The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (19 page)
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Authors: Athol Kay
BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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Likewise with a wife the same sort of thing still applies. Wives detest husbands who can’t come up with a simple plan for an evening out once in a while. Most of them will assume that you as the male half of the couple will take the lead in this sort of thing. Don’t take her to the same restaurant over and over for a night out. Yeah I know,
“But we love it here.”
Just because she said she liked the first time she went in doesn’t mean it does anything for her nine years later. Mix it up on her. Don’t even tell her where you are taking her sometimes. A simple
“Okay time for dinner, be in the car in 15 minutes,
” will suffice.
“But we love it here.”
Just because she said she liked the first time she went in doesn’t mean it does anything for her nine years later. Mix it up on her. Don’t even tell her where you are taking her sometimes. A simple
“Okay time for dinner, be in the car in 15 minutes,
” will suffice.
(8.16) Escalate – Plan the Sex
In heading to the bedroom you should have a rough plan as to how the sex is going to play out. Most women find that a passive,”
So what do you want to do?”
a huge turn off. Usually what they want to happen is for you to sweep them away in your torrid passion for them. You asking for permission and guidance is like switching her vagina off.
So what do you want to do?”
a huge turn off. Usually what they want to happen is for you to sweep them away in your torrid passion for them. You asking for permission and guidance is like switching her vagina off.
The way it works best is to simply announce some intentions or directives and see if she agrees with them. Simple directives like
“Get on top of me,” “Suck me,” “On your back and legs apart,”
or
“When you want me to cum inside you, say it,”
work very well. Stated intentions also work well too, “
I’m hot for you, so I want to just cum inside you right away. After that I’ll work you over good as long as you want to orgasm. Then I’ll have another one for myself. I think it will be more relaxed that way.”
“Get on top of me,” “Suck me,” “On your back and legs apart,”
or
“When you want me to cum inside you, say it,”
work very well. Stated intentions also work well too, “
I’m hot for you, so I want to just cum inside you right away. After that I’ll work you over good as long as you want to orgasm. Then I’ll have another one for myself. I think it will be more relaxed that way.”
Wives in particular can respond better to stating plans for a specific sex act, rather than an all-purpose request for sex. An all purpose request for sex could be anything and could take ages, but asking for a blowjob means a blowjob and takes five minutes of her time.
Also stating sexual intentions to a wife hours before bedtime can frame the bedtime routine better.
“I’m really horny today baby, tonight I need you,”
can get a
“Yes”
at 2pm and sex that night, whereas the exact same line delivered at bedtime can get a
“No.”
“I’m really horny today baby, tonight I need you,”
can get a
“Yes”
at 2pm and sex that night, whereas the exact same line delivered at bedtime can get a
“No.”
If you announce a plan and she asks for a different sex act that doesn’t bother you, then by all means go ahead and do it. It’s not meant to be set in stone. If she’s horny for something then do it and make her happy and sexually satisfied. That way she’ll be more likely to want to come back for more in the future.
(8.17) Summary
So while
“Instigate, Isolate and Escalate”
is the basis for seducing a new woman, I also think you should run this on your wife as well. Note that this is not something that you do when you want sex; this is something that you do all the time. This sort of attitude and approach to women is a skill set that requires constant practice until it becomes second nature to you. The idea is that you constantly display sexual interest and receptivity and just present yourself as a sexy, fun guy to be with.
“Instigate, Isolate and Escalate”
is the basis for seducing a new woman, I also think you should run this on your wife as well. Note that this is not something that you do when you want sex; this is something that you do all the time. This sort of attitude and approach to women is a skill set that requires constant practice until it becomes second nature to you. The idea is that you constantly display sexual interest and receptivity and just present yourself as a sexy, fun guy to be with.
You may not be trying to get sex right this minute, but simply being who you are will mean that someone will respond to you sexually eventually. Once your wife senses you could pull a new woman without too much difficulty, her sexual interest in you will very likely take a large step upwards. It’s attractive in and of itself, but also because it threatens losing you to another woman… or her best friend.
Chapter 9
Captain and First Officer
(9.1) Women Sexually Respond to Dominant Men
Now I know that saying
“women sexually respond to dominant men,”
is so radical and politically incorrect, that many of you reading will struggle with it as a thought. So let’s come at that from a slightly different angle first and say…
“women sexually respond to dominant men,”
is so radical and politically incorrect, that many of you reading will struggle with it as a thought. So let’s come at that from a slightly different angle first and say…
Men are taller than women.
