The Purple Heart (11 page)

“
No, silly. I’m just trying
to calm myself down. Tell me you’re not having the same
problem?”

“
Oh, I’m definitely having
a similar experience to yours. I’m sorry I’m holding us back. I
just want this to happen at the right time.”

“
This isn’t the right
time?”

“
Not yet. But I’m hoping it
will be soon.”

“
Well, that’s very cryptic
of you.”

“
Good things come to those
that wait. It won’t be long, I can tell you that, based on how hard
it is to stop today.”

“
I’m all yours, just say
the word.” I didn’t care anymore. Being like this with him,
everything was pure bliss. All the issues from yesterday seemed to
have melted away at his touch.

I needed to head into the office, at
least for a little while, to check my desk. It had been a few days,
and although I had logged into my email, I wanted to make sure
there were no new cases sitting in my bin. I was having small panic
attacks and doubting that I had actually read the note that had
been left on my desk correctly, second-guessing not having to be at
work. The government was notorious for saying one thing, but doing
something completely different. It was all about the red
tape.

I hated the thought of leaving Aiden.
He withdrew when I told him my plan. He seemed to exhibit slight
depression, and was obviously having a bit of separation anxiety.
This was why I had never gotten a cat.
I felt so guilty, and
honestly, I didn’t want to leave him, either. He clung to me like
it was the last time we would see each other. I assured him I
wouldn’t be gone long, and kissed him deeply so he would know I
meant it. He watched out the window as I drove away.

I didn’t even remember driving to work,
it seemed automated. I tried to recall if I had run any red lights
on the way here as I had been lost in my thoughts about Aiden. I
parked in my regular spot, and continued over to security to sign
in.

“
Good morning, Ma’am. ID
please,” a young, pleasant-looking officer addressed me.

“
Here you go. Where’s
Harry? Did he finally take that dream vacation he was always
talking about?”

“
I’m sorry to tell you
this, Ms. Porter, but Harry passed away.” My heart sank in my
chest. I tried to maintain my composure.

“
Oh my God! When? What
happened? I just spoke to him the other day.” I was truly
heartbroken.

“
Two days ago, Ma’am. I’m
not sure of the exact circumstances. Sorry for your
loss.”

I took my ID and shook my head in
disbelief. He was one of the healthiest people I knew. He must have
died the last day I had seen him. I would have to find out from
Cheryl about his funeral arrangements. I was surprised she hadn’t
mentioned it to me on the phone. She knew that I had a sweet spot
in my heart for him.

I did a quick drive-by my office, only
to find a film of dust waiting for me. I guess I really had nothing
to worry about. I turned direction and veered straight down to see
Cheryl.

She was sitting at her desk with her
back to me, so I decided a sneak attack was in order. I tiptoed up
behind her and right as I was about to put my hands over her eyes,
she swung her chair around to face me.

“
Well, hello there,
Lazarus. Came to join the living at work today?” she mused
sarcastically.

“
Ha. Ha. Very funny, but I
think you meant the Prodigal Son.”

“
Whatever. What forces have
allowed you to grace our presence this fine day?” I could already
see her sarcasm was here to stay.

“
I was nervous. I’m not
used to working from home. I needed to come in and check my desk to
calm my fears.”

“
Oh, I hear ya
there.”

“
So, how come you didn’t
tell me about Harry?” I was actually quite upset that she hadn’t
even considered calling me with the news. She knew how much I
enjoyed seeing him every morning. We even had an ongoing joke about
my running away with him someday.

“
I’m sorry, honey. It
completely slipped my mind. Occupational hazard, you
know?”

“
Okay. It’s just, I hope I
didn’t miss his funeral.” For me, the funeral was all about saying
goodbye. They’re the best way to bring closure. Something about
crying at a wake with the family and friends, then going to the
cemetery, it just brought it all home for me. Every time I missed a
funeral, it just felt open-ended, like I was waiting for something,
just not sure what.

“
There’s a message on the
board about it. You can check it out before you leave. Can you stay
for lunch? I’m meeting Gina at the diner. I know she’d love to see
you.”

“
Oh, I don’t know. Aiden
looked pretty upset that I left today. I should really get back to
him.”

“
Sydney, what’s going on?
Did this guy take over your life? First you decide that you don’t
have to come into the office anymore. Now you have no time to spend
with your friends. What’s going to happen when his case is over and
everything goes back to normal?”

“
What the hell is that
supposed to mean? There’s nothing going on. I just like being with
him. And who says everything is going to go back to
normal?”

“
So you don’t like being
with anyone else? Life can’t just end because of Aiden, you
know.”

“
It’s not. You’re being
ridiculous.”

“
It’s just that I did a
little research.”

“
I’m not liking this
already, Cher. What did you do?”

“
Okay, I’ll tell you, but
promise not to get mad. I looked at incoming and couldn’t find
anyone with the name Aiden.”

“
Because he’s highly
classified, Cheryl. I told you that. You need special clearance.
Are we going to get into this again?” I shook my head and looked
down at the floor.

“
Nope. I’m done. I can tell
you don’t want to discuss this anymore and neither do I. I’ve said
what I had to, and anyway, Gina told me to zip my lips. Well, at
least when it comes to Aiden. Otherwise, she likes my lips all
unzipped.”

“
Too much information,
Cher.” I put my fingers in my ears and made a
la la la
noise. We were suddenly back at ease and giggling together. It was
always that way for us. One simple joke and all tension went out
the door.

“
Please, won’t you come to
lunch with us? I have something else I want to talk to you
about.”

