The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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Authors: Athol Kay
BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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The Married Man
Sex Life Primer 2011
Athol Kay
Kindle Version of:
“
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011”
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011”
Copyright © 2011 Athol Kay
All rights reserved.
Contents
Disclaimers
Acknowledgements
Personal Gratitude
Introduction
Part One – What She Really Wants
1. The Body Agenda
2. Alpha and Beta Balance
3. The Alpha Male Traits
4. The Beta Male Traits
5. Sex Rank
Part Two – The Male Action Plan (MAP)
6. The Basics of The MAP
7. Get Control of Your Health
8. “Instigate, Isolate, Escalate”
9. Captain and First Officer
10. Be a Nice Guy with a Hard Edge
11. Behavior Modification
12. Don’t be a Chump
13. Sexual Judo
14. Variety is the Spice of Wife
15. Ovulation Game
16. Timeline for Using The MAP
Part Three – The Sexy Moves
17. Kissing
18. Just Bust a Move
19. Man About the House
20. Playful Sex
21. Words of Seduction
22. Sexting
23. Date Night
24. Rough Stuff
Part Four – When Push Comes To Shove
25. Oneitis
26. Common Mistakes
27. Dealing With Her If She Cheats
28. How to Choose a Wife
29. Marriage 2.0
Finale
30. Ten Things to do Right Now
31. Spread the Word
About the Author
Disclaimers
I am not a marriage counselor. I did look into becoming one while writing this book, but discovered I would need two years formal study and the starting money was around $33,000 a year. I figured Jennifer would divorce me if I made that little.
This
book is not intended to replace the advice and instruction of your own medical, legal or marriage or other licensed providers. It's certainly not meant to replace advice from plumbers or electricians either. If something requires licensed professionals, use them and follow their advice
.
book is not intended to replace the advice and instruction of your own medical, legal or marriage or other licensed providers. It's certainly not meant to replace advice from plumbers or electricians either. If something requires licensed professionals, use them and follow their advice
.
In real life I am a nurse. However I am not
your
nurse, nor am I providing any form of nursing service to any reader.
your
nurse, nor am I providing any form of nursing service to any reader.
Readers hold me harmless for negative outcomes based on following any suggestions on this book. Every relationship is different, not everything will work
.
.
Sex is a very primal need. Sometimes the book touches on the darker aspects of human nature. Understanding and discussing these darker elements within us all, is not the same as advocating for them.
Acknowledgments
Some of the ideas in this book are new, but the greater part of them has been based on the work of countless others.
The Talk About Marriage forum
– A key place of my learning about affairs and attraction problems in marriage, both why they happen and practical steps to intervene. It also provided a place to start fleshing out some of my early ideas and where the chorus of requests to write a book started.
– A key place of my learning about affairs and attraction problems in marriage, both why they happen and practical steps to intervene. It also provided a place to start fleshing out some of my early ideas and where the chorus of requests to write a book started.
The “Manosphere”
– The collection of bloggers, Pickup Artists, commenters and Men’s Rights writers on the Internet. I’ve ransacked the Manosphere for many ideas. Roissy was particularly helpful in framing the benefits of the Alpha approach.
– The collection of bloggers, Pickup Artists, commenters and Men’s Rights writers on the Internet. I’ve ransacked the Manosphere for many ideas. Roissy was particularly helpful in framing the benefits of the Alpha approach.
Dr. Helen Fisher
- We’ve never met, but her insights into the nature of love have underpinned a great deal of my thinking. When I talk about dopamine, oxytocin and testosterone, please consider it a nod in her direction. Any errors on that perspective are mine.
- We’ve never met, but her insights into the nature of love have underpinned a great deal of my thinking. When I talk about dopamine, oxytocin and testosterone, please consider it a nod in her direction. Any errors on that perspective are mine.
“
Mystery”
- I would not have found a way to incorporate the idea of comfort building and the Beta traits as a positive thing without his insight. “The Mystery Method” remains an important book.
Mystery”
- I would not have found a way to incorporate the idea of comfort building and the Beta traits as a positive thing without his insight. “The Mystery Method” remains an important book.
Evolutionary Psychology
– Every time I talk about “The Time Before Writing”, know that I’m poaching something from evolutionary psychology. No disrespect is intended by this loose term.
– Every time I talk about “The Time Before Writing”, know that I’m poaching something from evolutionary psychology. No disrespect is intended by this loose term.
Nursing
– Being a nurse has exposed me to the changes behavior medication can make on a daily basis in psychiatric patients. Without seeing that, I may never have really understood much of the Body Agenda chapter. Learning the day in, day out behavior management of difficult patients has been exceptionally useful as well. I’ve been exposed to hundreds of women and as often the only male nurse, I’ve been the default male listening ear to their wifely complaints for the last thirteen years. Also working nearly exclusively with women, I far better appreciate the changes in mood from the menstrual cycle…
– Being a nurse has exposed me to the changes behavior medication can make on a daily basis in psychiatric patients. Without seeing that, I may never have really understood much of the Body Agenda chapter. Learning the day in, day out behavior management of difficult patients has been exceptionally useful as well. I’ve been exposed to hundreds of women and as often the only male nurse, I’ve been the default male listening ear to their wifely complaints for the last thirteen years. Also working nearly exclusively with women, I far better appreciate the changes in mood from the menstrual cycle…
Personal Gratitude
To be sure, most of the work has been mine, but I have also been enormously helped by others. It’s not been the difference between me having a good book or a great book, but being able to finish the book at all. I’ve been humbled by how many people have offered help and cheered me along the way.