If I just write
“men are taller than women”
and leave it at that, some feminist reader is going to want to hunt down my email address and point out that I am small-minded and offensive for saying so. Clearly there are some very tall women and simply stating that
"men are taller than women"
is sexist. My angry reader simply couldn't imagine living with such a bigot as myself, who believes that men are taller than women. After all, she is quite tall herself and knows a man that is of average height, who she is taller than. Where do I get such wrong ideas from?
“men are taller than women”
and leave it at that, some feminist reader is going to want to hunt down my email address and point out that I am small-minded and offensive for saying so. Clearly there are some very tall women and simply stating that
"men are taller than women"
is sexist. My angry reader simply couldn't imagine living with such a bigot as myself, who believes that men are taller than women. After all, she is quite tall herself and knows a man that is of average height, who she is taller than. Where do I get such wrong ideas from?
Then should I happen to mention that I am quite tall and my wife Jennifer quite short... well then my angry reader could wonder if Jennifer is okay being trapped in a marriage with my offensive tallness. Frankly, it seems like I may be making her short on purpose. I might be despicable.
So anyway... the truth is just as we all know. There are some taller men and some shorter men, plus some taller women and some shorter women. There are two bell curves of height, one for men and one for women, and the male bell curve is clearly higher than the female one.
So another statement...
Women are attracted to taller men, especially to men taller than themselves.
This is again quite true. It's a fairly rare couple where the wife is taller than the husband. The overwhelming majority of couples have a taller husband than wife, far more so than random chance would suggest.
Circling back around to the more pointed statement...
This is again quite true. It's a fairly rare couple where the wife is taller than the husband. The overwhelming majority of couples have a taller husband than wife, far more so than random chance would suggest.
Circling back around to the more pointed statement...
Men are more naturally dominant than women in personal relationships.
If I just write
“men are naturally more dominant than women”
and leave it at that, some feminist reader is going to want to hunt down my email address and point out that I am small minded and offensive for saying so. Clearly there are some very dominant women and simply stating that
"men are more dominant than women"
is sexist. My angry reader simply couldn't imagine living with such a bigot as myself who believes that men are more dominant than women. After all, she is quite dominant herself and knows a man that is of moderate dominance that she is more dominant than. Where do I get such wrong ideas from?
“men are naturally more dominant than women”
and leave it at that, some feminist reader is going to want to hunt down my email address and point out that I am small minded and offensive for saying so. Clearly there are some very dominant women and simply stating that
"men are more dominant than women"
is sexist. My angry reader simply couldn't imagine living with such a bigot as myself who believes that men are more dominant than women. After all, she is quite dominant herself and knows a man that is of moderate dominance that she is more dominant than. Where do I get such wrong ideas from?
Then should I happen to mention that I am quite dominant and my wife Jennifer quite submissive... well then my angry reader could wonder if Jennifer is okay being trapped in a marriage with my offensive dominance. Frankly, it seems like I may be making her submissive on purpose. I might be despicable.
So anyway... the truth is just as we all know. There are some dominant men and some submissive men, plus some dominant women and some submissive women. There are two bell curves of dominance and submission - one for men and one for women, but the male bell curve is clearly closer to the dominant end of the scale and the female one closer to the submissive.
So another statement...
Women are sexually attracted to dominant men, especially to men more dominant than themselves.
Keen observation of women’s sexual attraction shows they clearly respond to those men who present themselves more forcefully and have a higher social status. Women like socially dominant men. Women are attracted to the professor and not the junior lecturer. Women are attracted to the doctor and not the lab tech. Women are attracted to the quarterback and not the kicker. Women are attracted to the CEO and not the pizza delivery guy. Women are attracted to the leading man and not the comic relief. I'm not saying that it's right or wrong that women react like this, just that they do.
Dominance and submission are not outlandish games that only happen in sex clubs with leather clad people whipping other scantily leather clad people. Dominance and submission are elements in every single social interaction. A bus driver for example is a low status job, but on their own bus the bus driver is in charge and is socially dominant in that arena. A doctor may give a nurse an order and the nurse is submissive to the doctor, but then the same nurse can clearly be dominant over their nurse’s aides. Outside of work the same doctor can give the same nurse a directive and be laughed at for trying. A teacher is hopefully dominant over their classroom and the children behave submissively to the teacher’s instruction. Outside of the school the teacher likely has minimal dominance over the same children. Hopefully at home the same children are submissive to their parents.
