The Purple Heart (9 page)

“
Only the present truly
exists. The past is over, and nothing can be changed or rearranged
from it. The future doesn’t exist yet. There’s no reason to worry
about it as everything is already decided. All that matters is
right here and right now,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“
I’m not sure I agree with
that. The past is what makes you who you are today. Someone might
not be able to change their past, but they can certainly correct
things from it, by learning from their mistakes. And the future,
well you can plan for that, make it what you want it to be. Are you
saying none of that matters?”

“
Not exactly. I agree you
can make adjustments from the past. I also believe you can think
about your future and try to plan for it. But what happens …
happens. And we have no control over the consequences life throws
at us. We just have to deal with it as it comes.”

“
I don’t want to fight
about this.” I really didn’t want to ruin our day with our first
disagreement.

“
Are we fighting? I thought
we were just talking. I just want to know what you believe.” He
didn’t seem upset when he said it, rather surprised instead at my
thought that we were fighting. I guess he was just making
conversation. I really did want to hear what his thoughts
were.

“
Okay. I believe in destiny
to a degree. I think there’s a reason you cross paths with certain
people. They are meant to teach you something or bring something
into your life that might not have been there on its own accord.
Fate? I’m not sure about fate. I used to believe that if you
weren’t where you were supposed to be when you died, that’s when a
freak accident would happen.”

“
That’s an interesting
theory. Tell me more,” he said.

“
I just don’t think fate
decides this person will die of cancer or be paralyzed. I don’t
think fate says this child will be stillborn, but this one gets to
live. It seems unfair. I think some things just happen, maybe for
scientific reasons.”

“
Do you believe in
God?”

“
I believe in some sort of
greater being. Yes, I guess if you want to say God. God is a
personal experience to each individual person. I guess God is maybe
one thing to me, and a different thing to someone else. What
culture you were born in is also a factor that forms your personal
relationship with God. I don’t think God would hold it against any
of us, if say, I was taught as a Catholic, versus a Buddhist being
taught who God is to them. Same being, just a different perception
of what God is. There’s no way we could just exist. I’m pretty sure
my belief process would have me excommunicated from my church. See,
I think religion is very egocentric when it comes to man. Why would
God create only man in his image? And why would he choose the most
selfish and destructive of every living thing on earth if he were a
righteous God? I believe that every living thing is created in His
image.” I was rambling.

“
I’m enjoying your thought
process on all of this. Please, go on.”

“
Okay, when you die, all
the pieces of you that were there when you were alive are still
there, the blood, bones, tissue. Except one thing is missing. That
spark, the energy that made them all function. I think that’s the
soul. And every living thing has that same energy that makes it
living until it dies, and that spark is gone.”

“
So energy is your soul and
every living thing has a soul?” he asked me.

“
Right, because that’s the
part of us that was created in God’s image. I think heaven is a
giant mass of energy. And ghosts, if they exist, are just drops of
energy that never connected with the heaven mass.”

“
So you believe in ghosts?”
He laughed and ran his hand through his hair.

“
Don’t make fun of me, you
asked for this. Think about a residual haunting. When that person
was alive, maybe they did the same routine every day. When they’re
dead, and if they become a ghost, that same action continues to
happen over and over again. The energy keeps repeating itself
because it knows nothing else. The energy is burned into
time.”

“
Really? Sydney, that’s a
very interesting idea. But what if you’re wrong?”

“
So you don’t believe in
ghosts, God, or afterlife?”

“
I didn’t say that. I’m
just not sure I agree with you. What I do believe in, as I’ve
mentioned, is fate. Everything that happens, happens for a reason.
Your path is chosen before you’re even born. It explains déjà vu
very nicely, don’t you think?” Again he was questioning me. I
wasn’t sure why he was so fascinated with my thoughts on this but I
was still enjoying the conversation.

“
I’ve heard a different
theory on déjà vu recently.” I thought about Gina’s explanation
from this morning. “So what you’re saying is we’re aware of our
destiny before we’re born?”

“
I like to think so. I
believe everyone chooses the path they’re supposed to take. I’m not
saying it always goes as planned, so your freak accident scenario
does coincide quite nicely there. I’m sure there are instances when
something throws a monkey wrench into the whole thing and fate has
to make adjustments.” He spoke as though he knew this
information.

“
Ah, so you agree with my
freak accident theory?”

“
Maybe,” he chuckled. He
lay down on his back and looked up into the sky. “Do you ever look
at the clouds?”

I was a bit confused by the complete
and very random change of subject. I noticed he had modified the
subject a few times already.

“
Sure. I used to do it a
lot as a child. I haven’t lately.”

“
Then cloud watch with
me.”

I shrugged and joined him. He reached
over to hold my hand as we searched for images of animals in the
sky. It wasn’t long before I realized I couldn’t care less about
the clouds, and couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“
Are you staring at me,
Sydney?”

“
Yes.”

“
Is something
wrong?”

“
No.”

“
Then why are you staring
at me?”

“
Because you’re extremely
hot. Plus I’m trying to send you secret telepathic
messages.”

“
Damn, my psychic abilities
are off today, unless you meant this.” He rolled onto his side and
ran a fingertip across my cheek and down my neck. He leaned over
and kissed me softly.

“
See, that’s all I’ve been
able to think about. Is that what you were trying to send me?” he
chuckled.

“
It worked! How about a
little more? Wait, I’ll tell you with my mind.” He smirked and went
to town on my lips. I was happy we were in a private spot, because
our actions were not appropriate for all ages.

