The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (539 page)

My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready.

Will you come with me, my lord? Dinner is ready.

CLAUDIO

[Aside.] If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never trust my expectation.

 
[Aside.] If he does not become devoted to her after this, I will never trust my expectations.

DON PEDRO

[Aside.] Let there be the same net spread for her; and that must your daughter and her gentle-woman carry. The sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of another's dotage, and no such matter: that's the scene that I would see, which will be merely a dumb-show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.

 
[Aside.] Let the same net be spread for her; and your daughter and her servant must carry it. The game will be when each is convinced of the other’s devotion: that’s the scene I want to see, a real show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.

[Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO.]

BENEDICK

[Advancing from the arbour.] This can be no trick: the conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it seems her affections have their full bent. Love me! why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured: they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive the love come from her;they say too that she will rather die than give any sign of affection. I did never think to marry: I must not seem proud: happy are they that hear their detractions, and can put them to mending. They say the lady is fair: 'tis a truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous: 'tis so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving me: by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor no great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her. I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against marriage; but doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No; the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day! she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in her.

 
[Coming from the tree.] This can be no trick: the conference was a sad one. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it seems her affections are very strong. Love me! Why, I must love her back. I hear how I am criticized: they say I will carry myself proudly, if I see the love comes from her; they say too that she will die rather than give any sign of affection. I never thought to marry: I must not seem proud: it is good for people to be able to hear about their flaws and go about fixing them. They say the lady is beautiful: it is true, I can confirm if; and virtuous: it is true, I cannot disprove it; and wise, except for loving me: truthfully, it is no addition to her intelligence, nor a great sign of foolishness, for I will be horribly in love with her. I may have to deal with some teasing, because I have complained and criticized marriage so much; but doesn’t appetite change? A man loves the food when young that he cannot stand when aged. Shall quips and wisecracks prevent a man from following his feelings? No; the world must be populated. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I would live until I was married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day! She’s a beautiful lady: I do notice some signs of love in her.

[Enter BEATRICE.]

BEATRICE

Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.

Against my will I have been sent to tell you to come in to dinner.

BENEDICK

Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

Lovely Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

BEATRICE

I took no more pains for those thanks than you take pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would not have come.

BENEDICK

You take pleasure then in the message?

BEATRICE

Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's point, and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach, signior: fare you well.

Yes, just as much as you may take in the point of a knife, and choking a bird with it. You have no appetite, sire: farewell.

[Exit.]

BENEDICK

Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner,' there's a double meaning in that. 'I took no more pains for those thanks than you took pains to thank me,' that's as much as to say, Any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture.

Ha! ‘Against my will I have been sent to tell you to come in to dinner,’ there’s a double meaning in that. ‘I took no more pains for those thanks than your took pains to thank me,’ that’s as much to say, ‘Any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks.’ If I do not pity her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, I am a miser. I will go get her picture.

[Exit.]

Leonato's Garden.

[Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA.]

HERO

Good Margaret, run thee to the parlour;

Good Margaret, go run to the parlor;

There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice

There you shall find my cousin Beatrice

Proposing with the prince and Claudio:

Talking to the prince and Claudio:

Whisper her ear, and tell her, I and Ursala

Whisper in her ear and tell her Ursala and I

Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse

Are walking in the orchard, and our whole conversation

Is all of her; say that thou overheard'st us,

Is all about her; say that you overheard us,

And bid her steal into the pleached bower,

And tell her to sneak into the tidy grove,

Where honey-suckles, ripen'd by the sun,

Where honeysuckle flowers, ripened by the sun,

Forbid the sun to enter; like favourites,

Forbid the sun to enter; like favorites,

Made proud by princes, that advance their pride

Made proud by princes, that use their pride

Against that power that bred it.

Against the power that made it happen.

There will she hide her,

There she will hide herself,

To listen our propose.

To listen to our conversation.

This is thy office;

This is your job;

Bear thee well in it and leave us alone.

Do it well and leave us alone.

MARGARET

I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently.

I’ll make her come, I promise you, in a moment.

[Exit.]

HERO

Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,

Now, Ursula, when Beatrice comes,

As we do trace this alley up and down,

As we walk up and down this path,

Our talk must only be of Benedick:

We must only talk about Benedick:

When I do name him, let it be thy part

When I mention him, let it be your role

To praise him more than ever man did merit.

To praise him more than any man ever deserved.

My talk to thee must be how Benedick

My talk to you must be about how Benedick

Is sick in love with Beatrice: of this matter

Is sick with love for Beatrice: of this matter

Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made,

Is little Cupid’s crafty arrow made,

That only wounds by hearsay.

That only wounds by rumor.

[Enter BEATRICE, behind.]

Now begin;

For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs

For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing bird, runs

Close by the ground, to hear our conference.

Close by the ground, to hear our conversation.

URSULA

The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish

The most pleasant angling is to see the fish

Cut with her golden oars the silver stream,

Cut with her golden fins the silver stream,

And greedily devour the treacherous bait:

So angle we for Beatrice; who even now

Is couched in the woodbine coverture.

Is crouched in the woody cover.

Fear you not my part of the dialogue.

Do not worry about me doing my part of the dialogue.

HERO

Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing

Then we will go near her, so her ear will lose nothing

Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it.

Of the lying sweet bait that we set out for it.

[They advance to the bower.]

[
They walk forward to the clump of trees.]

No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful;

No, truly, Ursula, she is too disapproving;

I know her spirits are as coy and wild

I know her spirits are as shy and wild

As haggards of the rock.

As mountain-dwelling animals.

URSULA

But are you sure

That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?

HERO

So says the prince, and my new-trothed lord.

So says the prince, and my new fiancé.

URSULA

And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?

And did they command you to tell her of it, madam?

HERO

They did entreat me to acquaint her of it;

They did plead with me to let her know about it;

But I persuaded them, if they lov'd Benedick,

But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,

To wish him wrestle with affection,

To wish him to overcome his feelings of affection,

And never to let Beatrice know of it.

And to never let Beatrice know of them.

URSULA

Why did you so?

Why did you do that?

Doth not the gentleman

Does the gentleman not

Deserve as full as fortunate a bed

Deserve fully as a wonderful marriage

As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?

As Beatrice could ever be able to make?

HERO

O god of love!

Oh Cupid!

I know he doth deserve

I know he does deserve

As much as may be yielded to a man;

As much as a man may be able to get;

But nature never fram'd a woman's heart

But nature never framed a woman’s heart

Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice;