The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (188 page)
Read The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes Online
Authors: E. Henry Thripshaw
Tags: #Jokes & Riddles, #Humor, #Form, #General
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Why do women have arms?
Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
What’s the cleverest thing to have come out of a woman’s mouth?
Einstein’s penis.
Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
Because they’re ugly and they smell
.
What is green and eats nuts?
Herpes.
What’s the difference between the army and a vagina?
Army discharge is a good thing.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy twat.
Why did the Essex girl name her dog Herpes?
Because it wouldn’t heel.
A young couple went to the doctor for their annual medical check-ups.
Afterwards, the doctor called the young man into his office and told him that he had some good news and some bad news.
“The good news,” he explained, “is that your fiancée has a rare strain of gonorrhoea, which I have only heard of once before.”
The guy blanched. “If that’s the good news, then what the hell is the bad news?”
“Well,” the doctor elaborated, “the bad news is that I heard about this particular strain only last week when I took my dog to see the vet.”
Doctor: “Mrs Jones, the results of your tests are
back, I’m afraid you have gonorrhoea.” Mrs Jones: “I think I caught it from a toilet seat.” Doctor: “You must have been chewing it then -it’s in your gums.”
A man went to see his doctor. The doctor told him, “I have good news and bad news.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“Your wife has syphilis.”
“Oh my God! What could possibly be good news.”
“She didn’t get it from you.”
What’s the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn’t last forever
.
A British tourist goes on a trip to China. While he is there he visits a local brothel and doesn’t use a condom. A week after arriving home, he finds his penis is covered with bright green spots. Horrified, he goes to see his doctor.