We stayed at the park until the sun
began to set and then headed home, stopping off only for more wine
and take out, so we could continue our fun with no
worries.

We were just about to start dinner and
a movie when the phone rang. I reached over Aiden to grab it and he
pulled me onto his lap.

“
Hello?”

“
Sydney, I’m so sorry. I’m
being a total ass about this whole thing. I mean, I still think
you’re crazy for having a stranger in your house, but Gina has
spent the entire day laying into me about how unfeeling I’m being.
She keeps telling me how it was like that for us. Instant
chemistry.”

Cheryl didn’t apologize ever. She
usually was always right, too. But today was different. Either Gina
was denying her sex or she really meant it.

“
Cheryl, it’s fine, really.
You’re just looking out for me. I know that, and I love you for
it.”

“
No, that’s a little too
generous of you. It’s seriously been bothering me all day. I must
have called you a hundred times to tell you how sorry I am. There
was no answer, and then that would get me going. I kept picturing
you lying there murdered and in pieces.” She said the last part
under her breath.

“
Cheryl, is this supposed
to be you apologizing?”

“
I know, I suck at this.
I’m all over the place. I want you to be happy and have you to meet
someone and fall in love. I don’t want you to be alone for the rest
of your life. I want you to have what I have, so I don’t want to be
the one holding you back from finding love. But at the same time, I
don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“
Wow, Cheryl, you’re doing
a fantastic job of making everything better between us.”

“
See? There I go again.
I’ve been so back and forth on this all day, Gina must have
whiplash by now. Don’t listen to any of the messages on your
voicemail, okay? Promise me.”

“
Okay, I’ll delete them
all. I forgive you.”

“
So we’re good?”

“
Of course we are. We
always
are.” I heard a huge sigh of relief surge through the
phone.

“
Well, I still want you to
be careful; you don’t know this guy.”

“
Yeah, I think you forgot
to take your meds today, you silly girl. Look, I feel like I know
him. Completely. It’s just so weird. It’s like he’s in my soul.” I
felt Aiden’s arms tighten around me. He liked what I had said. I
snuggled closer to him.

“
Well, I’ll have to trust
your judgment on this. But I …
we
want to meet
him.”

“
How about Friday night? I
mean, he’s living here, so it’s not like he’ll be crashing our
girls’ night.”

“
Deal. We’ll bring enough
pizza for four. Is he good with pizza? Does he like it?” He could
hear her and shook his head in agreement.

“
He loves pizza. Sounds
like the perfect plan. Talk to you later, then?”

“
Bye, Sweets.

“
Night, Love.”

I checked my voicemail and there were
no messages at all from Cheryl or anyone. I could only guess it was
some sort of outage with the phone company again. I was sure they
would come through later and I would delete them without listening,
as promised.

“
Everything okay, Syd?”
Aiden said, as he played with a strand of my hair.

“
Everything’s fine. It’s
just my best friend, Cheryl. She’s worried about our relationship
moving too fast. She doesn’t agree with your living with me, being
that we just met. She thinks I’m crazy.”

“
Doesn’t she believe in
love at first sight?” I could tell immediately he regretted his
choice of wording.

“
Are we talking love here?”
I couldn’t wait to hear his response. He seemed to fidget slightly
in his seat.

“
I didn’t mean to imply
anything by that. It’s just an expression.”

“
Oh.” I averted my eyes
from his, as I had been hoping for a different answer.

“
You do believe in love at
first sight, don’t you? I certainly do,” he proclaimed, his thumb
on my chin, lifting my face so he could look directly into my
eyes.

I felt butterflies in my stomach as my
face blushed. “I didn’t until I met you.” I looked up at him from
under my eyelashes to gauge his reaction to my words. One side of
his mouth turned up in a sexy smirk. I was amazed at how every
small facial expression or way he said something made me want to
jump his bones. I found him irresistible.

“
You have no idea how much
that means to me, to hear you say that.” I could almost feel the
irises of my eyes dilate as I stared at his handsome face, and
actually heard him confirm we were experiencing the same
thing.

“
Cheryl believes in love at
first sight, but I don’t think she understands what’s happening
between us. I think she’s afraid you’re some sort of stalker or
secret murderer. She knows nothing about you.”

“
That’s absurd. I can
assure you, I’m none of those things.”

“
You know, I really
don’t
know much about you. I’ve told you all about my
family, friends and past, but you haven’t mentioned anything at
all. I brought it up at lunch, but you never answered.”

“
Oh, but I did. I remember
saying it didn’t matter anymore. My past is nothing but a shadow of
who I used to be.”

“
Well, I’d really like to
know everything about you. I want to know what your parents were
like; if you have siblings. I want to know if you played sports in
high school or maybe you were in marching band. Did you have a
happy childhood? Were you an adorable little boy? Was your dad in
the military and you’re following in his footsteps? I want to know
what your favorite color is. What’s your favorite food?”

“
So you want the whole bio?
Slow down,” he said with a chuckle. “Well, I can definitely say I
was not in the marching band. My favorite color is blue. I like
Thai food the best, but I’m a guy, so anything edible works for
me.”

“
Well, at least I got
something out of you.”

“
Sydney, why does it matter
so much to you? Can’t I just forget my past and start a new life
with you? Really, all of those things, none of them matter to me;
not where I came from, not who my family is. I just want to be with
you.” My heart quickly became a puddle in my chest. I wanted to
give this man everything. I always believed that when love knocked
at your door, you put your own feelings aside to give it anything
the heart desired. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to make
Aiden happy, even if it included returning him to his family and
possibly losing him.