My Blog Readers and Friends
– Thank you to everyone that has been so kind and supportive these last fifteen months. The constant encouragement to write a book has truly helped me in this process.
– Thank you to everyone that has been so kind and supportive these last fifteen months. The constant encouragement to write a book has truly helped me in this process.
“
Bella”
– When I asked for help proofreading, thirty people offered. Everyone has helped, but I would like to give special thanks to you, who stayed with the project so consistently and has given me the most helpful criticism and advice. Without you I would have a far worse book. All the errors that remain are mine.
Bella”
– When I asked for help proofreading, thirty people offered. Everyone has helped, but I would like to give special thanks to you, who stayed with the project so consistently and has given me the most helpful criticism and advice. Without you I would have a far worse book. All the errors that remain are mine.
A Patient
– I would like to thank a developmentally delayed patient of mine. In the middle of one of my darkest periods, you reminded me of what I stood for. Without you, I might never have realized that being married was in fact my defining characteristic; the source of my personal power. I am, as you said, “The Married Man” simply because I wear a wedding ring. Sometimes it’s really just that simple.
– I would like to thank a developmentally delayed patient of mine. In the middle of one of my darkest periods, you reminded me of what I stood for. Without you, I might never have realized that being married was in fact my defining characteristic; the source of my personal power. I am, as you said, “The Married Man” simply because I wear a wedding ring. Sometimes it’s really just that simple.
My Parents
- Warwick and Susan, who met on a blind date and were married for 45 years. I have unwittingly done so many things right in my marriage because of your example. Dad passed away before I could finish writing, and that is the only regret I have from this whole experience.
- Warwick and Susan, who met on a blind date and were married for 45 years. I have unwittingly done so many things right in my marriage because of your example. Dad passed away before I could finish writing, and that is the only regret I have from this whole experience.
My Wife
– Jennifer, only you know how truly hard this was for me. If I am Frodo, you are my Sam, and you carried me at the end.
– Jennifer, only you know how truly hard this was for me. If I am Frodo, you are my Sam, and you carried me at the end.
Introduction
(0.1) The Book is a Magic Trick
Let me put my cards on the table and I’ll explain exactly how this magic trick works…
The whole book is written intentionally for a male audience. So husbands… I’m going to hand out every scrap of knowledge I know about getting your wife to strip her panties off for you. I can show you how to turn her on so much, she can’t help herself for
wanting
you so bad.
wanting
you so bad.
Now ladies, come closer and I’ll whisper in your ear what the deal
really
is…
really
is…
…
I’m going to teach him how to be a better man. All you have to do is play along and pretend that the book isn’t really for you. Cool? Okay, shush, give me some space to work…
I’m going to teach him how to be a better man. All you have to do is play along and pretend that the book isn’t really for you. Cool? Okay, shush, give me some space to work…
Okay guys, now that the women have all mysteriously vanished, we can
really
talk.
really
talk.
(0.2) Men Want Better Sex, Women Want Better Men
There is a “chicken and the egg” positive feedback cycle with you being a better man and you getting better sex. But all it takes is a little laziness creeping into your relationship and you can hit a patch of not getting enough sex, so you start getting a little moody, so she likes you less, so you get less sex… and then suddenly there’s a negative feedback cycle kicking in creating a slow spiraling death towards a sexless marriage; you want more sex and she wants you to be better, and neither one of you get what they want. You just lie there in bed next to each other lonely and confused as to how you got there.
If you’re the man, you have to fix the problem. This is not one of those “man up” speeches where you get blamed for everything. You have to fix the problem because you are the only one that
can
fix the problem. She can’t, through an act of willpower, make herself
want
to have sex with you. Pay attention to the difference here, it’s critical you understand this.
She can make herself have sex with you, she just can’t make herself
want
to have sex with you.
can
fix the problem. She can’t, through an act of willpower, make herself
want
to have sex with you. Pay attention to the difference here, it’s critical you understand this.
She can make herself have sex with you, she just can’t make herself
want
to have sex with you.
So when you have sex with her, you will know in your heart of hearts, that she does not really
want
you inside her. Instead of sex with her making you feel loved and accepted, it actually slowly eats you up from the inside. As her husband, the thing you wish most of all is for her to
want
you in the moments you are joined together. Without feeling her desiring you, your relationship will continue to struggle and flounder into unhappiness.
want
you inside her. Instead of sex with her making you feel loved and accepted, it actually slowly eats you up from the inside. As her husband, the thing you wish most of all is for her to
want
you in the moments you are joined together. Without feeling her desiring you, your relationship will continue to struggle and flounder into unhappiness.
So
she
can’t fake it until
you
make it… because
you
can’t make it if
she
fakes it.
she
can’t fake it until
you
make it… because
you
can’t make it if
she
fakes it.
However as the husband, you may not even want to become a better man for her, but you can force yourself to take action and become a better man. Once you become that better man, she will begin to
want
you again and the positive feedback cycle can resume again. Female sexuality responds to male sexuality, so
you
have to take the lead.
want
you again and the positive feedback cycle can resume again. Female sexuality responds to male sexuality, so
you
have to take the lead.
If you are in a low sex marriage and you want more from her, you have to change you to break out of the rut you are both in. Once the positive feedback loop kicks back in again, the relationship can start changing for the better very quickly. I’ve had couples on the brink of divorce say the love and sex is back in as little as two months.
So
you
can fake it until
you
make it… and when
you
make it,
she
won’t need to fake it. She’ll
want
you again.
you
can fake it until
you
make it… and when
you
make it,
she
won’t need to fake it. She’ll
want
you again.
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