The Purple Heart (12 page)

“
All right, Syd, but
remember, I’m here waiting for you.”

“
How could I forget? You’re
always on my mind. What will you be wearing when I get home?” I
flirted with him, hoping to rebalance our conversation to a happier
one.

“
Maybe nothing but a smile.
You’ll have to hurry to find out.”

“
Noted.”

“
I miss you,
Sydney.”

“
That’s a good thing,
Aiden. The feeling is
very
mutual. I’ll be in your arms
before you know it. Bye.”

Gina was waiting outside the diner for
us, looking adorable as ever in her black dance pants, pink
leggings, and an off-the-shoulder pink sweatshirt. She kissed
Cheryl and gave me her winning smile as they walked arm in arm into
the diner. I used to be jealous of the love they had, but now I had
found my own. I thought about Aiden and realized how lucky I
actually was. It was like he had just fallen out of heaven and
answered all of my prayers.

“
So, tell me. What’s the
good word, G?” I noticed she shot Cheryl a dirty look as soon as
the words left my mouth.

“
I told her nothing. You
said not to speak of it, so I didn’t. I know what’s dangerous to my
health and sex life.”

“
Good girl. Okay, well, I
kind of lied to you the other day, Sydney. We found a donor a
little over a month and a half ago. We didn’t want to jinx it until
we knew he was on board.”

“
Oh my God, I’m so excited
for you. So when are you going to do the nasty with
him?”

“
Really, Syd? You know
that’s not how it’s done,” Cheryl was speaking with pure jealousy
at that point. No other woman, and for that matter, no man, was
ever going to touch Gina in any way.

“
I kid. I kid. Give me all
the deets.” I held my hands up in submission.

I watched as Cheryl took Gina’s hand in
hers and they shared a loving glance. Again, instead of pangs of
jealousy, I felt bliss.

“
It’s already
done.”

“
What’s already done? You
already got the okay from him?”

“
No, we’re pregnant. It’s
really early and I shouldn’t be telling anyone yet, but you’re
family.”

I literally flew over the table and
grabbed them both into a huge hug. I was overcome with complete
happiness at the thought of a new life coming into this world,
their world. Our world. It made the loss of Harry today seem not as
somber
. One life left this world as
another was entering it. It seemed so simple.

“
Oh my God! I don’t even
know what to say. Congratulations! This is so amazing.” All three
of us had tears in our eyes.

“
I think she’s more excited
than you were, Cher.”

“
That’s because I’m scared
out of my mind. I deal with death all day. This is out of my
domain.”

“
You’re going to be a great
mom. A great dad? Which one are you again?” I giggled.

“
You’re very cute, Syd. Or
should I say, Auntie Nini?”

I was going to be an aunt. I was having
a hard time comprehending it all. I thought about if Aiden and I
had children.
Wow, I was actually thinking about having a child
with Aiden?
I wanted everything with him, a fulfilling life
with all the bells and whistles. Hearing this news drove that home.
It put everything into perspective. This had to be the true meaning
of life.

They filled me in on all the details
about the father and why they had chosen him. He resembled Cheryl
in appearance, which was very important to them both, since the
baby would actually be Gina’s flesh and blood. Gina told me how
they could’ve passed for siblings.

The man was extremely intelligent,
having a degree from Harvard in biology, and worked in
pharmaceutical research. But most importantly, he was willing to
father the child and be only an observer in raising the baby. They
wanted to give their child the opportunity to know him, should he
or she ever so choose, and also allow the donor to see the child
growing up without any worries of him trying to reclaim
it.

They said he was a very kind man, who
was heavily involved in fundraising work for cancer patients,
having lost his wife to breast cancer. They had never had any
children of their own before she died, but had wanted them dearly.
He had told them his wife would have been thrilled he was doing
this wonderful thing for them. He knew he would never marry again,
as she had been his soul mate and the only woman for him. They had
bonded over that, and knew he was the right man for the job. He had
even turned down any payment for his services. He had donated in
honor of his wife’s memory.

I heard about due dates and doctor’s
appointments, and how they were going to decorate the nursery. They
even invited me to the first sonogram.

I loved every second of our
conversation. When we finally parted ways, I couldn’t wait to get
home to tell Aiden everything. Again, thoughts of having a child
with him were mulling through my brain. The desire to make love to
him was growing exponentially greater, but wanting to bear his
children made it more intense. I guess my biological clock was
ticking louder than I thought.

I rushed through the front door calling
for him. I heard some movement upstairs, and literally flew up two
steps at a time to get to him. I opened his door, but he wasn’t
there. I peered around the corner to see if he was in the bathroom,
but the light was off. A knot began to form in my stomach.
What
if he had left? Could he possibly have taken my absence as an
opportunity to leave without having to tell me why?

“
Hey, I’m glad you’re
home.” I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of his soft
voice behind me, where he had suddenly just materialized. I had no
idea where he came from, he had just
appeared
. I heard no
footsteps coming up the stairs. It was rather creepy how quietly he
moved. I was sure he was a covert mission op—he moved like a ninja
about my house. I wondered if he had come from my room.
What
would he have been doing there in the first place?

“
You startled
me.”

“
I didn’t mean to. Let me
make it better.” He pulled me to him and placed a long deep kiss on
my lips. Shivers of pleasure shot through me. I wanted more, but he
released me.

“
Yeah, that made it all
better. I’d like some more, please.” Even I could hear how sultry
my voice sounded with that one.

