The People Factor: How Building Great Relationships and Ending Bad Ones Unlocks Your God-Given Purpose (19 page)

A M
URDER IN THE
F
IRST
D
EGREE

In the United States, when a person is charged with first-degree murder, the charge relates to willful, premeditated killing. In contrast, though they do not carry the weight of an official legal charge, we also hear about “crimes of passion,” meaning actions taken spontaneously as a result of intense emotion. The difference between David’s sin with Bathsheba and his sin against Uriah is that his actions against Uriah were premeditated and deliberate, while his behavior with Bathsheba came about as a quick reaction to a sight that stirred his passion. For this reason, I believe God’s judgment toward David had more to do with what he did to Uriah than with his affair with Bathsheba. Let me explain.

In 2 Samuel 12:9–15, when God pronounces judgment on David through Nathan the prophet, Uriah is mentioned three times while Bathsheba is never named; instead she is referred to as
wife
twice. This highlights her relationship to Uriah more than her individuality. David’s sin certainly involves her, but the biblical account is more focused on her
as she is connected to Uriah
than on her tryst with David.

The fact that Uriah is mentioned by name three times in only a few verses demonstrates the literary device of repetition, used throughout Scripture to indicate emphasis or importance. Often in the Bible, certain stories, subjects, and ideas of importance are mentioned more than once.

In another account of David’s life, 1 Kings 15:5 praises him, saying, “David had done what was right in the eyes of the L
ORD
and had not failed to keep any of the L
ORD
’s commands all the days of his life
—except in the case of Uriah the Hittite
” (emphasis added). This verse does not even mention his sin with Bathsheba; it focuses entirely on the incident with Uriah as David’s great transgression. This passage, and the 1 Samuel passage with its use of repetition and its mention of Bathsheba only in her role as a wife, lead me to believe God was more displeased with David’s attitude and behavior toward Uriah than with his alliance with Bathsheba.

H
AVE
Y
OU
E
VER
M
ET A
D
ISLOYAL
L
EADER
?

Without question, David was a terribly disloyal leader where Uriah was concerned. Unfortunately, leaders today can still be just as disloyal as David was. Great pain and disappointment can result when you have come to trust someone in a position of leadership in your life and then discover that person has not been loyal to you. When you do what Uriah did and give your loyalty to someone who does not appreciate it or who even abuses it, the wound can be deep.

Everyone—from a stay-at-home mom to a CEO—relates to leaders on some level. I pray you have had great leaders in your life who have affirmed you, recognized your potential, and helped you become all you can be. I also know that, sadly, some leaders pursue positions of influence and authority for the wrong reasons, and they end up hurting the people who look up to them. If you have ever suffered because a leader was more loyal to himself than to those he was called to serve, I hope you will find healing, strength, and encouragement in the insights I would like to share about David in this section.

David was a gifted and excellent leader in many ways. I want
to emphasize the fact that I appreciate and celebrate David’s many good qualities. In no way do I desire to cast aspersions on a truly great man of God as I point out some specifics of his unrighteous behavior toward Uriah. I do so in an attempt to learn from his life. The fact is, in spite of the strong leadership skills David displayed during many critical moments, he was a leadership failure where Uriah was concerned. This happened not because of a lack of leadership abilities and acumen, but because a vein of disloyalty ran through this otherwise great leader’s heart.

This situation with David is still common today. Maybe you know what I mean. For example, perhaps your son’s coach is brilliant with x’s and o’s and the execution of smart plays. Perhaps he pats team members on the back when they do well and maintains a positive attitude on the field and in the locker room. But underneath the facade, he is more loyal to winning championships and gaining accolades for himself than he is to the well-being of his players. Or maybe the CEO of a midlevel company has outstanding skills as a business leader, and maybe she even knows how to inspire loyalty among her employees. But the truth is, she has a manipulative heart, wanting to be well thought of in her industry so she can continue to reach new heights on the corporate ladder. She is not nearly as loyal to her employees as they are to her; she is only loyal to herself and to the acclaim, perks, benefits, and feelings of power she can enjoy as long as others do what she wants. She uses others to make her look good so when the time is right, she can move to a more prestigious position.

The problem with disloyal leaders—whether they are leading teams, businesses, families, churches, or civic organizations—is that disloyalty is not always easy to identify. It can be much more subtle than blatant dishonesty or an obviously disrespectful attitude. Often when disloyalty is a problem, people simply feel that something about the leader “just isn’t right.”

Speaking the language of loyalty is easy. A leader may have no trouble making comments such as, “We’ll all benefit from meeting our quotas this month, so get out there and sell, sell, sell!” Or, “If you hit a home run, the whole team wins, so go knock it out of the park!” These kinds of comments are fine when they are genuine and when they are motivated by an authentic desire for the good of a group. But when a leader really could not care less about the group and simply wants to use everyone involved to help reach his or her personal goals, that’s troubling. Interacting with a disloyal leader almost always causes pain, and the best way to keep ourselves from being hurt and used is to learn to identify them.

Throughout Scripture, one of the ways God teaches us the lessons we need to know is through stories. While the story of David and Uriah does not highlight David’s good points, it does provide critical insights that will help us choose wise, loyal leaders and avoid those who would be disloyal. Maybe that’s why the Bible includes it.

Before pointing out some of the warning signs of disloyal leaders, I want to say that I am well acquainted with a number of secular leadership teachings and programs. I recognize that the world rarely emphasizes the importance of being loyal to the people you serve. Perhaps you are a leader in some arena and the idea of the value of loyalty simply has not significantly impacted your thinking or your style as a leader. If, as you read the remainder of this section, you realize that you have been like David in certain ways, be encouraged. Allow these insights to be catalysts for change, not tools for feeling guilty. Put them to work and let them make you a better leader than you ever have been before.

