The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (9 page)

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Authors: Athol Kay

BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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In recent decades the earning power of women has increased greatly, so the need to have a man supply wealth is less important than in the past, but it is still an important factor. Men unable or unwilling to provide are often abandoned by their partners.

 

One of the more obvious things that make men sexy is having a coherent career. Whatever it is in particular isn’t all that vital, as long as the man can show some kind of general story arc of making more money and generally gaining more power in his work environment.

 

Money isn’t everything, but below a certain level of income, it sure feels like it’s everything. When all is said and done, more money is generally better than less money. The guy with a $100,000 income is going to go home with the pretty girl, and the guy making $25,000 gets to go home with her designated ugly fat friend a.k.a. “The DUFF”.

 

This is an incredibly harsh way of looking at the world, but it plays out this way time and time again. Once upon a time, having an income was all a guy needed to have in order to land a wife and she was completely dependent on him for that income. Times have changed and generally women earn similar incomes to men, but having a decent income still rates as an important signal of social worth.

 

We all don’t get to be CEOs or astronauts, but as long as you aren’t failing by ending up working retail, serving coffee or flipping burgers when you’re age 30+, you’re generally doing okay. To be sure, some professions have a generally higher status than others, but what you do may not be as important as how you do it. You may be better off being an amazing teacher as opposed to a really awful lawyer for example.
(4.3) Undamaged Career Potential

 

This may be mildly off topic for older men, but on the off chance that younger unmarried men read this book, this section is critical. One of the ways you can seriously damage your overall earning power and career arc is by being stupid in your education. You pretty much can’t hurt yourself by your high school choices other than getting crappy grades, but once you’re at the college level you can cripple yourself for years to come by bad choices.

 

Before you go to college, know that you are being sold a ticket to an outcome. The college doesn’t care about the outcome; they only care about the sale of the ticket. So if the college can convince 500 people to enroll and graduate from Tulip Arranging, earning $60,000 per student, but only two jobs for Professional Tulip Arrangement exist, leaving 498 people with a completely useless degree… well that’s not really the college's problem. The college’s problem would be finding an artist to build a statue of a giant tulip with the extra $30,000,000 revenue and making damn sure that the brochures for the next class will be extra glossy.

 

Then the poor saps that graduated from Tulip Arranging have $45,000 worth of loans and only Starbucks is hiring. They can’t afford to return to college ever again and remain trapped into serving coffee until they die. Trying to meet women when you’re in debt and working a service counter anywhere just sucks.

 

The problem is that a large number of college degrees and majors don’t seem to be for anything other than filling out the coffers of the college. See, if you go through med school, nursing school, or law school, all of those schools are a direct line to having an actual job at the end of it. If you go through med school, it’s pretty damn obvious that you’ll work your ass off as a doctor at the end of school. That’s the whole point. But if you have a degree in English, or History, or Psychology or basically any of the liberal arts majors, there is no direct line to a job. You can complete your entire degree and still not know what you want to do at the end of it.

 

Then you head out into the world and work for a bit and discover what you like, and you may or may not have to head back to school to do that. All in all this turns into the most appalling waste of time and money right in your most fertile and attractive spouse seeking years.

 

Given the choice between a twenty-five to twenty-six year old male that has a smart education and has been working in his chosen field for a few years with a minor promotion, or a twenty-five to twenty-six year old male that has a useless degree and is serving coffee, it’s a no brainer what a savvy female is going to be more interested in. And by savvy I mean perky tits.

 

And let’s not discount not even going to college. Plumbers, electricians, and carpenters can all make good money without even going though “higher” education. You just need to have a plan and play it out. Sometimes the “smart people” can make appalling decisions while the supposedly less smart people just have more common sense and finish strong. That's $400 to stop the leaky pipe on a Sunday for an hour’s work. Think about that.

 

If you want to learn about Tulip Arranging, do it on your own time as a hobby. Don’t waste tens of thousands of dollars and years of your life educating yourself for a job that may or may not be there and pays crappy money anyway.
(4.4) Nest Management

 

One of the most important things for raising children is the creation of a home. Wealth ties in directly to buying a bigger, better home, but there are also a great number of tasks involved in managing a house and keeping it well maintained.

 

One aspect of home maintenance is the exterior of the house: keeping the lawn mowed, the gutters clean, and the house painted and looking generally appealing from the road.

 

The second aspect of home maintenance is the internal upkeep of making sure things aren’t broken and that everything inside the house works. Dripping taps, doors that don’t close properly, drafts, broken windows, and a fridge that has no inside light are all things that can be fixed and made functional again.

 

The third aspect of home maintenance is the general cleanliness of the inside of the home: carpets cleaned, floors mopped, trash removed, piles of magazines and newspapers dispensed with, laundry done and so on.

 

Beyond heavy lifting needs, there’s really no reason why either husband or wife would be any better at any one of these tasks, but for the most part husbands tend towards the exterior aspects of home maintenance and wives the interior. Essentially, working productively at any of these aspects is Beta because it creates a comfortable and functional home. How the division of labor works between the husband and wife isn’t terribly important; what is important is that the end result is a pleasant home that is a good place to raise children.

 

The more a husband does to maintain the home, the greater level of comfort he builds in his wife.

 

(4.5) Cooking

 

There is a very common perception that cooking is a female skill. It is true that women do the majority of the cooking in most relationships; it’s not a feminine skill but rather a life skill. Men are usually quite happy to man the BBQ grill and cook outside for example. Plenty of well known chefs are male and don’t present as “weak men” but are aggressive competitors in their own arena. Sharp knives and high temperatures don’t equal “feminine”. I do of course lean towards “Iron Chef” rather than cake decorating as an approach though.

