The Purple Heart (10 page)

“
Don’t you miss them? Don’t
you want them to know you’re alive and safe? At least let them know
where you are?”

“
No, Sydney. No one needs
to know where I am but you and me. Why are you asking me all these
questions? Did your friend put doubts in your head about me?” He
looked very upset, and even his voice had a quality of sadness.
Or was it panic?

“
Actually, yes, but just a
smidgen. When I’m with you I don’t care, because all I feel is
what’s between us. And believe me, it’s so strong and deep. And I’m
being a little bit selfish there too, because I want you all to
myself. And right now, I have that. However, I’ve asked you things
about who you are, and I get no response at all, or you just tell
me it doesn’t matter. We did just meet. Getting to know each other
is part of the whole experience. It’s part of the fun of a new
relationship. It’s not fair that it’s so one-sided.”

“
Because it doesn’t matter.
Trust me, it really doesn’t. All that matters is right here, right
now.”

“
You keep saying that,
Aiden, but I’m not buying why. I’m starting to think you’re hiding
something.”

His face grimaced as though he was in
pain, and his skin tone turned a slight hue of gray.

“
Why can’t you just trust
me? Please,” he begged.

“
Because I don’t know you,
Aiden. I mean, I do trust you or you wouldn’t be here alone in my
house with me. Honestly, I just need these questions answered for
work.”

“
Please, don’t insult my
intelligence. Work has nothing to do with this right now.
Everything was fine until your friend starting making you over
think everything.”

“
Maybe when she meets you
on Friday, she’ll change her mind. And maybe, if you tell me some
things other than benign facts, I’d feel more comfortable,
too.”

“
I’d rather wait until you
have faith in my existence with you, and then meet her. I’m not
sure I make the best impression.”

“
What is that supposed to
mean? You don’t want to meet my friends? You also don’t want to
introduce me to anyone who knows you. Are you embarrassed of
me?”

“
It’s nothing like that,”
he said sternly.

What was happening?
Our
wonderful day was quickly being ruined by this entire conversation.
My emotions were all over the place. Getting some space between us,
and fast, seemed to be the best course of action.

“
I’m going to my room. I
want some time alone to think. I’m pretty sure you need to do the
same thing.”

“
Sydney, please don’t go. I
can’t exist without you. You mean everything to me. I’m sorry.” His
pleas were desperate.

I didn’t understand why he was acting
as if this were the end of the world. I just thought we needed a
break for a little while to cool down. I didn’t really want to
leave him, but I needed to reset myself for his sake. An emotional
Sydney is not the best person to have a serious conversation with.
I was all about emotions first and logic second. It was an
occupational hazard. Let your emotions free; don’t bottle them up.
At this point, though, I certainly didn’t want to blurt something
out that would hurt him anymore than I probably already had. I
wanted everything to go back to the light-hearted fun we’d been
having.

“
I’m just going to my room
for a little while. You can help yourself to dinner. It’s still in
the kitchen. I’m not really hungry right now.” I was sure my voice
held no secrets to the fact I was pretty upset at the moment. I
didn’t want to be.

I walked up the stairs, and noticed he
was following me with his head hung down like a child being sent to
bed without supper. I was about to spin around to yell at him, but
he walked past me, moving right to his room. It was almost eerie,
as though I wasn’t even there and he was only a shadow of himself.
I wanted to take back everything I had said to him downstairs that
made him think I doubted him. I wanted to pull him onto my bedroom
and make love to him all night. My guilt was taking over my
emotions, so I knew what I had to do was let him think about
opening up to me. I entered my room, and listened for his door to
shut.

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to cry
or break something. I was furious with him for not letting me in. I
was furious with Cheryl for putting all these stupid thoughts in my
head in the first place. I also didn’t want to lose him. I felt the
wedge that existed between us right now. It was ripping into my
entire being, draining everything I had. My whole reaction to this
was kind of freaking me out. It felt so real and serious.
Maybe
I was PMSing or something.
I threw myself on my bed and felt my
tears start. Within seconds I heard a soft knocking on my
door.

“
Sydney? Are you crying?
Please don’t cry. I don’t mean to cause you any pain. I can’t know
that I’m the cause for your tears. It’s ripping my soul
apart.”

I ran to the door, flung it open, and
fell into his arms. I desperately tried to stifle my weeping;
allowing only muffled whimpers to break through. He pulled me
close, holding my head against his chest, right over his
heart.

“
Baby, everything is going
to be all right. Please just let things happen on their own. I’m
not hiding my past from you. Everything will come to light in time,
and you’ll understand why who I was just doesn’t matter to me
anymore. I feel like I came back to be with you, to have something
better than I had before. You’re giving me that. Please don’t take
it away. Please don’t turn away from me.”

“
I’m not turning away from
you. I just don’t want there to be any secrets. It’s not the way to
start a healthy relationship.”

“
I promise, that in time,
you’ll know everything there is to possibly know about me. Anything
your little heart desires, you’ll know. But not yet. I have to work
through some things out in my own head first. You should
understand; you’re my case manager. Isn’t this normal?”

“
There is no normal for
soldiers returning. Every case is different. I’m sorry. I should’ve
considered that as an option. You’re
not
ready, are you?” I
was approaching epic fail status as his case manager. I wasn’t
thinking straight, not for any aspect of my life.
What was wrong
with me?
I really felt terrible.

“
No, not yet. I promise
you. I won’t break that, not to you. Is that okay? “

“
I’m a complete idiot.” I
wasn’t really thrilled with his answer, but he was right. I was
completely neglecting the fact that he had almost died. That alone
had to have a huge impact on how he felt about life and not what
existed before he met me. I was almost ashamed of
myself.