A disloyal leader holds others to a standard he is not personally willing to meet.

When David inquires about Bathsheba, one of his servants
tells him she is married (2 Sam. 11:3); yet David still sends for her and has sex with her in the royal palace. I have to wonder how this affects the servant. He clearly sees that David is committing adultery. David knows the Mosaic law concerning adultery (Lev. 20:10). He is aware that sleeping with another man’s wife is a sin against God, and he willfully disobeys. Maybe he does not remember the Mosaic law in the heat of his passion, but I have to believe that because he had walked with God for a long time, he knows he is in rebellion.

When David asks his servant to get Bathsheba, he expects the servant to obey him, but he himself does not obey the commands of God. This kind of double standard is common in people who are disloyal. They expect others to follow “the rules,” but do not abide by those same rules themselves.

When I planted the church I now pastor, my wife and I decided we would be the top givers, financially speaking. This is not always easy for us. There are certainly people in the church who earn more than we do, but we do not want anyone to outgive us because we know that we cannot expect the people who enjoy and participate in the church to give at a higher level than we do. When I teach on finances, tithing, or giving, I do so knowing that I am not asking anyone else to do what my family and I are not doing. This is the only way I know to lead with integrity—to lead by example. In the case of Bathsheba, we see David’s character when he refuses to subject himself to the same standards he expects others to maintain.

A disloyal leader does not fight for or with those who support and fight for him.

We know from Scripture that David was a warrior. In his day, standard practice for a king was to fight
for
and
with
his people. That was expected of David; it was what he had always done. In
fact, earlier in David’s life we read that he fought alongside his men, as a good military leader would have. He was so loyal to them that when they brought him water to drink without having any for themselves, he refused to drink it out of solidarity with them (1 Chron. 11:15–19). Obviously, the connection he had with his men was strong; his loyalty at that time was unquestionable.

When David met Bathsheba, his troops were engaged in a major conflict. This key battle was against a formidable foe, the Ammonites, in their main city, Rabbah. While his men were entrenched in enemy territory, fighting fiercely for him and for his kingdom, David seems to have been lazing around the palace. For some reason he was no longer loyal to many of the things he valued, accomplished, or upheld in his past. For all practical purposes, the soldiers’ leader, King David, had abandoned them.

I can only imagine how alone David’s army must have felt. They were accustomed to having their strong and wise king in their midst, right there with them in the fight. But he was not there.

Some of the most painful times in my ministry came in the early years, when I tried my best to be a great member of a team, when I worked and fought to accomplish someone else’s vision, and that leader abandoned me. I know how heartbreaking those dynamics can be, and I am sure Uriah and the other soldiers were hurt by David’s absence while they risked their lives for him.

A disloyal leader is more concerned about self-interest than corporate purpose.

If ever a corporate purpose is at stake, it is during a time of war. In the battle with the Ammonites, Israel’s purpose was certainly threatened, and the need for triumph was great. In 1 Samuel 21:5 David expressed the importance of the soldiers’ abstaining from sex during military campaigns. Clearly, in times past, he
believed abstinence was important to the cause of victory, but once Bathsheba enters his field of vision, he decides not to follow this directive because he wants her. As soon as he sees this woman who pleases him, his own desire trumps the best interest of his soldiers and his country.

Loyalty does not sacrifice people for personal gain. But David does. He basically says, “Forget about consecration and holiness; I want her.”

A disloyal leader feels no sorrow over the loss of someone significant and shows no appreciation for that person’s past contributions.

When David receives word of Uriah’s death (2 Sam. 11:24), he expresses no sorrow or remorse. In addition, David fails to communicate even the slightest bit of appreciation for all Uriah has meant to him, his kingdom, and his cause. David’s callous and indifferent response is typical of people who have lost their loyalty; they seem completely unaffected when they lose someone valuable.

In my early days in ministry in Birmingham, an older, wiser friend of mine named John told me a story I never forgot. He had started a business several years earlier and felt extremely blessed to have a young couple named Renee and Carl on his team. They had the gifts, abilities, enthusiasm, and work ethic he needed in his start-up venture, and they were eager to help him. For a few years they were quite active and visible to everyone in the neighborhood where his business was located.

The problem started small, but over a period of time, they became argumentative and resistant to the direction in which my friend and his other employees had agreed to go as an organization. Later they became jealous, underhanded, and even angry. Eventually, John and his board saw no choice but to fire them.

Coincidentally, the weekend the board decided to terminate their employment was the same weekend John had planned an anniversary celebration for their vendors and customers. During that event, John announced Renee and Carl’s departure, acknowledged their valuable contributions to his business, and affirmed them. He was genuinely grieved over the circumstances; he knew he could not keep them on his team, but at the same time he did not want to overlook the good they had done in previous years. They were instrumental in what John’s business had accomplished, and he wanted them to know their help and support had not gone unnoticed. He also gave them an extremely generous financial severance package because he truly appreciated them and wanted to bless them.

Thankfully, I have not endured many situations like the one John went through with Renee and Carl, but I did learn a vital lesson from the way he handled them. Like all organizations, our ministry depends on people to help us fulfill our vision and reach our goals. Most of these are volunteers. And as happens in other groups, people come and go. Sometimes they cannot continue as ushers or greeters or small group leaders because of geographic moves, returning to school, job changes, or family responsibilities. So every year in November, we give our volunteers a chance to “sign up, re-up or resign.” In other words, people who have not volunteered before can join the team, and those who served during the previous year can renew their commitments or resign if necessary. At our annual event for volunteers, we make sure to salute and applaud those who are stepping down, expressing our appreciation for all they have done for us.