 

By knowing how to cook, a husband lifts some of the burden of cooking off of the wife and affords her greater relaxation and comfort. Most wives assume the duty of cooking and planning meals and simply dread the endless
“What’s for dinner?”
questions and expectations of being fed. When a husband becomes simply another mouth to feed, he starts being viewed as a dependant by the wife. If he’s viewed as a dependant, it can trigger a sense of being his mother in her mind and that can switch off her attraction as well. By cooking with some degree of frequency, the husband creates a mindset of teamwork and mutuality in the relationship.

 

The act of cooking and supplying a family with a meal feeds into a very primal set of programming. Think of a hunter returning to a tribal village with a fresh gazelle kill - he’s bringing the women food. Roasting a chicken from a supermarket may be a less dramatic event, but it’s still bringing a woman food.

 

Going out to dinner for a date is essentially the modern version of bringing a tribal woman some fresh meat. Many women see a man buying them dinner as directly influencing them towards giving sexual favors. This is why women on first dates can mentally scan a menu for something that doesn’t say “vaginal intercourse”, but instead says “handjob”… like a chicken caesar salad. Likely cave-girls suffered through the same torment as their modern counterparts and mentally wondered to themselves,
“Which part of a gazelle equals a handjob?”

 

Likewise, most women express jealousy directly to another wife if her husband cooks well. It’s of course extremely inappropriate for a female friend of your wife to say to her
“I’d really like to have sex with your husband
,” but it’s usually perfectly fine to say to her “
I’m so jealous of your husband cooking. I wish my husband cooked.”
This of course is often done in the presence of her husband as well and amounts to an enormous Preselection effect as she openly announces her interest in the chef husband and snubs her own.

 

Cooking can also feed back into Alpha-ness by the husband setting the tempo and directing the meal. There’s plenty of opportunity to be in charge and direct assistance from the rest of the family. It’s all as simple and telling a child to set the table, the second child to prep some vegetables and telling everyone that dinner is ready and they need to come to the table now. Larger more complex meals can require copious planning and direction. Your wife doesn’t have to squeak “Yes chef!” at every turn or course, but she likely will respond very well to your leading the team in making an unusually important meal.

 

Cooking is a foundational Beta skill that creates loads of comfort in women. Women tend to automatically assume that any man that can cook is capable of being a fully functioning adult and isn’t going to trash a house on a daily basis.
(4.6) Fidelity, Integrity and Trust

 

The more likely you are to leave a relationship the less comfortable your wife is. Whether that leaving is threatened by your death from a dangerous profession, being jailed for illegal activities, abandoning her for another woman, or simply just going crazy and vanishing on her, it doesn’t really matter. What you are doing is threatening the removal of the supply of her comfort.

 

A husband’s interactions with other women can be very concerning for a wife. There is the risk of him leaving her for a new woman and ending her supply of comfort completely. She would be forced to seek child support as a means of enforcing a supply of any Beta comfort to continue. Even with court ordered child support she would be living at a marked reduction in the support that he would have been giving her, so being more obviously trustworthy and faithful to her is an enormous comfort builder in a relationship.

 

There is also the risk for a wife that if her husband gains a woman on the side, then her husband’s resources would begin being split between her and the other woman. That would mean less time for the husband to spend fathering her children and maintaining their house together. If he fathers a child with the other woman, even if the relationship fails with the mistress, the husband could be forced to pay child support for the next eighteen years for zero benefit and serious cost to the wife.

 

There is always a risk for disease in extramarital affairs and the other woman may turn crazy and seek to harm the wife at some point as well. The threat of a husband engaging with another woman emotionally and forming a deep relationship is extremely serious to a wife, so much so that many wives experience less concern about a husband having actual physical sex with a prostitute than creating an intimate but as yet non-sexual relationship with a true rival for his affections.

 

This Beta trait of fidelity is in tension with the Alpha trait of always being ready for sex. Passing up sex with another woman is a failure on the Alpha front, but illicit sex outside the marriage risks being caught and a very negative reaction from his wife to defend her supply of comfort. Many wives can appreciate that a husband has sexual interest in women in general and respond to that with positive attraction to him. However, turning that interest into reality and cheating on her can utterly destroy her comfort level in the relationship. Gaining a point of Alpha for a loss of three or four points of Beta is a serious net loss.
Creating a pattern of fidelity will increase a woman’s comfort in the relationship. Once trust is broken it is often like Humpty Dumpty and very difficult to put back together again. A single act of cheating can effectively end a marriage.
(4.7) Showing Appreciation

 

Appreciation for the wife and her contributions to the marriage and family is an important comfort building skill. Many women feel utterly taken for granted in their relationship and feel like they labor endlessly for no recognition. Ultimately, these statements or gifts of appreciation are statements that the wife has a high value to the husband.

 

This can appear to be in dramatic tension with the Alpha approach that the male is the attractive one that has high value and that the female needs to respond to that. That would be a misunderstanding; what this does ideally is show appreciation for her positive response to him. If a man is an attractive husband and the wife responds positively to him because of that, it is good sense to provide positive feedback for her positive response. In a more extreme example, if he’s being a crappy husband and she is being a good wife, if he has an ounce of good sense he will put her on a pedestal and start composing poetry to her.

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