“
Is it good news?” I really
needed some right now.

“
I should let Gina tell
you. She’ll kick my ass if I ruin her surprise.”

“
A surprise? Can’t you give
me a little hint?” I held my fingers up and showed her how little
her hint should be.

“
No!”

“
Fine. I’ll go call Aiden
and let him know I’ll be running late. Does that satisfy
you?”

“
Not as much as Gina does,
but it sounds like a plan, babe. I’m really happy you’re coming. I
feel like I never see you anymore. I don’t like it. I miss you too
much. Meet you back down here in a little while?”

I shook my head as I walked away. It
had only been a few days since I had been with Aiden. She was
acting like it had been months without seeing me.

I headed back to my office for some
privacy. I dialed my home number, hoping Aiden would pick
up.

“
Hello, Sydney. Is
everything okay? I didn’t expect to hear from you until you got
back.”

“
Hey, babe. I’m so glad you
felt comfortable enough to answer my phone. I was hoping you would.
Everything’s just fine. Well, actually, not completely
fine.”

“
What’s wrong? What
happened?” He sounded truly worried, on the verge of panic
even.

“
I just found out a friend
of mine died.” I could feel the tears welling in my
eyes.

“
Oh, I’m so sorry. Was it
unexpected?” His voice was filled with concern and compassion
now.

“
I guess so. I don’t know.
Harry was always so full of life, happy, and healthy. I mean, he
was an older gentleman, but seemed to be in great shape for his
age. It’s just so sad that he’s not in my life anymore.”

“
Death isn’t final, you
know,” he said softly.

“
It sure feels final. I
didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

“
Death is just another
chapter in our existence, Sydney. I’m sure he knows you’re grieving
for him. I like to think that the dead are just on another level of
consciousness. They can still hear the thoughts of their loved ones
or those around them, until they choose to shut them off and move
on.”

“
That’s a comforting way of
thinking about it. If I died and could still be with my loved ones,
I’d never move on.” I thought about his words in regards to my
parents. For a few months after they passed, I felt their presence
all around me. They seemed to have moved on after I was settled in
the house and felt resolution and closure about what had happened
to them. I woke up one morning and never felt them around me
again.

He mumbled something under his breath.
I hadn’t been completely focused on him and had missed
it.

“
What did you say?” I
questioned.

“
Oh nothing. So are you
leaving soon to come home? I miss you. I miss every single breath
you take.”

“
That’s so sweet. I miss
you, too. I won’t be home right away. I just wanted to let you know
I’m going to be running a bit behind. I’m going to catch lunch with
Cheryl and Gina. I haven’t seen them for a few days.”

“
Are you sure that’s wise?
We’re running out of time.”

“
Running out of time? I’m
not sure I understand what you mean by that.” It took all my
strength to keep Cheryl’s voice out of my head.

“
I meant for nice weather.
Sorry I didn’t finish my thought there. Sometimes I just assume
you’re in my head thinking the same things I am
with me
. It
usually seems to be that way with us. I like that. Anyway, we’re
supposedly getting a bad ice storm later this week. I thought we
could go for a walk in the woods together today before the weather
turns. But if you’re going to run late, we won’t have enough light
when you get back.”

“
Can we go tomorrow
morning? I was actually thinking of asking you if you wanted to go
jogging with me. I haven’t gone since you’ve been staying with me
and I’m feeling it.”

“
I’m not sure it’s wise for
me to go jogging just quite yet.”

“
Right, sorry. I forgot
since you won’t talk to me about anything yet.”

“
Sydney, we talked about
that last night. Please let’s not go through this all
again.”

“
Fine, but at least you
could give me important medical information, so I’m not asking you
to do stupid things.”

“
Don’t be silly. I’m
healthy, I just hate jogging. It’s been awhile, as you can imagine.
I just thought you might not question me and let me get away with
using it as an excuse.” He chuckled.

“
Oh, I see your evil plan.
So, you’re cool with me going to lunch?”

“
I really wish you
wouldn’t. I’d feel more comfortable knowing you’re here with me.
But if you have to, I guess I don’t have a choice. Do
I?”

“
Why are you being like
this?” I was thoroughly annoyed with both him and Cheryl right now
and thought about ditching them both, and only going to lunch with
Gina.

“
Like what?” he responded
innocently.

“
Difficult. You’re all over
the place lately.”

“
Are you having doubts? And
are they
your
doubts or someone else’s?”

“
That’s not fair, Aiden.
I’m not doubting you,” I reassured him.

“
I just know if you go,
your friend is going to start making you question things
again.”

“
Cheryl is my best friend
and I’ve known her forever, a heck of a lot longer than I’ve known
you. She just points out things I might be missing because I’m on
cloud nine when it comes to us. Sometimes she just opens my eyes
and helps me work things out in my head.”

“
Sometimes you need to make
choices of your own accord.”

“
This isn’t about making
choices. I choose you both.” It was the truth. I didn’t have to
choose one over the other. I wanted them both in my
life.

“
What if you can’t have
both of us?”

What the hell is happening here?
I had no idea how this phone call had gone so terribly wrong. The
quick frequency of our recent arguments was starting to wear on my
mind.

“
Look, you have nothing to
worry about. I’ll be home before you know it. Time will fly
by.”

“
Yes. Time does pass before
us very quickly and then it’s gone.”

“
Oh so serious. Stop, babe.
It’s just lunch.” I almost told him I loved him, but managed to get
control of my mouth for once. It just seemed like I was supposed to
say it. It felt right.