move. I jump around,
shaking my butt, and whipping my hair back and forth. When the chorus
comes on, I’m screaming about the one that is way out of my league
with Sammy. Fitting.

Forgetting about all of
my stresses, I dance it out. Cheap Trick’s
She’s
Tight
comes on next and I’m lost in the music. I use a
water bottle as a makeshift microphone. Closing my eyes, I go all
out.

It isn’t until I hear
Jax sing, “I had a smoke and went upstairs,” that I realize I’m
no longer alone. Kill me now please.

Mortified, I turn
around to see Jax mimicking my ass shaking. “Oh no, please don’t
stop on my account. I was enjoying myself.”

I don’t think that I
can blush a darker shade of red even if I tried. I realize that I
have two choices here: I can be embarrassed and stop, or I can let go
for once and have fun. I go for option two and hand Jax the other
“microphone.” Shania decides to come on next.
Man!
I Feel Like a Woman
is the perfect song to let go! Putting
my arms up in the air, I twirl around and start singing along with
Shania.

When the first verse of
the chorus blares through the speakers, I strut up to Jax, turn
around and grind my ass up to his pelvis. Walking a few steps, I
shake my ass, bend over and touch my toes. I tilt my head to the side
and wink at him. When his jaw hits the floor, I laugh. Men are so
easy. Closing my eyes again, I let the music wash over me and give
Jax the best floor show in the world. Of course I may be biased.

PJ Simas comes on next
and to my surprise Jax lifts the water bottle I handed him and starts
rapping to the song
Ocean Drop.
I double over in laughter because I have a Greek God in a suit
rapping in my living room. Jax “drops it like it’s hot” and I
can’t even breathe, I’m laughing so hard. He holds out his water
bottle for me when the girl starts singing. Smiling, I scream along.
Singing is so overrated.

By the time our duet is
over, I have tears in my eyes. Being the showman, Jax bows
dramatically and I applaud him. Who wouldn’t applaud him? He rapped
the entire song, not missing any of the words.

“I can’t even hide
the fact that I’m surprised you know that song,” I shout over
Dirty South.

Jax saunters over to
the speakers to unplug my phone. “Yeah, well same here. I can’t
believe I walked into that.”

“Tell anyone and I’ll
be forced to feed you your balls,” I say with a wink.

“By anyone you mean
Connor?”

“Of course!”

“Don’t worry, your
dancing fetish is safe with me.” I smack his arm. “You do realize
they came out with this thing called Bluetooth Speakers, right?”

“You do realize that
I’m going to have to hurt you if you dis my stereo system, right?”
I counter.

“Touche.”

Collapsing onto the
couch we both lay here for a few minutes and catch our breaths. My
abs will ache tomorrow. I can’t remember the last time I laughed
this hard. Without bothering to get plates, we dig into our
sandwiches. We eat in silence, enjoying the food too much to talk.
After I eat my sandwich and steal the other half of Jax’s, I’m
finally full.

“My lunch was thrown
on the floor,” I remind him.

“By thrown you mean
you dropped it, right?”

“So Logan’s
surprise party,” I say in a obvious way to change the subject.

We decide that we’re
going to rent out Logan’s favorite restaurant and have his party
the weekend of his birthday on July 12. Connor will take Logan out
all day so that Jax and I can make sure everything is set up
perfectly since I don’t see the need to hire someone to do
something that we are more than capable of doing. Jax, of course,
objects but I don’t care. This is my brother’s birthday and I
want to do everything. Jax doesn’t have to try too hard to talk me
into making Logan’s favorite cake from one of my mom’s recipes
for us four and then a bigger one for the party. I’ll use any
excuse to bake.

This year the “after
party” will be at Connor’s which is perfect since Connor’s
place is closest to the bakery. Every year for anyone’s birthday we
always celebrate an “after party” of just the four of us. Of
course mine is the only exception to the rule since I refuse to
celebrate my mine.

A knock on the door
causes us to look in the direction of the hallway.

“Are you expecting
someone?” he asks with a hint of unease in his voice.

I shake my head and
before I can get up, Jax strides down the hallway. He beats me to the
door. I just
love
how
he makes himself at home and feels the need to answer my door. I give
him a mock glare that he ignores. He’s squeezing the life out of my
poor door. Confused I focus my gaze away from Jax and to the delivery
man.

There are a million and
one things that the delivery man could have brought up. The vase in
his hands does not fit into the million and one category . . . at
all. I gape at the flowers, unable to move, let alone breathe. My
head spins. I’m getting lightheaded just standing here.

Who would be so cruel
to send me Stargazer Lilies? I ignore the delivery guy as every
memory I try to repress comes crashing down.

Hadley
twirls around in our dance studio while our mom plays the piano . . .
Hadley spins in her favorite yellow dress with the biggest smile on
her face . . . Hadley’s first recital . . . Everyone in our family
giving her Stargazer Lilies . . . Hadley . . .

Hadley
sprawled lifeless on the stretcher while the paramedics try to bring
her back . . . Stargazer Lilies engraved on her headstone . . . All
because of me.

Blinking back tears
that threaten to spill over, I notice that I’m no longer standing
in the doorway but sitting on the couch with a worried Jax crouched
in front of me. I can’t believe I just lost it in front of Jax.
Again! I must have blacked out because, for the life of me, I can’t
remember how I got to the couch.