The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (15 page)

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Authors: Athol Kay

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Also she’s extremely proximal to you, and simple proximity can make a huge difference in getting her moving towards taking her clothes off and lying down with her legs apart. Living in your house together is a natural way of isolating her and creating privacy for her to be sexual. So as bad as things might look between you now, your wife is still the easiest woman you know to work on getting hot sex from.

 

I also expect that as you perk up your Sex Rank, she will follow your lead to keep pace. Ideally there isn’t even a “fight night” where everything turns into a dramatic confrontation – you just up the sexy and she follows suit.
However, she may not respond positively and you will be faced with the possibility that the marriage will have to end in order to move on to the sex life you need and deserve. If it goes down the divorce route, you are still better off seeking new sex partners as an 8 than as a 6. Either way you will win from the process of making yourself more attractive to women.
 
(6.16) Failing to do The MAP is a Risk

 

Failing to work on your sex appeal is a serious risk all by itself, as you run the risk that your wife may simply decide to take her own action that’s against your best interest. She may simply divorce you or cheat on you. Seeing around 8-10% of all children have a misidentified biological father, being cuckolded is quite possible too.

 

Critical Point
– Women like sex just as much as men do. If she is not having sex with you because she is not attracted to you, it does not automatically mean she has a low sex drive. If you are less sexy than your wife and you plan to just coast along, do not be surprised if you find out one day that she has a lover she is passionately involved with. You sure as hell don’t try and keep her with you by offering or allowing her sex with other men. That’s like being in the express lane in the wrong direction. Chump be thy name.

 

Men who are highly attractive have firsthand knowledge that women are definitely not the moral angels that they may like to present themselves as. The good girl image is nothing more than the social equivalent of the biological concealed ovulation strategy which was covered in the Body Agenda chapter. Women very much like sex with men they find attractive and can be exceptionally devious and insistent on getting it.

 

It is extremely politically incorrect to say so, but all women have a component of slut in their makeup. The trick is not to fear it, seek to sanction it, or flee it, but to adapt to the presence of the slut in your woman and harness it for your mutual enjoyment. But if you don’t pay her active attention to account for her slut influence, you might find that it gets up to all sorts of mischief.
(6.17) Summary

 

As cynical as my advice may seem, the only person you can really control is you. As long as you take positive action, you will end up with a positive sexual outcome regardless of your wife's decisions and behavior.

 

This is a process with no rush to an ultimatum. Divorce is amazingly serious with kids and houses and money and careers all tied up together. Unpicking all that is a mess. But if you're basically being shorted on the love and sex front, you are ultimately being screwed over. Sometimes enough is enough and you see the whole thing as abusive towards you. You can't have an agreement for an exclusive sexual relationship, do your part, and not get a reasonable amount of sex in return.

 

Another thing to consider is that when you’re about two or three months into doing The MAP, your wife should be noticing some positive changes in you. If you can prove that you’re heading in a positive direction and have some momentum, she’s quite possibly going to be your biggest ally in your quest. Her inner slut wants to see you turn into a stud. If only her stud.

 

So maybe she responds to you, maybe she doesn’t. I can't promise that she will. Either way though, you win in that she either responds to you and you have a proper marriage, or she doesn’t and you're positioned to move on and find new love with someone else. This is a deeply pragmatic perspective, but there we go.

 

I’m not saying that doing The MAP is easy either. If your feelings for your wife overwhelm your ability to get into action, or you believe the good in your marriage outweighs the bad, your own Rationalization Hamster will always find a way to keep you locked in endless misery.
Chapter 7
Get Control of Your Health

 

 

(7.1) A Secretly Disappointed Princess

 

For some strange reason Princess Leia was totally not into Jabba the Hutt. She had the skimpy bikini thing on for him; he clearly had money, power and bondage equipment and usually this sort of thing works for a girl. But the thing where she kissed her brother in Episode IV was simply uncomfortable in retrospect compared to the repulsion she felt for Jabba.

 

Jabba also has this totally Alpha opening line as well,
“Soon you will come to appreciate me.”
I dare you to try that one on your wife later tonight…trust me, it’s a closer. It’s so powerful it’s illegal in three States and Canada. Just look her in the eye, drop your voice an octave and unload it on her. Rumble a
“Soon you will come to appreciate me”,
and somewhere deep in the female brain the anterior ravishment cortex is going to fire and it’s all on from there. You know it’s working when she dissolves into a fit of giggles. That’s normal, just plow ahead and don’t stop for air. If you can keep a straight face, afterwards when you get out of bed and walk to the shower offer a 
“You have pleased me.”

 

But I digress… very obviously the reason Princess Leia didn’t feel attraction for Jabba was that he was the size of a small truck and smelled like the wrong end of a Bantha. (Okay, I’m done with Star Wars metaphors for the book, I promise.)

 

(7.2) Sex is Physical

 

So what about you? Maybe Jabba the Hutt is an extreme metaphor, but the thought holds. You can have money, power, fancy boats and personal wait staff, but being physically in shape is also a major Alpha Trait as well. Women aren’t as body oriented as men are in terms of what is attractive, but they certainly do look.

 

What if one of the reasons you don’t have tremendous sex with your wife is that your physical fitness is so low that it’s actively repelling her from you? Oh sure, she can love you no matter what, but that isn’t the same as having a tingle between her legs every time she looks you over.

