The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (185 page)

Her fleet.

Why do ballerinas wear tights?

So they won’t stick to the floor when they do the splits.

Having sex with a pregnant woman isn’t all bad. It’s when the baby starts giving you head.

What are the two most important holes in a woman’s body?

The nostrils. They enable her to breathe while she’s sucking your cock.

How do you know if a woman is wearing underwear?

Look for dandruff on her shoes.

Always try to treat your women the way you treat your vacuum cleaner. When it stops sucking, change the bag.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag.

What’s the difference between a man and a hog?

A hog doesn’t have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night long just to fuck some pig.

What is the definition of a perfect woman?

Three fleet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it. (N.B. The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.)

How many people does it take to write a sexist joke?

Two – the man to dictate it and the woman to type it.

How do you know if your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?

When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you up the arse with her clitoris.

Why do women have foreheads?

So there’s somewhere to kiss them after a blowjob.

Why did cave-men drag their women by the hair?

If they dragged them by the fleet, they’d fill up with rocks.

Why do women have 2 per cent more brains then a cow?