“
No, you’re not, not at
all. You’re entitled to want to know who’s living with you. Let’s
not let it ruin our entire day. It’s been wonderful and I just want
it to continue. Please don’t feel badly. “

“
I’ll try?” I squeaked out.
It wasn’t convincing at all.

“
How about a little smile
for me? I’ll wrestle you if you don’t.” He looked like he was going
to pounce on me, so I gave him an all-teeth-grin, which probably
made me look like I was in pain.

“
I’ll take it. But I still
might have at you for some fun,” he said.

We headed downstairs, hand in hand.
Dinner was not as lively as our day in the park had been. We were
mostly quiet, occasionally sharing a smile with each other over
forkfuls of food. I wasn’t sure if he was afraid to say anything so
as not to start another fight. Maybe it was only because we were
watching a movie during dinner. I would look up at him, only to
always find him watching me, as though if he took his eyes off me,
I might disappear.

Aiden fell asleep somewhere around ten,
halfway through the movie. I couldn’t keep myself from watching him
this time. I had to keep checking to make sure he was really here
with me. Maybe I was afraid if I took
my
eyes off
him
,
he’d
disappear. He was just so peaceful. I
cleaned up dinner, and then woke him.

“
Hey, sleepyhead, why don’t
you head on up? I’m going to finish watching the movie. You can
stay here with me, if you want.”

“
Oh, did I fall asleep?
It’s so easy to rest when you’re next to me. You’re so comfortable
and warm. Plus, I don’t have any nightmares when you’re beside me.
I think I’ll go on up. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“
Wake me if you get up
before me so I can make coffee and breakfast.”

“
I will.” He kissed me
gently on the top of my head and ran his hand down my cheek. I
watched his sexy ass walk up the stairs.
God, this man was
really just too hot.
I thought about following him, but then
thought better about it. I didn’t want our relationship based on
only desire, especially after we had our first disagreement
today.

After the movie was over, I shut
everything down and moved upstairs to bed. I threw on a cami and a
pair of boy short panties, and headed to the bathroom to brush my
teeth. I could hear small whimpers coming from Aiden’s room. I
checked the door, and it was unlocked, so I went in.

He was lying in bed, tossing and
turning, making small noises that I could tell were not pleasant
ones. He seemed extremely distressed. I crawled into bed to spoon
him. I couldn’t help myself. As soon as I was next to him, I heard
him let out a long, soft sigh, and he was back to restful sleep.
Sleeping next to him made me feel safe and comfortable, too.
Everything about him made me feel that way. I hadn’t realized how
nervous I had been all this time living here alone. I also needed
to be close to him. The fights we had during today had drained me
emotionally. Not sleeping beside him was quickly becoming something
I could not live without.

* * *

When light filtered into the room in
the morning, I felt his fingers run down my arm. I stirred
slightly, but he was so warm and cozy that I didn’t want to move. I
gave him a slight smile, and then drifted back into
semi-consciousness. His fingertips soon transformed into his lips,
and he was running them up and down my arm. I could feel goose
bumps starting to rise, along with a sweet ache forming between my
legs. I turned toward him and started to kiss his chest and
neck.

He responded quickly by flipping me
onto my back, and then rolling on top of me. Soon our lips were
locked in a passionate kiss. Our hands began to wander everywhere.
I was becoming increasingly hot for him, every touch, and every
kiss overflowing with extreme desire for this man. His breath
became ragged and his eyes were heavy with lust.

“
Sydney, I can barely hold
back. We need to stop or this is going to get to a point where I
won’t be able to. I want you so badly. You have no
idea.”

“
Yes, I do. Right there
with you.” Yet I continued to paw, nibble, and kiss.

He took my hands, brought them above my
head, held them there and stared deeply into my eyes.

“
I want you, Sydney, more
than you can even imagine. But I want all of you, your body, your
heart, and your soul. Do you understand?”

His eyes bored into me. I felt like he
was melting into me, as though we were connecting on some strange
cellular level. My hips involuntarily started to grind into his. My
body started to hum and tingle all over. His body responded in
kind, and soon we were going through all the tender motions of
making love but still in our clothing.

I was aching for him so badly, but he
continued to hold my arms captive above my head. I wanted to run my
hands over every inch of him. It was almost torturous to be held
back. As if he could read my thoughts, a deep groan escaped his
lips and he relinquished his grip on them. Aiden hovered above me,
running his eyes over my body and face.

“
You’re so beautiful,
Sydney. I need to feel you against me. Please.” I nodded, and he
was back on top of me. The feel of him was too much. I couldn’t
take it. Apparently he couldn’t, either. Our tenderness turned
toward intense passion. It was only a matter of time before I
wouldn’t be able to keep myself from jumping out of my clothes and
then aggressively jumping him.

“
Sydney, we have to stop.
I’m not ready for this to happen.”

Was he kidding me? He wanted to stop
now?
I wanted to keep going. In fact, I was ready to go all the
way. He kissed me gently and started to move away from
me.

“
No, don’t go, not yet.
Hold me like this for a while, please. Don’t ever let me
go.”

He gave me a sultry smile and pressed
his body back against mine. I wished we were completely undressed,
so I could have every inch of my skin touching his, but I knew that
would be the end of slowing things down. I made no requests of him.
He rubbed his body over mine, the feel of it sending shivers
throughout me. I hugged him so tightly, hoping to pull his soul
inside. The hum I always felt when we touched seemed to softly
vibrate my entire being. I was getting too aroused again, so I
began to take deep breaths to slow myself.

“
You’re not going to
hyperventilate, are you?”