The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (187 page)
Read The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes Online
Authors: E. Henry Thripshaw
Tags: #Jokes & Riddles, #Humor, #Form, #General
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?
Give the cow a shovel.
Scientists have identifed that after two years of marriage, many women develop something called “Dyson’s Syndrome”. They make a continuous whining noise, but no longer suck.
What do you do if your boiler explodes?
Buy her some flowers
.
Why do women take longer than men to reach orgasm?
Who cares?
Why does NASA always send a woman on shuttle missions?
They weigh twenty-five pounds less than an automatic dishwasher.
They say a woman’s work is never done. If you ask me they should get their shit together and try to be a little better organized.
What’s the difference between a pit-bull and a woman with PMS?
Lip-gloss.
Creative Insults About Women
She has a cunt like a stab wound in a gorilla’s back
She looks like she’s been dunking for apples in a chip pan
She has had more hands up her than Kermit the frog
She has a face like a dog licking piss off a nettle
Her face looks like she’s been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe
She’s got a face that could make an onion cry
I wouldn’t ride her into battle
I wouldn’t do her with a rusty pole
She has more chins than a Chinese phone books
She smells like an alcoholic’s carpet
Shagging her is like shagging the sleeve off a wizard’s cloak
Why do women have legs?
Have you seen the trail snails leave?
A woman walks into a bar. Only joking, she was in the kitchen!
She has a vagina like a ripped-out fireplace
She has killed more cocks than a fowl butcher
She has a face like a sand-blasted tomato
She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant
She has seen more helmets than Hitler
She has a face like a stuntman’s knee
She has a cunt like a badly packed kebab
She is so ugly that even a sniper wouldn’t take her out
She has a face like a blind joiner’s thumb
She has piss flaps like John Wayne’s saddle bags
She had a pair of flaps on her like a gutted trout
She has a cunt like a burst couch
She has been cocked more times than Elmer Fudd’s shotgun
Why don’t women need a wristwatch?
There’s a perfectly good one on the stove.
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You can bung your load into a washing machine and it won’t call you a week later.
How do you make a woman scream for an hour after sex?