 

If you’re overweight, I figure you already know it. And like everybody else, you know there’s really only one basic solution – eat less and exercise more. The only time diet and exercise involves rocket science is on the space shuttle missions. What you will find is that even moderate exercise has its benefits. Weight training will especially benefit you. Even losing ten pounds will result in you feeling better and sexier. And like I’ve said before, good sex is just a consequence of being sexy. Your whining that she never initiates sex is silly if you are clearly not physically attractive. Why would she ask to have sex with you if she finds you unsexy? Queue up the
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you”
speech…

 

I am by no means some sort of ultra-hunk. I’m a regular guy. But I very much find that my wife responds better to me when I am in the best physical shape I can be. Usually about two or three weeks after I start exercising, she “just decides” to start too. So it’s a fun together thing as well. If you we’re a natural Sex Rank 7, but fell to a 5 because you employed Homer Simpson as your personal trainer while your wife stayed a 7, well you’ve left the front door open a bit wide, don’t you think?

 

If you’ve let yourself go to pot, you should absolutely not get all upset and issue demands and ultimatums for more sex right now. That may go very badly for you. What you should do is plan ahead and drop the weight. You don’t have to turn yourself into a professional bodybuilder, just get into decent shape.

 

I’m not going to go into detail about how to lose weight and get in shape, because that information is endlessly available on the Internet and in other books. It’s really not my job to wake you up in the morning and drive you to the gym. You already know exactly how to get yourself started on fitness routine; you just have to go do it.
So go do it.
(7.3) Physical Fitness Creates Confidence with Women

 

If you do nothing else to improve your sex life with your wife, and I mean
if you do nothing else
, you should work out. Some sort of physical exercise is just foundational to almost all of the Alpha Male Traits. It’s awfully difficult to radiate that sexy confidence of beastly power when you’re hooked up to an oxygen tank to keep you from passing out, for example. Back in the Time Before Writing, the physical strength and ability of individual men created a pecking order of social rank. That sense of physical prowess still has an effect in modern social situations. Jocks being more socially dominant than nerds doesn’t end at high school.

 

Most men experience something called Approach Anxiety when trying to approach an attractive female with the intent to gain her sexual interest. With exceptionally attractive women well beyond a man’s Sex Rank, he might have no hope of sex with her, or even intention to
try
and talk to her, but he may experience acute anxiety simply by being in close proximity to her. His anxiety might be so high, that even if she makes physical contact possible between them, he might be unable to physically touch her. The classic example of this is the website hoverhands.net, devoted to photos of men with their arms around beautiful women, but all with their hands mysteriously hovering a few inches away from actually touching them. Thus “hover hands.”

 

Most men assume that Approach Anxiety is caused by interpersonal fear, stress, or the possibility of emotional rejection by the woman. But the
physical
symptoms of the Approach Anxiety reaction are exactly the same as that of the “flight or fight” response. As daft as it sounds, when a man approaches a woman in hope of gaining a phone number, what really makes his heart race is adrenaline. The male Body Agenda automatically assumes another male will potentially arrive and threaten a
physical
fight over the female.

 

This is why physically poor men have such enormous inability to approach women and seek to start a sexual relationship. Simply by walking up to an attractive woman, his Body Agenda assumes he’s going to get his ass kicked, so he avoids it. Modern laws about violence don’t register into the male Body Agenda.

 

By increasing physical ability, the Approach Anxiety fades and you can approach women with a greater confidence. It’s the man with a confident approach that women respond to positively. A male approach of high confidence implies physical ability and therefore, social dominance to the Body Agenda of women, so they feel attracted to the male that approaches them that way.

 

As an aside – another way to overcome Approach Anxiety is to not allow yourself any hesitation in immediately talking to a beautiful woman that interests you. You have approximately a five second delay between thinking about maybe approaching a woman and your body kicking in the adrenaline to start the Approach Anxiety/flight or fight reaction. If you can
immediately
start conversation with her, there’s a good chance that no man will show up and be violent with you for approaching his mate. Without an aggressive male to fight, your Body Agenda relaxes and cuts off the adrenaline response. If you wait more than five seconds though, you’ve left it too late for this to work.
(7.4) Women are Turned On by Strapping Men

 

Often a group of people can shake their heads in confusion at a woman having sex with an asshole/loser and wonder “what does she see in him?” Usually the answer is something like “nice abs and a tight ass.” Women love physically fit men.

 

If you’re a husband, the deal is that the only man she should sleep with is you. So all the brawn she’ll ever get is meant to come from you, and if she can’t get it from you, then where can she get it? If the only thing Brawny she gets to hold in her hands is a roll of paper towels, then that's a problem.

 

Oh sure, I know, not your sweet angel, she can’t possibly think like that, but have you ever looked at the covers of romance novels? These are not science geek bodies they have plastered across the covers. I believe the word we are looking for is “strapping”. There are strapping men on the covers of romance novels, usually semi-naked, displaying their brawn, looking serious and not making particular eye contact but just gazing yonder. Women buy these novels all the time. This is a huge industry and those strapping guys aren’t there by accident.
(7.5) Increasing Testosterone

 

Part of the natural leaning towards Alpha Traits in men stems from their high testosterone levels. However, in addition to getting older, becoming both married and a father typically results in a decline in testosterone levels. This natural decline in testosterone can play a part in the falling off of Alpha traits and you can become overly Beta in your marriage. A method of combating this is to take steps to increase your testosterone level. Here are a few easy and simple methods to do that.

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