As clarification – if you read my acknowledgments page carefully, I said I was a nurse. So what happens when I as a male nurse come in contact with a female doctor and she gives me an order? The answer is pretty simple – I go do it. It’s not a male/female thing; it’s a social hierarchy thing.
If you are reading into the word “dominant” a mandate for violence or cruelty to someone submissive to you, then you are very purposefully misunderstanding my intent. Nor am I saying that all women should be in submission to all men, frankly there’s no way to even organize that effectively even if I did think that was a good idea. I’m also not saying that men are superior to women, or that women are incapable of leadership.
To be sure, many women have suffered violence or cruelty and now respond highly negatively to men who act with a normal male zest towards a woman. Misunderstanding male social dominance as "thugs up, bitches down" leads to bad endgames for all concerned.
But for the last several decades, the overall impression given of men is that we are some kind of badly designed female. It's like men are Humans 1.0 and women are Humans 2.0. Like all that testosterone surging through our veins is, well....
wrong.
wrong.
All I’m saying is that for most men, tending toward a dominant social interaction with a woman is a natural state of affairs and that most women sexually respond to men that are dominant. In a marriage, having the husband take on a leadership role tends to keep the wife sexually interested in him. This works for exactly the same reasons as women are more likely to have an affair with their boss at work, rather than with some guy they supervise.
(9.2) Unlearning that Being Male and Dominant is Evil
This pattern of male dominance and female submission has a basis in Body Agenda because the female Body Agenda literally thinks
“if he can’t handle me, he can’t actually protect me from anything”.
Often a woman will tear her husband apart over quite minor things, seeking a reaction to correct her. If she doesn’t get that correction she can become increasingly agitated with her man and progressively more extreme in efforts to force that reaction. The majority of drama queens are just seeking the king to finally show up and tell her to knock it off.
“if he can’t handle me, he can’t actually protect me from anything”.
Often a woman will tear her husband apart over quite minor things, seeking a reaction to correct her. If she doesn’t get that correction she can become increasingly agitated with her man and progressively more extreme in efforts to force that reaction. The majority of drama queens are just seeking the king to finally show up and tell her to knock it off.
For myself I’m not a particularly aggressive Alpha Male type guy by nature. I do by nature totally rock on the Beta Male goodies. Much of the Alpha stuff I’ve learned along the way over the last decade and in the last few years in particular. One of the things I was very careful to do when Jennifer and I married was to strive for equality between us, and I was quite careful to not be domineering over her.
The result of those good intentions was that often we’d grind to a halt in a deadlock of mutual submission.
“What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, anything is fine. What do you want to do?”
Just repeat that conversational cycle for about ten years and you get the picture. I’ve often wondered in the last couple of years how someone more forceful didn’t just poach her from me early on. Clever tactics like being assertive toward her and doing something like asking her out on a well planned date would have had an appeal to her. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good I guess.
“What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, anything is fine. What do you want to do?”
Just repeat that conversational cycle for about ten years and you get the picture. I’ve often wondered in the last couple of years how someone more forceful didn’t just poach her from me early on. Clever tactics like being assertive toward her and doing something like asking her out on a well planned date would have had an appeal to her. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good I guess.
About five years ago, I started getting grumpier with some of our mutual submission deadlocks and just started saying what I wanted. Jennifer lapped it up. This was initially very confusing as I thought and felt that acting like this was in fact offensive. So I expected a response of anger and annoyance at my being bossy, but to my surprise, it never came.
Since then, I’ve reprogrammed myself a great deal away from the idea that everything has to be perfectly equal and fair. I’ve come to realize that being submissive is something she actually gains an active enjoyment from. Some of that is social submission; some of it is sexual submission. It’s only in the last year or two that I’ve found myself actively enjoying being dominant. I’ve given orders on and off for much longer, but felt quite weird about it at first, then felt neutral, but now can sometimes get physically turned on simply by requesting sexual submission.
Some of this is exceptionally simply everyday stuff. If we have four things that have to get done, Jennifer is great at defining the tasks, but if I step in and say,
“Well let’s both go and do A and B together because they are close together, then you go do C and I’ll double back to here and do D,”
she positively beams simply because I made the decision and set direction. Likewise, if she wants to go out to dinner, if I decide the place it makes her happy.
“Well let’s both go and do A and B together because they are close together, then you go do C and I’ll double back to here and do D,”
she positively beams simply because I made the decision and set direction. Likewise, if she wants to go out to dinner, if I decide the place it makes her happy.
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