“
That can definitely be
arranged.” Now his voice was dripping with sexual overtones,
too.

“
Well, what’s stopping
you?”

His hands were on me before I knew what
was happening. He swept me off my feet and pushed me quickly onto
his bed. I couldn’t keep from running my hands all over his body.
His moved slower over mine, like a blind man trying to see every
detail with his fingertips. It was as if he was studying every
curve. I ran my tongue slowly over his neck, stopping only to taste
him with a nibble. His breath quickened and he let out a soft
breath with each bite.

It wasn’t but a moment before I could
no longer hold back. I wrapped my legs around his waist so he
couldn’t escape this time, and began to grind myself against
him.

“
You’re going to be the
death of me,” he mused.

“
I don’t want to kill you,
Baby, my plan is to show you what heaven feels like.”

“
Sydney,” he growled as he
crushed his mouth over mine. Our kisses became more
frenzied.

“
Everywhere you touch me,
every move you’re making, it’s driving me insane, Aiden. I’ve never
felt anything like this before.”

He pulled me tight against him and
whispered in my ear, “I love you, Sydney.” My heart seized in my
chest.

“
Wait. What did you
say?”

He pulled slowly back from me, so we
were face to face. He looked deeply into my eyes and caressed my
cheek.

“
I said I love you, Sydney.
Never have I felt so deeply for someone. I’ve waited for what feels
like an eternity to find you. I think it has always been you I was
holding out for. It’s like I knew we were supposed to be
together.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. I knew
deep inside my soul I was falling for this man. I had wanted to
tell him I loved him earlier, but hearing him actually say it out
loud suddenly made me nervous. Everything was happening so fast. He
was living with me already, and we had only just met. I had
actually, only moments before, been thinking of having his child.
The words should have come easily to me. I wanted to say them. I
wanted him to hear them. I just couldn’t bring myself to utter them
to his waiting ears. I realized I just wasn’t ready yet. Especially
with our recent disagreements thrown into the mix. My mouth hung
open. I tried to kiss him but he pulled away.

“
Sydney, you’re not feeling
the same way. You don’t love me.” His face was suddenly tortured,
as though I had ripped his heart right out of his chest.

“
Aiden, it’s not that I’m
not feeling something so insanely far-reaching within my soul for
you. I am. I can tell you that with more confidence than you could
imagine. When I say those words to someone, to you, there’s no
turning back. It has to be forever.”

“
You don’t see forever with
me?”

“
I’ve thought about it.
I’ve been thinking about it every single second since I met you.
But those words, when I say them, I need to be one hundred percent
sure. I want to know this is going to last. Those words are final.
I don’t want to hurt you.”

“
You have no concept of how
true what you’re expressing is. They are final. For me, they have
never been uttered to another woman before you.”

“
You … you’ve never told
anyone else you loved them? You’ve never
loved anyone
before?” His statement made me realize I was right in my decision
not to respond in kind.

“
No, Sydney. Not like this.
You
are my entire reason for existing at this very moment in
time.”

His words.
What was I doing?
This man just returned from war, and I had scooped him up and
brought him into my own little world where he existed only for me.
How could I have done this?
I had completely failed him. I
was supposed to help him get his life back. Instead I stole it for
my own. I pushed him off of me and scrambled to my feet.

“
Sydney, where are you
going? What are you doing?” He was panicking.

“
I think you need to go. I
think I’ve made a huge mistake.”

“
Please. Don’t say that.
You have no idea the effect your words will have on me. Please,
Sydney, don’t do this,” he begged.

“
I’ll call Cheryl. I’ll get
her friend Joe’s address. You’ll be better off there. We can still
see each other, but we’ll take things slower. I don’t want you gone
from my life. It’s just that we fell into this relationship. It was
forced. We both pushed what we have right now, and that’s not what
you need. You don’t need me. You need to live your life and if I’m
meant to be a part of it, then so be it.”

“
Sydney, no. Please, Baby.
I haven’t forced my feelings for you. I fell in love with you the
moment I met you. I can’t
live
without
you
.”

“
You just said it. You said
you exist only for me right at this very moment in time. But you
need to exist for yourself or what we have between us will never
survive. I can’t only have this moment in time. I’d fall apart if
you ever changed your mind or took those words back. It really has
to be forever for me, too. “

“
And it does for me, too.
It is already. My forever only exists if you’re part of
it.”

“
No. You’re just lost. You
need to find your way first. Aiden, please, this is the best thing
for you. I’m going to go call a cab.” It killed me inside to push
him away. It tore my very soul apart. I knew I was doing the best
thing for him. He deserved it. He needed someone to do the right
thing and look out for his wellbeing. That was my job and I had
ignored every rule I put into place to help every other soldier
returning.

“
If you don’t want me here,
I’ll leave. I would never go against your wishes. I’ll get my own
ride. Sydney. But can I ask you one thing? Am I not worthy of your
love?”

I couldn’t answer him. I was the
unworthy one. The light left his eyes as I watched them fill with
tears. He reached his hand out for me; I turned my back to him and
left the room with my hand covering my mouth to stifle my
soon-to-be blubbering. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him,
or I wouldn’t let him leave. Not ever. I ran to my room, locked the
door behind me and bawled my little eyes out as quietly as I
could.

My heart hurt.
Did I just make a
huge mistake?
We weren’t fighting. We were probably about to
make love. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to stop him. I
didn’t want him to leave me.
What had I been
thinking?