The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (186 page)
Read The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes Online
Authors: E. Henry Thripshaw
Tags: #Jokes & Riddles, #Humor, #Form, #General
So that when you pull their tits they won’t shit on the floor.
How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
None – it should already be open when she brings it to you
Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What is the best way to brainwash your wife?
Stand on her enema bag.
Why has there never been a woman on the moon?
Because it doesn’t need cleaning.
Why did God create women?
Because dogs can’t get beer out of the fridge.
A boy says to his mother one day: “Mum, why are wedding dresses white?”
She replies, “Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.”
The son thanks his mum for this information and goes off to check this with his father. “Dad, why are wedding dresses white?”
The father looks up from reading his newspaper with some surprise.
“Well, you know, son, all household appliances come in white.”
Why do women have two sets of lips?
So they can piss and moan at the same time.
What is the difference between Meg Ryan and the Panama Canal?
The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
Why do they call it pre-menstrual tension?
Because mad cow disease was already taken.
Why do women have small fleet?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why are women like prawns?
Their heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste great.
Women are just like cartons of orange juice. It’s not the shape or size that matters, or even how sweet the juice is. It’s getting those fucking flaps open.
Apparently a lot of women are reading this book. The dinner won’t cook itself, you know.
According to sex therapists, the most effective method of arousing a man is to lick his ears. Personally I think it’s bollocks.